My 'White Moonlight' First Love Came Back, but I Don't Love her Anymore - Chapter 11

“Wanyan, please save the Madam! She is going to jump… I cannot talk her down!”

Xu Wan picked up her teacup and took a small sip, appearing to have reached a certain resolution. She did not answer Wanyan’s question directly. Instead, her gaze drifted toward the distance as she spoke to herself. “Xiao Yan, you are a good child. I have seen your devotion to Jiuqing. You are gentle and humble, while Jiuqing has been headstrong since birth, always striving to be first. Your personalities complement each other perfectly.”

“I do not oppose your relationship with Jiuqing. On the contrary, I am relieved to know she has you by her side.”

Wanyan’s right index finger and thumb rubbed together instinctively, revealing her inner unease. She felt that Auntie Xu was acting strangely today. Her words sounded a lot like a final entrustment of a loved one. As soon as that thought surfaced, Wanyan immediately suppressed it. She scolded herself for overthinking such dark possibilities.

“Auntie Xu, please do not worry,” Wanyan said. “I will take good care of Jiuqing.”

Xu Wan took Wanyan’s hand, holding it firmly within her palms. “Xiao Yan, hearing you say that sets my mind at ease.”

The sun began its downward tilt, and as twilight arrived, the residual crimson of the sunset spread across the horizon. Wanyan placed the last dish on the long table and scanned the surroundings for Xu Wan.

“Auntie Xu, where are you? Jiuqing is almost here.”

There was no response.

“Auntie Xu?” Wanyan called again. Silence was her only answer.

A bad premonition began to rise in Wanyan’s heart. She hurried upstairs to Xu Wan’s room and knocked. Receiving no answer, she pushed the door open to find the room empty. She quickly checked the other rooms, but they were all deserted.

Suddenly, Ma Hong’s scream echoed throughout the villa.

Wanyan knew something was wrong. Following the sound, she ran to the rooftop. The cold wind whistled past her ears, tossing her hair across her pale cheeks. Faced with the scene before her, Wanyan had no time to worry about her appearance. She quietly took out her phone and dialed for help.

Xu Wan stood still on the edge of the rooftop ledge, her back looking incredibly calm and composed. Ma Hong stood a short distance behind her, crying and begging her to come down.

Wanyan had rushed out wearing only a turtleneck sweater. The chill in the air felt more piercing and bone-chilling than ever. She did not dare make a sound, fearing she would startle the woman standing in the silence.

When Ma Hong turned and saw Wanyan, she immediately wailed, “Wanyan, please save the Madam! She is going to jump! I cannot talk her down!”

Wanyan struggled to keep her voice steady. “Auntie Xu, what is wrong? Please come down quickly. Jiuqing is almost here.”

Wanyan attempted to use Jiuqing’s name to reach her.

“Jiuqing is almost here,” Xu Wan murmured to herself. “But I am truly in so much pain.”

Pain?

“Auntie Xu, please do not do anything impulsive,” Wanyan pleaded. “I can feel your pain. Can you tell me what happened? Life is precious; please do not be reckless. Jiuqing worries about you so much; she definitely does not want to see you like this.”

As she spoke, Wanyan observed Xu Wan’s condition. Seeing her body stiffen slightly as if she were moved, Wanyan continued her efforts. “Auntie Xu, you can tell me whatever is on your mind, or we can wait for Jiuqing to return and talk together. If we work together, we can get through anything. Jiuqing even said that in a couple of days, we would all go on a trip to Country I to relax. She knows you love Poussin’s paintings the most, so she wants to take you to see his exhibition.”

Wanyan shifted her feet slightly, not daring to make a sound. As the distance closed, Xu Wan sensed the movement. She finally spoke, staring blankly ahead. Her gentle voice carried a heavy weight. “Do not come any closer.”

Wanyan stopped in her tracks.

“Xiao Yan, the things you mentioned are what I once wanted to do most. But there is no more chance. I live in too much agony every day. The torment of my mind and body has become unbearable. I am afraid I cannot wait for Jiuqing. Tell her that it is her mother’s fault for not being able to wait for her.”

As soon as she finished speaking, Xu Wan leaned forward and jumped without hesitation.

Wanyan seemed to have anticipated this. The moment Xu Wan jumped, she sprinted forward and lunged, catching Xu Wan’s wrist as she fell. Wanyan’s right arm muscles tensed violently, and a sharp, aching pain spread from her arm to her fingertips. Her left hand gripped the railing so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Half of her body was hanging over the edge.

Ma Hong stood frozen in terror. Cold sweat began to break out on Wanyan’s forehead. “Ma Hong, help me!”

At Wanyan’s call, Ma Hong finally snapped back to reality. She grabbed Wanyan’s waist to prevent her from falling over as well. Xu Wan hung suspended in the air, swaying without any support. Even now, she remained calm, as if she had long ago lost all hope and jumped with a firm resolve to die.

