After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 44.2

Song Shizhou instinctively shifted her feet but then paused, conflicted.

Her eyes lowered.

“Do you want me to dry your hair for you?”

Bai Ruowei froze.

Yet the next moment, she obediently sat on the bed. Song Shizhou retrieved the hairdryer from the bathroom and silently stood behind Bai Ruowei.

It had been so long since she had touched this hair with such care. In the past, she had tended to Miss Bai meticulously her hair always gleaming like satin, the ends curled into delicate spirals, heavy in her palm.

But now, it showed signs of dryness.

A flash of lightning streaked outside, the storm still raging, chaotic sounds tearing a vague rift in the night. Amid the relentless downpour,

a thunderclap boomed.

Yet the two inside the room paid it no mind.

Bai Ruowei’s ears were filled only with the soft hum of the hairdryer a faint, almost imperceptible noise. Perhaps because she was so focused, she could hear her own heavy heartbeat beneath the prolonged whir. Song Shizhou’s fingers moved through her hair, inevitably brushing against her neck and the side of her ear.

Her ears grew warm, flushed, and a simmering heat spread through her chest.

The sound of affection.

The noise ceased as the hairdryer was placed into her palm.

“My ride is here.”

She said,

“I’ll return the clothes in a few days.”

The next words might have been goodbye.

Bai Ruowei grabbed her sleeve.

“Don’t go.”

Her cheeks were faintly red, traces of tears marring her usually proud expression. She knew she was being unseemly, but if Song Shizhou was leaving, she’d rather be unseemly.

A slight tug at her sleeve someone stubbornly refusing to let go.

The scent of laurel inexplicably grew stronger, a faint intoxication. Song Shizhou felt her own eyes reddening from it. The front door downstairs clicked open. Assistant Zheng stood outside.

Mia’s voice came through the door.

“Miss Song, your ride is here.”

“Are you leaving?”

The person before her breathed unevenly, as if holding her breath like a rollercoaster poised at its peak. Bai Ruowei’s hands had turned cold. Almost against her will, Song Shizhou shook her head.

“Tell them to wait.”

Bai Ruowei looked up at her, disbelief in her eyes.

Song Shizhou said calmly,

“Your heat is starting, isn’t it?”

She hadn’t fully marked her, only left a shallow imprint on her gland. So she was still an Alpha.

Bai Ruowei’s expression faltered. After a long pause, she nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

“It’s very sudden. I only just realized it myself. My heat cycle has always been irregular, so I didn’t prepare in advance.”

In other words, it wasn’t a ploy to make her stay.

“I’m still an Alpha right now. An Alpha’s heat isn’t unbearable. You don’t need to feel burdened or conflicted.”

She wanted to say, If you want to leave, if you don’t wish to stay here any longer, then you can go.

A businesslike attitude would have suited her personality better because she was always so arrogant and proud, she couldn’t cling desperately, couldn’t make an undignified plea for her to stay.

But right now, she found herself utterly unable to voice those words.

She didn’t want Song Shizhou to leave either.

Amid the heavy silence, she thought she heard someone sigh faintly.

“You should have realized your heat was coming before I even dried your hair.”

Her tone was flat, almost accusatory.

“Intimate contact with a partner can trigger a heat, and it’s far more unbearable than a natural cycle. Bai Ruowei, why didn’t you pull away?”

An Alpha in heat was nothing like what she had described they would crave their partner’s pheromones desperately, become insecure to the point of madness, some even exhibiting nesting behaviors. Without the soothing presence of their partner’s pheromones, the suffering would be excruciating.

Pheromones weren’t meant to cause pain, and she would never stoop to using such means to torment her partner.

Outside, the rain had gradually subsided, but the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows remained shrouded in gloom. The curtains had been drawn, obscuring the night.

The lights had been turned off as well.

A cold hand touched her face, and Bai Ruowei shivered.

The woman’s voice was low and husky.

“Don’t move.”

Black, textured, opaque.

A necktie, robbing her of all sight.

Song Shizhou patiently tied it into a bow.

Her vision was hazy, barely allowing her to make out Shi Zhou’s face. Miss Bai was startled, bewildered, the confusion of the unknown made her break the rules, her eyes fluttering open.

In the darkness, she thought she saw Song Shizhou blindfolding herself with an identical necktie.

Perhaps this was the only way to make it fair.

Bai Ruowei trembled as the woman’s fingers brushed against her throat, tapping lightly.

“Good.”

“From now on, you’re not allowed to move.”

The moment the words fell, the pheromones in the room surged to an overwhelming intensity.

The feeling of abandonment vanished abruptly. Miss Bai’s mouth went dry, the sudden flood of pheromones like a violent embrace, wrenching a sharp gasp from her.

A finger pressed against her lips.

“Shh. Don’t. Make a sound.”

The elusive night-blooming cereus unfurls under the cover of darkness, its serene beauty ensnaring every predator. A moth drifts near, asking, May I rest here awhile?

It is a yellow-winged cicada, its body striped gold and white, its wings thin as tissue. The cereus does not answer, its intoxicating fragrance stretching like open arms. The cicada murmurs, you’re not a pitcher plant, you won’t devour me, will you?

Surely… you won’t?

Someone was on the verge of collapse. Sweat trickled down Bai Ruowei’s forehead, dripping steadily onto her chest, pooling like a tiny stream. Perhaps there were other fluids too. She felt as though she were enduring some grueling physical trial, why was she so exhausted? Why did her body ache so much? She was strong, she had excellent endurance.

In the dim and flickering light, Song Shizhou seemed to catch sight of Miss Bai’s unyielding posture so straight, so beautiful.

