Weakness Trap - Chapter 30

Yu Qingluan hesitated for a second before picking up her phone to glance at it.

“Who is it?” Zeng Lan asked casually from beside her.

“Just a spam message,” Yu Qingluan replied without expression, putting her phone away.

Yet a flicker of emotion still passed through her eyes faint and brief. Yu Qingluan thought to herself that she couldn’t remain completely unaffected after all.

How could someone who had truly loved walk away from a breakup entirely unscathed?

The fact that she could still go about her life, hiking and chatting with friends, was already quite an achievement.

Yu Qingluan steadied her heart. The wind rustled noisily against her fluffy hat.

She raised a hand to hold it down, as if hearing her own inner voice mocking her for pretending not to care.

She curled her lips slightly. So what?

Just pretend she hadn’t seen it. That was all.

“I thought maybe that person, since they couldn’t confront you face to face, had sent you a message instead,” Zeng Lan chuckled, though her attempt to lighten the mood fell flat.

“Not that either,” Yu Qingluan replied, trying to force a smile.

Her brows and eyes shifted with the thought, and the muscles in her face relaxed slightly, no longer as stiff as before.

But the smile failed to form only a brief twitch at the corner of her mouth.

It was a holiday. The mountaintop was crowded, filled with the constant chatter of people discussing their own affairs.

But just as Yu Qingluan wanted to offer Zeng Lan a reassuring smile, all she heard was the sound of her friend talking on the phone.

In the past, she might have consoled herself with the thought that in a few days, she’d be chatting with Yu Lingxue just like that.

Now, the longing remained, but Yu Qingluan no longer wanted to speak to Yu Lingxue.

With that comfort gone, hearing the sound of others chatting only deepened her sense of loss, plunging her emotions to rock bottom.

Deep down she had always known.

There was something off about the way she and Yu Lingxue interacted.

They never had effective communication perhaps except for that one time after their cold war. But no matter how much she said or how much Yu Lingxue listened, nothing ever changed.

It was never equal, either. Convinced that her family background was inferior and that she couldn’t match Yu Lingxue in emotion, talent, or appearance, Yu Qingluan loved more deeply and felt more humble. The more she gave, the more she yearned for in return.

Yet she never confronted Yu Lingxue or voiced her dissatisfaction.

When Yu Lingxue failed to meet her expectations, she would repeatedly lower her standards, suppressing her own desires.

She had once dreamed of chatting idly on the phone with Yu Lingxue, day in and day out.

She had imagined walking across campus with Yu Lingxue, indifferent to the stares and whispers of classmates, their eyes only for each other.

But in the end, prolonged suppression led to utter disappointment.

Not to mention the issues of principle involved.

She would not turn back. She would not make the same mistake again.

Yu Qingluan repeatedly warned herself: getting close to Yu Lingxue again would only lead to misery.

It meant being left without a word, kept in the dark. Traveling thousands of miles to follow her to an unfamiliar place, only to hear that her presence was a burden and to see photos of Yu Lingxue being affectionate with someone else even engagement banquet pictures.

Yu Qingluan took a deep breath, her nose tingling with unshed tears.

“It’s a bit cold. I’m going to sit over there for a while,” she said, biting her tongue to stay clear-headed through the pain. Without waiting for Zeng Lan’s response, she walked straight toward the rest area.

Xiang Yan, watching her leave, came over holding her phone and raised an eyebrow at Zeng Lan.

Zeng Lan shrugged in response.

Surely it couldn’t be true had Yu Lingxue really sent Yu Qingluan a message after all?

Otherwise, she was fine just moments ago, so why does she look so upset now?

Her face had turned ashen, like stagnant water, devoid of any light.

“It’s nothing. You keep talking to her; I’ll go check on her,” Zeng Lan said, motioning for Xiang Yan to stay put.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Xiang Yan replied, his voice tinged with worry as he continued his phone call while glancing toward Yu Qingluan.

“What’s going on?” Wei Linran asked casually, a lollipop dangling from his lips just outside the meeting room.

Xiang Yan shook his head, then realizing she couldn’t see him, spoke up. “My childhood friend you know the one she broke up with her girlfriend. We’ve been trying to cheer her up these past couple of days.”

“Wasn’t she going to Hong Kong to see her girlfriend?”

“Yeah, but.” Xiang Yan began to explain vaguely.

Yu Qingluan sat on a bench in the rest area, surrounded by unfamiliar tourists. Some were unkempt, while others, like her, seemed awkward and unsure where to put their hands and feet.

Zeng Lan arrived and promptly squeezed past the man next to Yu Qingluan, who was idly picking at his feet, creating a bit of breathing space for her.

“Feeling any better?” she asked, pulling out a thermos and handing it to Yu Qingluan.

