After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 43.2

Song Shizhou had anticipated this. After all, it wasn’t just Bai Ruowei everyone around Chen Ting had been urging her these past few days to stay.

“Being parachuted in as Deputy Chairman is admittedly a bit excessive, but given your Superpower level, it’s justified. If you’re unwilling to take on that responsibility, Mother can arrange a lighter position for you. In any case, staying by my side means I can take responsibility for your future.”

Those were Chen Ting’s exact words.

Yet Song Shizhou had still refused.

Perhaps it was because Chen Ting didn’t truly understand Bai Ruowei. Or perhaps her guilt had dulled her usual shrewdness, making her desperate to offer every good thing to Shizhou. But Shizhou hadn’t been blinded by the joy of her mother’s return. She knew exactly who stood before her.

Bai Ruowei.

In her past life, she had been entangled with Miss Bai for four years. She knew Bai Ruowei’s control over the Surveillance Institute, her foundations, her unyielding nature, none of it would allow her to easily relinquish a position she had once been determined to claim.

Even if her competitor was someone she once felt guilt or love toward, she wouldn’t waver on such matters.

Song Shizhou smiled and tossed the question back at Bai Ruowei.

“Alright then. Since Miss Bai so earnestly wishes for me to stay at the Council, I’ll call Mother right now and tell her I’ve changed my mind, that I want to continue running for Deputy Chairman. How does that sound?”

Bai Ruowei paused, then raised a beautiful, deliberate smile.

“I would be happy for you to secure such a valuable opportunity. And I would compete with you, fairly.”

“But no one can compete with you.”

Song Shizhou said it plainly.

Perhaps Bai Ruowei didn’t take these past few days seriously. The subordinate departments of the Surveillance Institute had already sent thirteen confidential letters in a row, each inquiring about the results of the deputy council speaker election.

Between the lines, every one of them expressed support for Bai Ruowei.

The Council wasn’t solely under Chen Ting’s control. Perhaps she, too, was secretly testing Miss Bai’s influence.

She wondered if this outcome would surprise Chen Ting.

At this thought, Song Shizhou couldn’t help but smile faintly.

Perhaps the reason Bai Ruowei had been so compliant and humble in front of her was simply out of guilt, an attempt to make amends.

Song Shizhou lowered her eyes slightly.

“I was never interested in the Council’s affairs to begin with. Why should I stay there?”

“If possible, I’d like to do something I truly enjoy.”

“For example, this little thing.”

Song Shizhou had been carrying a bag all along. She took out its contents.

Sun Mengchen hadn’t accepted this porcelain piece not because she thought it was poorly made, but because it seemed too precious. She vaguely sensed that this porcelain might hold some commemorative meaning for Song Shizhou, perhaps carrying a fragment of her past. It was better to return it to her, letting it remain by its owner’s side.

The dim, flickering lights suddenly brightened, illuminating the space between them. Song Shizhou lifted the porcelain vase from its wooden box. Under the warm glow, its smooth white surface shimmered, delicate and beautiful.

Bai Ruowei was taken aback. Her fingers brushed over it, an inexplicable sense of familiarity washing over her.

Yet she couldn’t quite recall.

“Did you make this?”

Song Shizhou paused, then nodded.

Miss Bai continued,

“You’re amazing. When did you learn to make porcelain? And so well at that. Why didn’t I know anything about it?”

It was a genuine compliment, perhaps drawn out by the beauty of the porcelain, or perhaps in awe of the craftsmanship. Bai Ruowei didn’t notice the slightly off expression on her face.

But Song Shizhou suddenly found herself at a loss for words.

Her throat tightened. As if burned, she quickly withdrew the porcelain vase.

Bai Ruowei’s hand hung awkwardly in midair.

The hazy light inexplicably took on a melancholic hue. Perhaps because of the underfloor heating, the snow on the eaves had begun to melt slightly. A drop of water slid down, landing on Song Shizhou’s cheek cold.

For some reason, her voice came out hoarse.

“I learned to make porcelain because of you, Miss Bai.”

Bai Ruowei froze.

“Because of me?”

Song Shizhou said,

“This piece was meant as a gift for you. Have you forgotten?”

“It was a long time ago. Back then, we rarely saw each other. Once, during a rare outing, we passed by a porcelain shop. You said you really liked the pieces inside.”

Perhaps because her work with the Surveillance Institute kept her constantly on the move, accustomed to the ravages of war and separation, Miss Bai had developed a particular fondness for all things beautiful yet fragile.

“The Song family has some ties to the porcelain industry, so I had some experience making it. But that was a long time ago. Besides, Madam Song never liked me mingling with the workers. She thought it was beneath me, so she never approved.”

“More than that, she’s always been quicker to criticize than to encourage.”

“Originally, I had some resistance to porcelain, but you said you liked it. Maybe you don’t remember anymore, or perhaps there are many, many things you like, but I remember the expression on your face when you said you liked it. All these years, I’ve never forgotten.”

“So, I wanted to give it a try.”

Even if it meant overcoming the shadows lingering in her heart, she still wanted to try.

“Making porcelain requires patience and talent. Maybe I’m slow, it took me a long time to recapture that feeling from back then.”

“But unfortunately, I failed.”

“I can’t quite remember exactly how it failed perhaps because you were always more critical than appreciative of my gifts, or perhaps simply because I wanted to give you my best work. So I gave you this porcelain piece, the one I had kept as a memento.”

