Longing for the Stars - Chapter 13

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I saw was a blurry shape of white. It didn’t take long to realize it was Sirius’s shirt, and I quickly understood that I was being held. I suddenly remembered that back when we were students, he always held me like this when we slept. Outside, it was still dim—that quiet time just before the sun fully rises.

“Sirius, wake up.”

“Mmm…”

“Sirius.”

“…Al…?”

“Yes, it’s me. It’s morning, so get up.”

“Okay…”

When we were in school, he wouldn’t wake up unless I eventually kicked him out of bed, so his morning attitude has improved quite a bit. Once his arm slid off me, I got out of bed first. Perhaps it was because I had been touching another person’s warmth, or maybe because it was the first time in a while I’d slept deeply, but my head felt clear and I was in a good mood. I went to the sink to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I returned, however, I saw him sitting cross-legged on the bed, nodding off and swaying like a boat in a storm. I immediately took back my thought from a few minutes ago.

“Hey, Sirius.”

“I’m awake…”

“No, you’re sleeping. Get up and wash your face.”

As I thought, his mornings are still terrible. During the week we weren’t speaking, I had left him alone while he slept, doing the cleaning and everything else by myself before heading to the dining hall. Seeing him like this felt nostalgic. I watched him start to move slowly, like a sluggish bear, and then I changed into my uniform. By then, Sirius seemed a bit more awake. When he came out of the washroom and saw me, he froze for a few seconds.

“…Morning, Al.”

If there is such a thing as a “melting” expression, that was exactly what Sirius was making.

“…What is with that face?”

“Ehehe… it’s the face of being happy I can finally greet Al first for the first time in a week.”

“We’ve spent way more time greeting each other than not. Come on, hurry up and change.”

In our eight years together, it was indeed the first time we hadn’t spoken for a week, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. However, I intuitively knew that if I said that out loud, he would pout, so I moved on to cleaning the room. Before long, a dressed Sirius helped me finish the cleaning, and we headed to the dining hall right on time. When we walked in, the seniors turned around to see who it was, and every single one of them widened their eyes. After a heartbeat of silence, a cheer erupted.

“Louvre! The cold war is finally over!!”

“Glad she—I mean, he didn’t give up on you!”

“Look at that happy face! We’re relieved too!”

The excitement was so intense it felt like they were firing celebratory cannons. I felt completely left behind. I knew I had caused trouble for the seniors this past week, but I never dreamed it was at a level that would be celebrated with this much noise so early in the morning.

Feeling a bit apologetic, I threaded through the heat of the crowd which looked ready to toss Sirius in the air in celebration and approached the kitchen. Bibin-san spotted me and came over, his eyelashes fluttering enough to stir up a breeze.

“Good morning, Stark-chan! What a lovely morning.”

“Good morning, Bibin-san. You look wonderful today too.”

“Oh, stop! Only Stark-chan says such sweet things! I’m giving you a double serving!”

“A normal serving is fine, thank you.”

While we exchanged our usual banter, my breakfast was placed on the tray: bread, soup, salad, a main egg dish, and fruit. My heart lifted slightly at the sight of the colorful meal.

“Here you go!”

“Thank you.”

“By the way, Stark-chan, I didn’t think you’d be so honest with yourself so soon after yesterday. Did you finally… realize it?!”

“Realize? Oh, well, yes. I did realize.”

“Really?! Oh my, have some extra fruit to celebrate!”

“I realized Heilden-san was right.”

“…Eh?”

“Oh, and no thank you on the extra fruit. Give it to Sirius instead; it’s his favorite.”

“Wait, hold on, Stark-chan…! What did that drunken idiot say to you?!”

Bibin-san was saying something else, but it was completely drowned out by the cheers of the soldiers actually tossing Sirius into the air. I couldn’t hear a thing. Thinking everyone was very energetic for the morning, I sat at a corner table and started eating. Just as I took a bite of the soft, flavorful bread, I felt someone sit across from me. I looked up to see the Captain, looking clearly relieved.

“Good morning, Captain.”

“Morning, Stark. Are things okay now?”

“If you mean my relationship with Sirius, there shouldn’t be any more problems. I’m sorry for all the trouble we—”

“It’s fine! Don’t apologize. That was also a problem for us for not being able to handle Louvre on our own. It’s honestly pathetic that we can’t get him in top form without relying on you.”

He spoke truthfully as he took a large bite of bread. His words only made Heilden’s warning feel more permanent in my mind.

—Sirius really does make everyone walk on eggshells when I’m not around.

This was a serious problem. Right now, we are still just kids fresh out of the academy, so the adults around us cover for his bad moods. But I could see exactly what would happen as we got older just by thinking about it for a moment.

Sirius is stubborn, and he’s a genius. On top of that, he has the power that comes with being the Knight Commander’s son. If a person like that becomes an adult while staying exactly as he is now, would anyone be able to stand up to him? I think the chances are low. In that case, Heilden-san was right.

“Um, Captain.”

“Hmm? What is it?”

It’s not that I’ve personally accepted being Sirius’s babysitter. I only took the role because it was pushed on me, but I felt that since I accepted it, I had a responsibility. Therefore, I’ve stayed in this position until today. If that’s the case, then teaching Sirius how to get along with others must also be my job.

“Please move Sirius to a different squad.”

First, I have to make sure Sirius can communicate with those around him without me. The fastest way to do that is for me to step away. If he is forced apart from me, he’ll have no choice but to talk to others. Practice is the fastest way to learn anything. Since we aren’t fighting like we were yesterday, I figured things would go relatively smoothly.

“……What…?”

However, the person in front of me didn’t seem to think so. His previously smiling face cramped up instantly, and he froze with his spoon halfway to his mouth. He surely heard me given that reaction, but I spoke again just to be sure.

“Please take me out of this squad.”

“I didn’t mishear you…!”

The Captain dropped his spoon onto the tray and clutched his head as if the world was ending.

“Um…?”

“I get it, I get it, Stark, just wait a second. Really, just wait a moment.”

He held up a large palm in front of my face as if to tell me to stop talking. I tilted my head at the Captain, who seemed endlessly confused. Did I really say something that strange?

“Al.”

There has only been one person since our student days who calls me by that nickname. I looked over to see Sirius with a smile that looked like it was painted on his face. I tilted my head again.

“You’re making a weird face too.”

“That’s because you’re saying something weird, Al.”

“Something weird?”

“…What do you mean, ‘change squads’?”

Sirius placed his oversized breakfast plate next to mine and sat down. The smile he had been wearing vanished, replaced by a serious expression that bordered on anger.

“You can’t communicate with the people around you if I’m not there.”

“…Eh?”

“We don’t know what will happen in the future, yet you caused trouble for everyone for a whole week just because of a little fight with me. I think we need to reflect on that.”

“Wait, uh… what?”

The dining hall was buzzing as usual.

“I think because we’ve been together for eight years, we have a problem communicating when one of us is missing. No, let me correct myself. I have no problem at all, but you are too much of a troublemaker. I can predict your behavior and take measures against potential damage because I have eight years of experience drilled into me. But other people don’t have that.”

Sirius’s angry expression turned into one of pure confusion. He started to reach his hands toward me, then stopped, pulled them back, and reached out again—a series of nonsensical movements.

“So, Sirius.”

“No, no, stop, don’t say anything else…!”

“We should spend some time apart.”

The dining hall went dead silent.

“NOOOOOO!! Absolutely not! No way! Why are you saying that when we just made up?!”

“I won’t do it!”

The tragic scream of an eighteen-year-old man echoed through the dining hall.