“Xiao Yan, let go.”

“Auntie, no! Jiuqing is still waiting for you!”

Xu Wan used her free hand to pry Wanyan’s fingers off her wrist. Wanyan tried to tighten her grip, but she found she could no longer hold on. A vibrant life, like a falling leaf in autumn, plummeted silently onto the cold ground.

Thud. The sound of something hitting the earth.

Following that was a piercing cry. “Mom!”

Wanyan’s vision was filled with a vivid, terrifying red, and her eyes were bloodshot. she stared blankly at the woman who had arrived a step too late below. The woman held the lifeless body in her arms and slowly looked up, her desolate gaze meeting Wanyan’s.

Wanyan looked away. She did not dare face the despair and agony in the woman’s eyes. How could this happen?

For the next few days, the two were busy with Xu Wan’s funeral arrangements, only returning home in the early hours of the morning. They learned from Ma Hong that Xu Wan had been in this state for nearly nine years, and it had worsened in recent years. Xu Wan had intentionally hidden her condition from everyone, including Jiuqing.

Later, Jiuqing discovered medication for depression and a diagnosis report in Xu Wan’s room. She finally realized her mother had been suffering from severe depression, yet she had known nothing about it. She had failed to care for her mother. The pain of loss, coupled with a crushing sense of guilt, overwhelmed her.

“Yanyan, I have no mother anymore,” she whispered, her voice filled with infinite sorrow.

Wanyan held Jiuqing in her arms to comfort her. “Jiuqing, Auntie definitely would not want to see you this sad, otherwise she would not have…”

Jiuqing seemed to have lost all her strength as she leaned against Wanyan, clutching the diagnosis report. “How did I not notice my mother’s abnormality? How could I have arrived a step too late? She was so afraid of pain, yet she chose the most painful way to end her life.”

Wanyan was equally grieved. A life had vanished before her eyes, and she had been powerless to stop it. Suddenly, she remembered Xu Wan’s words. There had been a warning of her suicide, but at the time, Wanyan had not perceived the underlying meaning, thinking it was just her own imagination.

“Jiuqing, Auntie said a lot of things to me that day.”

“A lot of things? My mom… what did she say?” Jiuqing pulled back and looked at Wanyan expectantly, her tone careful yet urgent. Wanyan could clearly see Jiuqing’s eyes, swollen and red from crying, holding a deep sadness.

“Auntie said she knew you resented her for what happened in the past. She always wanted to explain it to you but never found the right opportunity. Auntie loved you. Even before she left, her words were full of concern for you. You were the person she worried about most. So, Jiuqing, you have to pull yourself together.”

Jiuqing did not speak. She bit her lower lip, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands as tears seeped through her fingers. Her sobs were exceptionally clear in the silent room, casting a somber shadow over the atmosphere.

After returning home, Jiuqing changed her clothes and went straight into the bedroom. Worried about her, Wanyan followed. Through the closed door, she could hear the faint sound of crying. Wanyan’s hand hovered over the doorknob for a moment before she chose to withdraw it. Her shoulder-length hair veiled her profile, hiding her expression.

“Jiuqing, I am going to make some porridge for you.”

When Wanyan came out of the kitchen, she looked out at the dark night sky. There were no stars, only the moon flickering with a faint light. Her eyes were full of melancholy, and the corners of her mouth dipped instinctively. She held her right wrist with her left hand, rotating it slightly to ease the lingering soreness.

She took out her phone and called Gao Yao.

“What is it, my Yanyan? Calling me at this hour… are you inviting me to Shangxitang?”

Wanyan’s brow furrowed. “Who is ‘your Yanyan’? I have something serious to talk to you about.”

“Tsk, what serious thing?”

“Do you not have a manor in Country W?”

“I do. Why?”

“Jiuqing has been in a bad mood lately. I want to take her there to relax.”

“Wait! That’s not right. Do you not have a manor as well? Why do you not take her to yours?”

A flash of loneliness appeared in Wanyan’s eyes. “I do not want to use anything from the Zhou family.”

“Yanyan, have you still not reconciled with your father?”

“No.”

“Alright. I will call the manor in a bit. You can go straight there, and someone will receive you.”

“Thank you, Gao Yao.”

“No need for thanks. You helped me plenty during our three years of high school. It is only right that I help with your romance now.”

“I will take you to Shangxitang in a few days.”

“I am holding you to that! Do not stand me up.”

Wanyan agreed with a smile and hung up. Silence returned to the room, bringing a heavy atmosphere with it. Suddenly, a sharp cry broke the stillness.

Wanyan’s pupils contracted. The beige shawl on her shoulders fell to the floor as she rushed toward the bedroom.

“Jiuqing, what is wrong?!”

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