Shadowed Love: A Lover Who Refuses to Let Go - Chapter 49

“What kind of person did Xiao Wang find…” Stepping out of the shop, Bella grumbled, constantly trying to flick away the coffee stains blooming on her sleeve.

Xiao Wang was a colleague from her office; their desks faced each other, making it easy to slack off and chat. If it weren’t for the other woman’s chest-thumping guarantee that the guy was a catch, Bella never would have brought Yin Yunzhu here.

“It’s my fault for being too hasty with the screening. I judged him to be decent just based on his dating history and looks.” Bella turned around to see Yin Yunzhu following two steps behind, looking like a heavy, weary yak.

Yin Yunzhu had been thoroughly drained by this “inspiration-seeking” blind date. She radiated the shriveled energy of someone whose spiritual essence had been sucked dry. Especially those needle-sharp gazes she’d felt—they’d caused her to zone out repeatedly during the meeting.

After a brief chat with Ye Yan about basic life details, he had added her as a contact, saying they could hang out in the future.

Out of respect for Bella and her colleague, Yin Yunzhu couldn’t refuse. She sent the friend request and immediately planned to let him rot in her contact list.

“Sticking just anyone on me like I’m a landfill,” Bella continued to fume, her arms crossed as she muttered the whole way.

In some ways, she and Shan Songyue were more like biological mother and daughter than anyone else.

Yin Yunzhu interrupted her non-stop chatter: “We agreed. No next time.”

Seeing the other woman about to argue, she didn’t give her the chance, adding decisively: “And you are not allowed to join a united front with Ms. Shan.”

“…”

Bella held her breath, finally raising both hands in a gesture of surrender. “Fine, fine, fine. I give up on you.”

Had she known, she would have picked the other candidate—at least he wouldn’t have given Yin Yunzhu such a terrible experience.

The trees on the street corner were lush and green, their vibrant leaves outlined by sunlight and casting shadows on the concrete. A low-profile black SUV was parked by the roadside. Just as the two were about to pass, the person in the passenger seat rolled up the window.

A slender, long hand reached toward a jacket pocket, then, remembering she was in someone else’s car, rested on the door, tapping irritably.

Half of the woman’s face was cast in shadow, her dark eyes extinguishing all light. She silently watched Yin Yunzhu walk away, then looked back at Ye Yan, who was still inside the coffee shop.

“Your nephew?” Jiang Menghe turned her head to look at her manager beside her.

Ye Xiyang was awkward and at a loss. “Yeah… he just graduated. My sister has been busy trying to find him a partner. I have no idea why he’s here.”

Once the women were gone, Jiang Menghe rolled the window down to a two-finger gap and said flatly, “What else could it be for?”

Appearing in such a social setting, talking and laughing with Yin Yunzhu.

Seeing the silence, a soft laugh escaped Jiang Menghe’s throat. “Isn’t this exactly what looking for a partner looks like?”

Ye Xiyang was startled and quickly explained, “If I had known, I wouldn’t have dropped him off here.”

Since He Ping was a director with a human touch, she had granted everyone a long holiday. Jiang Menghe had stayed in Quancheng the whole time. This afternoon, she was supposed to go to the studio with Ye Xiyang to organize files from the past month, but midway, a relative called asking for a ride for the nephew.

After dropping Ye Yan at the door, they were about to leave when they saw Yin Yunzhu and Bella enter right after him.

It had been a while since she’d seen Yin Yunzhu. Her face seemed a bit rounder than before, and her complexion looked better.

She even seemed to have grown taller.

Knowing it was an illusion, Jiang Menghe leaned her forehead against her hand, watching the three of them. At an age that should be dull and mundane—commuting to work on crowded subways—Yin Yunzhu was different from most of her peers. Even in her silence, she radiated life and aura.

Back when they slept in each other’s arms, Jiang Menghe would wake up every morning to find her pillowed on her arm, lightly tracing the bridge of her nose with a finger. Once caught, she’d be like a startled rabbit, closing her eyes and pretending to sleep.

She would curiously study Jiang Menghe’s face, carving every texture into her memory. She would kiss her sweat-soaked hair at the height of passion and call her name over and over.

Yin Yunzhu’s voice was beautiful when it softened—clear and sweet. When tired, she would lean against Jiang Menghe’s chest, panting, her watery eyes looking up, flashing a smile that wasn’t particularly “sharp.”

It turned out that after leaving her, she could already comfortably seek out new people.

