Weakness Trap - Chapter 31

It really was a very long message.

After reading it through once more, Yu Qingluan followed Yu Lingxue’s words and recalled their past. Her tears simply wouldn’t stop.

By now, Yu Qingluan no longer understood what she felt toward Yu Lingxue.

She resented everything about Yu Lingxue, how she had abandoned her without a word, leaving so decisively.

She resented how, even after leaving, Yu Lingxue had left something behind within her, irrevocably changing her, making it impossible to return to how things were even after they parted.

She resented how Yu Lingxue had only expressed regret after starting a new life, and how sincere that regret had sounded.

Her feelings for Yu Lingxue should have ended the moment she saw the engagement photo of Yu Lingxue and Yan Lanshen.

What kind of feeling was that,

Yu Qingluan didn’t even want to recall it, not even once.

A blow to the head would have been gentler.

It was like being doused with a bucket of cold water, with the bucket smashing down on her head right after.

Then came the billboards, potted plants, stinking clothes, and boiling water thrown by ill mannered people,

All of it crashing down on her at once.

Her blood ran cold from head to toe, her brain instantly losing its ability to react.

The numbness made her forget who she was.

At that moment, Yu Qingluan truly forgot where her body was or how to control it.

It was as if her soul had left her body, and even that soul felt faint and distant.

Only by moving could she barely confirm her own existence.

But she was paralyzed by the overwhelming shock and abrupt sorrow.

That state lasted an entire day.

For a whole day, she had no idea what she was doing. When she finally came to her senses, she was already on her way to bid Yu Lingxue farewell.

All her love should have ended at that moment.

At the moment her soul suffered immense trauma, her heart died completely.

All that remained was an unquenchable hatred, a pain like rubbing salt into a wound.

But then Yu Lingxue came back to win her over.

She sought her out, sent her so many messages.

Yu Qingluan truly didn’t understand.

It seemed she had never truly understood Yu Lingxue. She was always watching her do contradictory things.

Yu Qingluan curled up under the covers, sobbing quietly.

She remembered the times they had spent together, Yu Lingxue’s smile, the softness in her voice, the way she would gently touch her earlobe, the smoothness of her skin.

It seemed she could love Yu Lingxue a little again.

The moment that thought surfaced, she hated herself for it.

Yu Qingluan felt stifled under the covers and finally couldn’t take it anymore, lifting a tiny corner.

She took deep breaths and looked out at the sky over Harbor City.

This wasn’t the home she had lived in for twenty years.

There was no familiar window, always left slightly ajar, letting in the biting cold in winter and failing to keep out the heat in summer. There were no moldy walls or the drawings she had scribbled on.

There was no bed that creaked strangely when she turned over, no carved bed frame or surrounding canopy, and certainly no mosquito net her mother had made by hand, patched up and used to this day, carrying the scent of dust and oranges with every touch.

Yu Qingluan finally saw clearly: for Yu Lingxue, for that hollow love, she had left Chu City for the first time in her life.

What she got in return was the news of Yu Lingxue’s engagement to Yan Lanshen.

She couldn’t make the same mistake again.

Yu Qingluan gripped her phone, biting her lip until it hurt, and forcefully typed out a line of text.

Yu Lingxue was jolted awake by her phone’s ringtone.

She had always been a light sleeper, prone to mild neurasthenia. The only time she could sleep soundly was when she was with Yu Qingluan, even though the walls in her home were thin, and she could still hear the chirping of insects and croaking of frogs late at night. Even her breathing made the bed creak.

Now, even the slightest sound could wake her, let alone the specific notification tone she had set for special attention.

Yu Lingxue was momentarily dazed before crawling toward the nightstand. It took her two attempts to reach her phone, nearly dropping it in the process.

When she finally unlocked it, she truly saw Yu Qingluan’s message.

But it wasn’t the embrace she had foolishly hoped for it was a slap in the face.

Yu Lingxue covered her mouth, her emotions surging, causing her lungs to ache and blood to well up.

Yet she couldn’t dwell on that. Even if she had been slapped, she had to beg Yu Qingluan to come back.

She first sent an “I’m sorry,” then carefully read Yu Qingluan’s message.

She didn’t know that Yu Qingluan had actually written over a thousand words, only to edit and delete until only a few lines remained.

All she could see were those few lines.

【Little Bird: When you did those things, you never considered my feelings. It’s too much, Yu Lingxue. I don’t want to give examples or revisit the memories. I’m exhausted. Let’s end it here. Cutting our losses now is for the best. Can you leave me with some dignity?】

Yu Lingxue trembled for a moment.