In the darkness, Bai Ruowei’s cool palm rested on the back of her hand, sending an uncontrollable shiver through her.

Time passed second by second. Deprived of sight, one’s senses amplify manifold, too much, far too much. The heavy scent of pheromones, so intoxicating, the soul-piercing fragrance of night-blooming cereus, carrying two words etched upon it:

Beloved.

Yet, inexplicably, Song Shizhou felt a pang of sorrow.

It was unclear how much time had passed or how much of the night-blooming cereus’s pheromones she had absorbed, but two warm, wet trails slid down Miss Bai’s cheeks hot, tinged pink, dampening the tie that bound her eyes.

Dawn broke.

The tie covering her eyes was removed, and she was enveloped in an overwhelming wave of pheromones. It seemed as though everything had finally come to an end.

Yet the other person’s voice was strangely strained.

“Miss Bai, months ago, you were severely injured retrieving the Lu family couple’s confession letter for me. I am grateful to you.”

“I also understand everything Gu Zhiyu said.”

“Everything you’ve done for me, the pain and suffering you endured, every effort you made to keep me, I’ve seen it all.”

“But I truly cannot tell whether this is your love or just your twisted possessiveness.”

Her voice wavered slightly.

“I asked Chen Ting. She didn’t delay Lan Chi’s sentencing.”

“Lan Chi should have left long ago.”

“It was you. You made sure Lan Chi had the chance to appear before me. You knew she carried feelings for someone else. You knew there was no possibility between us. So you chose the safest, most harmless person to place in front of me. I’ve never been able to decipher your thoughts. What you want, you obtain at any cost. Miss Bai, was this your scheme of self-inflicted suffering?”

Her tone carried a hint of obsession.

“All these days of your struggle and sorrow were they truly out of affection, or were they just a means to move me, to win me back?”

Like a boulder crashing into still water, the room fell into complete silence.

Song Shizhou shakily averted her gaze.

During Bai Ruowei’s unconsciousness from her severe injuries, she had asked her two questions.

She had asked who her ideal marriage partner was.

How had she answered?

Then she had asked why she loved her.

And how had she answered that?

She had said she didn’t know.

A controlled dose of anesthesia had the effect of a truth serum, so every answer Miss Bai gave at the time was sincere, straight from the heart.

Song Shizhou’s heart pounded violently. After Chen Ting appeared, she had even grown obsessive enough to want to ask Bai Ruowei whether she now qualified to be her fiancée.

Her hands clenched. She truly was as hopeless as ever in front of Bai Ruowei.

Perhaps it was the pheromones clouding her mind. The osmanthus fragrance surged to an overwhelming intensity. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. Maybe she shouldn’t have provoked her while their pheromones were entwined. Maybe she should have let things slide, not dwelled on these pointless, messy matters.

But she was human, not a flawless machine. She wanted to voice the words she had suppressed for so long.

She couldn’t hold back. Assistant Zheng’s people were waiting for her outside. She tried to compose herself, but the faint tremor in her voice remained.

“Love is a difficult question, Miss Bai. I think… perhaps you don’t truly understand what love is.”

“Maybe it’s because you’ve never met someone like me, someone bold enough to get close to you. You grew accustomed to my care and companionship, so you mistook that familiarity for love.”

“But love isn’t coercion, nor is it mere habit.”

“If you truly feel remorse toward me, if you genuinely wish to make amends, then until you’ve figured out your own feelings please, don’t come looking for me again.”

She didn’t need Miss Bai’s extravagant methods of reconciliation, what she needed was love, genuine, heartfelt love.

Assistant Zheng stood waiting for her at the door.

Song Shizhou hesitated for a moment, glancing at her.

“Goodbye, Miss Bai.”

Outside the window, the rain gradually eased. Just minutes ago, it had been so fierce, but now it had softened into a gentle southern drizzle. Yet when it truly fell upon one’s skin, its icy sting became unmistakable.

Countless scenes flooded Bai Ruowei’s mind bringing her to Ink Residence, providing her with the best conditions, her illness, the days and nights spent watching over her bedside, the small nightlight she had gifted her, now covered in shattered cracks, the buttered apples she had made for her, piled high on the table like a waterfall.

Every single thing she had done, right or wrong, whether Song Shizhou wanted it or not, whether she herself wanted it or not.

It all circled back to the question Mr. Bai had asked her long ago:

“Bai Ruowei, why are you so obsessed with her? What is it about her that you like?”

What had her answer been?

She had no answer.

From her past life to now, it seemed she had never had an answer to that question.

It was almost laughable, she didn’t even know why she liked Song Shizhou.

Could it be that she was merely clinging to Song Shizhou’s meticulous companionship and care, mistaking habit for affection and love? Was that why she had never found an answer?

A wave of unbearable pain surged through her heart, an agony she had never shown before.

The rain outside seemed to be fading, and her long hair had long since dried, yet she still felt drenched in the storm.

A flash of stubborn red flickered in her eyes. She stood abruptly, moving swiftly to seize Song Shizhou’s hand before she could leave.

A firm grip perhaps painful, but holding on was always painful. Truth and confession were painful too.

“It wasn’t a tactic.”

Song Shizhou paused, instinctively meeting her gaze.

“I delayed Lan Chi’s sentencing, but not for the reasons you think.”

The moment their eyes met, that stubborn light in Bai Ruowei’s gaze softened abruptly, turning into a damp redness at the corners of her eyes, glistening with unshed tears.

Her voice was choked but still defiant.

“I’ll give you an answer.”

“Shizhou, I’ll give you an answer about every moment between us, and the reason I love you.”

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