A man, no less. That was good.

After all, she was the one who had pushed her away first. Everything happening now was her own doing; she blamed no one.

Silence filled the car. Ye Xiyang stared at the “Safe Travels” ornament, unsure of how to comfort Jiang Menghe. Although the woman’s expression seemed no different than usual, she gave off a misty, overcast feeling, like a dark cloud passing overhead.

“Sister Ye.” After a long time, Jiang Menghe was still looking in that direction.

Having not spoken for so long, her voice was hoarse, like sand painfully grinding after weeping blood.

Ye Xiyang stayed silent, listening to her ask: “Do you think… back when she was with me, was all that love fake?”

Jiang Menghe rarely showed such a sentimental side—no different from the “die for love” characters on TV. She used to look down on people like that, not realizing that in the eyes of others, she had become the one heartbroken.

“Actually… let the past be the past.” Ye Xiyang was at a loss for words; she had never experienced such a soul-shattering love, and her face showed her confusion.

Perhaps it wasn’t love, but purely a result of sensory stimulation and curiosity. Few people develop love for someone who provides zero sexual attraction.

Even if she maintained a neutral stance on the surface, she still couldn’t truly accept or understand it.

The words were spoken lightly, but they sounded sharp and unpleasant to Jiang Menghe. She clenched her hands and barely squeezed out a sentence.

“Why should I?”

“She doesn’t like me.”

That last sentence was a statement of certainty. She could accept Yin Yunzhu having even a sliver of feeling for Bella, but she would absolutely not allow her to love a man.

The former might be feelings being worn down by drama, but the latter would be a complete act.

She couldn’t even recognize her own sincere love until it was too late. Now, those hidden emotions were exposed, burning into a fierce jealousy.

How could Yin Yunzhu? How dare she?

“I’m not going to the studio,” Jiang Menghe told Ye Xiyang as she got out of the car.

“I have something to take care of.”

Even after the coffee, the afternoon drowsiness still hit. Yin Yunzhu was an unfortunate victim, slumped on the sofa at home like a wilted eggplant, too tired to move a finger.

Rustling sounds came from the master bedroom. After coaxing Yin Xuan to sleep, Shan Songyue heard the door and poked her head out barefoot.

“How was the blind date?” she mouthed to Bella, who was sitting on the shoe bench.

Hearing they were going on a blind date today had made her overjoyed. She had tossed and turned during her nap, which in turn disturbed Yin Xuan, making the child cry and complain that she couldn’t sleep.

Bella shrugged and pulled down the corners of her mouth—the meaning was more than clear.

Shan Songyue was slightly dissatisfied. She walked to the sofa and lightly patted Yin Yunzhu’s back. “What happened?”

Yin Yunzhu’s head was spinning. Perhaps because of the coffee, a burning bitterness rose from her stomach to her throat, leaving her listless.

“Mom, I’m a little sleepy.” She grabbed a corner of a pillow and buried her face in it.

“Tell Mom first, how was it with that boy?” Shan Songyue crouched down to eye level.

“Unstable job, young and handsome, looks like he wouldn’t stay settled.”

Every word hit Shan Songyue’s deal-breakers. She disliked frivolous people the most. Hearing this, she nodded and muttered to herself: “Right, right, you can’t have that kind of man…”

Seeing the person on the sofa wriggling to hide in the cushions, Ms. Shan pressed on: “What about the other one? I thought that one looked quite good—”

“Auntie Shan, Yunyun is exhausted from driving just now. Let me tell you about it.” Bella had finished changing into slippers and walked over just in time to rescue her.

With Shan Songyue distracted, Yin Yunzhu’s world was finally quiet. Now, whenever she saw her mother, the first thought that came to mind was “blind date.”

It wasn’t originally a big deal, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t met people before, but with the constant hounding and the bizarrely poor quality of the candidates, she was beginning to feel rebellious.

Yin Yunzhu slept until evening. When she woke up, she was still sluggish. She went to the bathroom to wash her face, breathing heavily.

There were several unread messages on her phone from the editor at Zhuyuan Publishing House.

[Author, for the physical book’s merchandise, we plan to design character transparent cards and postcards. Do you have any specific character images in mind?]

When she first started writing this book, she had commissioned artists on Weibo. Spending four or five thousand yuan felt like water flowing away; even if she had achieved financial freedom, it still stung a little.

Student Xiao Zhu: [Wait a moment, I’ll go home and get them.]

