Weakness Trap - Chapter 33

Su Lian fell silent for a moment. She could even hear Yu Lingxue’s breathing somewhat heavy, as if she had just been crying.

She lifted her head to gaze at the sky. It was already night, around ten o’clock neither too early nor too late.

At ten in Chu City, it wasn’t as bustling as in Harbor City. There weren’t as many cars, and the streets were sparsely populated.

Even this restaurant had only a few tables occupied. A candle flickered dimly, casting a rather atmospheric glow.

Su Lian glanced back slightly and saw her blind date listlessly poking at the food on her plate.

So, the difference between liking and not liking was actually quite obvious.

Su Lian had followed Yu Lingxue for a year, watching her treat everyone with gentle courtesy soft and mild, like the embodiment of spring and autumn, neither as scorching as summer nor as frigid as winter.

She had always thought that even if Yu Lingxue was kind to everyone, she herself should be somewhat special among them.

But in the end, at best, she was just a particularly special friend.

Yu Lingxue truly liked Yu Qingluan. Her rejection of Su Lian wasn’t just an excuse.

“I’m sorry, Lingxue,” Su Lian took a deep breath. She was about to reject someone she had once liked.

After all, they had both moved on with their lives.

Perhaps it was because she hadn’t liked her enough. She truly didn’t understand why Yu Lingxue continued to cling to Yu Qingluan.

They had broken up, and each had found new people and different futures.

So, what was the point of obsessing over that one person?

It only made others resentful.

“Su Lian please, I can’t go to Harbor City right now. You know my situation,” Yu Lingxue clutched her wrist, her heart aching as if being torn apart by a thousand blades.

Even breathing normally felt like a luxury. Yu Lingxue could no longer distinguish whether the pain was physical or emotional.

All she knew was that Yu Qingluan was gone. The thought of not being able to see her or speak to her was suffocating her.

“Lingxue, it’s not that I don’t want to,” Su Lian hardened her heart and closed her eyes.

To her, Yu Qingluan no longer mattered.

Helping out wouldn’t be impossible. After all, she and Yu Lingxue were still friends.

But their situation was so complicated.

“I just think, no matter how much she loves or likes you, she couldn’t possibly accept being the third party in your marriage with Yan Lanshen, right?” Su Lian gave a wry smile.

Searching her own heart, she knew she couldn’t do it.

Clearly, Yu Qingluan couldn’t either otherwise, she wouldn’t have left Harbor City, broken up with Yu Lingxue, and left her so desperate to seek help.

“But.” Yu Lingxue paused, tormented by the wrenching pain in her chest, before continuing, “But Yan Lanshen and I have no feelings for each other. It’s not even a business alliance just mutual exploitation.”

“Even so, is it still not possible?”

“Probably not,” Su Lian sighed as well. Whether emotionally or physically, wouldn’t it still make her the third party?

“Lingxue, it’s not that I’m not on your side. I used to be quite dissatisfied with her, thinking she was holding you back. But personally, I just can’t accept something like this.”

That was why she had agreed to this blind date to let go of a lingering thought and start a new life as soon as possible.

Yu Qingluan must have thought the same, right?

“After all, the reality is that you and Yan Lanshen are about to get married. Whether you want to or not, the engagement banquet has been held, both families have gained what they wanted, and you’ve managed to protect your sister because of it. In six months, you and Yan Lanshen will have a marriage certificate, your assets will be divided, and lawyers will document everything. You’ll have a wedding, take photos together in wedding dresses, and exchange rings.”

“At that time, you’ll have to wear the ring on your finger, but Yu Qingluan won’t be able to. When you go out together, you can only be friends you won’t even be able to hold hands. At any dinners or gatherings, you can’t bring her along. If people ask about her when you’re out, she won’t be able to mention you. You won’t even be able to live together, You’ll have to regularly accompany Yan Lanshen back to the Yan family, and he’ll have to follow you to the Yu family. But Yu Qingluan won’t be able to participate in any of it.”

