It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 12.2

She simply focused on reading the scriptures written in the ancient language from the scripture storage and asked him questions whenever there was something she didn’t understand. She devoted herself only to gaining knowledge.

 

Maybe because she was a descendant of an apostle secretly chosen by God, Ines was quite good at reading the difficult ancient texts.

 

When asked if she had learned the ancient language, she only shook her head. She said she hadn’t even known that such a language existed. Yet, she read it so fluently.

 

“The bodies of the seven plague victims who heard the voice of the Lord began to change. Seeing life return to them, the Lord said, ‘I will save you. Therefore, spread hope and faith to many others…’”

 

Her soft and calm voice carried a gentle yet heavy divine power.

 

What she had just read was the page that recorded the first miracle where God healed a dying human. It was the verse priests usually recited when blessing the sick.

 

Andrea glanced at the stack of scriptures on the table. Many of them were texts he himself had yet to fully read.

 

The book, which recorded the countless miracles God performed at the time of creation, contained divine power in every verse.

 

Therefore, just by correctly interpreting and reading the verses aloud, the power within them could be activated.

 

Reading full paragraphs, or even an entire page, rather than just words or sentences, could bring forth stronger divine power.

 

The scripture storage in the cathedral was still full of texts yet to be interpreted. One of the main tasks of the priests was to devote their lives to correctly pronouncing and interpreting the unstudied scriptures.

 

If one could pronounce the scripture correctly and then understand its meaning, it was possible to bring the miracles recorded in the scriptures into reality.

 

Even if Ines hadn’t yet reached the level of a priest who could understand and internalize the verses, the fact that she could read the scriptures fluently and use even a small amount of divine power was already remarkable.

 

Especially when she had no prior knowledge of the ancient language at all.

 

If the Vatican knew this, they would have immediately summoned her and urged her to walk the path of a priest.

 

But Andrea knew that being a priest was not her true purpose.

 

“If you learn just a few miracles, it’ll be enough for you to protect yourself and the people around you.”

 

“I see.”

 

“But there is probably a scripture that suits you perfectly—one kept by the sorcerers of Jenaire.”

 

“You mean the scripture that holds the story of when God sealed the oldest darkness.”

 

“Yes. That may be the source of their power. Perhaps you would draw more strength from reading that than from reading a priest’s scripture.”

 

It made sense. But that didn’t mean she had no doubts. Ines put the scripture down and fell into thought.

 

If being able to read the ancient language was a power her father passed down to her, why didn’t he also teach her how to use that power?

 

It wasn’t much of an issue that he was expelled immediately after his relationship with the princess was revealed.

 

Her mother, the princess, had lived until Ines was about three years old, so he could have simply given her the scripture.

 

‘Why did Father plant the darkness inside me but not give me the power to control it… when he must have known I would be terminal?’

 

As Andrea looked at the thoughtful Ines, he shared a piece of news that had arrived just the day before.

 

“There will be a pilgrimage to Jenaire around the middle of next month.”

 

“A pilgrimage?”

 

“The route is confidential due to many bandits targeting pilgrim groups, but if I may whisper it to you—starting from Lezan, passing through Apael and Krine, then heading to Jenaire. It’s been nearly a hundred years since there was a pilgrimage to the ruins in Jenaire, so this one is larger than usual.”

 

Usually, pilgrimage plans were passed down from the Vatican, but this time, it was directly ordered by the Emperor of Lezan.

 

Jenaire had fallen completely under Lezan’s control, and the route to Jenaire had been opened. The purpose was to visit the ancient ruins and holy grounds scattered in the west and offer thanks to God.

 

However, it was very unusual for the emperor to personally determine the exact route of the pilgrimage.

 

And the route deliberately passed through Apael, which wasn’t considered an especially important holy site…

 

It seemed unnecessary, but technically, the ruins in Apael were also holy grounds, so it wasn’t entirely out of place.

 

“Even laypeople who wish to join can apply by submitting a form. The church will review the applications and select those who may go.”

 

Andrea watched her expression carefully before asking with caution.

 

“Shall I add your name to the list, Sister?”

 

For most laypeople, the selection was based on how faithfully they attended mass or how devout they had been. But Ines was a special case. She had a clear reason to visit the holy ground.

 

“If you go to the royal city of Jenaire, you’ll likely meet the ‘sorcerers’ there. It’s hard to get information about them from here in Lezan, so it would be better to go directly. The holy knights will escort the pilgrims throughout the journey, so there’s no need to worry about safety.”

