It’s Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 12.10

“…I don’t really understand what you mean.”
“I had a feeling from the moment I came here. That Rayan probably never told me the full truth.”
“…”
“But until yesterday, it was just a guess… Today, I feel like I’ve confirmed it clearly. That I was truly stupid.”
“…”
“Everything you said to me was right. ‘Don’t trust anything.’ But I keep failing to follow that, so maybe I’m hopeless.”

Even though it was early summer, the dawn air wasn’t warm. But the chill outside was all swallowed up by the boiling anger inside.

“I wavered. I can’t say I didn’t. But Kian… whether I wavered for him or not has nothing to do with deciding whether I should stay or leave.”

It wasn’t love that controlled her choice. Ines’ limp hand clenched tightly into a fist.

“How can I stay in Eleanor? How… how could I forgive him? He lied to me again.”

Did she stupidly fall in love with him again? She didn’t know.
She didn’t even want to define her feelings. What mattered to her wasn’t emotions—it was facts.
The fact that Rayan had lied to her again.

<If you lie to me again, there will be no forgiveness, Rayan.>
Back then, she didn’t say those words as a joke. Rayan would’ve known that.
So why did he lie again? The man who ruined her life with sweet lies. The one who knew better than anyone how much that had cost her—why?

Actually, Ines already knew the answer.
“He must’ve panicked. Probably didn’t have the courage to tell the truth. Now that he’s finally desperate for me, he must’ve felt that if he told the truth, I’d walk away without looking back.”
“…”
“So am I supposed to understand him for that? No, not at all.”
“…”
“There’s only one thing that matters. He lied to me again. I forgot how heavy Rayan’s lies are, Kian.”

A confession of love built on lies. A sandcastle on a stormy shore. Ah, how meaningless those things are.
And how pitiful are those who place their hopes on such things.

This was no longer a story about love.
It was a matter of trust between people. A matter of the bare minimum decency that one human owed another.

Ines stopped walking and looked back at the Eleanor mansion, no longer decorated with roses.
Though it wasn’t the same mansion she lived in for six years, the grand house in the capital couldn’t be seen as belonging to Eleanor in any way. There wasn’t even the green flag once planted there.
The servants were overly cautious not to mention anything about the principality.

Rayan must’ve ordered that ahead of time. Ines muttered bitterly.
“He blocked my ears, silenced the people around me, hid the whole environment… He was trying to trap me in a cage again.”
He was still trying to control her. Ines was his doll.
A beloved doll he had once lost and finally regained, something he now treasured.

But the emphasis was on the last word: doll.
“…Even so, I’m still just a doll.”
Ha. A sharp laugh burst out. A pretty doll that gave him satisfaction.
The kind he guarded jealously whenever someone showed interest, branding it as his.
Again? Again?
In the end, did I become like that again?

Ines laughed emptily and spoke randomly.
“He’s afraid I’ll slip out of his hands. But if I just stay quiet and obedient under him, who knows when he’ll change again.”

It felt like déjà vu from eight years ago.
When she had run away to Apael, he had come chasing after her with obsession, using sweet words to trap her.
But once he took her back to the principality and locked her in his mansion, he lost interest.

Back then and now—it wasn’t love. It was obsession and possessiveness.
As she had once said herself, obsession and love are not the same.
Rayan’s words since they met again pounded in her ears.

“Ha.”
Ines laughed in disbelief for a long time. The tears didn’t fall down her cheeks but dripped straight from her chin.
“Ahaha… Hah… What do I do. I didn’t think it’d be this absurd…”

She raised her hand and hit her chest hard. But no matter how much she struck it, the frustration didn’t go away.
“Lie after lie after lie…”
“Ines, stop.”
“What was I doing? What was I expecting? What did I think I could believe in…?”

She didn’t know what was real and what was fake anymore.
Were those six years they lived together real? Or was it this desperate man clinging to her now?

