Weakness Trap - Chapter 32

Boarding the flight back to Chucheng, Yu Qingluan no longer carried the tension and anticipation she had felt on her way there. Her heart was now somewhat lifeless, weighed down by a stifling gloom that felt utterly tiresome.

Having blocked Yu Lingxue, her mind found no peace. Even leaving Gangcheng brought her no comfort.

It wasn’t until she disembarked, took the bus home, caught sight of the Chu Yun River she had gazed upon for twenty years, felt the moist breeze, and heard the music from the old women’s cassette players by the shore that Yu Qingluan finally felt a sliver of lightness.

Stepping off the bus, she took a deep breath it was the familiar scent. The air in Chucheng was different from Gangcheng’s, carrying a distinct aroma mingled with the river’s essence and a gentle chill that lingered around her.

“See you in a few days,” Zeng Lan said, her home in the opposite direction. She had accompanied Yu Qingluan and Xiang Yan to Willow Bank and needed to transfer to another bus.

“See you in a few days, Lan-jie.” Yu Qingluan waved goodbye and walked home with Xiang Yan, pulling their suitcases along.

The wheels rattled over the gravel, sending stones skittering and clattering against the luggage.

With nothing to say, Yu Qingluan handed one earbud to Xiang Yan, letting the music keep her thoughts from drifting away. The heart wrenching love song blared in her ears, its anguish masking the shattered heart behind her calm expression.

At her doorstep, they parted ways. Yu Qingluan drew a deep breath. She was finally home.

Only this small, aged house her old home was her roots. No matter how much she suffered or drifted, the sight of home brought her a sense of tranquility. As if opening this door would make all her troubles vanish.

How could that be? Yu Qingluan smirked to herself. Even at home, the matter of Yu Lingxue remained, hovering over her heart, stinging her mind. Her future still required thought and struggle.

But at least, she was home.

Yu Qingluan knocked, and Yu Shuhua opened the door within seconds. “Oh, you child,” Yu Shuhua said, taking the suitcase and embracing her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back earlier?” These past few days had been agonizing; her hair had turned more white than in all the previous years combined.

“It was time to come back,” Yu Qingluan replied, sinking into her mother’s arms, immensely grateful to have a home. At least in her pain, she had a shoulder to lean on.

Yu Shuhua was still here still poking her forehead and calling her “my girl,” still chiding her as “you little heartless one.”

“Yes, yes. It’s good you’re back.” Yu Shuhua patted her scarf and hat, then held her arms to inspect her closely. “You’ve lost weight.”

“Mom, I was only gone for three or four days,” Yu Qingluan laughed, but the smile froze and slowly faded.

“Still, you’ve suffered. Change your clothes, I have something to ask you.”

Yu Shuhua patted her daughter’s back firmly, as if afraid that without the force, her girl would float away, carried off by the wind.

The pats stung, and Yu Qingluan shot an annoyed glance back. Yet, as she tidied her things and changed in her room, the ache on her back made her feel grounded. If Yu Shuhua hadn’t patted her like that, she would have likely hidden in the bathroom, using the shower as an excuse to cry under the running water.

Yu Qingluan organized her belongings and her emotions, changing into the loungewear Yu Shuhua had laid on her bed. It was new pajamas for this year, probably made by her grandmother warm, thick, and making her look a bit bulky.

But still kind of cute, right?

Yu Qingluan turned in front of the mirror, then closed the wardrobe dejectedly. She patted her cheeks, trying not to think about the person who always called her adorable.

“Mom.” Yu Qingluan sat on the sofa, causing a deep indentation in the cushions.

The quality was worse than the sofas at Yu Lingxue’s home or in hotels, but this was Yu Qingluan’s favorite spot to sit so much so that she had practically worn it out.

“Sweetheart, tell me, when did you two start dating?”

Yu Shuhua held her daughter’s hand, feeling for the first time that she should have shown concern about this matter earlier.

“Well last year no, wait the winter before last.” It had already crossed into a new year.

“During your relationship, did she ever mention her family background or anything about a fiancée?”

Yu Shuhua didn’t know much about Hong Kong society, but she had a rough understanding of that social class.

“Not really. There were rumors at school about her family. I only knew she was from Hong Kong and came from a prominent family. How prominent exactly, I wasn’t sure. It was Xiang Yan who told me that everything she wore and used was expensive, and people on the forums dug up information too.”

To this day, Yu Qingluan still hadn’t figured out the rankings of Hong Kong’s elite families or where the Yu family stood among them.

But did it even matter anymore?