“Lingxue, really. Calm down and let her go, and let yourself go too. If she didn’t love you that much and was just after money, it would be one thing. But if she truly loves you, no one could endure this kind of situation.”

Yu Lingxue listened, tears already streaming down her face.

She couldn’t say that if Yu Qingluan did the same thing, she would be able to accept it.

She just couldn’t bear the thought of losing Yu Qingluan.

Yu Qingluan was the first person she met after leaving the Yu family.

Long ago, she knew she would love Yu Qingluan deeply.

Now, she was completely unable to live without Yu Qingluan the person who had given her passionate love, warmth, and peace, who had shown her a different world and allowed her to experience a different life.

There was a time when Yu Lingxue would grow frustrated by the setbacks in her plans and troubled by the constant surveillance of the Yu family. Only by hiding in Yu Qingluan’s embrace could she sleep peacefully through the night.

But now, Yu Qingluan said she was tired and didn’t want her anymore.

She couldn’t accept it,

Whatever she did wrong, she could change it.

As long as Yu Qingluan said the word, she would do anything.

As long as they could be together again.

Even just talking normally would be enough.

On the other end of the phone, Su Lian was still speaking.

It seemed she was suggesting that if Yu Lingxue truly loved Yu Qingluan, she could wait a couple of years, until the arranged marriage with Yan Lanshen ended, and then go back to Yu Qingluan.

But how could she wait? Every minute now was agony. Every breath without Yu Qingluan felt suffocating, burning with pain that made it unbearable.

If she lost Yu Qingluan for two years, could she even survive alone?

Besides, anything could happen in two years.

What if Yu Qingluan’s feelings changed? What if, after two years, she could never love her again?

She had to go find Yu Qingluan.

Yu Lingxue’s hands trembled as she picked up the phone she had dropped.

The call had already ended automatically. She dialed another number.

It was just Chucheng. Even if it were somewhere else, how could she not go?

She had to find Yu Qingluan.

Opening her eyes on the plane, Yu Qingluan wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and removed her earplugs.

It was her first time on such a long flight. Fifteen hours, most of the day it was truly agonizing.

Yu Qingluan sighed as she recalled the dream she had just had.

Thinking carefully, it had only been a week since she parted ways with Yu Lingxue.

Yet it felt like a century had passed.

Her soul was trapped in Gangcheng, trapped in the winter break when Yu Lingxue was still there, with no sign of escape.

But at least now, she wasn’t in so much pain that she felt like crying at any moment, needing to lock herself in the bathroom to secretly wipe away tears just to catch her breath.

After deleting Yu Lingxue as a friend, Yu Qingluan hadn’t accepted any of her friend requests again.

Yu Lingxue kept sending messages without getting tired of it. Yu Qingluan turned off the app’s notifications and finally found some peace.

She could have just blocked the account, preventing Yu Lingxue from ever adding her as a friend again.

But,

Yu Qingluan couldn’t quite explain her own feelings.

Was it some kind of vengeful satisfaction? The pleasure of seeing Yu Lingxue struggle for love one day?

Or was it simply that she couldn’t be bothered to deal with her?

Or perhaps she hadn’t completely let go yet, thinking she shouldn’t be so absolute, leaving a thread of possibility, just in case?

What possibility could there be? Yu Qingluan scolded herself inwardly, then opened the downloaded materials and began studying.

Zeng Lan was sleeping soundly in the seat next to her, her head almost leaning against the elderly woman beside her.

Yu Qingluan gently pulled her back and then turned to look out the window.

She had no idea where they were flying outside, it was still night, with only an empty sky visible, and barely any star-like lights below.

Yu Qingluan noted all of this down, slowly incorporating it into her designs.

They landed at night as well. Zeng Lan’s mentor greeted her warmly with a hug, then loaded both of their suitcases into the car and drove them to the hotel.

