My 'White Moonlight' First Love Came Back, but I Don't Love her Anymore - Chapter 12

The hospital air was thick with the scent of disinfectant. Inside the private room, warm sunlight streamed through the window, casting a soft glow across the patient’s bed.

Yan Jiuqing lay there, her head turned away, leaving only her back visible to Zhou Wanyan.

“Jiuqing, please have some porridge,” Wanyan said gently. “The doctor said your stomach pain was caused by not eating much these past few days.”

“I don’t have an appetite right now,” Jiuqing replied, her voice flat. “Just leave it on the nightstand. I’ll drink it later by myself.”

Wanyan hesitated for a moment before placing the bowl where she was told. “Jiuqing, you really should eat something. Your body will collapse if you keep this up. Auntie Xu wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Jiuqing’s eyes remained hollow, her voice raspy. “I said I’ll drink it later. Please go out; I want to be alone.”

She wouldn’t want to see me like this… and yet she still left me, Jiuqing thought to herself, a tragic smile flickering briefly on her lips.

Understanding her state of mind, Wanyan didn’t push further. She stood up and quietly walked out of the room. She had no idea what had happened during her absence.

From that day on, Yan Jiuqing acted strangely upon returning home. Half a month passed in a blur.

During these two weeks, Wanyan felt a distinct, deliberate distance. Every time she tried to get close, Jiuqing would find a way to move away, as if by accident. Jiuqing spent the vast majority of her time at the office. Two days ago, when Wanyan went to the company to find her, she realized Jiuqing wasn’t actually busy; she simply didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to face her.

Gradually, Wanyan began to understand the reason behind this behavior. She was forced to face the reality of their situation.

After another endless night of waiting, the person she was expecting finally returned. But the sight of the hickey on Jiuqing’s neck turned Wanyan’s eyes red with a sharp, stinging pain.

As usual, Jiuqing tried to brush past her without a word. Wanyan, sitting on the sofa with her gaze lowered, finally spoke up to stop her.

“Let’s talk.”

Jiuqing froze. After a second of hesitation, she walked over and sat down beside Wanyan. The gap between them on the cushions was a silent testament to the coming end.

“I’ve seen everything that has happened these past few days,” Wanyan began. “And I understand why you’ve been avoiding me. Perhaps we should separate. It would be better for both of us, and it is the best choice for a dignified ending.”

“Separate?” Jiuqing asked, finally grasping the weight of the words. She looked at Wanyan in disbelief. “You want to leave me? Why?”

Wanyan steadied her nerves and replied, “I can feel the deliberate distancing and neglect you’ve shown over the last half month.”

Panic began to fill Jiuqing’s eyes, and her voice trembled. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just can’t control myself.” She paused, her face contorting with pain as the memories of that day flooded back—the world turning a terrifying, vivid red. “Whenever I look at you, the image of her falling flashes repeatedly in my mind. It’s so painful. I thought I could overcome it, but I underestimated myself.”

“But Yanyan, please believe me, I can overcome this. I’ve already seen a psychiatrist. The doctor said time will slowly fade those images. Please don’t break up with me, okay? I really don’t want to be apart from you.”

Tears began to fall like broken strings of pearls. The raw agony in her eyes was heartbreaking.

Wanyan let out a soft sigh, her brow furrowed in a tight knot. Her voice remained gentle but firm. “That is exactly why we should separate. Wounds of the heart are the hardest to heal. I don’t have the time to stay with you… and I don’t want to stay anymore.”

Jiuqing stared at Wanyan, her mind going blank. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, couldn’t believe such harsh words could come from Wanyan’s mouth. Only the sharp, rhythmic stabs of pain in her chest told her this was real. “Yanyan, you…”

For the first time, she had the premonition that Wanyan was truly going to leave. Her chest heaved, and she found herself unable to form a complete sentence. After a long silence, she whispered, “Didn’t you say you would stay with me for a lifetime? I’ve already lost my mother. Are you going to leave me now, too?”

At the mention of Xu Wan, Wanyan was reminded of the promise she had made to look after Jiuqing. But someone else was already doing that, weren’t they? So why should she stay?

“Haven’t you already found someone to accompany you? It isn’t that I want to leave you; it’s that you want me to leave.”

Jiuqing looked at her, confused. “I don’t… how could I want you to leave?!”

Wanyan watched her coldly, as if observing a performance. She slowly raised a finger and pointed at Jiuqing’s neck. “Maybe you should cover the hickeys on your neck before you say things like that. Since you don’t want to bring it up, I will. The result will be the same anyway.”

Jiuqing instinctively covered her neck and grabbed her phone to use as a mirror. On her pale skin, three red marks were clearly visible. Her hand stiffened, and the phone slipped, falling under the sofa.

