Longing for the Stars - Chapter 29

Big eyes are staring at me.

He looks at me with eyes that don’t know how to look away, so I can’t look away either. A short silence passes. But that silence becomes the answer to his question.

“…Al, why?”

Seeing the sweet light in his eyes turn a bit cold, my throat tightens.

“…Well, you see.”

In all my life, have I ever been this stuck for words? It was always my job to corner others, but now I’m the one being cornered by Sirius. It’s hard to believe, but unfortunately, this is reality.

“……”

The brightest star is staring intently at me. Having been together for eight years, I’ve only just realized how much pressure his serious face carries.

“…W-what made you think that?”

“Don’t answer a question with a question. That’s what you always tell me, right?”

“Ugh…”

I bit my back teeth. My own past remarks are strangling me to a surprising degree.

“…Ah—well, the thing is…”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the son of the Knight Commander, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re a genius.”

“I guess so.”

He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t do modesty, but seeing him nod like it’s obvious still irritates me a little. I let out a breath and move past it.

“…You’ll go back to the Royal Capital eventually, won’t you?”

“Yeah.”

The instant reply made the center of my chest—not quite my heart, but close—tighten with a sharp pain. I thought it was only natural, and it was an answer I should have accepted, but hearing the confirmation come from Sirius’s mouth hurt me.

I didn’t want him to realize that, so I exhaled softly and then took a breath to calm myself.

“I can’t go to the Royal Capital.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why?”

I gaped at him as he looked at me with eyes full of 100% pure confusion, with absolutely nothing to hide.

“W-what do you mean ‘why’? It’s the Royal Capital.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a place where only the chosen people can go.”

“Yeah.”

“So, I can’t go.”

“Why?”

Sirius looked genuinely puzzled. Something inside me started to simmer, and I ground my teeth.

“Because I’m not elite! I don’t have the talent to go to the Royal Capital. Just being here is like a miracle, so—”

“That’s just because you’ve put everything into supporting me, Al.”

“…What?”

“I’m probably the one who made you do that, but you were a total offensive type at first. If anything, your killing intent toward monsters is way higher than mine. Your methods are smart and efficient, so you can handle long battles. Plus, you’re smart, you stay calm, and more than anything, you work incredibly hard.”

The light continued to stare at me.

“How is any of that not ‘elite’?”

I think I know better than anyone that this idiot has no hidden side, nor the cleverness to praise someone on purpose. That’s why there were no lies in his words.

Because they felt so pure, I was at a loss for words.

Is there anyone who wouldn’t be happy to hear that from the man they’ve been chasing all this time?

How many years has it been since I decided that if I couldn’t surpass him, I at least wanted to stand beside him? How much trial and error have I gone through? I fell to my knees many times before his overwhelming talent, yet I got back up because I was frustrated. Eventually, I became enchanted by that talent and devoted myself to being his shadow.

Because that was the most efficient and logical choice.

I can’t become an overwhelming light; I can’t be a genius. Even if we ran the same path, my existence would be nothing more than dust in front of the sun. So, I looked for the place where I could shine the most.

That was supporting Sirius. By doing that, my evaluation at the academy went up, and for a commoner from the countryside, I’d say I’ve been quite successful. I’ve never once been ashamed of that. I believe I found the optimal solution for my survival strategy.

But now I remember—it was frustrating. My heart nearly broke at the thought that my value could only be proven that way.

Still, I don’t regret it.

“…Spoken like a true genius.”

The words sounded spiteful as I said them. But I was smiling now.

This feeling must be what people mean when they say a weight has been lifted. My thoughts and my heart are as clear as a cloudless blue sky.

Whether he knew my state of mind or not, Sirius smiled too. He looked at me with that gentle, kind smile he only shows when we’re alone.

“That’s why I’m taking you to the Royal Capital too, Al.”

“……”

A beat.

“What?!”

The shock made the shout come from my gut. Sirius blinked his big eyes, surprised by my voice, but he immediately looked at me with a face that said, “Why are you so surprised?”

“I already told my old man.”

“You what?!”

“He said you’re more than welcome.”

“Wh-what?!”

It was so unexpected that the same words just kept coming out of my mouth.

And I know his personality inside out. So, I know. Everything he’s saying is a fact. And because it’s a fact, cold sweat ran down my back.

“Y-you… you idiot! What gave you the right to decide…!”

“I mentioned it to the Captain the other day, too, and he said, ‘I figured as much’!”

“You did what?!”

“I gotta tell the Lord, too!”

I scowled at his blindingly bright smile. In the face of this situation, I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I didn’t even know if I should be angry or amazed; all I could do was grab the hair of this reckless fool and pull.

“Ow, ow, I’ll go bald! You’ll make me bald, Al!”

“I’ll destroy every single one of your hair follicles…!”

“Nooo!”

“Why do you always rush ahead on your own, you…!”

“B-but they say you should start by cutting off all escape routes!”

“Who taught you that?!”

“It’s a family tradition!”

“What is wrong with your family?!”

I’m definitely not in the wrong for mounting Sirius because I couldn’t contain my anger and confusion. I thought about punching him in the face, but the look in his eyes was so calm that I stopped.

“…Hey, why do you look so happy?”

“Because I figured you wouldn’t say no.”

“…!”

I widened my eyes.

I ground my teeth and put all my displaced emotion into my fist, punching Sirius in the chest. He made a sound like a squashed frog, but I glared at him, telling him to deal with it.

My fist and my glare didn’t seem to work at all; Sirius looked at me with an expression so soft it was annoying. He looked like he was gazing at a treasure.

“Al, you don’t want to be away from me, do you?”

“…Huh?”

“Because you love me, Al. You can’t leave me.”

“Don’t be so full of yourself, you moron.”

Despite the words, my voice was weak. Sirius looked even happier, and before I knew it, his arms were around my back, hugging me again.

“I don’t want to let go of you either, Al. I want to be together forever.”

“……”

“Besides,” Sirius continued with a face I’d seen before.

“You’re already mine, so shouldn’t you just give up?”

He had a look that said, “You really are a handful.”

I’m sure I punched him when he said that a few months ago, but I frowned, wondering how the same words could feel so different when the relationship changes.

“…I’m not yours.”

I muttered the words in a desperate attempt to resist. Sirius looked puzzled.

“You’re mine.”

“No.”

“Yes you are. Mine.”

My eyes met with those of the shining star, who didn’t doubt his own words for even a millimeter.

“Al, you belong to me. So, give up.”

It would be pointless to ask “give up what?”

His face and voice left no room for argument, and my heart tightened. I know the name of this emotion, but it’s annoying to admit it. Yet the moment I think that, I’ve already fallen into his trap.

“……Well, you’re mine, too.”

Sirius beamed at the words I squeezed out in desperation.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m yours.”

“…Damn it.”

Sirius laughed out loud as he held me, as I sank into silence, unable to say anything else.

That was annoying too, but I couldn’t say a word.

Because the truth is, his affection makes me happy. The fact that the man I’ve longed for and reached out to for so long is reaching back for me makes me so happy my chest tickles.

It can’t be helped, but every bit of that feeling is wonderful.

Ah, damn it.

“I feel like I’ll never beat you as long as I live…!”

Sirius laughed out loud again.

Thinking that this must be the weakness of being in love, I punched Sirius in the chest one more time.