Dignity,

How could there be dignity?

She had never imagined their relationship would end, let alone in such a way.

How could she ever let go of Yu Qingluan, let go of this love?

It had taken so much for her to glimpse a different world a world where life moved slowly and simply. Most people there lived modestly, yet never lacked joy. Neighbors were harmonious; if one household faced hardship, the entire street would come to their aid.

The street bordered Chu Yun River, offering ever-changing scenery with each season.

The girl who had grown up there was the same, embodying a unique charm in every season.

She still wanted to experience all four seasons of Chu City with Yu Qingluan, how could it end like this?

Yu Lingxue typed line after line, waiting, praying for Yu Qingluan’s reply.

Yu Qingluan surely didn’t hate her that much, right?

She wouldn’t really abandon her forever, would she?

In the breath before the pain overwhelmed her into unconsciousness, Yu Lingxue comforted herself: No, she wouldn’t.

Maybe tomorrow, or a little later, next week, or even next month.

Yu Qingluan would forgive her and return to her side.

Just like the last time they had a cold war.

Yu Qingluan was startled by Yu Lingxue’s instant reply.

Her phone fell to the floor, jolting her awake.

The noise also disturbed Xiang Yan beside her, who drowsily sat up and asked, “A-Niao, did you drop something?”

“No, just my phone. It’s still early go back to sleep.” Yu Qingluan let out a sigh.

Distracted by the interruption, she no longer felt like replying to Yu Lingxue. She put her phone away but ultimately didn’t block or delete Yu Lingxue from her contacts.

The next day, the three of them lazed in bed until mid-morning before reluctantly getting ready to visit Harbor City’s famous snack street.

Throughout the journey, Yu Qingluan was absent-minded, frequently picking up her phone, staring blankly at the screen without unlocking it, and then putting it away again.

Seeing her like this, Xiang Yan sensed trouble. At lunch, Yu Qingluan was again lost in thought, her noodles cooling into a clump, chopsticks in hand, mouth slightly agape but not eating.

Xiang Yan couldn’t hold back any longer and finally asked,

“Did Yu Lingxue message you?”

Yu Qingluan jumped, and her phone clattered to the floor once more.

Her phone was an old model, secondhand and cheap otherwise, her family couldn’t have afforded it.

The quality was mediocre. After being dropped twice in a row, when Yu Qingluan picked it up again, she could see that a corner had been chipped, and the startup speed had slowed down.

“I knew it.” As childhood friends, Xiang Yan didn’t need to ask further one glance was enough to understand.

Yu Qingluan didn’t dare to speak, lowering her head guiltily like a suspect under interrogation.

Zeng Lan didn’t ask how Xiang Yan had figured it out either.

In truth, there had been signs since yesterday.

Yu Lingxue seemed to be taking things somewhat seriously. If she came looking and couldn’t find Yu Qingluan, she would definitely send messages.

They just hadn’t expected that Yu Qingluan, who had only said yesterday that if she wavered, they should hold her back, would actually need to be held back today.

“Qingluan, don’t be foolish or confused. That would make you the other woman,” Zeng Lan lowered her voice, earnestly trying to persuade Yu Qingluan.

“Theirs is a legal marriage they’re engaged, and they made such a grand spectacle of the engagement banquet. It’s practically the same as a real marriage. Even if she says there’s no love and it’s just a marriage of convenience, if you go back to her, you’d be knowingly becoming the other woman.”

Yu Qingluan closed her eyes and furrowed her brows. “I, I know.”

Ultimately, if this weren’t the case, Yu Qingluan wouldn’t have been so resolute.

“Hong Kong media can be ruthless. You absolutely must not meet her privately. Be careful of being gossiped about. She’s from a wealthy family she doesn’t care. She can throw money at the problem, and no one would dare disrespect her. But what about you? You can’t let people talk behind your back because of someone who doesn’t respect or consider you, can you?”

Zeng Lan, having traveled and experienced more, was indeed more worldly and thoughtful than these two university girls.

Yu Qingluan opened her mouth but said nothing.

She hadn’t considered such things because she had never encountered them before. She didn’t know how the Hong Kong media operated or what the city was like.

And what about Yu Lingxue?

Had Yu Lingxue, in her repeated attempts to reach out, ever considered this?

Yu Qingluan took a deep breath, her nose tingling again as if she had just gulped down a carbonated drink.

“I know.” Before she could finish her sentence, her phone vibrated again.

Yu Qingluan couldn’t help but flinch.

