The Pursuit of Love After Divorcing My Cold Omega - Chapter 87

“I only want her. I love her.”

A heartless sentence; neither of them felt any better for it.

Song Wenzhi knew clearly that she still loved Yu Kunian, and she understood even more clearly what pushing Yu Kunian away meant. When she made the choice to divorce, she had exhausted all her courage. Today, after saying those words, a sense of powerlessness suddenly surged up, wrapping itself around her.

An Omega experiences endless fear because what Yu Kunian brought her was an unforgettable brand seared into her heart. Her beautiful world was shattered at the moment she thought she was happiest; she was forced to face all the deception and pretension just as everything was getting on the right track. It wasn’t the fake emotions that Song Wenzhi feared most, but rather the moments when she herself had succumbed to that happiness.

She had no idea it was fake; she hadn’t detected the falsehood at all.

Song Wenzhi couldn’t even bring herself to place all the blame on Yu Kunian, because even she was making excuses for her.

The Omega loved that kind of happiness and loved Yu Kunian deeply. Occasionally, she would think: If I just pretend nothing happened, can I have this beauty forever? Such terrifying fantasies made Song Wenzhi increasingly timid. She worried that if she actually did that one day, she would become someone unrecognizable to herself.

So, she would rather push everything away and force herself to be heartless. she had to stay away from Yu Kunian—the Alpha she loved, yet the one who brought her such pain.

But the suppressed heaviness in her heart surged up along with bitterness, and her tongue felt as if it were stained with a bitter taste. Song Wenzhi couldn’t stop her tears; she turned her body away, constantly wiping her cheeks.

“Can there not even be one chance?” Yu Kunian spoke with a trembling voice. Her hands began to shake uncontrollably. “Zhizhi, why?”

She truly realized her mistake now. She was willing to apologize and compensate Song Wenzhi regardless of the consequences or interests. Until this moment, Yu Kunian no longer cared about profit or balance; she only wanted Song Wenzhi’s nod of approval.

The permission to let her stay.

“How am I supposed to trust you?” Song Wenzhi asked in return. It was a very realistic question. “Yu Kunian, I have no way to give you another chance.”

The corners of Yu Kunian’s eyes were stained red. She mustered her courage to reach out and hold the Omega’s fingertips, saying with a sob, “Zhizhi, I have changed. In Lihua City, I failed you, and I was blinded by myself. But by the time I realized it, you were already gone. That day I chased you to Xia Weichi’s house, I wanted to win you back, but I was too foolish, too stupid… I used the wrong methods… I came to New York not just to apologize, but to save our marriage. Zhizhi, I won’t lie to you again. Give me just a little bit of trust, please?”

The temperature from the fingertips was cold. Before her was the Alpha’s lowered head. Yu Kunian carried such a sense of entreaty; it was precisely this that made Song Wenzhi so hesitant. She wanted to harden her heart completely, but she still held onto a shred of hope for this Alpha. That remaining hope made her try to believe Yu Kunian again, and the Omega felt a breakdown from her own two contradictory thoughts.

Song Wenzhi pulled her hand away bit by bit. She took a deep breath before speaking again: “Yu Kunian, I have to judge the truth of every word you say now. I am exhausted. I really… don’t want to continue like this.”

“I am not lying to you anymore, Zhizhi. I can promise you.” Yu Kunian didn’t know what else she could say to earn Song Wenzhi’s trust. The hurt in Lihua City was a mistake she regretted now but could never cover up. She hadn’t expected Song Wenzhi to become so perpetually fearful because of it.

“Our marriage has already ended, Yu Kunian. A promise cannot make everything that happened completely turn the page. I once… I especially loved that home. I looked forward to marrying you more than anything—at that time, I wanted a home so badly. Before then, I had never felt the warmth of a home. I wanted to take care of that home with you; I felt incredibly happy. I thought we would live together forever, but we didn’t. You personally destroyed everything. I am so sad… I thought then: Yu Kunian, why are you so cold-blooded and ungrateful? Why are you like that? Why were you so heartless?”

Song Wenzhi wasn’t questioning her; she was merely stating what she had felt with sorrow. She looked at Yu Kunian with moist eyes, her lips trembling slightly and tears clinging to her eyelashes. Her sobbing voice was filled with helplessness.

Watching her favorite home collapse with her own eyes while being powerless to stop it—Song Wenzhi suffered more than anyone.

Song Wenzhi no longer just wanted to ask about the problems that had occurred. Feeling a surge of grievance again, she wanted to pour out all her emotions from that time—the complexity, the sorrow, the breakdown, and the emotions that always tortured her. The Omega had once felt joyful about marrying Yu Kunian; she had never so fervently looked forward to returning home every day to spend beautiful nights with her.

But all the fantasies had been shattered.

As much as she had anticipated the home she loved at the beginning, she was just as disappointed later.

Song Wenzhi turned her back to Yu Kunian, her face already covered in tears. Her thoughts returned to the period of the divorce. Once these words were spoken, she could no longer remain calm; her heart held too much grievance and helplessness.

Did she really want to divorce that much? No, it was that she simply couldn’t go on.