Throughout the ride, Zeng Lan and her mentor chatted rapidly in English, the language grating on Yu Qingluan’s ears, but she had no choice but to listen.

For at least the next two years, she would have to live and study in such an environment.

She also needed to expand her network her clothing designs wouldn’t be sold only to her fellow countrymen; she needed more influence.

Having practiced “mute English” in the exam oriented education system for over a decade, she now had to learn to speak up after going abroad.

Fortunately, this trip was just for Yu Qingluan to visit the school and adapt to the local environment.

Yu Shuhua had said to treat it as a relaxing vacation.

Yu Qingluan thought for a moment and sent photos to Yu Shuhua, who had also never been abroad.

Along with a message: It doesn’t look much different from back home, and it’s a bit rural.

Yu Qingluan had thought all of M Country was metropolitan. Turns out, only the major cities are bustling.

After visiting the school the next day, Yu Qingluan was quite satisfied. The campus was large and quiet enough. The single dorm rooms came with a stove, dishwasher, and refrigerator, and there were washing machines downstairs.

The surroundings were also quiet, with no shopping malls or restaurants just a few fast-food joints and two lunchbox shops run by Chinese people.

Zeng Lan mentioned that during her studies, she usually went with local classmates on weekends to stock up on excessive amounts of groceries at the large malls.

Yu Qingluan took note of all these details.

By the time she returned to the hotel, Yu Qingluan was exhausted.

After a tiring day, she had no time to think about Yu Lingxue. Yu Qingluan felt this was a good thing and planned to keep herself busy like this.

But then, her room door was knocked.

Thinking it was Zeng Lan, who had left her power bank in Yu Qingluan’s room she went to open the door.

Just as she was about to speak, a familiar scent filled her nostrils, emptying her mind.

“Qingluan.” followed by a trembling voice and an overly forward embrace.

Yu Qingluan felt her shoulder grow damp.

She kept stepping back, all her thoughts wiped clean by that single “Qingluan,” leaving only a buzzing in her head.

Yu Lingxue practically barged in, closing the door behind her.

“Qingluan, my little bird, I’ve missed you so much.” Yu Lingxue’s words were no different from before, instantly dragging Yu Qingluan back to the countless days and nights she had spent missing her.

Undoing all the efforts of the past week.

Yu Qingluan bit her lip, tears falling uncontrollably.

Taking advantage of her dazed state, Yu Lingxue wiped them away and kissed her.

“Don’t.” Yu Qingluan managed to hold Yu Lingxue back just before she could lean in to kiss her.

“Don’t touch me.” Despite her best efforts to remain calm, her voice trembled, as if she were standing bare-armed in the dead of winter, trying to speak through chattering teeth.

Yu Lingxue lifted her head, tears shimmering in her eyes. She stared at Yu Qingluan in disbelief, never having heard such a tone from her before. Heartache pierced through her reason, and her eyes, which had been too numb to cry, welled up once more. They were bloodshot, a frightening shade of red.

Yu Qingluan was startled. Looking closer, she noticed that Yu Lingxue’s face was as pale as a wall, her hair duller and thinner than before. An IV needle was still taped to her hand, and she wore a hospital gown. She had lost weight. Yu Qingluan hated how quickly her mind registered this, and before she knew it, she was already steadying Yu Lingxue’s unsteady frame.

If Yu Qingluan’s own thinness was an exaggeration by Yu Shuhua, Yu Lingxue’s was truly sickly. Under her friend’s watchful eye, she had at least finished her meals, so no matter how little appetite she had, she hadn’t withered to skin and bones. But Yu Lingxue’s cheeks, once full, were now sunken, her collarbones protruded sharply, and her arms felt like nothing but bone hard and unsettling, as if she were no longer human but a walking skeleton.

“You… you came out like this?” Yu Qingluan didn’t know what to say, the words escaping on instinct. The moment she spoke, she regretted it. She shouldn’t have said anything. Her instincts hadn’t faded completely; she still had the reflex to care for Yu Lingxue.

