It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 12.9

Caesar was hugging his pillow and sitting up, looking up at her.
It wasn’t a surprised look. His eyes were calm, as if he had already prepared himself.
But he couldn’t stop his voice from trembling.

 

“When are you leaving…?”

 

Ines quickly sat on the bed and pulled him into her arms. She gently brushed Caesar’s bangs and asked kindly,
“If I say I’m leaving, won’t you follow me?”

 

“Mm…”

 

Ines tried hard not to show how messed up she felt inside as her son avoided her eyes and trailed off.
No matter how strong the bond between them was, one that others couldn’t see, Caesar was still only six.
Ines didn’t know how honest she should be with such a young child.

 

“Caesar,” she began.
But she didn’t want to lie. Edgar had been right. A family built on lies, no matter how shiny it looked on the outside, wasn’t a real family.

 

“Your father lied to me. He did something he should never have done to me, a long time ago.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“So… I don’t think I can stay here any longer. If I stay, I think I’ll keep crying.”

 

Ines said this quickly, then took a deep breath. She thought she had no more tears left, but her eyes kept getting hot.

 

“I think… I’ll cry too much.”

 

“…”

 

“But still, if you say you want to stay with your father, I’ll try harder.”

 

“…”

 

“You like your father. If it’s what you want, then I’ll be okay too. I can do it. So can you tell me honestly what you want?”

 

It hurt just to ask such a question to a six-year-old.
It was a choice she never wanted to give her child.

 

So she was a selfish mother. A bad mother who said her son was more important than her life but still thought only of herself at the most important moment.

 

“I…”

 

Caesar slowly moved and pressed his cheek against Ines’s chest.

 

“I want you to be happy, Mom.”

 

“…”

 

“I don’t want you to be in pain anymore. I hate it when you cry. I like your smiling face. So just do what you want to do.”

 

Even Caesar knew that his mom and dad could never be happy together.
Kian had also told him again and again—Mom should never come back here, and he needed to understand that.

 

In fact, Caesar had been the first to realize that his mother didn’t want to be with his father.
So for the past month, even though he had been very happy, it felt uneasy and uncomfortable—like trying to play a puzzle where none of the pieces fit.

 

And in the end, Mom wasn’t someone who could stay here. He had prepared himself for that many times, so the fact itself wasn’t surprising.

 

What surrounded Caesar now was a different fear.
Mom had become unhappy because of him, and once again, she was hesitating to do what she wanted because of him. He kept being a burden to her.

 

Still, his small hand grabbed her clothes tightly.

 

“I… I want to go too.”

 

Two years ago, Caesar had chosen to stay with Rayan. And he had missed his mom terribly.
There hadn’t been a single day he didn’t think of her. Maybe even more than he thought about Rayan.

 

It wasn’t that he liked one parent more than the other, or loved one more.
It was just a choice of which abandonment scared him more.

 

Caesar’s face twisted in sorrow.

 

No.

 

“I don’t want to be apart from you. Don’t leave me…”

 

“I’m not leaving you!”

 

Ines was shocked and quickly stopped him. The part of her clothes where Caesar had buried his face was soaked with tears and snot.

 

“Take me too. This time, I want to go too. I don’t care where.”

 

“Caesar.”

 

“I want to go with you, Mom…”

 

It was the fear and anxiety that he had never voiced before, finally coming out.
Ines felt dizzy, like the world was spinning, and she could only keep repeating the same words like a broken record.

 

“How could I ever leave you? Why would you think I would? No. You were a gift to me. The only gift I’ve ever received in my whole life…”

 

We’ll be together now. Let’s stay together. Let’s go together… She kept saying that, but her heart was breaking into pieces, and it hurt so much she couldn’t stand it.

 

She felt sorry for making him carry such a heavy worry, but at the same time, she was relieved that her son had chosen her.
She really was endlessly selfish.

 

Ines pulled Caesar into a tight hug.

 

“I’ll do really well. I’ll give you everything I can. I’ll protect you for the rest of my life. I’ll love you more than anyone in the world…”

 

That was all she could say.

