Irreversible - Chapter 44

Chapter 44: A Pitiful Scoundrel (Part 4)

In this society, Alphas are defined as the “strong.” When the dignity of the strong is stripped away and their body trampled, onlookers feel a sense of tragedy, akin to the sorrow of a “whale fall.”

Human nature is like this: when a powerful tiger reveals a pathetic and helpless side, foolishly kind people lower their guard and throw themselves entirely into a useless, sentimental pity.

Using a few vague sentences, Gu Xizhou stimulated the pure kindness within Su Zhiyi’s heart and gained her absolute trust.

That night, Gu Xizhou used the eloquence she was naturally gifted with to talk to Su Zhiyi with a mix of truth and lies. They lay in one bed; Gu Xizhou held Su Zhiyi, stroking her long hair and whispering softly into her ear.

She said she had psychological shadows and couldn’t handle excessive intimacy with others, so Su Zhiyi said, “If you don’t want to, I won’t touch you.” She said she actually liked Su Zhiyi very much and wanted to kiss her, but needed time to overcome the obstacles, and Su Zhiyi encouraged her, “It’s okay, I’ll wait for you.”

She said her family was broken, her mother died early, and her father remarried, so she wasn’t sure if she could ever have a happy family. Su Zhiyi expressed understanding: “I’m the same; I don’t know if I can be a qualified mother.”

Su Zhiyi was truly too cooperative; no matter what Gu Xizhou said, she received exactly the response she wanted. The hatred that surged during the day, combined with the goodness that had gradually dissipated over years of torment between love and hate, pushed Gu Xizhou one step closer to the precarious cliff.

If Su Nanfeng were to find out she was with Su Zhiyi…

Then she might as well just possess Su Zhiyi. Otherwise, when Su Nanfeng saw her again and found out she was an “incapable” Alpha, how ridiculous would that be?

Gu Xizhou stroked Su Zhiyi’s hair, her hands trembling. “Zhiyi… I…”

Gu Xizhou paused, carefully considering her phrasing to maintain a virtuous image: “The heat period for an Omega is very difficult. Over the past year and more, I’ve seen you use suppressants many times, and it looks like you’re suffering. It’s all my fault.”

“As your partner, I have an obligation to solve this problem for you, but I…”

Su Zhiyi leaned against her chest, shaking her head as she offered gentle comfort. “It’s fine. Medical methods are very mature now; it doesn’t necessarily have to be…”

Gu Xizhou gripped Su Zhiyi’s shoulder with one hand, her heart racing like thunder. “But it’s very hard, isn’t it? And it’s not that I’m unwilling, or that I don’t want to be with you…”

The palm on her shoulder was heavy. Su Zhiyi looked up at Gu Xizhou’s face and saw her cheeks were flushed, looking as if she found the topic difficult to voice. She understood instantly.

Gu Xizhou wanted to be close to her, but crossing the shadows of her teenage years required a certain amount of courage. Su Zhiyi took her hand and made up her mind: “Then how about we try again?”

“If you don’t like others taking the lead, why not try taking the initiative yourself?”

This was the exact answer Gu Xizhou wanted. She wrapped her arm around Su Zhiyi’s waist, looking down at her. “But if I do that, won’t you feel I’m disrespecting you?”

Gu Xizhou knew that the Omega Rights movement was in full swing, and it had even become a trend for Omegas to take the lead in bed. Su Zhiyi, however, didn’t care much. She raised her arms to hook them around Gu Xizhou’s neck, and the cherry-scented pheromones began to seep into the air from the back of her neck, silently enticing the Alpha. “Respect isn’t something that can only be shown in bed.”

“When the door is closed, who takes the lead depends on mutual desire, doesn’t it?” Su Zhiyi pulled Gu Xizhou’s neck down, letting her breath brush against her lips. “Aren’t you going to kiss me, Gu Xizhou?”

Gu Xizhou closed her eyes and kissed her without hesitation.

They had kissed many times since they started dating, but never once had it been this lingering and sweet. Gu Xizhou supported Su Zhiyi’s neck with one hand, holding her gently in her arms, tasting her little by little with genuine focus, letting out a breath of admiration: “Zhiyi…”

Cuddled in her arms, Su Zhiyi responded tenderly, “Mhm?”

Listening to her voice, Gu Xizhou suddenly felt a strange urge to cry. “You’re so sweet…”

So sweet, so sweet… she was the only gift of sweetness from fate in her bitter first half of life—so sweet she wanted to cry.

The room was filled with the delicious fragrance of cherries, completely enveloping Gu Xizhou. Inhaling the scent from Su Zhiyi’s embrace, her grip tightened. “Zhiyi… Zhiyi… Zhiyi…”

With every call of her name, Gu Xizhou drew closer to Su Zhiyi. Their hearts gradually pressed together, their heartbeats synchronizing until their souls melted into one.

Gu Xizhou pinned Su Zhiyi’s hands, rising slightly to look at her, her eyes already brimming with tears. “Zhiyi, are you okay?”

Su Zhiyi nodded, taking the initiative to wrap her arms around Gu Xizhou’s waist, her voice trembling. “I… I am. What about you? How are you?”

Gu Xizhou was shaking all over—not just her heart, but her entire body. She nodded, tears glinting in her eyes. “I can… I can do it.”

Su Zhiyi smiled and reached up to wipe away the tears at the corners of Gu Xizhou’s eyes, her tone incredibly gentle. “Yes, you can do it…”

This angel-like Omega held Gu Xizhou like a mother. “Then let’s keep going, okay?”