“But you forgot.”

Song Shizhou smiled faintly.

“Miss Bai, you always said you’d return the letters I wrote you, the paintings I made for you. How can those things, which no longer exist, be easily retrieved? But this porcelain is still here.”

“Yet you’ve already forgotten.”

Perhaps all she had ever wanted was just a little equality.

She had seen Bai Ruowei’s struggles and sorrow these past days. She thought a sense of vengeful satisfaction would fill her heart, but she soon realized it didn’t. Because what she cared about was never dominance or control she had only ever wanted a little equality, a small measure of fairness in love.

“You kept saying you loved me, that you would make amends, that you would compensate. But why did you forget something so simple?”

Song Shizhou’s heart ached faintly.

She wanted Miss Bai to remember every little detail of their past. She wanted Miss Bai to love her as she had loved her. She didn’t need Miss Bai to recite everything by heart, but at least not to be so distant, as if none of it had ever happened.

The sky darkened gradually, even more than when she had arrived. The Ink Residence was truly immersed in ink-like shadows, finally living up to its poetic name. Song Shizhou’s hand trembled slightly, and a drop of water fell. She looked up, it wasn’t melting snow from the eaves.

It was rain.

The sky was heavy. A flash of lightning streaked across, but the expected thunder never came, just a muffled rumble.

Dull and oppressive, like the turmoil in her heart, hidden beneath a veneer of calm.

In truth, Song Shizhou had long grown accustomed to it.

She thought she could teach Miss Bai what love was, but in the end, Miss Bai remained as inscrutable as the day they first met. Perhaps the interest and pursuit Miss Bai showed her, the humility and submissiveness, were nothing more than a twisted possessiveness born from the absence of someone she had grown used to.

If she didn’t even remember their shared moments, how could Song Shizhou dare to believe in Miss Bai’s love?

Bai Ruowei froze. Her face, usually so composed even in front of Chairman Chen, suddenly betrayed uncontrolled confusion. She stared blankly at the porcelain in her hands.

How could she have forgotten?

Why had she forgotten?

Under the dim light, memories of this porcelain gradually sharpened. She remembered this was a birthday gift from Shi Zhou. But she received countless gifts from all sorts of people every year. Had she truly never paid it any mind?

Her heart was in ruins. She suddenly felt she didn’t deserve forgiveness at all.

Almost everything Song Shizhou had done was connected to her, yet she had been oblivious and wasteful, trampling on her sincerity.

Perhaps she had never cared. Or perhaps, even now, she still saw it as nothing more than a trivial matter.

She felt utterly wretched.

Her heart ached unbearably, restless to the core, yet she didn’t know what to say because every word Song Shizhou spoke was right. There was no room for rebuttal or excuse.

In the silence, Song Shizhou pressed her car key. The courtyard of Ink Residence was paved with white sand, making it impossible to drive in. The headlights of the Porsche flashed in the distance. Mia called over a few people to help move her things.

But there was too much some of it wouldn’t fit.

Again, she was the first to speak.

“I’ll take what I can use. The rest can stay here.”

She paused.

“You can dispose of them as you like.”

Bai Ruowei said nothing.

The rain began to pour at the worst possible moment. Turning back, her tone was unexpectedly calm.

“I’ll head back first, Miss Bai.”

The other woman nodded, taking a long moment before uttering a single, “Okay.”

Song Shizhou walked silently toward the car. She hadn’t brought an umbrella, and even if she had, she wouldn’t have opened it, the distance wasn’t far, or perhaps she simply wanted to be drenched.

Did she enjoy this kind of self-inflicted torment? Maybe not. But her mind was in chaos, so much so that even in this downpour, she couldn’t muster the will to raise an umbrella.

She didn’t know how long she had walked when suddenly, an umbrella opened above her.

It was Bai Ruowei.

Miss Bai was still wearing the same hoodie from earlier, her bangs slightly disheveled, but her gaze was firm.

She couldn’t hold back. She didn’t want to couldn’t, let her go.

“Shizhou.”

“I admit to everything you said.”

Miss Bai’s eyes trembled, her voice carrying an unprecedented humility and sorrow.

“Everything I forgot, all the feelings of yours I took for granted in the past, I admit to all of it.”

“But please, give me a chance to make it right.”

“Now, I truly understand where I went wrong.”

No longer the possessiveness of before, no longer treating Song Shizhou’s love as a given. Now, she genuinely knew her mistakes, what was wrong, what needed to change.

She still wanted to keep her.

“And please, don’t doubt my feelings for you. The reason I’ve chased after you relentlessly, endured everything you’ve done to me, no matter how humiliating or painful is because I like it.”

“I like everything you do to me.”

“More importantly, it’s because it’s you doing these things to me.”

“I like you.”

Her voice was laced with guilt, tinged with a faint hint of grievance. But her eyes were as brilliant as when they first met only now, unlike before, when Miss Bai’s gaze had always carried a trace of arrogance, these eyes held only her.

Song Shizhou’s heart twisted silently. She didn’t know if she should believe it or if she dared to.

The icy rain was suddenly blocked by the umbrella. Then she heard Bai Ruowei speak again, earnest and full of emotion.

“This is a storm, Miss Song. Will you stay for me?”

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