She and Yu Lingxue would have nothing to do with each other from now on.

“What about the fiancée?” Yu Shuhua didn’t know how to assess the situation.

At the very least, her daughter was genuinely good hearted. She wasn’t with anyone for their money.

“I met her last autumn At the time, she said she was handling it. Later, I heard she called off the engagement, and she told me she had too. But the person she’s engaged to now doesn’t seem to be the same one she broke up with.”

Yu Qingluan shook her head. “Mom, I don’t really want to talk about this.”

“Then we won’t, my baby.” Yu Shuhua hugged her and gently stroked her head.

Yu Qingluan leaned into her, tears welling up in her eyes again.

“Did Xiang Yan tell you something?”

“Yes.” Yu Shuhua sighed. “She said you were always putting yourself down during the relationship, constantly making concessions and tolerating her issues. Sweetheart, what were you thinking?”

Yu Shuhua didn’t seem to be blaming Yu Qingluan.

She was just genuinely curious about how her daughter could place herself in such a low position forgiving Yu Lingxue again and again, as Xiang Yan described, for breaking promises, not prioritizing her, and being involved with others…

“I just, I really liked her. I truly did. Back then, I liked her so much, and now I don’t know. I hate her, but sometimes I still remember the good things about her.” Yu Qingluan blinked, tears streaming down her cheeks. She bit her lip and took a shaky breath.

“But I’m so weak. She comes from a good family, excels in her studies, is capable, and everyone adores her. She’s the campus goddess, and everyone likes her Meanwhile, I have nothing. I scored 30 on my calculus final and only passed because the teacher gave me credit for attendance. And our family situation.”

“It’s not that I think being poor is a problem, but Mom, even her hand cream costs six figures.”

Yu Qingluan blinked, tears continuing to fall one after another. Yu Shuhua wiped them away, but more followed.

“The gap is just too big. I thought, since I couldn’t give her anything materially, at least emotionally, I wanted to give her as much as I could.”

“Oh, my baby You two are equals. She never asked you for money or gifts, did she? Why do you feel like you have to give so much?”

Yu Shuhua now regretted not paying attention to her daughter’s emotional state earlier.

If she had guided her sooner, perhaps her daughter could have enjoyed a healthy relationship and properly broken up with that Yu Lingxue.

Now, looking at her daughter’s heartbreak, she feared the girl would close off her heart entirely, never wanting to get close to anyone again in this lifetime.

“I know, I understand this reasoning. Xiang Yan has been trying to convince me too. But ultimately, at the time, I just needed to accept that she was very busy, couldn’t always be with me, sometimes broke promises, and our relationship couldn’t be revealed in front of classmates, I thought these things weren’t a big deal, as long as we were happy when we were together.”

“Who would have thought.” Yu Qingluan covered her face, sobbing.

“She never really cared about me, did she? Didn’t hold me in her heart, didn’t love me the same way… Otherwise, how could she leave without a word? How could she get engaged to someone else and still expect me to keep loving her? Still want me to wait for her? What am I to her a dog that comes when called?”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Yu Shuhua patted her daughter’s back, sighing deeply.

“That person is truly despicable. How could she not cherish our precious girl?”

Her daughter, whom she had raised with utmost care the girl who would spend eleven yuan if she earned ten. Yet, she still ended up feeling inferior because of their family circumstances.

Yu Shuhua hated herself for not fighting more resolutely against Yu Meiying back then.

“Mom.” With Xiang Yan, Yu Qingluan could freely vent her anger toward Yu Lingxue.

But hearing her mother speak of Yu Lingxue that way.

She might have truly loved the wrong person.

Yu Qingluan’s emotions were more than just complicated tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you rest well at home for a while? School starts in two weeks.” For once, Yu Shuhua felt a surge of motivation to focus on her career.

How could she bear to push her daughter? It would be more practical to push herself.

But Yu Qingluan shook her head, wiping her tears away. “No rest, Mom. I’ve made up my mind.”

Tears continued to fall, yet her voice was firmer than ever before.

“I acted timid around Yu Lingxue because I was too weak. Even if I improved my grades or won awards in embroidery if I had just one thing I could be proud of, something to make me feel accomplished, I wouldn’t have been so humble.”

“I don’t want to be like that anymore. If I were capable, I could stand as her equal, working through our differences instead of constantly yielding. If I had wealth and influence, I could have helped her through her difficulties, treated her sister’s illness, instead of finding out about her arranged marriage after the fact. But I had nothing all I could offer was love, so I gave it freely. But in wealthy families… or in society, love might be the least valuable thing, right?”