 

 

After finally calming Caesar and putting him to sleep, Ines slowly stepped away from the child’s bed.
The black mist that had been crouching under the bed slithered out like a snake.

 

Ines glanced down and gave a cold order.

 

“Follow me, Kian.”

 

[If you go far, he’ll notice and wake up.]
“I’m not going far now. Just follow me.”

 

Her voice was small but firm. Kian had no choice but to melt into her shadow.
As Ines passed them and headed toward the stairs, a startled knight blocked her way.

 

“Ma’am, it’s late at night. Where are you going…?”

 

“I couldn’t sleep. I’m just taking a walk in the garden. You don’t need to come.”

 

“But His Grace will be worried…!”

 

The knights, who had grown complacent over the past peaceful month, suddenly snapped to attention.
The woman before them—with black hair and pale skin—was their lord’s greatest weakness.

 

They knew all too well how their master would react if his wife disappeared again without a word.

 

“Then please let us accompany you…”

 

“How many times do I have to say, watch how you address me?”

 

Her calm voice cut the knight’s words short.
The woman who had been staring only at the stairs below slowly lifted her gaze.
The knights flinched at the coldness in her expression.

 

Since returning, the duchess had mostly kept a blank face, but this was different.
It was the look of someone who had finally organized her thoughts and had nothing left to show.

 

“Ines. That’s enough.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“The duchess of this duchy died two years ago, didn’t she?”

 

With short black hair, a pale and straight neck, and piercing blue eyes that gleamed even in the dark, she gave a smile without emotion.

 

“How could I go back to being the duchess, after everything I went through to escape?”

 

 

Ines walked along the wide lake in front of the mansion.
The moon and a few stars reflected off the perfectly rectangular surface of the lake.
Jewels beneath the water sparkled brightly without losing their shine.

 

Despite her cold command not to follow, the knights refused to back down.
In the end, Ines threatened to jump out the window if they kept blocking her path. Only then did they step aside.

 

The lake that seemed to stretch forever was finally ending.
Without hesitation, Ines stood before the huge iron gate of the mansion.
She had to make the same threat to the gatekeeper that she had made to the knights.

 

Her white dress brushed against the iron gate and then slid away.
Ines stepped onto the path leading to the center of Randeva.

 

The capital, shrouded in darkness, was the perfect place for Kian to move around.
A heavy presence appeared behind Ines.

 

A tall man in a black guard’s uniform with his hair tied high stepped onto the path.

 

“I warned you. Coming back into his territory isn’t a good idea.”

 

“…Yeah, you did.”

 

Ines didn’t stop, and Kian didn’t stop her. He just walked beside her, matching her pace.
Until two years ago, Kian had been with Ines her entire life, but they had never walked together like this.

 

It should have felt awkward, but both Ines and Kian seemed calm.

 

“You said you didn’t want me to be unhappy again. That those weren’t memories worth holding onto.”

 

“So you erased my memories twice without asking?”

 

Kian sighed softly at her blue eyes blaming him.

 

“I thought it was the best choice.”

 

“I’m not blaming you. But if you were going to do it, you should’ve done it right.”

 

“There were limits. Besides, you’ve never been someone my powers work well on.”

 

Ines chuckled.

 

“You’re really human, you know that? What kind of ‘evil’ worries about their old master like this?”

 

Kian didn’t answer and just let out a low sigh. After a short pause, he asked,

 

“So, what are you going to do now?”

 

“….”

 

“You cleared away the forgetfulness I cast on your own. I won’t stop whatever choice you make now.
I believe you know better than anyone what path will make you happy.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

“But still, I want to ask one thing.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Ines, do you love him?”

 

Ines turned her head back to face forward and spoke in a flat tone.

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“It does. Your future depends on that answer.”

 

If she still loved Rayan, Ines would go to Jenaire.
She would find the only way to save him.

 

But if she didn’t love him—if all she had left was hatred—she would head for Apael.

 

“I know your heart wavered. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have allowed him near you.”

 

But Ines only smiled silently.

 

“That’s not important, Kian.”