It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 12.8

Just the act of remembering that moment of despair made her chest feel like it was about to explode with pain. It was an instinctive reaction.

 

And as always, her ominous premonition turned out to be right. Ines hated herself to death for allowing Rayan to be with her tonight.

 

Just moments ago, right at the peak, the words that had slipped from her mouth—I want to feel you completely—were her true feelings.

 

Maybe… I wanted to love him.

 

Even though she had come to this mansion determined to steal all his secrets and end their twisted fate, she had still wanted to believe his lies weren’t real.

 

Because then, there would be no need to leave. Her heart, slowly swayed, might be dyed by him, and it wouldn’t have been strange if that turned into love.

 

But the moment she admitted that, the past, as if it had been waiting, threw off the veil of forgetfulness that had covered her body.

 

And so, once again, came unbearable despair. Ines cried endlessly.

 

Why does it have to be you?
Why is it you…

 

She couldn’t bring herself to look Rayan in the eye. The anger and resentment she’d long buried felt so enormous now that she feared her hand might move on its own and slap his face.

 

But then she saw the scars covering his right hand as it wiped her face, and the wound on his right shoulder that still hadn’t healed. That stopped her.

 

She could almost hear his heart beating irregularly, just like hers used to.

 

“Ines, why are you crying so much…”

 

Rayan couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing her sob so hard she couldn’t breathe, he pulled her tightly into his arms.

 

His rough, scarred hand gently stroked her thin back again and again. Even his voice trembled with emotion as he spoke.

 

“Don’t cry… please…”

 

He stayed restless the entire night, trying to comfort her. Ines cried in his arms until her eyes were sore and swollen.

 

Dawn came, leaving only cruel pain behind.

 

 

After crying herself to sleep, Ines stayed deeply unconscious for nearly an entire day.

 

By the time she opened her eyes again, the next day was nearly gone and night had returned.

 

She could feel that she was being held in a warm embrace.

 

Even without opening her eyes, she knew exactly who it was. It wasn’t hard to guess.

 

Everything was familiar.
The broad, firm chest, the strength of the arms around her, the faint scent of his body…

 

During the six years they lived together, it wasn’t just Rayan who had gotten used to her. Ines had become familiar with him, too.

 

She still remembered all the small details—his body, his habits during intimacy.

 

I remember now.

 

Things like how he liked to hold her after, or how he wrapped her in his arms.

 

For the first three years of their marriage, Rayan never shared a bed with her.

 

Ines used to wait for him to lose interest and let her go, leaving his room on her own or watching him coldly return to his own bed.

 

But after giving birth to Caesar, something changed. After their nights together, he started wrapping an arm around her waist and falling asleep, holding her close.

 

Just like now.

 

She smelled faintly of lilac. She was wearing a thin chemise under a thick gown.

 

Rayan must’ve bathed and dressed her himself—he would never have left it to the other servants.

 

Even during those weeks she was imprisoned at the old inn in Laika, he had washed her himself.

 

Even now, it still felt out of character for him.

 

“…”

 

Rayan was asleep. When she slowly opened her eyes, all she could see was the fabric of his thin shirt, since she was held so tightly in his arms.

 

His body rose and fell in gentle rhythm, warm with heat. But when she moved even slightly, he flinched, as if only half asleep.

 

Ines carefully placed her hand on the arm wrapped around her waist and slowly tried to push it away without waking him.

 

But as soon as she pulled away from him, his strong arms drew her right back.

 

“…!”

 

She heard a small groan above her head.

 

She held her breath, thinking he had woken, but his breathing soon returned to its steady rhythm. Still, his arms tightened around her even more.

 

In the end, Ines gave up trying to escape. Instead, she stared at the window beyond the dark canopy.

 

“Kian.”

 

The moment she spoke that name, she felt a powerful thump through his chest, like his heart dropped violently.

 

His heartbeat was wildly irregular again.

 

Aside from Ines, no one else would recognize this symptom. It was caused when the darkness surrounded the heart and blocked the blood flow that should circulate through the body.