“So, Mom I want to join Zeng Lan’s grand plan. But not just that. I want to build my own career. I want to become a better version of myself. I can’t continue as before, caring about nothing but embroidery and even in embroidery, I don’t have top-tier talent. I can only grind away, working hard without knowing the right methods.”

“I want to study abroad, attend the institute Zeng Lan found for me. I want to socialize I can’t keep living so passively. I need connections and resources to achieve my goals.”

“This time, it’s not for Yu Lingxue. This time, it’s just for me. It’s also for you, Mom, for Grandma, for our Chu embroidery.”

Yu Shuhua looked at her daughter, feeling tears well up in her own eyes.

Her daughter had finally grown up.

Growth always comes with a price. Painful, but useful.

“Alright, alright. Where are you planning to study abroad? Have you looked into the location? Have you researched the schools? Should we ask some seniors how it is there? What’s the surrounding environment like? I’ve heard many international students live in terrible conditions, even struggling to get enough to eat.”

Yu Shuhua fired off dozens of questions in a second, then picked up her phone to call Zeng Min.

“M Country. I’ve looked into it, it’s a pretty rural area, but relatively safe. Mom, don’t worry too much.”

Yu Qingluan managed to pull herself together, no longer dwelling on Yu Lingxue.

Over the next few days, Yu Shuhua sold some embroidery pieces that had been stored in their home for years to save up for Yu Qingluan’s study abroad expenses.

Yu Qingluan insisted it wasn’t necessary. She had already discussed it with Zeng Lan half would be a loan from Zeng Lan, and the other half would come from a student loan. They planned to work on their company while studying, and if things went smoothly, they could earn enough to repay everything by graduation.

But Yu Shuhua said she didn’t want her daughter to have to bow her head to anyone ever again.

“My daughter should be able to study whatever she wants. Studying abroad will take at least two years—don’t skimp on yourself. If you get homesick, you can even order that expensive takeout worth dozens of dollars.” Yu Shuhua seemed to have already done her homework.

Yu Qingluan had never considered spending so extravagantly, but this was her mother’s love. She had no choice but to accept the money and convert it into foreign currency.

She and Zeng Lan had previously agreed to spend a few days during winter break visiting M Country. Once the next semester started, she would finalize her school applications, complete the procedures and visa, and transfer at the beginning of her junior year.

“She’s really leaving Hong Kong?” Yu Lingxue pressed a hand to her chest. Upon hearing the news, a tear fell unexpectedly.

Her source confirmed the news was absolutely true. Once Yu Qingluan left Hong Kong, Yu Lingxue’s influence wouldn’t reach that far, and she would have no way of knowing what Yu Qingluan was doing or where she had gone.

Yu Lingxue thought Yu Qingluan must have returned to Chu City.

The distance between them now was over thirteen thousand kilometers.

The distance between their hearts felt even farther.

Had Yu Qingluan given up on her?

That couldn’t be, right?

She had written so much, sent so many messages.

Had Yu Qingluan really stopped loving her?

Yu Lingxue covered her face, and once again, tears streamed down like rain.

Yu Qingluan should love her deeply.

That’s how it should be.

Why wouldn’t she listen to what she had to say?

Once again, Yu Lingxue felt the urge to find Yu Qingluan.

She kept thinking that if she could just find Yu Qingluan, if they could talk face to face…

If Yu Qingluan would just look into her eyes, then maybe there was still a chance for them?

And then there was the deleted contact. The friend request she had sent still hadn’t been accepted.

Maybe Yu Qingluan hadn’t even seen her request?

That would explain why she hadn’t received a reply for so long.

I really want to see her.

If she’s gone, what is left for me in this life?

Yu Lingxue coughed, suppressing the metallic taste in her throat, and dialed a number.

Su Lian, who had returned to Chu City several days earlier, was at a matchmaking dinner when she received the call. She smiled apologetically at her companion and stepped outside to answer.

“Lingxue? It’s so late, what’s going on?” Su Lian was quite surprised.

Why would Yu Lingxue reach out to her at a time like this?

Even if they could remain friends, Su Lian didn’t think their relationship would stay close after Yu Lingxue returned to Hong Kong.

After all, the distance was over thirteen thousand kilometers.

Without love, that distance might as well be forever.

“Su Lian, are you in Chu City? Could I ask you for a favor?”

“Go ahead,” Su Lian tightened her sleeves.

“Could you help me find Yu Qingluan? I have something I want to say to her.”