Yu Qingluan tried hard to smile.

“It’s okay. We all know what you’ve been through. You don’t have to force a smile,” Zeng Lan said, patting her shoulder.

Yu Qingluan lowered her head, no longer holding back her expression. Tears threatened to fall again, and she took a deep breath, but only cold air filled her chest, stinging her lungs.

“Lan Jie.” Yu Qingluan finally spoke after a long pause.

“You have to stop me,” she said, looking up at Zeng Lan with an expression more pitiful than tears.

“I’m trying hard to cut ties with her. Maybe I still like her, maybe I still have feelings. Maybe if she comes looking for me, I’ll soften. But I really don’t want to live in fear anymore, groveling and waiting for her like that. Besides, she’s, she’s engaged now, soon to be married. I can’t be the other woman in their marriage.”

“So, if she comes to me and I waver, you have to hold me back,” Yu Qingluan said, a single tear tracing the corner of her eye.

Just one tear the rest she swallowed, refusing to let them fall.

No more tears for Yu Lingxue. She’s not worth it.

“Okay,” Zeng Lan replied, gripping her hand and handing her a cup of warm water.

“Don’t worry. It’s not just me; Xiang Yanyan is here too. If need be, I’ll call your senior and junior sisters, even your mom. With so many of us, even if you wanted to jump into the sea with her, we’d pull you back,” Zeng Lan joked lightly.

Yu Qingluan managed a faint smile.

“Okay. Thank you,” she said, holding the warm cup and taking a small sip.

Finally, a little warmth.

On the way back, Yu Qingluan was even quieter than usual. It was only thanks to Xiang Yan’s efforts to lighten the mood that she didn’t drown in thoughts of Yu Lingxue.

Passing by the ticket office, she noticed a patch of blood on the ground that hadn’t been cleaned up yet. Frowning, she started to move closer.

But her two friends flanked her, one on each side, blocking her view and forcibly redirecting her attention.

And so, Yu Qingluan stopped wondering whose blood it was or how it got there.

By the time they finished exploring Hong Kong’s most famous street, it was already evening. The three of them returned to the hotel.

Yu Qingluan went straight to wash up after entering the hotel room. Xiang Yan stayed behind, playing on his phone and duo-queuing with his ambiguous crush.

After a while, she heard faint sobbing coming from the bathroom. Hesitating for a moment, she turned off the game and went to knock on the door.

“Qingluan? Are you okay?”

” I’m fine.” Yu Qingluan stood under the running water, letting the scalding stream pour over her from head to toe, yet her heart felt colder than the winter wind.

“Really, I’ll be out soon.” She covered her face, her sobs continuing unabated.

“Should I boil some hot water for you?” Xiang Yan still sounded concerned.

“No need, I can manage.” Yu Qingluan had already turned off the water.

She dried herself and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

Her eyes were too red there was no way to brush it off. Besides, Xiang Yan had already heard her crying.

How utterly wretched.

Yu Qingluan rubbed her eyes, causing more tears to fall.

She didn’t want to care about that person or that message anymore.

But the moment she was alone, emotions surged like tidal waves, leaving her feeling utterly miserable.

So many memories flooded back.

She remembered staying up all night in a hotel, burning with fever, just to finish embroidering that confession letter she had later torn to pieces.

She remembered that night, kissing Yu Lingxue in a daze.

Why had Yu Lingxue come? Why had she said nothing?

Even now, the resentment lingered.

She hated that she came, and hated that she didn’t.

This emotion made no sense, like the monthly tides that arrived abruptly, leaving her weary yet forcing her to muster the energy to deal with them.

Along with it came pain, soreness, and exhaustion.

Yu Qingluan indeed noticed a trace of red, and it pushed her further into despair.

She stayed locked in the bathroom for a long time, until Xiang Yan knocked on the door a second time.

Only then did she numbly change her sanitary products and step out.

“Want to play some games?” Xiang Yan tried to comfort her.

Yu Qingluan nodded. She had always been terrible at games, but playing a single-player one at least meant no one would chase after her calling her useless.

After a while, she grew bored. Her eyes were still frighteningly swollen and needed attention.

Seeing how weak she was during her period, Xiang Yan helped her search her bag for medicine.

“Is this for applying?” Xiang Yan turned the box over. Yu Qingluan stared at it, froze for a moment, then suddenly snatched it and threw it into the trash.

See? She had said their breakup was too abrupt.

There hadn’t been time to clear out all traces of Yu Lingxue.

Everything seemed to reopen her wounds.

Yu Qingluan threw the box with such force, as if venting her anger, that it split in two as soon as it hit the trash can.

“I’ll just use ice. Let me see if there’s any…” She stumbled toward the fridge on trembling legs.

Xiang Yan understood the ointment had been from Yu Lingxue.