The home in her fantasies wasn’t perfect or flawless, but at least it was sincere; at least the emotions were intense. When leaning on each other and sharing their hearts, sincerity should have been met with sincerity, not a packaged mask.

Song Wenzhi was disappointed in her home and disappointed in herself. She blamed Yu Kunian, and she hated herself even more. During that time, the Omega had covered her face and wept countless times, wondering if her expectations were too high, or if her demands on Yu Kunian were too harsh…

But it shouldn’t be that way.

All she wanted was a home.

Song Wenzhi knew she could no longer remain rational. In this matter, she always held a grudge against Yu Kunian. The Alpha had given her hope, only to push her away from happiness. Song Wenzhi had always dwelled on the marriage before it was exposed—that marriage she liked and cherished, which was now hidden away, becoming a past she and Yu Kunian could never return to.

Her breathing could no longer remain steady. Song Wenzhi had confessed everything to Yu Kunian, speaking of all her sorrows and grievances. Then, she wanted to end it, to leave.

But Yu Kunian suddenly stepped forward and embraced her from behind.

A familiar embrace, a familiar Alpha. Yu Kunian’s hands wrapped around her waist, her arms holding her tightly as if terrified she would break free. The breath by her ear brushed against her neck, accompanied by Yu Kunian’s sobbing. Scalding tears fell onto the Omega’s collarbone.

“I am sad too, I hurt too… Zhizhi, after you were gone from my world, I almost went crazy. I’m sorry. Our marriage ended in that way, and I was in so much pain too. Zhizhi, I know I’m a bastard, but I have been regretting it constantly. There hasn’t been a day I didn’t scold myself. I lost our marriage, and I lost you. I really, really shouldn’t have done that.” Yu Kunian whispered in Song Wenzhi’s ear, her voice stained with tears. She lowered her posture, almost begging:

“I apologize to you for the mistakes I made. I know I was wrong, but shouldn’t I also have a chance to reform? I am not irredeemably evil, am I? I can’t just say I’m sorry; I am applying to you for a chance to make amends… Zhizhi, I beg you.”

Song Wenzhi didn’t speak, nor did she break away from Yu Kunian’s embrace. She pursed her lips, trying to calm her emotions, but it was useless.

“Zhizhi, I am human, not a machine. It is impossible for a person to never make a mistake. Life is a road paved with countless errors, accompanied by countless corrections; this is an unavoidable part of a human’s history. Zhizhi, I grew because of my mistake. My apology to you is sincere. I just want to ask you for a chance. Can you please not completely negate me because of one mistake?”

“I have changed, I am making amends, I want to compensate you, but I’ve said everything I can say…”

Yu Kunian’s tears broke free. Her voice was choking, and she was enveloped by a sense of powerlessness. The Alpha’s breathing became erratic, her throat was dry, and she felt like a fish out of water, seeing only endless despair.

She had been thinking just yesterday that everything was getting better, so why did it suddenly turn into this? Why, just when she felt things were moving in a good direction, did God have to give her a head-on blow, dragging her out of joy and throwing her into a bottomless abyss?

Yu Kunian didn’t understand. She never understood why things would turn out so devoid of any turning point. It seemed she was always walking a dead-end road, a deep swamp; she was always powerless to save it.

“I don’t know what else I should do, I don’t know what else I can do—Zhizhi, please don’t push me away. What do I have to do? What do I have to say?”

Who could tell her what would be enough?

Tears soaked the collar. Song Wenzhi lifted her gaze dazed ly. She shook her head with difficulty and said, “I don’t know… Yu Kunian, I don’t know.”

Her heart felt powerless; she was still in pain.

Time had not smoothed over the wounds Yu Kunian had given her. Even Song Wenzhi herself couldn’t figure out when she would be able to let everything go and step into a new stage. Everything was still echoing repeatedly in her mind. The Omega really didn’t know what to do.

Before coming to New York, she said she wanted to start a new life—but in reality, that was impossible.

A new life was nothing more than a beautiful fantasy. The Omega had never truly moved on. She thought of Lihua City day and night; her dreams were of the marriage breaking, and her awakening was to being alone. Such pain had always tortured Song Wenzhi; it was only now that she had completely laid bare the pain she had deliberately hidden. It turned out the Omega had never let go.

The points of her struggle had not been resolved. She always felt that something was still missing.

She had been waiting—waiting to see if Yu Kunian had anything else besides an apology.

“Zhizhi, don’t be like this, okay?” Yu Kunian pleaded with her. “I can’t be without you. My life cannot be without you. You are my only one, Zhizhi. I will go crazy…”

Yu Kunian could not accept a world without Song Wenzhi.

Song Wenzhi pried Yu Kunian’s hands away. She used all her strength to step out of the Alpha’s embrace. Turning back to look at Yu Kunian, she said through blurred eyes, “We both need to calm down.”

Such a broken emotional state was no longer suitable for solving problems.

Her thoughts were a tangled mess. Song Wenzhi couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t do something even more impulsive. Perhaps she wanted to escape, or perhaps she truly didn’t know how to respond to Yu Kunian anymore. Bringing up the divorce again was no different from tearing open a healing scar. Neither of them could guarantee rationality, so how could they speak of chances?