The artist had sent them to her computer, but the files were too large to compress. The high-resolution originals could only be saved locally.

Right now, the Wanhai Xunzhou Lu movie would take a long time from filming to release. Aside from being slow to pay, the publishing house was much faster than the film industry in every other aspect.

Her body felt cold after waking up, so Yin Yunzhu put on a coat. After a quick wash, she took her car keys and went back to the Xinwu Apartment.

The withered vines that had hung on the fence in winter were now sprouting tender green tips. Walking out of the underground garage, she inexplicably remembered the morning she and Jiang Menghe had parted ways here.

The passionate expectation she’d felt seeing her had been completely extinguished by the words “let’s break up.” Even as she left heartlessly, the woman was so gentle it was loathsome.

That was the first time “break up” was mentioned—a joke that became reality on that night of running away.

Yin Yunzhu smiled bitterly. Looking back, it had only been a little over a month, yet the sharp edges of their eternal vows had already been worn smooth. It turned out she wasn’t as deep and loyal as she’d imagined.

The moment she stepped out of the elevator, she saw Jiang Menghe standing at her door.

She hadn’t seen her in nearly a week. The sorrow from her heavy heart was tangled in her brow. The woman seemed thinner, her complexion worse—from a distance, she looked like a slender black shadow struggling in a crack.

When those dark eyes swept over her, her heart was suddenly gripped and squeezed, bringing a dense fear and pain.

Every time they met, it was unpleasant. Yin Yunzhu felt an urge to flee. Even sharing the same space as Jiang Menghe made her feel the suffocation of having the air ruthlessly stolen from her lungs.

Neither made the first move, as if reaching a silent agreement.

Jiang Menghe seemed to be in a terrible mood, but surprisingly, she wasn’t smoking.

“You went on a blind date today?” Her casual question hit Yin Yunzhu’s heart like a strike.

She had seen it.

It felt ironic. Their relationship was now completely severed. What was the point of her asking? To tear an even larger hole in a scar that had finally begun to heal?

“Yes,” Yin Yunzhu replied, ignoring her and heading for the door.

She had originally wanted to explain more, but the afternoon’s blind date had left her physically and mentally exhausted. Communicating with people cost energy, and she definitely didn’t want to meet Jiang Menghe when she was in a bad mood.

She was afraid she’d say something cruel in the heat of the moment and hurt her.

However, as she brushed past the woman, her wrist was gripped tightly. Yin Yunzhu let out a cry, forced to meet the other’s eyes.

The reflection in Jiang Menghe’s pupils was a face full of panic.

Previously, Yin Yunzhu hadn’t truly known Jiang Menghe’s temperament; she had always thought of her as a gentle sanctuary that was all too easy to sink into—a place where one could lose themselves in a dreamlike stupor. But since the breakup, the woman’s patience had vanished.

She couldn’t tell if the love had faded, making the act too tedious to maintain, or if her true nature was finally being exposed.

 

“You—let go!” Yin Yunzhu broke free with effort and glared at her indignantly.

 

Her stern expression held no real threat; she was like a creature covered in quills that refused to let anyone near.

 

“‘Hmm’?” Jiang Menghe sneered. This dismissive attitude only served to irritate Yin Yunzhu further.

 

“That man… no car, no house, mediocre looks…” The woman’s habitual kindness had faded. In the backlight, her pale skin blurred the sharp lines of her jaw.

 

“What do you see in him?” Jiang Menghe paused. “Or is it that you’d rather find a man like him because he’s ten thousand times better than me?”

 

“Yunyun, it’s one thing to be angry with me, but do you really have to find him just to spite me? Is it necessary?”

 

An unpredictable person is the hardest to read. Her tone softened, as if she were afraid of scaring Yin Yunzhu, and she reached out to tenderly stroke a stray lock of hair.

 

Yin Yunzhu was speechless, the words catching in her throat. She still had feelings for Jiang Menghe; their connection was deeper than that of couples who end things with screaming matches. But she was terrified that a single spark would send her falling back into an endless sea of suffering.

 

“I’m not trying to spite you…”

 

As the words fell, the temperature in the room seemed to drop. The hand stroking her head stopped, instead winding a strand of hair around a finger and rubbing it slowly.

 

“I’m not trying to spite you,” she repeated, more decisively and firmly than before. “I sincerely want to walk away from our past and meet new people.”

 

Her voice trembled along with her shoulders, whether from swallowing her grief or from the fear of history repeating itself. She had told the lie so many times she almost believed it herself.

