Irreversible - Chapter 40

Chapter 40: A Pitiful Scoundrel (Part 5)

That late-night snack felt exceptionally long. Gu Xizhou tried her best to ignore Su Zhiyi, but with such a vibrant person sitting right in front of her, ignoring her was impossible.

Finishing the last sip of noodle soup, Gu Xizhou began clearing the table. “I’m full. It’s getting late; you should get some sleep too.”

Despite having said such revealing things earlier, Gu Xizhou made no further move—or rather, she had no intention of taking things a step further. Having stayed away from her “allergen” for so long, she didn’t want to do anything to Su Zhiyi now, nor did she want a future with her.

After all, most of the time when she looked at Su Zhiyi’s face, she couldn’t help but think of Su Nanfeng and that past she couldn’t bear to revisit. Sometimes, she even birthed thoughts of destroying the girl—to take everything Su Nanfeng had done to her and vent that revenge upon Su Zhiyi.

Her heart was so dark; the only reason she held onto her integrity until now was a lingering scrap of moral conscience and a desire not to ruin her own visible, bright future.

Let it be, she thought. After graduation, she would find a respectable job, start a new life, and bid a final farewell to everything from the past. Su Zhiyi would meet someone new, have a proper romance, get married, have children, and live a life entirely different from Su Nanfeng’s.

As for herself… she would wait for Su Nanfeng to be discharged from the military, find an opportunity to stab her a dozen times without taking her life, and quietly make her pay the price.

Approaching Su Zhiyi, using her to climb the social ladder, seizing the Su Group, and leaving Su Nanfeng’s family ruined… those were just the chuunibyou delusions of her teenage years. In the end, her encounter with Su Zhiyi was born from a foolish plot. Without Su Nanfeng, they never would have known each other. They were never from the same world. Like their classmates said, even their heights didn’t match, let alone anything else.

Her mind a mess of tangled thoughts, Gu Xizhou cleared the table and walked toward the trash can. She threw away the dirty tissues as if throwing away her entire wretched past.

As she turned to enter the kitchen, she heard Su Zhiyi’s voice: “Gu Xizhou…”

Gu Xizhou turned and saw Su Zhiyi sitting poised on the sofa in an emerald-green lace camisole nightgown, her long hair down. Her fawn-like eyes watched Gu Xizhou with serious expectation. “Let’s try it.”

Gu Xizhou’s brain went blank. Under the fluorescent light, the girl in the green dress looked milky-white, radiating a gentle and “delicious” aura. She looked over so earnestly, like Princess Belle gazing at a wounded beast in a fairy tale—brave and steadfast.

It took Gu Xizhou a while to find her voice. “What do you mean by ‘try it’?” she asked hoarsely. This wasn’t what she expected. Are Omegas these kinds of creatures?

Suppressing the heat on her face and seeing Gu Xizhou’s bewildered expression, Su Zhiyi tried her best to be frank: “I mean, how about we try dating?”

Huh?

Gu Xizhou was completely lost. Things seemed to have veered onto the track she had originally planned, just as she was trying to turn toward a different future. Fate had pushed her back onto the predetermined path. It seemed all of this was written in the stars.

Her mind was like mush. She froze for a moment, racking her brain before blurting out: “Su Zhiyi, I’m not very tall.”

That wasn’t the concern she meant to voice, yet it came out in a ridiculous way. Su Zhiyi was visibly stunned for a second, then a smile slowly bloomed, her eyes curving into crescents. “It’s fine. I can stop wearing high heels.”

“And I can lean down to kiss you.”

Gu Xizhou: “…”

Gu Xizhou said nothing. She picked up Su Zhiyi’s bowl and went into the kitchen to wash it.

Having not received the answer she wanted, Su Zhiyi felt anxious. She stood up and followed Gu Xizhou, watching her busy silhouette in the kitchen with a sense of grievance. She had been so proactive—why was there no reaction? Was she the only one feeling the heat? That would be so embarrassing.

Su Zhiyi agonized alone, leaning against the doorframe and staring at Gu Xizhou’s back with a resentful gaze. Gu Xizhou, enduring the burning stare behind her, barely finished the dishes. She dried her hands, turned around, and met Su Zhiyi’s eyes.