 

A small tremble appeared in Ines’s blue eyes, which had been fixed on the scriptures.

 

‘Apael or Jenaire. I can choose either one.’

 

If she went to Jenaire and met the sorcerers, she would gain the sword of judgment in her hands. She would get the power to completely bind Kian to her again and free humans tainted by darkness.

 

That would mean she had decided to save Rayan.

 

But if she didn’t go to Jenaire and instead hid in the pilgrimage group and went to Apael, it would mean she had decided to run away from him forever.

 

As Andrea said, even a few verses from the scripture were enough to protect herself. If it wasn’t to save Rayan, she had no need to go all the way to Jenaire for more power.

 

So in the end, there were two choices.

 

Would she stay by Rayan’s side? Or would she completely break free from the chains he put on her and disappear somewhere he could never reach?

 

Ines still hadn’t made a decision, even after nearly a month of constant thinking.

 

The reason for her hesitation was clear: she had not fully regained her memory.

 

And the reason she had not yet been fully purified despite receiving a priest’s blessing eight times was also clear.

 

It was because… she was delaying.

 

“You can think about it until the end of this month and let me know.”

 

“…Yes, Archbishop. Thank you for telling me.”

 

“Not at all. Ah, the sun is already setting. Then, for today, shall we finish with a blessing—”

 

“No. I think I don’t need a blessing today.”

 

Ines closed the scripture and neatly placed it on the table.

 

Andrea looked at her for a moment with deep eyes, then gave her a gentle smile.

 

“Very well. Then I shall pray for you instead.”

 

Ines smiled in return and offered a short prayer. But her complicated thoughts did not settle.

 

When she came down to the main chapel after meeting with the archbishop, she spotted a familiar face sitting on a bench in front of the sanctuary and smiled. It was Edgar.

 

Their usual Wednesday meetings across from the flower shop near the statue of Eucalyptus had recently turned into attending evening mass together at La Celia Cathedral.

 

That short hour was the only time Ines could fully relax.

 

After the mass, they took a light walk around the front of the cathedral. Edgar, looking closely at her side profile, spoke first.

 

“You look like you’re troubled. Is something wrong, Ines?”

 

“Ah… Is it that obvious?”

 

Ines gave an awkward smile.

 

“Sorry. My mind’s been a bit complicated lately.”

 

“…I see.”

 

Though he asked first, Edgar already had a rough idea of what was bothering her.

 

She probably received news from Archbishop Andrea today.

 

About the pilgrimage schedule that he himself had planned and ordered.

 

It had now been nearly a month since Ines began staying at the Eleanor estate. Not once had there been any troubling incident there.

 

In fact, it was the opposite.

 

The sense of stability—something Rayan thought he would never have for the rest of his life—filled not only the estate but even himself.

 

To be honest, that was why Edgar felt uneasy. Ines didn’t seem to firmly reject Rayan.

 

He was afraid she might be drawn in again and end up trapped in that beautiful mansion.

 

So he deliberately created the options of Jenaire and Apael and handed them to her through someone else.

 

Edgar asked her, pretending not to know.

 

“Can I ask what you’re troubled about?”

 

“…I’m thinking about what my priority should be.”

 

After a short hesitation, Ines calmly answered.

 

“Whether my happiness should come first, or whether Caesar’s happiness should. I keep thinking about it.”

 

“You mean the young master’s happiness.”

 

“Caesar really likes Rayan.”

 

Edgar stopped walking. Ines also stopped next to him. They were standing on the stairs that were clearly visible from the road below the cathedral.

 

“He may not be a perfect father, but he’s at least devoted. He tries not to show it, but I think Caesar enjoys going out with the three of us.”

 

She paused there. After taking a deep breath, she looked into Edgar’s eyes and asked in a whisper.

 

“Is it right to make a child experience loss again?”

 

“….”

 

“Doesn’t Caesar need a father?”

 

It wasn’t so much that she was asking him for an answer—it sounded more like something she had asked herself over and over again.

 

“These days, I keep thinking that if I just endure it, everything will be perfect.”

 

“What did you just…”

 

“We can’t have everything we want in life, right? I’m sure there are things we have to give up.”

 

Every word she spoke carried the weight of days of deep anguish.

 

“Caesar is the biggest reason I exist. I’m practically him, and he is me.”

 

“….”

 

“I don’t want to force such a precious child to make a choice. I hope Caesar never experiences cruelty again. I want to give him a perfect family.”

 

“….”

 

“And during this past month, I’ve come to realize what’s necessary for that, Your Majesty.”

 

What’s necessary… is her silence.