It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 11.5

“…What are you going to do with their tongue?”

 

“Pull it out, cut it off, or sew their lips shut. If they have no mouth to talk with, they wouldn’t dare to even think about mentioning my wife and son.”

 

His tone was light, as if wondering what the problem was, but he wasn’t joking at all. At that point, Ines gave up trying to have a reasonable conversation with him.

 

Rayan, on the other hand, seemed a little excited.

 

“Not what the child wants, but is there anything you want? Something you’d like to do, see, or have. Anything is fine.”

 

He looked like he would actually do it if she asked for the stars. Ines muttered whatever came to mind.

 

“It would be nice if I could see the sea from the window. And at night, I’d like to see the moonlight reflected on the water. A few large ships floating quietly.”

 

The only time Ines had seen the sea was years ago in Apael. The image of the harbor she saw then, with the night breeze brushing her face, came to her mind.

 

“I want to see the sea sparkling—shining in the sunlight during the day, and under the starlight at night. So bright it dazzles.”

 

There was no place in Randeva where she could see the sea. So what she was saying now was simply a metaphor to show that she didn’t really want anything from him.

 

But surprisingly, Rayan didn’t dismiss her absurd wish.

 

“Okay. So you prefer the sea to a garden?”

 

“Well, yes…”

 

Ines gave a vague answer and closed her eyes. Rayan’s lips hesitated as he moved closer.

 

This time, the kiss was dangerously close to her lips, just barely brushing the edge of her lower lip.

 

Even the gentle breath that touched her lips felt sweet. Suddenly, he felt an urge to bite her lips and kiss her deeply.

 

Fortunately, Rayan managed to resist the impulse.

 

He never wanted to make Ines angry—though it never quite worked out that way.

 

“…You should go now.”

 

“Okay. Sleep well.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“…”

 

“I love you.”

 

There was a faint hope in his voice.

 

“I love you. Thank you for coming here.”

 

Was he going to keep saying it until she answered? Ines sighed quietly and pushed against his chest.

 

“Go to bed. If I really caught your cold, I won’t go to the workshop or the boutique or anywhere with you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Okay what, exactly?

 

Ines burrowed under the blanket and hugged Caesar tightly. Rayan only got up from the bed after kissing the tips of her black hair sticking out from the pillow.

 

“If anything happens, call the attendant. Just pull the cord—they’ll come right away.”

 

The cord next to the bed was connected to the ceiling of his bedroom, right next door.

 

If she pulled it, the bell by his bed would ring, and it wouldn’t take even 30 seconds for him to come.

 

“…Promise me. Okay?”

 

Perhaps the time she agreed to give him had run out, because there was no reply from her.

 

Rayan turned away from his sleeping wife and son, dragging his feet.

 

In his head, he kept replaying what Ines had said.

 

The sea. The sea…

 

She said she wanted to see a sparkling sea.

 

 

Even after Rayan returned to his bedroom, Ines didn’t fall asleep.

 

She lay still, occasionally soothing Caesar when he squirmed closer, quietly waiting for time to pass.

 

Kian probably wouldn’t come unless Rayan went to bed.

 

Although judging by how Rayan treated her, he wouldn’t coldly refuse if she said she wanted to be alone with Kian. The opposite, maybe.

 

But if he found out she was interested in Kian, he’d start following her every move.

 

Rayan was a meticulous man, so he would probably watch her without her ever realizing it. There was no need to put him on alert.

 

But even as the long night passed and dawn finally came, Kian didn’t come.

 

 

Caesar woke up just as the morning sunlight was flooding the bed.

 

Still sleepy, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and squirmed a little. As he always did in the morning, he called out for the person who should be next to him.

 

“Daaad…”

 

His voice dragged out in a sleepy tone. Caesar closed his eyes again and burrowed into someone’s arms.

 

Then he suddenly felt something strange. The body hugging him was much smaller and softer.

 

Feels like Mom…

 

He thought that absentmindedly—and the next moment, his eyes flew open.

 

“Mom?”

 

The sleep vanished from his green eyes in an instant. As soon as he saw the face of the person holding him, the events of yesterday came rushing back.

 

He had rushed downstairs after hearing that his father, who had been away from the estate for three days, had returned. And he had seen his mother.

 

Caesar stared blankly at the sleeping face before him, mouth slightly open.

 

Her hair was now short, not even reaching her shoulders, but her features looked so much like his. And more than anything, the soft scent that was uniquely Mom’s.

 

“Mom!”