Facing the wide kitchen, Gu Xizhou looked at Su Zhiyi’s watery eyes and answered with uncertainty: “If you want to date, I can date you. But if one day you feel it’s not right or you want to break up, you can leave at any time, I—”

Before Gu Xizhou could finish, a blushing Su Zhiyi walked toward her aggressively and slapped a hand over her mouth. Gu Xizhou’s words were muffled instantly. She looked up, blinking innocently at Su Zhiyi, seemingly not understanding why she had done that.

Su Zhiyi’s heart felt like it was going to explode, and the corners of her eyes were red. Holding her hand over Gu Xizhou’s mouth, her voice carried a hint of a sob: “Don’t say things like that. I felt terrible just now.”

In all her years, she had never encountered anything so distressing. Ever since meeting Gu Xizhou, her mood felt like it was rolling through a tropical rainforest—damp and sodden every day. How had she never noticed that Gu Xizhou was such a hesitant person, when she was so brave when acting righteously?

Gu Xizhou couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Su Zhiyi’s waist, pulling her a little closer into an embrace. Su Zhiyi’s body stiffened for a moment, but she soon took the initiative to wrap her arms around Gu Xizhou, lowering her head to rest it on Gu Xizhou’s shoulder.

A sweet cherry fragrance enveloped them. Even though Gu Xizhou was the one holding Su Zhiyi, because of the height difference, she felt as though she were the one being tucked securely into Su Zhiyi’s embrace.

Feeling the weight on her shoulder, Gu Xizhou’s heart felt heavy. She didn’t know what she should do—whether it was the pheromone attraction between AO, or a more secret, higher-level desire—she simply couldn’t reject Su Zhiyi. Just like now, she clearly should have pushed her away, yet she uncontrollably held her in her arms.

Gu Xizhou took a deep breath and patted Su Zhiyi’s shoulder. “Don’t think too much. I’m just not very good at dealing with this sort of thing. I’m very shy.”

Her tone was calm, but Su Zhiyi looked down and saw that Gu Xizhou’s ears were completely red, like teardrop-shaped rubies about to bleed. Su Zhiyi’s anxiety vanished instantly. She even had the leisure to reach up and rub Gu Xizhou’s earlobe, whispering, “Your ears are very red. They’re ‘ripe’.”

Gu Xizhou stiffened. She couldn’t resist raising a hand and smack—hitting Su Zhiyi on the waist.

Su Zhiyi’s eyes widened. She loosened her grip slightly and looked down at Gu Xizhou in disbelief. “Why did you hit me?”

Gu Xizhou let her go and gave a light cough. “Alright, you should sleep. Girlfriend, you did something so dangerous today—don’t you feel any guilt? Now, go to sleep immediately.”

She said a long string of words, but Su Zhiyi’s dizzy head only caught one key phrase: “Girlfriend.” Being young and having a thin skin around the person she liked, Su Zhiyi blushed and stammered out a single word: “Oh.”

After that day, the two officially began a stumbling relationship. Given how ambiguous their previous interactions had been, their “blossoming” didn’t surprise their classmates. However, people still gossiped in private about why someone as well-off as Su Zhiyi would settle for Gu Xizhou. It wasn’t that Gu Xizhou was bad, but compared to a wealthy heiress like Su Zhiyi, the average-background, completely self-reliant Gu Xizhou looked too much like a “phoenix girl”   .

Dating didn’t change much. Gu Xizhou was a master of disguise; she maintained a polite distance from everyone, showing just enough concern to seem friendly with everyone while being truly close to no one. Even with Su Zhiyi, she couldn’t be truly intimate. She could only be compliant within her capabilities, creating the image of a “triple-A” girlfriend.

Sometimes Su Zhiyi felt she was cold, yet Gu Xizhou’s concern never seemed fake, so Su Zhiyi fell into another kind of sweet torture.

Until the eve of their fifth year, Gu Xizhou never made any transgressive moves toward Su Zhiyi. At most, she would allow the hugs and cuddles that Su Zhiyi initiated. Their most intimate moments were nothing more than shallow kisses. Even for her first love, Su Zhiyi understood that someone like Gu Xizhou was rare. She possessed many contradictory traits—conservative yet inclusive. She likely wouldn’t do anything improper until marriage.

In their fifth year, Gu Xizhou and Su Zhiyi interned together at a hospital affiliated with the Su Group. They rented an apartment nearby and began living together. Gu Xizhou had been working and studying for years and had saved enough; renting a place with Su Zhiyi was well within her means.