Du Shangwei!

“Yanyan, let me explain. It isn’t what you think. I was so tired today that I fell asleep in the office. When I woke up, Du Shangwei was sitting on the sofa. I had no idea when she came in or what she did to me.” Her voice was heavy with sobs, as if she were the one who had been deeply wronged.

“Yan Jiuqing, we both know the truth,” Wanyan said. “Let’s not waste time on useless explanations. Even if I believe you, is your office a place where just anyone can enter? Have you not been spending time with Du Shangwei these past few days?”

Jiuqing hesitated.

Wanyan understood. She gave a hollow laugh and said calmly, “Yan Jiuqing, in your heart, Du Shangwei has always been first. To you, I am just a habit, someone who provides the security you’re used to. But that security means nothing when she is around. I want to find someone who can put me first.”

“Our relationship didn’t end suddenly. It was built up over time, and so was my disappointment in you. I didn’t want this to be ugly, but I saw the marks on your neck the second you walked through the door. They are so bright; it would be hard to miss them.”

Jiuqing’s eyes lost their luster. She stared ahead, her focus gone. “So… there is no hope for us?”

“No,” Wanyan replied simply.

Jiuqing closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. When she opened them again, she stared intensely at Wanyan, as if trying to see through her. “What about our vows? Are you just going to break them all?”

Wanyan let out a cold laugh. “Those were based on the premise that we wouldn’t betray each other. Clearly, you’re the one who failed. Yan Jiuqing, you…” She stopped herself, choosing not to finish the sentence. Since she had chosen a dignified exit, there was no need for extra words.

Suddenly, she felt an inexplicable sense of lightness, as if a massive stone had been lifted from her heart.

For a split second, Jiuqing’s eyes lit up when she heard Wanyan say her name, only to dim again when the sentence was cut short. She began to reflect: Had she truly done something wrong? Was her love for Wanyan really that deep? If it hadn’t been for the teasing of their classmates, would she have ever confessed?

She didn’t know. But she thought Wanyan might be right. She had simply become used to the companionship over all these years. It isn’t pain or sadness, she told herself. It’s just a withdrawal symptom. Besides, I still have Du Shangwei. She definitely won’t leave me. She is better than Zhou Wanyan.

Jiuqing repeated these thoughts in her head, trying to numb herself. “Zhou Wanyan, if you’ve made up your mind, then let’s separate.”

Wanyan stood up and left without hesitation. She didn’t look back, walking straight toward the front door with a sense of finality. It was as if she were finally escaping a cage. In the moment Wanyan stood up, Jiuqing had thought about grabbing her sleeve, but Wanyan moved too decisively, and Jiuqing’s hand met only empty air.

“It’s so late, where are you going?” Jiuqing called out desperately. “Even if we’ve broken up, we don’t have to be unable to stay in the same house. There’s a guest bedroom.”

Wanyan didn’t turn around. Hearing those words, she suppressed a smile. Once, she had used similar words to try and make Jiuqing stay, only for Jiuqing to leave anyway. Now, she was the one leaving without a hint of regret.

Thud.

The door opened and closed. Zhou Wanyan was truly gone.

A sudden, sharp pain shot through Jiuqing’s heart. She curled up on the sofa, clutching her chest, unable to move. The boomerang had finally come back to hit her. Enduring the pain, she retrieved her phone from under the sofa and dialed a number.

“Qingqing, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” the voice on the other end asked, sounding almost hopeful.

Jiuqing panted heavily. “The hickeys on my neck… you left them!”

A series of triumphant laughs came from the phone. “Yes, Qingqing. Didn’t we used to do that all the time?”

“You bastard! Zhou Wanyan broke up with me because of that. Are you satisfied now?! We didn’t even do anything!”

“I told you, she never trusted you. Breaking up over a few marks? For all she knew, they were mosquito bites. Zhou Wanyan isn’t worth your love. Come back, Qingqing. In all the years we were apart, I only had you in my heart. I’ve never been with anyone else.”

The air seemed to freeze, making the sound of breathing through the phone audible. Finally, Jiuqing replied, “Alright. I’m coming back.” She hung up quickly and let the tears flow silently down her face.

Wanyan sat in her Porsche for a long time. She sent a text to Jiuqing: I’ll have someone move my things out tomorrow.

She sat in the silence, wondering if what she was feeling was normal after a breakup. It felt like something had flowed away, never to return. Six years had left an indelible mark on her life; the happiness and warmth Jiuqing had given her were real.

Why is it that the person who first promised to stay is always the first to leave? Her eyes turned red, veiled in a thin mist as she struggled to suppress the pain. Can a person carved into one’s heart never be replaced, no matter how much time and love another person gives?

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