After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 44.1

The parking spot wasn’t far from Ink Residence, but the sudden downpour was relentless. Rain soaked Miss Bai’s sleeves, leaving large, spreading water stains on her gray wool hoodie.

Clenched and damp, like a heavy burden, the sour emotions dripped down Song Shizhou’s wrist. They stood too close—drop by drop, the moisture found its way back into Bai Ruowei’s sleeves.

Miss Bai’s delicate brows furrowed slightly.

Perhaps it would be better to just hold Song Shizhou’s hand outright.

But could she still hold on?

The events of these past days finally had an answer because of Song Shizhou’s words. No wonder Shi Zhou had always been so cold to her. No wonder she only had eyes for Lan Chi. No wonder she only spoke to others. No wonder she didn’t want her.

All of this was nothing but her own fault.

The heavy rain blurred their vision, and distant mountain mist rose like a fog. A slender hand slowly emerged from the sleeve, hesitating mid-air before finally, cautiously, grasping Song Shizhou’s hand.

So careful, yet at the same time,

so resolute.

Song Shizhou lowered her head slightly, glancing down.

That beautiful hand held just one of her fingers, carefully measuring the distance between them.

Could Miss Bai also be this timid?

Could she also be this cautious, this humble in pleading for an uncertain outcome?

Because of the rain, the woman tilted her head slightly, a rain-drenched strand of hair falling over her chest, blooming like a sharp flower against the gray fabric.

The loose hoodie couldn’t conceal her poise. Miss Bai stood tall, her back straight as a graceful bamboo.

Yet this bamboo was now willing to bend only for her.

Song Shizhou suddenly laughed. In the freezing cold, her sigh turned into a white mist at her lips. Her usually gentle face now carried a hint of mockery, chilling enough to unsettle.

Perhaps it was because of what had happened these past days. The scenes of being ignored in front of Lan Chi had given Miss Bai a surge of courage, making her finally take the initiative.

Not waiting in place, but like this, reaching out first to take Shi Zhou’s hand.

Bai Ruowei’s fingertips were cold, but her palm was warm and damp. Seeing that Song Shizhou didn’t show obvious resistance, her grip grew bolder. First, she clasped a few of Shi Zhou’s fingers, then slowly enveloped her entire hand.

It didn’t quite feel like holding hands, yet it carried an inexplicable warmth, a strangely comforting sensation.

Truthfully, Song Shizhou wasn’t one to drag things out emotionally.

Whether it was familial love or romance, perhaps because of the wounds from her childhood, she wouldn’t waste too much time on insignificant people.

Her life had always been a grand exercise in detachment. Different environments demanded different reactions from her, she had to be swift, precise. So she preferred cutting through the chaos with a sharp blade. Even when entangled with many madmen, she could still survive just fine.

Because she never took them to heart.

If she had cared about everything along the way, she might have died long ago.

Miss Bai was the only variable in her life.

In front of this person who had brought her the most joy and sorrow, her proud shield of emotional resilience was the one thing that failed her.

Beside the gravel path grew two clusters of low shrubs, the heavy rain beating against them with a crackling sound. The Snow Pavilion was remote, and even these shrubs had been battered to this state, the loose sand and soil by the roadside must have been washed away beyond recognition.

With visibility reduced, driving on a rainy night would be extremely dangerous.

Bai Ruowei still shuddered at the memory of the accident in her past life.

“Driving in this weather is very unsafe. Even if not for me, please don’t leave today.”

She grasped Shi Zhou’s palm more firmly, gradually interlacing their fingers. At last, Miss Bai no longer avoided, refused, or hesitated to say the words Shi Zhou longed to hear.

Yet Song Shizhou stubbornly pulled her hand free.

The rain drummed against the umbrella with a relentless crackle, the cascading droplets sliding down the canopy no, not sliding, but crashing to the ground, one by one, each drop hammering into Miss Bai’s heart.

“It’s alright, Miss Bai.”

“I don’t have to drive away in this storm. The rain will stop eventually. Even if it doesn’t let up right away, it’ll ease at some point.”

Her tone was strained, as if speaking of the rain, yet also of something else.