After saying this, Song Wenzhi “fled in panic,” her silhouette leaving behind only a powerless mess.

Yu Kunian’s hand remained frozen in mid-air for a long time. The cold froze her fingers until they were somewhat stiff, but the Alpha didn’t notice. Her tears fell like a broken string of pearls as she stood fixed in place.

A moment later, her pheromones leaked out.

The isolation patch couldn’t block the pheromones that suddenly surged out. The scent of mint lingered in the small area where Yu Kunian stood. The Alpha snapped back to her senses and staggered a few steps, nearly falling; she only stayed upright by leaning against her car. Yu Kunian reached out to cover the back of her neck. Ignoring everything else, she turned and got into the car. The pheromones were released rapidly and aggressively; the Alpha was almost unable to control them.

Yu Kunian realized that her rut had come early.

This unprecedented situation left the Alpha momentarily at a loss. Song Wenzhi’s words seemed to pierce her heart word by word. Yu Kunian’s nose felt incredibly sore, and her tears broke through the gates once more.

Being pushed away by the Omega again, Yu Kunian’s mood felt like falling into a mire. She looked at the research institute and was briefly unable even to make a sound. The arrival of the rut made Yu Kunian fragile and vulnerable. She didn’t know if there was truly no longer a chance between her and Song Wenzhi.

The residual warmth of the embrace was swept away by the cold wind. Yu Kunian couldn’t allow herself to continue releasing aggressive pheromones, so she could only drive away from the institute and head back to her own home.

It was as painful as her last rut, but this time, as Yu Kunian sat powerlessly on the floor, her heart hurt even more by comparison.

The suppressed heaviness made it difficult for her to breathe. Yu Kunian buried her head in her arms, calling out Song Wenzhi’s name in her heart over and over. Without Song Wenzhi, she would lose her mind.

The scent of mint occupied every inch of the house. A layer of thin sweat appeared on Yu Kunian’s forehead, her hair was soaked, and her cheeks were covered in tear stains, but she didn’t care about any of it. Not until the sky grew dark did only a bit of moonlight spill into the living room, while she sat in the shadows, staring blankly.

Cheng Lu hadn’t been able to contact Yu Kunian all day, so she came to the door at night. After the code lock opened, she was suddenly attacked by the intense scent of mint. The powerful pressure made her feel uncomfortable as well, causing her to retreat a few steps. Cheng Lu raised her eyes to try and find Yu Kunian’s figure inside, but no lights were on, and she couldn’t see anything.

In the end, she could only force herself past the discomfort and enter. Cheng Lu turned on the lights and looked inside with a frown, startled by Yu Kunian on the floor.

“What are you doing?” The Yu Kunian before her was actually somewhat decadent. Cheng Lu stopped not far away and asked in confusion, “Yu Kunian, why did your rut come early?”

Yu Kunian didn’t answer her. she raised a hand to block the light overhead and said hoarsely after a moment, “Turn off the light.”

Hearing that faint, powerless voice, Cheng Lu felt like she had seen a ghost. “Are you going to die, Yu Kunian?”

The mint scent made Cheng Lu’s gland feel uncomfortable, but she still tried to figure out what was wrong. It was strange enough for the rut to be early, let alone for the Alpha to be in such a bizarre state—it really felt as if she might die the next moment.

It was a bit scary, and even more worrying.

Yu Kunian simply covered her eyes to avoid the light, saying, “Leave me alone.”

“If I don’t look after you, who will?” Cheng Lu said irritably. “How do you look like you’ve lost half your life just from a rut? Were you like this before? This weak? But these pheromones are clearly very aggressive. Yu Kunian, what happened to you?”

Yu Kunian didn’t respond; she truly didn’t have the strength to answer and didn’t care to.

Cheng Lu finally sensed that something was wrong. Even in a rut, an Alpha wouldn’t be like this. So Cheng Lu moved closer, bending down to look, and asked with a frown, “Did someone hit you? Or are you hurt? Wait, aren’t you working as an assistant at the research institute? Could there really be someone there who could touch you?”

Yu Kunian also frowned. Hearing the words “research institute,” her heart gave a sudden jolt. She said impatiently, “Cheng Lu, can you get out? I am very agitated right now.”

Cheng Lu said, “Why are you driving me away? It feels like your spirit has been sucked out of you. Can anyone be at ease with you in this state? Hey, is this because of that Omega?”

Yu Kunian said, “None of your business.”

“What did she do to you?” Cheng Lu understood when she saw her like this. “Did she reject you?”

Yu Kunian went silent.

“Yu Kunian, you are an Alpha. What does it look like to be hurt like this by an Omega? Can you stop being so pathetic? There are plenty of Omegas in this world; Song Wenzhi isn’t the only one. Since she doesn’t want to continue with you, then just give up. Why bother?” Cheng Lu didn’t understand what Yu Kunian was insisting on. It was just an Omega; you could find a whole bunch in New York. There was no need to hang yourself on one tree.

Hearing this, Yu Kunian slowly raised her head. She looked at Cheng Lu and said with unwavering conviction:

“I only want her. I love her.”