All morning, she had lost count of how many messages she had received from Yu Lingxue intermittent, each one fairly lengthy.

She hadn’t opened them to read carefully, only occasionally glancing at them. She could see that Yu Lingxue was reminiscing about their past happiness, apologizing, and trying to win her back.

Just as she was finally swayed by Zeng Lan’s reasoning, the notification tone brought those words back to mind.

“Delete her contact,” Xiang Yan patted her shoulder. “Otherwise, it’ll just keep bothering you. If she messages you every day, what if Yan Lanshen catches you because of this?”

“She probably wouldn’t go that far,” Zeng Lan interjected, stopping Xiang Yan from speculating further.

“Well, delete her anyway. The New Year’s over, what’s the point of keeping her? She talks so sweetly, but can she call off this engagement and get engaged to you instead?”

Yu Qingluan understood the logic. “It’s just, I’m a bit reluctant to lose the chat history.”

The messaging app she used with Yu Lingxue would erase all their chat records once she deleted the contact.

When she asked Yu Lingxue to leave her with some dignity, it was partly for this reason.

Perhaps someday, when she had truly moved on, she could look back at their messages and reminisce about the beauty of her first love.

“You really, ” Xiang Yan sighed deeply and pulled out her phone.

“I wasn’t going to show you this. I really didn’t want to upset you. But I think you need to see it clearly.”

Xiang Yan opened a video and placed it in front of Yu Qingluan.

Yu Qingluan lowered her head, her eyes widening.

She saw Yu Lingxue, dressed in elaborate and ornate attire, holding flowers with her usual gentle smile, walking alongside Yan Lanshen.

Yan Lanshen was also wearing a wedding dress-like gown, arm in arm with her.

The two walked gracefully from the other end of the hall, with Yan Lanshen even holding up the hem of Yu Lingxue’s dress and helping her up the steps.

Yu Qingluan noticed Yu Lingxue’s pale complexion but couldn’t ignore Yan Lanshen’s hand resting on her waist.

Yu Lingxue had said they had no feelings for each other, that it was all an act, a marriage of convenience for business.

Yu Lingxue had also said she had her own motives, that she needed to leverage Yan Lanshen’s power.

But what about Yan Lanshen?

This unfamiliar woman did she truly have no feelings for Yu Lingxue at all?

Yan Lanshen was so cunning. Over time, wouldn’t Yu Lingxue be swayed and develop feelings for her too?

Yu Qingluan paused the video and closed her eyes. “Where did you get this ?”

“Su Lian gave it to me a live recording from the engagement party. She’s moved on now. She said she went back after watching it that day, drank herself into a stupor, and has already returned to Chu City. She plans to accept the blind dates her parents arranged and see if there’s anyone suitable.” Xiang Yan stared intently at Yu Qingluan.

“Don’t look back, Qingluan. Don’t degrade yourself,” Zeng Lan advised her as well.

Yu Qingluan opened her eyes, her brows still furrowed before relaxing, though her eyes showed little relief. “I know. I’ll just delete it.”

Thinking carefully, her chat history with Yu Lingxue wasn’t all that extensive.

Apart from arranging times and places to meet, there were only a few casual conversations about schoolwork.

Nothing major.

Just delete it.

Yu Qingluan took a deep breath and opened the chat window with Yu Lingxue.

Over a year ago, when this friend request was accepted, she had been so elated now, she felt nothing but humiliation.

Yan Lanshen knew she was unwelcome and didn’t linger long in Yu Lingxue’s hospital room.

Yu Lingxue lay alone on the hospital bed, every breath carrying an indescribable pain.

It seemed that since leaving Yu Qingluan, her health had deteriorated further. Crying could bring on a fever, and sobbing could make her cough up blood.

Where else could she go?

Now confined to the hospital, she was back to her old life.

What was the point of all her efforts over the years?

Yu Lingxue’s face was completely ashen, no different from cement-covered walls.

At least she still had one pillar of support.

Burning with fever, every cough brought up traces of blood.

Beyond her already damaged lungs, every organ in her body ached incessantly.

Her hands were weak, devoid of strength, barely able to do anything.

Even lifting them made them tremble unsteadily one might think she was a hundred and twenty two years old.

Yu Lingxue’s lips twitched into a faint, bitter smile. How could she possibly live that long?

But if Yu Qingluan were here, she would strive to live a little longer, just a little more.

With great effort, Yu Lingxue raised her hand, picked up her phone, and trembled so much she couldn’t type. She resorted to voice to text to send a message to Yu Qingluan.

This time, when the message was sent, all she saw was an exclamation mark.