What a mess.

She used to scold her for not breaking up sooner.

Now that they had broken up, she ached to see her in such a distraught state.

For a moment, Xiang Yan and Yu Qingluan shared the same thought.

If only they had never gotten together in the first place.

Two parallel lines that were never meant to intersect, forcibly bent toward each other, could only end in mutual destruction.

Amidst all the discomfort, Yu Qingluan drifted into a heavy, troubled sleep.

Around three in the morning, she woke up, her mind filled with the words Yu Lingxue had sent her earlier.

Unable to bear it, Yu Qingluan picked up her phone and scrolled through the messages.

Perhaps afraid she wouldn’t read it all, Yu Lingxue had first sent a brief message.

【Little Bird, I want to apologize and explain. Will you listen? That person and I are only in an arranged marriage. I have no feelings for her in fact, I dislike her intensely. She used threats and bribes, and my family pressured me too. I didn’t know how to explain this to you. I’m sorry.】

Seeing that she hadn’t reacted and that he hadn’t been deleted from her friends list, he finally sent a long message.

【Qingluan, I truly like you.

We’ve been together for over a year, and I thought I cherished you. I wanted you to be happy because of me, because of our relationship.

Because I like you, I want you to be happy.

But it seems I keep making mistakes. Whether it’s handling matters or dealing with emotions, I’m too immature always thinking I’m right, always making you unhappy.

I never meant to treat you this way, including this time when I returned to Harbor City.

Everything happened too suddenly. I didn’t have time to explain the details or even say goodbye to you.

Before this winter break, something happened.

I asked Yan Wenying (the woman with red hair and black lipstick) to call off our engagement.

Her family had proposed the marriage when I was just born, offering many benefits. My family agreed and had been waiting for us to get engaged.

I thought I had the ability to break off the engagement, hoping that in the future, I could be with you.

But who knew that despite all my calculations, I still overlooked so much?

They targeted my younger sister, who had just had surgery and has always been weaker than me, and took away her life-sustaining medicine.

I was in a panic, which is why I left without saying goodbye and returned to Harbor City.

Later, later, many more things happened. My thoughts are all jumbled now.

Yan Wenying’s sister came to propose a marriage alliance, saying she could help with my sister’s situation. She said a lot more, but in short, there’s no emotional connection between us it’s purely a business marriage.

I don’t like her. Not at all.

She’s the mastermind behind all these schemes, but I still have to play along with her. I need the power she holds to accomplish certain things.

Yan Wenying is the same. I’ve hated them both since I was young.

The only one I like is you, Qingluan.

I only like you, and I’ve only ever liked you.

You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to say “I like you” to.

I was truly happy to spend this winter break with you.

At that time, my sister’s surgery was done, the engagement was called off, and I was negotiating with my family. It seemed like I was about to win this battle.

I was also with you, and we experienced so much together.

Hiding together in the darkness, on your carved bed, trying hard not to make a sound.

Applying eye ointment for you, wiping the areas where you had allergies.

Going together to tease the dog at Grandma Chunfang’s house, delivering New Year’s goods to the elderly, and wandering through the streets preparing for the Spring Festival.

I’d never experienced these things before. As many have said, I really was a flower raised in a greenhouse. For over twenty years before coming to Chucheng for school, I was trapped within my family, with nothing but a cage in sight, whether my eyes were open or closed.

You gave me so many new experiences, showed me the world, and made me realize that I could actually live a very happy life as long as I was with you.

I actually don’t feel secure either. I also wanted to confirm your feelings for me.

Sometimes it felt like you were so distant, as if you were angry but wouldn’t tell me.

That’s why we ended up in the water. I can’t swim, I’ve always been afraid of water.

When I was little, someone pushed me into the water, and I choked until my lungs were injured But this time, you were there.

I was in your arms, and I could feel your warmth. In that moment, I truly felt so warm.

I could feel that I was alive.

I am loving you, and I am being loved by you.

Because I’ve been in poor health since childhood, I’ve always hated my body.

But Qingluan, every time we , I can feel your love for me flowing through my body.

Gradually, I’ve come to dislike this frail body of mine a little less.

Someone like me doesn’t seem so fragile after all not so weak that a gust of wind would give me a fever, or a bit of rain would send me to the emergency room.

All of this is because of you, my Qingluan, my little bird.

That day when we were boating together, I asked if you liked winter, and you said yes. I was so happy, as if you were saying you liked me.

But why are you leaving me now?

I really, really like you. I don’t want us to end like this.

Can you give me another chance?

Please, Qingluan.

Whatever mistakes I’ve made, whatever I’ve done wrong, I can change it all.

I just want you back.

My arranged marriage with that person will last at most two years. It won’t go on forever So, please, I beg you.