Before moving in, Su Zhiyi had consulted her roommate who lived with a partner, but the advice she got was discouraging. Living together meant baring the most private parts of oneself. Habits, diets, and schedules all had to be ground together. Many people couldn’t stand the trivialities and chose to break up.

Fortunately, both were self-disciplined and considerate. Since they slept in separate rooms, their cohabitation was surprisingly harmonious. Every morning at 6:00 AM, Gu Xizhou would wake up, run two laps downstairs, buy breakfast for the just-awakened Su Zhiyi, and they would head to the hospital together after getting ready. In the evening, they would shop at a supermarket and cook dinner together. After dinner, Gu Xizhou would lead Su Zhiyi in exercise until 8:30 PM, after which they would wash up, work on their theses, and head to their respective rooms at 11:30 PM.

After living together for over two months, Su Zhiyi’s best friend and junior high classmate, Mu Zhiqing, returned from studying abroad. Since it was Friday and Su Zhiyi wasn’t on call, they met up.

During dinner, Mu Zhiqing asked about Su Zhiyi’s love life with great gossip: “Even though your partner looks small, you said she exercises with you and goes to free-sparring training every week—she must be great at that, right?”

Mu Zhiqing was an extremely open Omega. Since presenting at sixteen, she had many partners and was quite experienced. As she put it, given her family background, she might be forced into an arranged marriage eventually, so she had to play her fill before then. In the past, Mu Zhiqing had mentioned this, but never so bluntly.

Su Zhiyi’s face turned slightly red. After a moment, she said euphemistically, “She and I… haven’t done those things.”

Mu Zhiqing was shocked, calling it ridiculous. “No way! You’ve been dating for two years and you live together now—she has zero thoughts about a beautiful woman like you? Are you for real?”

There were many people in the restaurant, and Mu Zhiqing wasn’t quiet. Su Zhiyi’s ears turned red. “She’s quite traditional; she can’t really accept things before marriage…”

Mu Zhiqing signaled for her to stop. “Hold on. There’s no such thing as that kind of Alpha these days. Alphas are just beasts bewitched by pheromones. Your pheromones smell so good that even I, an Omega, can’t resist—how can she do nothing? I don’t think she’s conservative; I think she might have a ‘problem’ down there.”

Su Zhiyi was speechless. Regarding this topic, Mu Zhiqing began a non-stop lecture: “She works out year-round, so her hormones should be at a certain level. If she’s not doing anything, maybe she’s ‘incapable’. Zhiyi, let me tell you, things aren’t like they used to be. Omegas aren’t that conservative anymore. If you want to be with an Alpha long-term, you have to make sure their pheromones can help you through your heat, otherwise, marriage will be miserable. If you really want to be with her forever, you’d better check if you’re compatible in bed, unless you plan on a Platonic life.”

Mu Zhiqing earnestly advised Su Zhiyi not to be “love-brained” and to try things out with Gu Xizhou for the sake of her future. The pure-hearted Su Zhiyi listened to a mess of scandalous things; even after parting with Mu Zhiqing and heading home, her ears were still hot.

She got home at 6:00 PM. Gu Xizhou had just returned from the hospital, carrying bags and changing her shoes in the foyer. Seeing Su Zhiyi enter, she was surprised. “I thought I was supposed to pick you up at 9:00 PM—why are you back so early?”

Seeing her concerned look, Su Zhiyi’s heart eased. She smiled and replied, “I didn’t really want to go where she was going next, so I came back.”

A smile touched Gu Xizhou’s eyes. “That’s perfect then. I bought groceries downstairs. Change your shoes; I’ll start cooking.”

“Mhm.”

Gu Xizhou was fast. An hour later, two dishes and a soup were on the table. Su Zhiyi was a bit absentminded during the meal. Gu Xizhou noticed but said nothing. They finished eating, washed the dishes, and began their fixed exercise routine. After moving for a bit, they each went to their respective bathrooms. Gu Xizhou changed into pajamas, clipped her dried hair back, and returned to her computer to work on her graduation thesis.

Su Zhiyi stepped out of her bathroom and saw a container of ice cream on the table. It had been sitting out for a while, and the outside of the box was covered in condensation, looking like it was about to melt. Su Zhiyi’s eyebrows went up. She picked up the ice cream and knocked on Gu Xizhou’s door.

Without looking up, Gu Xizhou said, “Come in.”

Su Zhiyi pushed open the door, holding the small tub of ice cream in one hand and leaning against the doorframe with a smile. “Xizhou… what is this?”

