It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 11.6

“Church. If I go to the church, I might learn something.”
Ines kept thinking about it the whole time as she woke her sleepy child and headed downstairs for lunch.
Under Rayan’s watchful eyes, that must have been the only way Kian could deliver a message to her.

“Church…”
When she thought about it carefully, the “oldest darkness” couldn’t have appeared all of a sudden.
And when she was kidnapped in the Forest of Rosram, one of the shamans had definitely chanted a spell that included that phrase:
“Oh Father, who sealed the oldest darkness.”
“Our Father.” Interpreted religiously, that could mean God as referred to by the church.
Kian giving her the clue about the church definitely wasn’t a coincidence.

Besides, the priests of the church were known to possess the power of blessings. A holy power that kept one’s body and mind pure, preventing them from being corrupted by evil.
Maybe that power could help restore her memories.

The largest church in Randeva was the La Celia Cathedral in the eastern part of the capital. She would have to go there soon.

Just as Ines reached this conclusion, a scene she hadn’t noticed until now suddenly came into view.
In just one day, the mansion had changed completely.

“Huh…?”
The green rugs that used to cover the floors, along with the roses that symbolized Eleanor, had all been removed.
Now, colorful anemones beautifully decorated the mansion instead.

Caesar, holding her hand, looked at the vases lined up by the windows and smiled brightly.
“Dad brought those.”

“…Your dad knows what flowers you like?”
“Uh-huh. I told him last year when we were playing flower language.”

Playing with flowers—such a cute game—didn’t suit Rayan at all. Ines looked outside again, her expression a bit awkward.
The garden, while not as big as the main estate in the duchy, was still quite spacious. Dozens of workers were crowded in, focused on their tasks.
She could faintly hear the sounds of shovels and pickaxes hitting the ground.

“It looks more like they’re tearing up the garden than decorating it.”
The way they were digging out all the saplings with shovels wasn’t normal. Even under the iron gates far away, a bunch of workers were gathered.

Well, considering Rayan’s personality, it suited him better to tear things down than to carefully maintain a garden.
Or maybe he’d had another change of heart overnight.

While fiddling with an anemone flower, Caesar suddenly muttered,
“Dad probably didn’t sleep…”

His voice was very soft, but Ines caught it right away.
“Dad didn’t sleep?”

“….”
Caesar hesitated for a moment, unsure whether to say anything.
Mom didn’t really like Dad.
So talking to her about him didn’t seem like a good idea.

“Why?”
But Mom was smiling gently and asked again, her face calm.
In the end, Caesar nodded.

“Dad always has dreams when I’m not with him.”
“Dreams…”
“He said he doesn’t sleep because he doesn’t want to dream.”

When did he start sleeping with Dad?

Rayan had been away at war from the winter Ines died until the fall of the next year.
Of course, he didn’t leave Caesar alone in the duchy, which was at least a month’s trip from the battlefield.

Instead, thinking it was better to keep the boy closer and within reach, he had Caesar spend a year in Lezan, an allied country bordering the Duchy of Jenaire.
Even during wartime, Rayan came to see Caesar at least once every two weeks. He stayed by the boy’s side until he fell asleep, listening to him mumble stories.

Rayan wasn’t the kind of man who was especially good with children or delicate by nature.
All he did was awkwardly ask about his day, quietly listen, give him anything he needed, and stay with him until he slept.

At first, Caesar couldn’t stand the awkwardness and just babbled about anything.
But as he gradually got used to it, he started observing his father more closely.

Whenever Rayan stayed the night, he always woke up late in the afternoon the next day.

“Dad sleeps a lot…”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He always wakes up way later than me.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re next to him.”

But after the war ended and they returned to the duchy, Caesar realized that his father wasn’t someone who slept a lot.
He would push himself until the very limit, and only when he couldn’t take it anymore would he fall asleep with Caesar in his arms, like passing out.

Then after sleeping through an entire day, the insomnia would start all over again.
If you peeked into his office early in the morning, the light was always on.