Gu Xizhou nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks. She lowered her head, gently and solemnly kissing away the tears at the corners of Su Zhiyi’s eyes, and said hoarsely, “Okay, my little cherry.”

If everything between them had started with a deception, then she would let herself keep deceiving for a lifetime. She would never let Su Zhiyi know the truth; she would make her belong to her forever.

After a night of good dreams, Su Zhiyi woke up to a sensation of chilliness.

She opened her sleepy eyes, her gaze drifting toward the window, noticing that morning rain was tapping against the glass, leaving trails of water on the smooth surface. It’s raining…

Thinking this, she turned around to find Gu Xizhou by her pillow, wanting to wake her. “Xizhou…”

“I’m here,” Gu Xizhou’s voice sounded from the side of the bed.

The voice was choked up, like a rusted knife that had been soaked in water for too long—harsh and completely lacking its usual flow. Su Zhiyi sensed something was wrong immediately. She looked toward Gu Xizhou and found her kneeling by the bed, silently crying as she watched her. Su Zhiyi was startled.

Gu Xizhou looked up at her, large tears falling one after another, looking incredibly aggrieved. “Zhiyi…”

Seeing her cry, Su Zhiyi was scared to death. Ignoring everything else, she scrambled up from the bed to pull her into her arms, asking in a panicked rush: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Why are you crying again?”

Wasn’t everything fine yesterday? Why had she woken up in this state? Was she remembering something unpleasant?

Gu Xizhou did feel heartache for Su Zhiyi, but she couldn’t actually cry that hard on her own. The essential oil at the corners of her eyes stung her nerves, forcing physiological tears to fall uncontrollably. She clung to Su Zhiyi’s waist, her eyes red from crying, acting entirely like a hypocrite who took advantage of someone and then complained about it. “I’m sorry… I didn’t do well, I made you so uncomfortable. I…”

Su Zhiyi had originally felt that Gu Xizhou didn’t care about her at all, but the moment she cried, Su Zhiyi couldn’t bring herself to blame her. She even found her foolishness somewhat cute. She had always thought Gu Xizhou was mature, steady, and considerate in every way, but looking at her now, she seemed childishly intense in certain aspects.

The relationship between people is truly strange; after becoming intimate, one can always see the true self through the facade. Such a self, such a reality, was deeply reassuring and satisfying. Su Zhiyi cradled her head, holding her tenderly and stroking her hair, coaxing her softly: “It’s okay, I didn’t do very well either.”

Gu Xizhou sobbed, “But I was the one taking the lead, you didn’t…”

Su Zhiyi always found a way to take the responsibility upon herself. “Then blame my lack of experience for not being able to proactively cooperate with you.”

Gu Xizhou: “…”

Gu Xizhou had nothing to say to her “Saint-like” girlfriend. She couldn’t even fake-cry anymore because she genuinely felt like crying now. How could her girlfriend be so good? She was clearly a beast, yet Su Zhiyi could tolerate her like a big sister. Gu Xizhou, what did you ever do to deserve this?

She didn’t answer, and Su Zhiyi thought she was still feeling guilty. She simply kissed her earlobe and comforted her warmly: “Our Xizhou is already great; you overcame your psychological shadow.”

“You’ll definitely do better next time.”

The comfort was exceptionally gentle and filled with love. Gu Xizhou felt moved and guilty at the same time. How did I get so lucky… to meet Su Zhiyi? Yet, cruelly, Su Zhiyi was Su Nanfeng’s sister. Love and hate intertwined so tightly that her tears actually stopped.

Gu Xizhou composed herself, buried her cheek in Su Zhiyi’s embrace, and nodded. “Mhm.”

Having finally smoothed her ruffled feathers, Su Zhiyi smiled and rubbed the top of her head. “Were you just applying medicine to me?”

Gu Xizhou replied with two words: “Yes.”

Su Zhiyi’s cheeks flushed instantly. She leaned into Gu Xizhou’s ear and whispered, “Then finish applying it for me.”

“You have to take responsibility for the injuries you caused.”

Gu Xizhou said “okay,” and then, with a red face, finished applying the medicine to Su Zhiyi.

Afterward, Gu Xizhou wiped Su Zhiyi’s body down, then brought over a bowl of Sampan porridge she had bought earlier that morning, sitting by the bed to feed her. Although she had acted like a beastly scoundrel during the act, she was quite “human” afterward. Su Zhiyi favored her; out of understanding and pity, she was full of indulgence for Gu Xizhou.

After finishing breakfast sweetly, Gu Xizhou cleared the dishes, let Su Zhiyi lie down, and ran to the kitchen to fiddle around. A moment later, she returned with a glass of water and a pill in her palm.

Seeing the contraceptive pill, Su Zhiyi was a bit surprised. “You bought this too? I thought you forgot.”

Gu Xizhou’s eyes were full of guilt, her voice helpless. “No matter how willful I am, I know where the limits are.”

“Zhiyi, if you don’t want to be pregnant, I will never let you have that burden.”

She didn’t like children, didn’t feel she needed descendants, and certainly didn’t want a child with Su Zhiyi. Such a child would carry the Su family blood. What if it were born looking like Su Nanfeng and herself, without inheriting Su Zhiyi’s kindness? The offspring of people like them would likely be a scumbag of society—how could she let them come into this world?