“Qingluan, I just missed you I just wanted to see you.” As she spoke, Yu Lingxue pulled out the IV needle from her hand. A few drops of blood welled up, stark and terrifying against her sickly pale skin.

Yu Qingluan took two steps back. Yu Lingxue advanced three.

“I’m sorry. I missed you so much.” Yu Lingxue raised her hand weakly, lacking the strength to exert any force. When her fingers brushed Yu Qingluan’s cheek, even for just a moment, it felt as if her breathing eased.

“No, Yu Lingxue. I told you.” Yu Qingluan turned her head away, biting her lip. Two conflicting parts of her were tearing each other apart, locked in an endless struggle.

“We’re over. You” Before Yu Qingluan could finish, Yu Lingxue reached out and pressed a finger to her lips.

“No I don’t agree. It’s not over. It can’t be, just like this.” Yu Lingxue’s voice faded, her breath growing weak. She tried to inhale, but blood surged up, choking her. She coughed violently, spitting it out.

“Don’t stay here. Go back to the hospital. You, you can’t have something happen to you here.” Yu Qingluan couldn’t continue. She had heard Yu Lingxue mention coughing up blood before, but she had never seen it this severe. It wasn’t just a harsh cough irritating her throat it was as if she were coughing up her heart, liver, and lungs.

After vomiting a mouthful of dark blood, Yu Lingxue sat dazed on the floor, her eyes unblinking, still struggling to catch her breath. A streak of red trailed from the corner of her mouth.

Frowning, Yu Qingluan ignored the mess on the floor and grabbed a tissue to wipe Yu Lingxue’s mouth. Yu Lingxue flinched, and Yu Qingluan instinctively stepped back, afraid she might cough up more blood. But Yu Lingxue seized her wrist.

“Qingluan, are you worried about me?” Yu Lingxue lifted her gaze. Though her entire body seemed on the verge of fading from this world, her eyes shone with an astonishing brilliance, like fireworks suddenly ignited on a willow-lined riverbank in the dead of night.

Yu Qingluan was left speechless, her mouth agape.

Yu Lingxue wiped the corner of her mouth herself, then crawled closer to Yu Qingluan.

“Little bird, care for me a little more, love me one more time, I want to talk with you, to see you, to be with you I’ll do anything.”

Yu Lingxue collapsed into Yu Qingluan’s embrace. She couldn’t hold on any longer, completely drained of strength to move, yet she felt an unprecedented warmth.

Her lover, her little bird, was holding her once again.

“I know I was wrong. Please forgive me I’ll do anything. I just want I just want to be with you. I’ll do anything.”

Yu Lingxue closed her eyes, her head gently nuzzling against Yu Qingluan’s chest.

A familiar sensation coursed through Yu Qingluan’s entire body. She shuddered, and the person in her arms slipped downward, nearly falling into the pool of blood.

Yu Qingluan had no choice but to hold her, torn between pushing her away and embracing her as she used to.

“But, but it’s not about those issues.” Yu Qingluan’s mind burned.

Did she hate Yu Lingxue?

She had cried so many times, shouted so many words. She had given so much, only to receive such a painful ending, how could she not hate her?

Did she love Yu Lingxue?

If there was no love, then why was there hate?

In the end, all the hatred boiled down to one thing: she hated that Yu Lingxue had never loved her equally.

Was this a chance now?

Yu Qingluan didn’t know.

She couldn’t think clearly. She wanted to push Yu Lingxue away, yet she also wanted to hold her tightly, to forget everything, to stop thinking altogether.

No arranged marriage, no engagement, no Yan Lanshen.

They hadn’t argued, hadn’t broken up, hadn’t made such an ugly scene, hadn’t wept bitterly or desperately tried to win each other back.

Would it be so bad to go back to the way things were?

Yu Qingluan lowered her head and bit Yu Lingxue’s shoulder.