 

In the past, she found being with men exhausting; now, being with a woman meant enduring strange looks. Yin Yunzhu didn’t want to be in any kind of romantic relationship at all. She was cowardly; she wanted to cut her losses in this hurriedly ended, one-sided devotion.

 

“Walk away?” The woman’s lips curved into a smile, and then she laughed aloud as if she’d heard the world’s greatest joke.

 

“Yin Yunzhu, did you ever even walk in? Is playing me fun?” Her hand lingered on Yin Yunzhu’s neck—a place she had once loved. Then, she moved it slowly upward to the faint curve of her throat and pressed down firmly.

 

Suffocation flooded her instantly, coupled with a wave of nausea that gripped her tight.

 

“Jiang—”

 

“You just love the thrill, don’t you? Since your heart isn’t in it, who were you putting on that devoted act for before!” Jiang Menghe leaned in. They were of similar height, yet the woman always managed to impose a crushing pressure.

 

“If I’d known you liked it this way, I wouldn’t have wasted so much effort comforting you afterward,” she said to herself. “It’s disgusting.”

 

The hurtful words were like sharp thorns driven into her chest and twisted, making Yin Yunzhu feel like she could barely stand upright.

 

“That’s so hurtful…”

 

Yin Yunzhu’s voice carried a sob. Her suppressed tears broke through the dam. Every bit of love that hadn’t yet been extinguished was crushed into the mud by that sentence. She didn’t know what had happened to turn Jiang Menghe into this.

 

Her shoulder was shoved violently. Jiang Menghe pinched her cheek. “You’re the one who knows best how to hurt someone.”

 

Jiang Menghe couldn’t stand it when Yin Yunzhu looked at her with disappointment, as if all her past wretchedness and darkness were reflected in those eyes. The black cloth she tried so hard to keep over her secrets was being pulled back.

 

Or maybe it was just an illusion.

 

A hand was forced onto the door lock. With a beep, the two of them collapsed into the entryway. Jiang Menghe pressed down on her, knees on either side, her messy hair veiling half her face. The gaze piercing through those strands was filled with resentment and a refusal to give in.

 

Never having seen this side of her, Yin Yunzhu was terrified. She shrank back, trying to escape, but her calf was caught. She stumbled and fell to the floor.

 

Her knees went numb upon impact. As Jiang Menghe leaned over her, Yin Yunzhu closed her eyes and swung her hand.

 

A slap sent Jiang Menghe’s face turning slightly to the side.

 

The room fell silent instantly.

 

Both were stunned by the act. Jiang Menghe seemed to snap out of it, touching her reddened cheek in silence.

 

“Jiang Menghe, calm down!” Yin Yunzhu attempted to communicate more peacefully.

 

The woman standing before her looked up and said flatly, “Yin Yunzhu, I know exactly what I’m doing.”

 

She felt as if she were bound by thorns, left scarred after struggling, but that wasn’t what she wanted to say. Yet, no matter how wretched she became, she would never be so humble as to become a dog begging for mercy on the floor.

 

Since the moment she came looking for Yin Yunzhu, Jiang Menghe knew there was no turning back. Logic and reason were cast aside; she felt a desperate need to possess, to declare herself the winner.

 

“If you wanted to be with me, why would you treat me like this…”

 

Yin Yunzhu finally couldn’t hold it back. Tears streamed down her face as she broke down, sobbing, “Why are you treating me like this!”

 

Jiang Menghe sneered, slowly approached, and patted her cheek.

 

“I only want to sleep with you. It’s not like I like you.”

 

Those lingering bits of affection she had tried to lock away and treasure were completely hollowed out by that sentence. A sharp, twisting pain made her body stiffen. All the heartbreak she’d felt from the uncertainty of their relationship in the past didn’t even add up to the weight of this one sentence.

 

Perhaps she simply went numb. Yin Yunzhu became like a heartless ragdoll, allowing the woman to do as she pleased. She saw Jiang Menghe pull her close as if she were a precious treasure.

 

Her hand was guided to feel the sharp rise and fall of the woman’s abdomen. The movements were urgent. Seeing Yin Yunzhu turn her face away in refusal, as if to prove her own place in Yin Yunzhu’s heart, Jiang Menghe leaned down to kiss her.

 

Unlike the cold, duty-bound touches from before, her kiss and her breath were scorching hot. The air she exhaled turned Yin Yunzhu’s pale skin red, making her curl up like a cooked shrimp.

