Irreversible - Chapter 43

Chapter 43: A Pitiful Scoundrel (Part 3)

Gu Xizhou: “…”

Sometimes Su Zhiyi was quite sly; she simply loved teasing her girlfriend.

Unfazed, Gu Xizhou didn’t let the interruption stop her. She composed herself and continued: “Humans are social animals, a collection of social relationships. We cannot be entirely independent of society. Even prisoners in jail have opportunities to communicate with one another.”

“But a prison of only one person… it kills the ‘human’ attribute within them. It causes their social identity to vanish and leads to the death of their spiritual world.”

Su Zhiyi caught a glimmer of what Gu Xizhou was trying to express. After a moment of thought, she replied, “So it’s like that famous ‘Gaslighting’ experiment? Keeping someone in a state of extreme collapse, where they aren’t trusted by anyone, thereby forcing them out of the collective and committing mental violence until they break?”

“Yes.” Gu Xizhou nodded, speaking her thoughts bluntly. “That is how punishment should be. In my view, once a person kills, they have harmed their own kind and have effectively been expelled from the ‘human’ species.”

“Their political and social identities should be stripped away. Physically and soulfully, they are still human, but since they chose to abandon their humanity, they should be made to experience the agony of not being human.”

“Physical elimination is too easy on them. If someone killed the person I loved most, I would make them live their entire life in terror and dread, never knowing a moment of peace.”

“They must remain anxious and bewildered, sinking into the pain of doubting the reality of the world, feeling the same despair and agony as I do. Only then does it count as punishment.”

Gu Xizhou’s expression was deadly serious as she spoke. Watching the unwavering determination in her eyes, Su Zhiyi felt a warmth in her heart, yet she couldn’t help but remark: “Xizhou, you’re quite dangerous.”

“Illegal imprisonment will get you arrested, you know.”

Su Zhiyi made a teasing remark, to which Gu Xizhou replied: “But before I get caught, the other person must taste the agonizing punishment I described. When that time comes, I’ll just take them with me to the grave.”

The subtext was clear: if her lover were gone, she wouldn’t want to live either.

Su Zhiyi was moved, yet her heart felt a twinge of bitterness. She poked at her plate and added after a pause: “But Xizhou, it’s not worth it.”

“I think… if I were that fiancée, I definitely wouldn’t want my lover to be trapped in hatred for the rest of her life. I would want her to forget the past, to love again, to live, and to have a new beginning.”

This was the perspective of an optimist; her vitality was like green grass in the soil, forever reaching upward.

Gu Xizhou smiled but didn’t answer. She thought to herself that Su Zhiyi could never truly understand someone like her. Once she obtained something, she treated it as her very life. When the life one relies on for survival perishes, what else is there besides revenge to sustain her?

Nothing.

A broken husk, having lost its burning furnace, cannot continue to run across the wilderness. If the day ever came where she lost her beloved, she would surely…

…embark on the path toward death, unable to find release from the agony of eternal night until death graciously embraced everything she was.

The meal was very satisfying, and Gu Xizhou’s mood seemed slightly better than before the movie. After eating, Gu Xizhou and Su Zhiyi went to the front desk to settle the bill, where they ran head-on into an acquaintance.

Ding Yi, sporting big wavy hair and with a petite Omega tucked under her arm, walked through the door. Her eyes widened when she saw Su Zhiyi: “Nanfeng!”

Su Zhiyi knit her brows, looking confused.

Ding Yi quickly determined from the pheromones that this wasn’t Su Nanfeng, but Su Zhiyi. A smile immediately broke across her face as she hurried over. “Ah, I got the wrong person! It’s Sister Zhiyi!”

Ding Yi let go of the Omega she was holding and approached Su Zhiyi with a fawning smile. “Sister Zhiyi, it’s me, Ding Yi.”

“Nanfeng’s friend. Do you remember me? We went to kindergarten and primary school together. I even attended your birthday party back in the eleventh grade.”

“Oh…” Su Zhiyi realized, faintly matching the face to the name.

Ding Yi giggled and said eagerly to Su Zhiyi: “I just got back from studying abroad. Have you eaten? If not, how about I treat you to a meal?”

Su Zhiyi had seen this kind of heat many times. She took a step back, took Gu Xizhou’s hand, and politely declined: “No need, thank you. My girlfriend and I have already eaten.”

“It was nice seeing you. Enjoy your meal.”

Su Zhiyi tugged Gu Xizhou forward to leave.

Ding Yi’s gaze dropped instantly, landing on the low-profile, inconspicuous Gu Xizhou beside Su Zhiyi. She looked at Gu Xizhou’s pale face and met her torch-like gaze; a sense of familiarity stirred within her.

After years apart, Gu Xizhou’s temperament had transformed completely. She was nothing like the cowering, inconspicuous, fragile little shorty who used to trail behind Su Nanfeng. In this period, although Gu Xizhou wasn’t releasing pheromones, anyone could sense from her cold, imposing aura that she was an Alpha.

Ding Yi searched her memory for a moment before a name clicked. Her eyes widened in shock: “Gu Xizhou! It’s you?!”

Good god, she thought, wasn’t Gu Xizhou gay? That year, though Su Nanfeng hadn’t said it explicitly, everyone in her circle knew that Gu Xizhou had crawled into Su Nanfeng’s bed. Because of that, many people had avoided Gu Xizhou, fearing she would use Su Nanfeng’s favor to retaliate for their past actions.