 

“…Mmm.”

 

Ines barely opened her eyes at the small hands shaking her arm.

 

She had only fallen asleep at dawn while waiting for Kian, so she was still groggy.

 

She rubbed her eyes and stroked her son’s cheek.

 

“You’re up early, my baby…”

 

“…”

 

“You’ve become such a crybaby while I was gone. Your eyes are so swollen, Caesar.”

 

She yawned softly and pulled him back into her arms.

 

Caesar blinked as he snuggled into her. He spent a while wondering if this was a dream before asking softly:

 

“Mom… Are you not sick anymore?”

 

“Not even a little bit. Were you worried about me?”

 

Ines replied gently to her son’s whisper, though her heart ached.

 

Even after she kissed him, Caesar looked uneasy.

 

Missing Mom and wanting to live with her had been Caesar’s secret wish, one he told no one. Until just yesterday, he hadn’t expected it to come true. But suddenly, it had.

 

“…Mom. You’re not going anywhere now, right?”

 

The back of Caesar’s hand that clutched her clothes was pale.

 

“I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

 

Ines hugged him tightly.

 

“Let’s stay in bed a little longer. I want to hear all about how you’ve been doing while I was gone.”

 

As she rubbed her forehead against his, Caesar, who had looked unsure just moments ago, finally smiled brightly.

 

“Okay. I missed you so much, Mom. You even showed up in my dreams!”

 

“…Then why didn’t you ever say you missed me?”

 

Ines asked without thinking—then quickly regretted it. That was a conversation Caesar had with Celia, and it would seem odd for her to know.

 

“I… um, I’m close with the pretty lady who saw you at the masquerade ball. So I heard everything. That it was a secret no one knew, that you missed me.”

 

At her words, Caesar rolled his eyes. After a short pause, what he said next left her speechless.

 

“…If I said it, Grandpa Robert and Berry would cry. And Dad too.”

 

“….”

 

“And Mom, too!”

 

“….”

 

“See? You look like you’re about to cry right now.”

 

“No, I’m not. I’m just squinting because of the sunlight.”

 

Ines denied it quickly.

 

So that’s how it was.

 

It must’ve been hard for him.

 

“I—”

 

“No, it wasn’t that bad. Everyone kept telling me I’m the most important.”

 

Ines forced her lips into a smile to match her beaming son. It took real effort not to choke up.

 

“Did you ever hate me? For disappearing like that…?”

 

The boy shook his head with his face buried in her arms.

 

“Never. You were really sick, Mom.”

 

“….”

 

“You were so sick, you couldn’t even hug me at the end.”

 

Was she? Judging by how she’d wasted away to skin and bones, she probably was.

 

A sudden fear hit Ines. She cupped Caesar’s cheeks with both hands and looked him in the eyes.

 

“That wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”

 

“Mmhm…”

 

“You understand me best, don’t you? You know even without me saying it—that it wasn’t because of you.”

 

“Yeah. I know.”

 

He smiled like an angel. Ines didn’t say anything more. She just stared at him.

 

The Caesar in her memory had barely learned to speak. But in just two years, his words were clear, and he spoke with thought and meaning.

 

His words carried depth—more than even she, his mother, could fully understand.

 

He had grown in the time she couldn’t be with him.

 

He was still young enough to grow slowly, but he’d grown up so quickly. She wondered what thoughts had filled his mind during the time they were apart.

 

“…I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“Starting today, tell me everything again, from the beginning. What your favorite food is, what you don’t like, your favorite games… Even the little things. Everything.”

 

“Okay!”

 

The warmth in her arms, the soft heartbeat—it all soaked into her. Ines stroked his hair again and again, trying to calm her tangled feelings.

 

Still holding onto her clothes, Caesar whispered story after story… and soon drifted off to sleep again.

 

After pressing a kiss to his forehead, Ines gently pulled off the blanket and got up.

 

“I thought he’d come to the room last night.”

 

Locked doors and windows didn’t mean anything to Kian.

 

So was Rayan keeping Kian from coming to her?

 

Why? What was he afraid of? That Kian would reach her heart again, like in the forest? That she’d become terminal again?

 

Was that all…?

 

Just as she thought that, she noticed something small and thin wedged into the window frame.

 

“…?”

 

She quickly unfolded the note before anyone could see it. Only one word was written:

 

Church

 

As soon as she read it, the letters turned into black mist and vanished.

 

The now-blank paper crumpled in her hand.

 

A message from Kian.