A gentle smile surfaced on Song Shizhou’s face, as though nothing had happened, as though she hadn’t heard Miss Bai’s heartfelt confession, as though they were still strangers.

Bai Ruowei’s grip on the umbrella handle tightened abruptly, her fingertips turning white from the force.

Song Shizhou spoke calmly,

“I’ve already taken up too much of your time today. If I stay any longer, wouldn’t that trouble you even more? I’ll wait in the car until the rain eases before leaving.”

Step by step, she walked toward the car, heedless of the worsening downpour, heedless of her drenched, disheveled state.

As resolute as ever.

A few figures stood by the car, their forms blurred into flickering shadows in the dim curtain of rain, Li Ningzhi and Gu Zhiyu. They had been helping Song Shizhou move her things when the sudden storm caught them off guard.

Song Shizhou wasn’t one to impose on others. If she owed someone, she repaid it promptly. These two had gotten soaked helping her, so her words carried a hint of apology.

“Let me drive you back.”

The main courtyard of the Ink Residence was paved with elegant sand and gravel. If the car rolled over it, both the expensive white sand and the tires would likely be ruined.

Fortunately, there was a small path leading to the back gate of the Ink Residence.

Song Shizhou opened the car door for them and was about to slide into the driver’s seat when she noticed Bai Ruowei still standing frozen in place.

Miss Bai instinctively reached for the passenger door, but her hand hovered stiffly mid-air.

“Let me drive.”

Her voice was rough.

Holding the umbrella, she walked over, her slender fingers resting on the driver’s door. Song Shizhou glanced at her in surprise, but Miss Bai’s expression was desolate.

“Don’t refuse me, Xiao Zhou…”

She called her Xiao Zhou.

It was the nickname Bai Ruowei had given her long ago.

But she hadn’t called her that in so, so long.

Song Shizhou’s eyes flickered.

“Let me make up for… past regrets, at least this once.”

In front of others, she always tacitly referred to her past life as “the past” this was a secret between her and Song Shizhou, something no one else shared.

That car accident was never just Song Shizhou’s trauma, it was Bai Ruowei’s as well.

Countless times, she had woken from nightmares, each one replaying that same accident. The overwhelming red and the pouring rain blurred together, indistinguishable, what was rain, and what was blood?

Over and over, she tormented herself with questions: If she had answered that call, if she had been by Song Shizhou’s side, if she had been the one driving.

Would everything have turned out differently?

The crash had been brutal. The front of the car had been completely crushed. So, it must have been excruciating.

Bai Ruowei’s gaze wavered, her long lashes casting shadows on her face perhaps the physical manifestation of an irreparable regret, forever etched into her soul.

Song Shizhou’s hand curled loosely into a fist. What did Miss Bai’s despondency have to do with her? She still wanted to refuse. She glanced at the back seat, where Li Ningzhi and Gu Zhiyu were crammed together, both soaked. Pressed against each other, they must have been even colder and more uncomfortable, leaving no room for another person.

Song Shizhou hesitated, then took the passenger seat.

A brief engine hum, and the car moved steadily through the rainy night.

They were close now less than half a meter apart. Song Shizhou could catch the faint scent of laurel fragrance on Miss Bai, diluted by the rain. Or perhaps it wasn’t the rain at all, but the unease weighing on her heart.

Even though they had shared far more intimate moments these past few days, Bai Ruowei’s pulse inexplicably quickened.

Rain cascaded down the windows like a waterfall, splashes of light refracting into the shape of a moon though distorted, flickering with the rhythmic sweep of the windshield wipers.

Perhaps because her mind was in turmoil, nothing could hold her focus.

A left turn, then straight ahead soon, they arrived at the back entrance of Ink Residence. Mia had been waiting there for who knew how long, holding an umbrella.

Li Ningzhi and the other dashed off in a flash. Mia handed a towel to Bai Ruowei, then to Song Shizhou.

She offered earnestly,

“Miss Song, why don’t you come inside and change?”

The sudden downpour had ruined all her plans. Shi Zhou’s clothes were thoroughly drenched, the once-neat black coat clinging uncomfortably to her skin.

Miss Bai hadn’t left the car yet. Through the darkened glass, she could be seen with her head bowed, lost in thought.

