I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 57

Last night, how many times did we whisper the same words to each other?

I had such thoughts as I woke up in a daze. The hazy thoughts were soon drowned by a burning thirst. As I thought I was thirsty, the warmth that had wrapped around me suddenly faded, and the cool surface of a water glass touched my cheek.

The Duke had given me water.

“Ah… thank you.”

My voice, too, was hoarse and cracked, a mess. My throat hurt so much. Not just my throat, but once I became aware of the pain, I could feel my entire body aching. This kind of pain was something I had never experienced before.

My shoulders, back, legs, neck, spine, arms, and… even parts I couldn’t bear to mention. I drank the water the Duke had handed me, my face flushed. At first, I thought it was water, but it turned out to be warm, slightly bitter tea. After drinking it all, I looked at the Duke, who casually took the cup from my hands and placed it on the bedside table.

Once the warm liquid entered my body, the pain in my throat eased somewhat. However, it felt like the bitter taste from last night still lingered, and I absentmindedly touched my lips. Even after a night had passed, they were still swollen. Was it always this long-lasting?

I looked at the Duke as if to ask, and he answered, still holding me close.

“I kissed you while you were asleep.”

“……”

So, that’s what happened…

“Should I kiss you more?”

I shook my head. I felt like if I slept more, my body would become even heavier. The Duke, noticing this, slid his hands behind my back and knees to lift me. He pulled back the curtains and carried me out of bed. A slight chill hit my body, and feeling me shiver, the Duke pulled me closer into his embrace.

I was still dressed in my usual nightclothes, and everything was clean, unlike the memories from last night. The only discomfort was a slight stiffness in my body and a foreign feeling. The thought of being washed by Resilly and Bowen last night made me feel dizzy.

But as the Duke kissed my forehead, he spoke.

“Last night, I washed you. The bedding and blankets had to be changed by the servants, but… you’ll have to get used to it.”

“……”

Used to it?

“Would you like to do it again?”

“Are you not going to do it? Didn’t you like it?”

I quickly shook my head. It was definitely not that I disliked it. In fact… my face turned red. The Duke chuckled.

“It seems you didn’t hate it. I thought you didn’t like it because you cried for me to stop.”

“That’s because Your Highness was too…”

The Duke had a persistent side to him. Excessively so. I didn’t know how many times the words “I don’t like it” or “Stop” had slipped from my mouth. But it didn’t mean that it was truly painful. I just wanted to escape from the overwhelming sensations.

The Duke, barefoot without slippers, trudged toward the bathroom. The bathroom was already filled with warm steam and a pleasant scent. He made me raise my arms like a child and stripped me of my nightclothes. In an instant, I was completely naked. I wasn’t even wearing underwear.

“My underwear…?”

“Put it on after you bathe.”

“……”

Not wearing underwear while sleeping, I feared what might happen if anyone found out. After the Duke undressed himself as well, he lifted me again and carried me into the bathtub. As we both entered, the water overflowed. In the swaying water, the Duke, still naked, held me in his arms.

I tried to escape, but the sensation of the smooth skin in the slippery water made me feel too good. I couldn’t properly cling to the Duke or flee, awkwardly squirming instead.

“Don’t… move too much.”

“……”

Hearing his embarrassed voice, I instinctively raised my hand and slapped his chest. The Duke let out an exaggerated moan, then laughed out loud.

“I want to go to the other side.”

“Where?”

The Duke held me tightly as I tried to escape from his embrace. His strong arms constricted around me, and I couldn’t move. As I was about to protest, I found myself staring directly at the Duke’s body.

A chiseled face, a thick neck and the powerful, rough lines that ran down to his shoulders, round yet sharp arms, and muscles that split his forearms. Veins bulging from the back of his hands. A chest so solid it felt like stone, a stomach like a rock embedded in the earth. Thick thighs that were so firm, no finger could fit between them, even without flexing.

It was the same image I had seen last night, horrifying in its perfection. Every time I regained some sense in my dazed state, I found myself staring at the Duke’s body, as if hypnotized by the physical form of a war god. Even now, it was the same. As I quietly gazed at his chest, I suddenly felt my head being pulled back. The Duke pulled my face to his chest and pressed his lips to mine.

“Ugh…! Your Highness!”

I was so startled by his sudden teasing that I flailed around. The Duke laughed loudly.

“Sorry, I was just staring at you so intently.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“No?”

“…It’s not that it’s fine… anyway, it’s fine.”

The Duke laughed again.

As his laughter faded and I failed to escape to the far end of the tub, our eyes met again. Without either of us needing to say who would start, we kissed in the warm water.