To say people can change—it was too much of a stretch to accept.
She could never believe that the man who once hated and despised her so completely suddenly loved her. Of course not.
‘Why… Why do I still want to believe him…?’

As her tears burst again, Kian turned her toward him and held her close. Ines buried her face in his chest, gasping quietly as he stroked her back.
Memories overlapped wildly.

“…”
Ines’ trembling slowly calmed.

No. It’s time for that man to wake up from the dream.
She lifted her head from Kian’s arms and rubbed her eyes roughly.

“Stupid girl… I still haven’t come to my senses.”
She spat out a harsh curse at herself and finally took a deep breath.
With her face a mess, Ines hugged Kian tightly once and then started walking again.

For a while, no words passed between them. The scenery flew by meaninglessly.
Only her uneven breaths or an occasional dry laugh broke the silence.

Finally, when neither tears nor laughter came anymore, Ines asked quietly.
“Kian, how much time does Rayan have left?”
“He has plenty. Physically, he’s nowhere near your level. He’ll live at least as long as you already have.”
“Do you want to stay with him?”
“Ines.”

Kian, who had kept a neutral expression all along, finally twisted his lips. A cruel smile appeared.
“If you’d only turn a blind eye, I’ll make sure that man ends up in hell. He’ll suffer at least twenty times more than you did.”
“…Yeah.”
A trembling smile formed on Ines’ lips.
“That’s the life most fitting for him.”

Even if his life had been shortened, he still had more than twenty years left. And until the very end of that life, Rayan would never truly have her.
She would not be part of his remaining days.

There was nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing to regret.
Ines didn’t stop walking. At some point, Kian no longer followed her.
Perhaps he feared that if they went any further, Rayan would notice and wake up.

The dark street was slowly touched by dawn.
When her legs trembled and her bare feet ached, Ines whispered scripture under her breath.
The divine power within the ancient language gently wrapped around her legs, boosting her strength.

She didn’t know how many hours had passed.
Finally, the spire of La Celia Cathedral appeared in the distance.

Archbishop Andrea, who was preparing for early mass, turned in surprise at the sound of the stone gate opening.
When he saw the woman in only a chemise and barefoot, he was shocked.
“Ines? What brings you here at this hour…?”

Ines, her lips dry and cracked, spoke to the stunned Andrea who hurried toward her.
“Please put my name on the Jenaire pilgrimage list, Archbishop.”
“You came all the way here at this hour just to say that? Even in the capital, it’s not safe…”
“I will travel with the group as far as Apael.”

Seeing the unusually cold determination in her eyes, Andrea held his breath.
As she looked up at the cross behind him, her blue eyes burned with the remnants of a storm.
She slowly lowered her head.
“So please… just allow me to go as far as Apael.”

Andrea practically dragged her to the priest’s quarters, gave her warm tea, and wrapped her in a robe before letting her go again. By then, the sun had started to rise.

He promised to add her name to the Jenaire pilgrimage list.
“I’ve prepared a carriage below. Go home for now. We’ll get your things ready from here.”
“Thank you, Archbishop.”
“…May the Father’s blessing be with you, sister.”

Divine energy filled her head as he offered his blessing.

When Ines came out of the cathedral, the carriage Andrea had called was indeed waiting at the gate.
But instead of getting in, she turned east.
The tiny sun had just begun to peek over the buildings.

The chill of dawn was slowly fading.
Just as she turned her head away from the sky, a strong hand grabbed her shoulder.
She was pulled back with such force that she couldn’t even breathe.
Hot, desperate breath hit her ear.
Cold silver hair, untouched by the morning light, shimmered in the corner of her vision.

“Where… where were you?”

The pounding heart in the chest holding her tight proved how desperately he had searched for her.
Though she’d only been gone for a few hours, the man had been through hell.
His forehead and neck were soaked in cold sweat.
His voice was trembling.

“Why… why did you leave me?”
“…Rayan.”
“…

“Why did you disappear without saying anything? Why are you like this…?”

The strong scent of the sleeping herb faintly lingered around him.

Support