When asked why he didn’t sleep, he said it was because he didn’t want to dream.
So Caesar had worked up the courage to ask:

“Do you dream about Mom?”

His father stayed silent for a long time before giving a short nod.
He dreamed of Mom the most, and sometimes of an uncle Caesar had never met, and also of grandparents whose faces he didn’t know.

Then he kissed Caesar’s cheek and whispered softly,

“I’m so glad I reached you in time…”

Since that day, Caesar had used every excuse to sleep with his dad.
Even though Robert, Berry, and Kian were always around when Dad wasn’t there, they weren’t Dad.
And honestly, when he wasn’t with someone, Caesar thought of Mom a lot too.

Whenever he cried quietly, Kian would silently appear and hug him tight… but ever since Dad found out about Kian last fall, even that comfort had faded.
So sleeping in Dad’s arms every night had become normal.

But since Mom didn’t like Dad, maybe they wouldn’t be able to sleep together anymore…
Just as he feared, when he looked up at Mom, her face looked dark. He didn’t like it when she was sad.

Caesar held Ines’s hand tighter and quickly added,
“Dad will be okay.”

Dad had once said,
“I’m much bigger and stronger than you. So you don’t need to worry about me.”

If he really didn’t look okay, Caesar could always sneak in and hug him…

Trying to finish that thought, he handed the anemone flower he’d been holding to his mom.
“This is my favorite flower!”

For a moment, Ines looked down at him with calm eyes, then gave a faint smile.
“Thank you. Will you put it on me?”

She bent down, and Caesar tucked the red petals next to her ear.
Ines thanked him again and kissed his face all over.

Up close, her eyes looked a little sunken.

By the time they reached the dining room, the table was already covered with more food than it could hold, just like always.

Rayan was already there, giving instructions to the chef.
“Leave out anything too salty. Don’t use spices, either—”

As soon as he heard a sound at the entrance, he turned his head quickly.
Maybe Caesar was right that he hadn’t slept—his long eyes looked tired.

“You came down early.”

But as soon as he saw Ines walking in holding Caesar’s hand, his face lit up.
He walked over immediately and, as usual, looked her over from head to toe.

“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes.”
“Nothing happened overnight? No fever, no coughing…?”

Ines just shook her head without answering. She had stayed up waiting for Kian, but since she’d slept well through the late morning, she wasn’t too tired.

Rayan bent down and kissed her cheek briefly.
Since Ines had let him kiss near her lips yesterday without protest, she didn’t react this time either.

The surprised one was Caesar.
Dad kissed Mom… and she didn’t say anything…?

“Did you sleep well too, Caesar?”
“Uh-huh…”

Rayan’s large fingers gently touched his cheek.
Caesar glanced between his smiling father and expressionless mother, then buried his face in her skirt.

‘I like this… but something feels weird…’

During the entire meal, Rayan barely touched his own food and just watched Ines and Caesar eat.
It was something Caesar was used to.

Dad always watched him closely to see if he was eating well, what he liked especially, and if he avoided anything.

If Caesar frowned even a little at a bean dish, by the next day, there wouldn’t be a single bean on the table.
But that didn’t mean Dad gave up. The beans would be crushed or chopped and hidden in other dishes.

After months of observing like that, Rayan probably knew enough about his son’s tastes to fill five pages of a report.

And now, the way he was looking at Ines was exactly the same.
Caesar felt a little anxious and looked at his mom.

She held her fork and knife but hadn’t moved at all, like she was deep in thought.
Even with steaming steak in front of her, she didn’t seem ready to eat.

Rayan’s patience didn’t last more than a few minutes.
“…Ines, do you not like the food?”

Her hands visibly twitched. She looked up blankly, as if she had just returned from another world.
“What did you just say?”

“Even if you don’t feel like eating, you still should. No matter how good the medicine is, it won’t work if you don’t eat properly.”
“He’s right!”

Caesar quickly joined in.
Though their appearances were different, father and son looked at her with the same expression, their matching eyes focused on her.

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