The water swirled dramatically. Even the smallest sound echoed through the wide bathroom, and I had to cover my mouth with both hands. Eventually, the Duke removed my hands and kissed me again. This time, I used my hands to wrap around his neck.

Perhaps because of the warmth of the water, I felt even more dizzy. I briefly thought that if I left like this, I might collapse from dizziness, but soon those thoughts scattered without a chance to think. My senses and thoughts were completely focused on one thing.

The water in the bathtub kept overflowing. Despite the Duke’s arms around my waist, my body floated gently upwards in the water. After a while, I was completely exhausted and just collapsed.

The Duke carried me out of the bathtub and walked toward the back. There was another tub, lukewarm now, but feeling cold to the touch. It was for when one felt dizzy or overheated after a long bath. The refreshing water that soaked into my body felt pleasant.

“Your Highness…”

It felt as if my body and mind had completely melted. I clung to the Duke, almost as if I were acting like a child for the first time. He embraced me and patted my back. His body, too, was burning with heat.

“I thought Your Highness…”

“You thought I…?”

“I thought you loved Leia.”

It was a story from my past life. I remembered him holding Leia’s shoulder, dancing together at the full moon festival. I had also seen them meet secretly, exchanging private words. The Duke swept my wet hair away from my face.

“I’m sorry.”

I froze for a moment, surprised by his sudden apology, and looked at him.

“I thought it would seem natural. I thought you… wouldn’t care. I… I thought you had no interest in me.”

“…”

“But I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“Maybe I wasn’t completely certain until now…”

The Duke laughed. His lips gently brushed mine. The cool water relieved my fever, and the dizziness slowly faded. But my mind still wasn’t entirely clear. I used my dizziness as an excuse and clung to the Duke even more.

“Back then, the Emperor’s original plan was…”

“Yes…”

“To fake your death and imprison you in his castle.”

I became more alert with this statement. I remembered when I was summoned to the Imperial Palace and briefly entered Lamia’s quarters. The Emperor was infatuated with Lamia, to an obsessive degree.

“But there was a bit of a mishap. I’ve looked into it several times, and it seems like it was just a simple coincidence. Your execution was… carried out too hastily.”

“…”

I recalled Erma’s anxious demeanor. He rushed toward the executioner. The Duke had shouted for him to stop as he ran, but by the time he arrived, the guillotine’s rope had already been cut.

“How much do you know about the magic of time regression?”

“I… don’t know anything about it.”

“Time regression is tricky and complicated. There are many conditions that must be met. One of them is a violent death.”

“A violent death…”

Losing my family and dying at the guillotine was certainly a violent death.

“And I saw your death in a prophetic dream.”

“…Doesn’t that prophecy change?”

The Duke nodded.

“No, the prophecy from this life will never change, no matter what happens.”

“Does that mean fate is set?”

“No. It means that everything that happens from the time a person is born, until that moment, contributes to the outcome of the prophecy. Do you understand?”

I roughly understood. Just as threads that have been woven together cannot suddenly change shape, the patterns of silk that were decided at the beginning can’t be fully altered later. If you try, it will only seem awkward and odd. Sometimes, the threads are too short, or there is extra.

“I understand it somewhat.”

“Right. I’ve had prophetic dreams several times, such as when my parents passed away or when something important happened. I tried to change things, but the results were always the same. That’s why it was officially declared that Isel’s magic was lost. It wouldn’t have been useful anyway, and it was only to relieve the Emperor’s surveillance.”

“I see…”

The Duke reached out and gently stroked my wet hair. I unconsciously tilted my head toward him. Then the Duke, as if finding me adorable, tilted his head and kissed me.

“After you died, Leia turned back time. But there were many restrictions. The only thing she could turn back was the day of the wedding. Since the regression revolves around you, it was fixed on that intense day.”

The Duke whispered at a distance where our lips almost touched.

“Then… if time turned around me, why can’t I remember anything except the first life?”

“Because I asked her to do it that way.”

“…”

“So you wouldn’t suffer as much… Isn’t it hard enough to remember just the first life?”

The Duke gently touched my neck with his fingertips. The pain of losing my family and the agonizing feeling of having my neck chopped off were certainly terrifying. Then, did I know what happened with Erma and Visen? I was too afraid to ask, wondering if they really knew. Since Visen had suddenly been removed from his training duties and sent to a remote place… and then died, maybe they knew.

“You said this is the seventh time, Leia.”

“Yes.”

“Have I died six times?”

The Duke laughed. This time, it was a slightly weary laugh.

“Yes, every time, I foresaw your death. Even when I tried to change it, you always died in a different way. The dream always came true. That’s why… I had Leia keep turning back time.”

“…So, Leia is…”

“Living her seventh life. Always entangled with me and you.”

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