Back then, in Ding Yi’s mind, Gu Xizhou was a “femme fatale” ruining the country. But now, this “femme fatale” had turned straight and was with Su Nanfeng’s sister? Was this a “sister double-kill,” or was she just using her as a replacement?

Ding Yi’s head spun from the impact of this information. Gu Xizhou gave her a cold look, her voice calm and devoid of emotion: “Mhm. Long time no see, Ding Yi.”

Some things she had almost forgotten, but once she saw this person’s face, she remembered all of that humiliating past. Truly… how wonderful!

Meeting Ding Yi caused Gu Xizhou’s mood to turn visibly unpleasant. While walking in the park after leaving the restaurant, Su Zhiyi asked curiously: “Did you and that Ding Yi not get along very well in the past?”

Gu Xizhou turned to Su Zhiyi with a strange look. “You can tell even that?”

Su Zhiyi gave a soft, gentle smile. “Of course I can. You’re my girlfriend; there’s no way your mood changes could escape my sharp eyes.”

Gu Xizhou was silenced for a moment, then praised her: “You really are impressive, my girlfriend.”

Su Zhiyi, however, didn’t let the matter drop. “So, why exactly do you hate her? Did she try to steal a partner from you in school?”

Gu Xizhou burst into a short laugh and shook her head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then what was it?” Su Zhiyi looked up at her, curiosity written all over her face.

They were walking along the park lake. It was golden autumn; sunlight filtered through the dense branches of weeping willows, casting dappled gold across the ground. On the shimmering lake surface, groups of young people walked side by side, passing young couples pushing strollers. Silver-bell-like laughter drifted in from the distance.

The sun was bright, the breeze was gentle, and everything was so soft and beautiful.

Gu Xizhou suddenly realized that such a life could never belong to her. A beautiful life was far removed from her destiny. Thinking of Ding Yi made her think of Su Nanfeng, which in turn brought back all the misfortunes that had already occurred.

If Ding Yi saw her with Su Zhiyi today, and Su Zhiyi admitted to being her girlfriend, what would Ding Yi do? Given Ding Yi’s eager attitude just now, she likely had designs on Su Zhiyi. Even if she didn’t, being able to use Su Nanfeng’s name to get on good terms with Su Zhiyi would bring endless benefits.

Gu Xizhou understood Su Zhiyi’s family situation. Su Tianyu had been injured in his youth and only had Su Nanfeng and Su Zhiyi. Su Nanfeng was rebellious; after accidentally killing someone in a street fight, she had joined the military to escape the prosecution period and was effectively a write-off.

Su Tianyu had seen her for the useless person she was and turned to grooming Su Zhiyi instead. Gu Xizhou didn’t know if this grooming was to make Su Zhiyi take over the Su Group, or to give her the credentials to marry into a high-status family and sell the Su Group for a good price.

But neither path was the one Su Zhiyi wanted to take. Because she knew Su Zhiyi’s heart wasn’t in it; compared to medicine, Su Zhiyi preferred painting and sculpture. In their little home, there was still a studio and scattered sculpting materials.

If Su Tianyu insisted on a live-in son-in-law or wanted Su Zhiyi to climb the social ladder, would an Alpha like Ding Yi—foolish yet opportunistic, observant, and from a family with their own enterprise—be among Su Tianyu’s candidates?

Countless questions surged in Gu Xizhou’s mind. For the first time, she thought directly about “later” and “the future,” speculating on Su Zhiyi’s path ahead. But none of those paths were what Gu Xizhou wished for.

Gu Xizhou thought for a moment, took a deep breath, and decided to briefly open her chest and reveal her scarred heart to Su Zhiyi: “Do you remember me saying that I don’t like Alphas?”

Su Zhiyi gave a soft “Ah,” remembering that absurd confession scene from over a year ago, and nodded. “I remember. Is it because of Ding Yi?”

Gu Xizhou hummed in affirmation. She spoke tentatively: “She… did very bad things to me in the past. She stole my money, and…”

Gu Xizhou’s voice began to tremble. Even under the bright sun, standing in the shade of the trees, she couldn’t stop herself from shaking. “She and a few other Alphas… they molested me.”

She chose her words carefully, painting those impulsive “assaults” as “molestation”—something others might find trivial, but which Su Zhiyi could still empathize with as painful. It was the playful physical violence of one Alpha toward another; a malicious spiritual humiliation born of unconscious adolescent crime.

Su Zhiyi’s eyes widened. Almost instantly, she thought back to Gu Xizhou’s abnormal behavior the day before.

So that was it… so that was why…

Tears quickly pooled in Su Zhiyi’s eyes. She pulled Gu Xizhou into her arms and held her tightly. “Xizhou…”

Su Zhiyi held her fiercely, crying out of heartache: “Our Xizhou has suffered so much.”

Gu Xizhou buried herself in her embrace, inhaling her alluring fragrance. The guilt in her heart lessened slightly.

Let it be this way. Let me be this greedy.

I’ll treat it as Su Nanfeng’s debt being repaid by Su Zhiyi. After all… they are sisters, aren’t they?

Having stayed in those dark, sunless hells for so long, having suffered through years of nightmares day and night, did she not deserve a single embrace?

O Fate, even if you must torture me, please, in this moment, show me some mercy.