 

[If you light the sleep candle, he’ll fall into a deeper sleep.]

 

Black mist slithered over the window sill and crept toward their bed like a snake.

 

It climbed up the nightstand and wrapped itself around a red candle.

 

Snap. The wick caught fire.

 

Soon, the bitter scent of the sleep candle filled the room. Ines pulled the blanket over her nose and mouth and waited for Rayan to fall into deep sleep.

 

Only after he had truly fallen asleep—after a few more failed attempts to escape that ended with her being pulled back—did Ines finally manage to get out of bed.

 

Her bare feet touched the floor. She passed the darkness swirling around the nightstand and walked toward the door.

 

There were guards in the hallway, even at dawn, standing watch outside the Grand Duke’s bedroom. A quick glance confirmed that guards were also posted outside Caesar’s room.

 

Ines ignored their gazes and opened the door to Caesar’s room.

 

Of course, Caesar was sound asleep. It seemed Berry had been the one to put him to bed tonight. She was sleeping in an awkward position on a chair beside the bed.

 

Ines quietly approached and gently touched Berry’s shoulder. The maid startled awake.

 

“L-Lady Ines? When did you wake up? Are you feeling alright?”

 

The first thing she did upon waking was worry about her. Ines gave a bitter smile.

 

“Just now. Why are you sleeping like this? Go sleep properly. I’ll stay with Caesar.”

 

“No, it’s alright. I’ll wait in the hallway. You’ve been unconscious since yesterday… I just wanted to be nearby in case you needed anything…”

 

Berry rubbed her eyes and bowed deeply. Ines stared at her bowed head for a moment, then spoke out suddenly.

 

“Berry. Was working here… okay for you?”

 

“…Pardon?”

 

“While I was gone… Was it hard working at Eleanor? Rayan must have been tense, and Caesar is still young and needs care…”

 

“What could’ve been hard for me? Nothing at all. The young master is gentle, and Sir Robert is around too… His Grace wasn’t harsh to us, really. Everything was fine.”

 

“I see… Thank you.”

 

“What are you saying? Even if it had been hard, it would’ve been fine.”

 

Despite her drowsy face, Berry smiled softly. She straightened her wrinkled apron as she mumbled.

 

“I didn’t do anything for you when you were in the duchy… I just hid like a coward and tried to keep rumors from reaching your ears…”

 

“…”

 

“I’ve been with you since you first came to Lezan. I saw you change, little by little, for so long, but I never did anything… So really, you don’t need to thank me.”

 

Ines managed a small, forced smile. Then, after a pause, she impulsively asked:

 

“Berry. If I left Eleanor… and went somewhere else. Would you… come with me?”

 

“…What?”

 

“I mean, if. Just if…”

 

The sleep left Berry’s eyes as she looked at Ines.

 

She couldn’t see Ines’s face clearly in the dark, but from her unsteady body and dazed voice, it was clear that Ines was deeply shaken.

 

After a short silence, Berry gave a soft smile.

 

“I’m your maid, my lady. Wherever you go, I should follow.”

 

“I couldn’t serve you for the past two years… But if you’ll let me, I’d like to stay by your side and take care of you.”

 

Ines couldn’t answer right away. Her throat tightened. She only nodded in response.

 

Berry hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and gently wiped Ines’s cheek. Another tear had fallen.

 

Ines felt Berry’s arms wrap around her shoulders and pat her back gently.

 

It wasn’t something a maid should dare do to a Grand Duchess—but both of them knew that didn’t matter now.

 

“You’ve been through so much.”

 

“….”

 

“Now you can do whatever you want. I’ll help you however I can.”

 

It was as if Berry knew exactly what Ines was thinking. Ines wiped away the tear marks and gently pushed her away.

 

“Thank you. I… kept you too long. Go get some rest.”

 

“Yes. Good night, Lady Ines.”

 

Berry gave her a sorrowful glance before turning away. The door opened quietly, then closed again. Ines stood frozen in place.

 

She snapped back to herself when a small voice came from the bed.

 

“Mom. Are you leaving?”