 

Her nape was supported and lifted. Yin Yunzhu was forced to tilt her head back. She felt uncomfortable with the aggressive, predatory kiss. Gasping for air, she tried to push the woman off, but Jiang Menghe was immersed and remained unmoved.

 

It wasn’t until a resistant whimper escaped her throat that the woman pulled away.

 

She wiped the moisture from the corner of her mouth with her thumb, amused by Yin Yunzhu’s distressed reaction.

 

“We’ve been apart for so long, have you even forgotten how to kiss?”

 

The whispered words were a world away from her behavior just moments ago, making it feel as though they had returned to the past.

 

But Yin Yunzhu knew better than anyone. The gap between them could never be bridged; this moment of warmth was nothing more than a final flicker of life before the end.

 

Her eyes grew hot and wet again. She turned her face away, unwilling to make eye contact. She choked out, “Jiang Menghe, even if a broken mirror is mended, the cracks will always remain.”

 

They couldn’t go back to the way they were. That outcome had been decided the moment they split.

 

The smile in Jiang Menghe’s eyes faded. She silently forced Yin Yunzhu’s face back to hers and whispered, “But a glued mirror will be stronger than it was before.”

 

“Yin Yunzhu, no one is born exactly the same or perfectly compatible. We just need time to adjust.”

 

“Adjust?” The word felt foreign to Yin Yunzhu. “And under what kind of relationship are we ‘adjusting’?”

 

“Don’t say ‘couple.’ Do you dare to admit in front of everyone that I am your girlfriend?”

 

“I don’t dare.”

 

Ai Xue’s mockery, Shan Songyue’s pressure, even Bella occasionally bringing up the breakup.

 

Do you know why you and Jiang Menghe split? Because you are just two ordinary women. Without the attraction of pheromones, the passion will die out sooner or later.

 

Setting aside the terrifying concept of sex, she could completely find an ordinary woman to spend her life with. It could be Ke Rubing, it could be Bella, or even Yin Xuan.

 

Under the weight of her continuous questioning, Jiang Menghe’s grip seemed to loosen.

 

“Excuses.”

 

“Yin Yunzhu, those are just your excuses for leaving me.”

 

She looked down and questioned Yin Yunzhu’s sincerity, mocking her: “Even if I publicly admitted it, would you dare?”

 

The question hit the mark. Yin Yunzhu’s eyes widened, her lips trembling.

 

How could she demand something from someone else that she couldn’t even do herself?

 

Thinking she had glimpsed the truth, Jiang Menghe repeatedly rubbed and pressed her thumb against Yin Yunzhu’s lips. “You wouldn’t dare.”

 

“Yin Yunzhu, you almost fooled me, too.”

 

Her superb acting had once made Jiang Menghe believe that the girl truly had eyes only for her, willing to wait forever. But it wasn’t until she looked back and found the person gone that Jiang Menghe realized she wasn’t someone worth the effort in Yin Yunzhu’s eyes.

 

Who doesn’t have a temper? She had coaxed her two or three times and realized that Yin Yunzhu was a decisive woman—perhaps even more ruthless than herself.

 

She would retreat step by step, giving the illusion of being easily handled, only to leave without looking back once her principles were touched.

 

Jiang Menghe held her hand and closed her eyes, refusing to look at the tears on Yin Yunzhu’s cheeks.

 

This time, whether it was a kiss or something deeper, Yin Yunzhu didn’t react. She was like someone about to be released after a final struggle, lying perfectly still.

 

Jiang Menghe let her bury her head in the corner of the sofa, no longer offering any comfort.

 

Yin Yunzhu’s breathing was uneven, her cheeks flushed from a lack of oxygen. Her left hand gripped the sofa cover beneath her as if clutching a final lifeline.

 

She should have been unwilling, but Jiang Menghe’s words had already left her heart bloody and raw.

 

This was what a “friends with benefits” relationship was, no need to care for what the other was thinking. Even this attempt at reconciliation was merely a release of a month’s worth of physical longing.

 

It was utterly meaningless.

 

Her silence only fueled Jiang Menghe’s irritation. Even the gentlest woman eventually shows her “fox tail.” Even as moisture slicked her palm and slid over her wrist, Yin Yunzhu remained unresponsive.

 

Frustrated and stubbornly refusing to believe this outcome, Jiang Menghe forcibly pried open the other’s left hand and interlaced their fingers.