Longing for the Stars - Chapter 28

“Hey, Al, there’s something I want to ask you.”

I blinked a few times at Sirius, who was looking at me with an unusually serious face.

We were in our room at the barracks. It was night, just about time for lights out.

I had been sitting on Sirius’s bed instead of the sofa, reading a book. I quietly closed it, set it on the bedside table, and turned to face him. Sirius was standing in front of me, water still dripping from his hair—he must have just gotten out of the bath.

“…First, dry your hair, you idiot. Come here.”

“Okay!”

I patted the spot next to me, and Sirius sat down with a huge grin, practically wagging an invisible tail. I wondered where that serious face from a moment ago had gone as I placed my hands on his wet hair. I used a bit of magic, and in an instant, his hair was dry and fluffy.

As I ran my hand over his head to check for damp spots, he suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto the bed with him. It didn’t hurt, and honestly, I had expected something like this, so I wasn’t that surprised. Still, being pinned down so easily wasn’t very amusing, and I frowned.

“Haha, you’re cute even when you make that face, Al.”

“No man is happy being called cute, you moron.”

“Ehh, but I don’t know anyone cuter than you.”

“Your standards are way too broad.”

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and stared at me from a very short distance with his sparkling eyes. I knew better than anyone that he wasn’t lying when he called me cute. I let out an exasperated sigh and stroked his cheek, which was relaxed in a smile.

“So, what did you want to ask?”

“Oh, right! Hey Al, was the guy who confessed to you Yard?”

“Guh!”

“Ah, I knew it.”

“Wh-what… Why bring that up now?!”

The question was asked with the same casualness as asking what’s for dinner tomorrow. Caught completely off guard, I couldn’t even try to hide it; I just stared at Sirius in shock. But Sirius didn’t seem angry. It felt like he just wanted to confirm his guess, and he settled his full weight on top of me.

“……You’re not mad?”

“Why?”

Sirius wrapped his arms around my waist and rolled over, pulling me onto my side with him. There was no lie in his expression or his voice, which somehow made me feel awkward, so I looked away.

“I mean… you were so angry back then, Sirius…”

A few days had passed since that day when Yard told me how he felt and everything else happened. That meant it had been a few days since Sirius and I shared our true feelings.

Since that day, our relationship had shifted from “problem child and caretaker” or “long-time friends” into the itchy, restless category of “lovers.” Even so, if you asked if our daily life had changed much, I’d have to tilt my head and think about it.

We certainly touched more often, and I stopped rejecting Sirius when he reached for me like I used to. Apparently, that’s just how lovers are.

In short, our relationship changed after that day.

And on the day it changed, Sirius had been more grumpy than I’d ever seen him.

“Hmm, well, I definitely was pretty mad.”

Sirius’s arms tightened around me. As he held me close enough that there was no space between us, I caught his scent, slightly faded from the bath.

“But we got to act all lovey-dovey afterward, so I’m not that mad any—OW!”

I am definitely not the bad guy for punching Sirius in the side just now.

“Ugh… Al, I think you need to realize you’re a soldier too…”

“Shut up, muscle-brain.”

I must have hit a good spot because Sirius was wincing. Feeling a sense of triumph, I let my lips curl into a smile and wrapped my arms around his back. Sirius exhaled and hugged me back.

“I think Yard loved you for a long, long time, Al.”

“…What?”

My eyes widened at his casual remark.

I remembered Yard’s face, he had looked like he was in so much pain.

“But I was faster. In everything.”

“…?”

“Al, do you know when I started loving you?”

I could see a sweet heat in his eyes, like he had trapped stars inside them. He looked playful, almost proud—like a child who had found a treasure.

“I… don’t know.”

Sirius gave a wide, mischievous grin.

“The first time we met.”

“!”

Yard’s face flashed in my mind again. His words from that night echoed in my ears.

“…Maybe Yard liked you first. But when I was ten, I didn’t really understand romance or anything like that. I just knew I wanted to be near you no matter what. I spent every day thinking about how to make you mine. I even thought about it before going to sleep.”

Memories of our time at the academy, when we were ten, came flooding back.

The classroom at the magic academy had the teacher’s desk at the very front, with three rows of desks for two people lined up behind it. I used to sit alone in the second row, by the window, with my textbook open.

I hated Sirius back then. I couldn’t stand this guy who had everything. But I didn’t want to lose, so I studied desperately, analyzed my strengths and weaknesses, and managed to keep up.

Because I didn’t want to lose, I stayed by myself. After all, studying is something you do alone. If I didn’t want to lose, I had to work hard; I didn’t have the luxury to make friends like everyone else. I thought that was just what it meant to have “special talent.”

Hone your skills, connect them to your future. I thought I just had to work recklessly toward that.

But more than once or twice, I felt like I was suffocating.

More than once or twice, I looked at my classmates having fun with their friends and thought, “I’m jealous.”

But I was stiff and stubborn; I even thought those feelings were a bad thing.

I thought if I wasted time on stuff like that, I’d never surpass Sirius. And yet, the very person I was trying to beat forced open the heavy door I had locked myself behind.

“Hey, hey, Stark! Teach me about the magic effects here!”

He was a vivid light. A light I had even found annoying.

But… ah, that’s right. I suddenly remembered.

It was back when Sirius was still bad at smiling. I had been ready to snap at him, thinking he was just acting nice because I was alone. But that was the first time I saw his brows drop piteously and his star-like eyes cloud over with anxiety.

At the time, I didn’t know why he was making that face. But now, eight years later, I have the answer, and it almost makes me want to laugh.

Back then, I didn’t notice Sirius’s hidden motives. But thanks to those motives, I was able to make the “friend” I had secretly longed for, and I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Still, I smiled to myself—what a huge undertaking.

Did you really spend eight years just to corner me?

“…You’re an idiot.”

But I see. So, you were gathering your courage back then? Thinking that filled my chest with happiness and gratitude.

If I hadn’t realized my feelings yet, I probably would have gotten angry and called it “creepy.” But I already know how I feel about Sirius.

Now that I’ve accidentally fallen for this idiot, it feels quite good to know that this genius has been pining for me since he was ten.

“You’ve loved me for that long?”

“—Hey! Don’t make such a cute face! I still have things to ask, so that face is banned!”

“Stop saying nonsense.”

“Geez!”

Sirius knit his brows and his face turned slightly red. As I laughed at him, he pouted and lunged to bite my lip.

Of course, it didn’t hurt—it was like a gentle nibble from a pet. I blinked in surprise, and Sirius let out a soft breath, looking at me intently.

“…I have one more thing I want to ask.”

“Hm?”

“Al, are you planning on leaving me?”

My heart gave a violent thud in my chest.