The engine was off, but her hands still gripped the steering wheel, refusing to let go.

She was nervous.

Afraid that Song Shizhou wouldn’t stay.

The damp clothes were indeed unpleasant, and Mia’s expression was sincere enough. Song Shizhou didn’t refuse this time. She took the towel and thanked Mia.

Mia smiled.

“Miss Song, this way, please.”

The two entered the house one after the other.

She had once lived in Ink Residence, familiar with every furnishing and decoration. But now, following behind Mia like a guest, she felt strangely out of place.

Even her heart was filled with a faint sense of awkwardness.

Mia led her to the bedroom, where everything remained exactly as before. The lamp Miss Bai had given her still sat by the bedside, the only nightlight she hadn’t smashed to pieces.

It was as if she had never left.

She sniffled slightly.

Did Miss Bai also need to deceive herself?

Mia opened the wardrobe, revealing two full rows of clean clothes all in her size, the latest seasonal styles tailored to her preferences and habits.

“These clothes were custom-made for you by Miss Bai. But before they could be delivered, you had already left,” Mia said softly.

“At first, everyone thought it was too late, that they would never be of use. I suggested Miss Bai put them away, since seeing them would only bring her pain.”

So why hadn’t they been put away?

Mia paused slightly, leaving the question unanswered.

She considerately opened a hidden compartment in the wardrobe, revealing underwear and several sets of cotton pajamas.

“I checked the weather forecast. This rain won’t stop anytime soon, Miss Song. You should take a bath.”

Song Shizhou shook her head.

“No need.”

She raised her phone, she had already called someone to pick her up.

Mia said nothing more and left the bedroom to Shi Zhou.

Song Shizhou wiped the rainwater from her body, changed into clean clothes, then went to the bathroom to blow-dry her damp hair.

About half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. Gu Zhiyu entered with a cup of hot tea her favorite black tea.

Song Shizhou hesitated but didn’t take it.

Gu Zhiyu set the tea aside.

“Miss Song, you really shouldn’t doubt Miss Bai’s attitude toward you these past few days.”

The role of a mediator didn’t suit Gu Zhiyu’s nature, which was precisely why her words carried such weight.

“She didn’t cooperate with you because of your identity, nor was she putting on an act of humility, some kind of staged suffering for Chairman Chen’s benefit.”

Because Bai Ruowei had no need for such theatrics.

“Back at Ink Residence, it was Qingluan and I who took care of you personally. We were the ones who understood Miss Bai’s feelings for you best. When you first arrived at Ink Residence, you were constantly ill. Miss Bai visited you almost every day, staying by your side through the nights when you were unconscious. She changed your clothes, your shoes worrying endlessly, unable to eat or sleep in peace.”

“Her attitude toward you has always been this way.”

“I haven’t been by Miss Bai’s side for long, but even Mia said she’s never seen Miss Bai act so… submissive in front of anyone.”

Even when holding a high position, she would tremble at a single word from her. Song Shizhou recalled the arguments they’d had at Ink Residence, the look in Bai Ruowei’s eyes when she had smashed the little bee nightlight.

A look of unprecedented panic.

She was willing to humble herself, willing to suffer, all because of who Song Shizhou was. It had nothing to do with her status, nothing to do with the Council.

The room fell into a brief silence. The black tea Gu Zhiyu had brought in was still warm, faint steam rising from the cup. She opened her mouth as if to say more.

But in the next moment, she was interrupted.

“Don’t say any more.”

A cool female voice came from beside her ear, tinged with a hint of impatience. Miss Bai had taken off the rain-soaked gray hoodie and changed into a black silk pajama set. Her curly white hair cascaded like a flower blooming over her chest.

Her eyes lowered slightly, seeming somewhat uneasy.

“Why tell Miss Song all this?”

“You can leave now.”

Gu Zhiyu nodded, holding the tray as she exited.

The room gradually quieted, neither speaking, only the faint sound of dripping water breaking the silence.

Miss Bai’s hair was still dripping.

She had been in such a hurry coming up with her hair still wet, perhaps afraid Gu Zhiyu might say something she shouldn’t, or afraid Song Shizhou would disappear too soon.

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