Gu Xizhou looked up and saw the tall, fair beauty in a purple camisole nightgown. Her snowy-white arms were bare, and her damp hair was draped over her shoulders, perfectly accentuating her straight collarbones. She looked incredibly charming. Gu Xizhou only looked once, not daring to look more, and turned back to her clicking keyboard. “Ice cream. You didn’t eat much dinner; I was afraid you’d be hungry, so you’re allowed dessert today.”

“Oh~ how thoughtful of you, girlfriend.”

Gu Xizhou smiled but said nothing. She changed the subject. “Why haven’t you dried your hair? Dry it before eating.”

Su Zhiyi looked at her focused profile, her cool expression, and her sharp jawline. She felt that this Gu Xizhou was very sexy. For some reason, she thought of Mu Zhiqing’s words from earlier. Holding the ice cream, she walked to Gu Xizhou’s side.

A shadow fell over her. Gu Xizhou looked up slightly. “Why aren’t you going?”

Su Zhiyi blinked innocently. “I’m waiting for a certain someone who doesn’t know how to take a hint to finish her work and help me dry it.”

Gu Xizhou was silenced. She moved her hands from the keyboard and said helplessly, “Fine. Go sit on the bed; I’ll dry it for you.”

Su Zhiyi returned to her room satisfied, sat on the bed, and ate her ice cream while Gu Xizhou dried her hair. The hair dryer whirred. Gu Xizhou knelt on the bed, one hand holding the dryer and the other running through Su Zhiyi’s thick hair. She asked with a smile, “Is this brand good?”

Su Zhiyi nodded obediently. “It’s good.”

A sweet cherry scent drifted from the person in front of her. Gu Xizhou felt a stir of emotion. She turned off the dryer and whispered in Su Zhiyi’s ear: “Give me a taste, too.”

Warm breath brushed against her ear, making Su Zhiyi’s heart tremble and her body feel hot. For some reason, Mu Zhiqing’s words flashed through her mind: You have to try it with her…

Try? How? She needed the right opportunity. But wasn’t now the right opportunity?

Su Zhiyi pursed her lips, tasting the sweet coldness in her mouth. She turned to look at Gu Xizhou. “Are you sure?”

Gu Xizhou nodded, kneeling on the bed and answering seriously: “Mhm, I’m sure.”

You asked for it, Su Zhiyi thought. She turned with the ice cream, scooped a spoonful, and brought it to Gu Xizhou’s lips. Gu Xizhou instinctively opened her mouth, but just as the spoon was about to enter, it took a sharp turn and was popped into Su Zhiyi’s own mouth.

Gu Xizhou was stunned. What does this mean? Didn’t we agree on a taste?

Before she could recover, Su Zhiyi pressed toward her, holding the ice cream in one hand. Gu Xizhou instinctively closed her eyes. The cold ice cream was delivered along with a rich cherry scent. The sweet flavor spread across her tongue, and her entire being was enveloped in the fragrance of cherries.

Gu Xizhou’s mind went fuzzy. The ice cream was stirred into a mess between them. Su Zhiyi straddled Gu Xizhou’s lap, holding her from above. They were entangled for a long time. When Gu Xizhou finally snapped back to reality, she pushed Su Zhiyi away with a start.

Su Zhiyi sat on Gu Xizhou’s lap, hands on her shoulders, her eyes uncontrollably drifting downward. Gu Xizhou immediately covered Su Zhiyi’s eyes, her ears red and her voice hoarse: “Don’t mess with me. There’s nothing to see.”

This was too strange—she actually had a reaction. It was far too strange.

Sensing this subtle change, Su Zhiyi’s voice trembled slightly: “Xizhou…”

Gu Xizhou pushed her away, jumped off the bed, and bolted as if she had seen a ghost. “I need the bathroom.”

She stayed in there for over half an hour.

Su Zhiyi sat on the bed, listening to the faint sound of water from the bathroom, her body burning incessantly. Her face was red, her ears were red, and the exposed skin on her chest was also red. Her body felt incredibly strange; she couldn’t stop her mind from wandering. She involuntarily replayed the kiss and that secret, unspeakable sensation. It was truly terrible.

Su Zhiyi couldn’t help but cover her face with her hands. Thinking of that feeling just now, she thought with a sense of self-abandonment: What was all that… She’s not ‘incapable’ at all—she’s clearly very capable!