I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 56

“Seventh… time, you said?”

Leia nodded.

After my neck was first cut off, the Duke asked Leia to turn back time. With Leia’s magic, time was reversed. But since then, up until this life, I have died for various reasons, they say.

Leia must be half-mad to be cursing at me like this. The Duke kept demanding that she return me to life after my death, even going so far as to press a knife to her throat. The Duke had the goal of bringing me back to life. But Leia didn’t. For no reason at all, she got caught up in the Duke’s plans and has now been repeating the same day for the seventh time.

“Why do I keep dying…?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was just your fate.”

“Then what about this time?”

“This time, they say it’s different. The Duke says so.”

Is that a hopeful wish? …No.

“I definitely saw it. Your happy face.”

It wasn’t that this time I would be happy, it was “I definitely saw it.” I stared at the Duke, lying on the bed, lost in thought. I saw it… He had said something similar before. When I fell into the cave. He said that if he hadn’t fallen with me, I would have died, and that he had never seen such a thing.

When I think about it, the Duke’s words were strange. I just ignored them. At the pottery incident, at the bathwater event, wasn’t he overly calm? As if he knew this was how things were meant to unfold.

Was it because this had been a recurring event as a result of time reversal?

Then… what about that statement, “I saw it”? It was strange to interpret it as him having never seen me die from freezing during the time reversal. Couldn’t I freeze to death in this life too? And about seeing my happy face—hadn’t he said something like that before? Or had he said such things several times?

Could it be…? No, Isel’s magic was lost.

I had thought that instead, the Duke must have a lot of information about other families. But if the Duke could use magic, and if having information about other families was because of that, what does “seeing” mean? What is it that he “sees”?

The Duke said he would tell me later about the lost magic. I drank my now lukewarm tea in one go. I felt like my mind was settling a little. I thought that “later” should happen right after the Duke woke up.

“Should I say I’m sorry?”

Then Leia lowered her eyes.

“No. It’s not your fault that the Duke keeps dying.”

Is she blaming me, or not…

“Is it really necessary to bear a grudge on top of being wronged by dying?”

“……”

Leia, who had frowned deeply at my words, sighed.

“No, you’re right. I apologize for saying unnecessary things. Honestly, I don’t even remember exactly when I said those things…”

If she’s repeating the same day for the seventh time, it makes sense. As I sympathized with Leia, I also realized that the Duke was similarly repeating his life. I felt sorry for not remembering anything in front of the two people who were suffering so much.

“Why can’t I remember? No, I do remember the first life. Why do I only remember that one?”

“It’s because of the Duke’s orders. He said you shouldn’t remember anything. But since you’re still turning back time, the memory of the first life can’t be erased, so you still have that one.”

“……”

As I was looking for an answer to say, someone knocked on the door as if they were about to break it down. I was so startled that I looked up. This kind of rudeness was a surprise, to the point that it felt like I had returned to a past life.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the deputy commander, Your Highness!”

The voice was so urgent that I was taken aback. I told him to come in, and the deputy commander burst in, kneeling in front of the desk.

“P-Please forgive my rudeness. T-the, Erma…”

“What happened to Erma?”

“She was sentenced to death.”

“……!”

Considering the atmosphere in the courtroom, it seemed likely, but hearing it for real was shocking. The Duke was asleep, so what should I do? The judgment had already been made, and Erma did commit the crime. But is it really okay for Erma to be executed like this?

“…Leon.”

A cracked voice came from the bed. The eyes of the three people turned toward it at once. The Duke, half sitting up, spoke again with a pale face.

“Bring Sir Leon. Immediately.”

After Lord Leon arrived, the Duke gave him some quiet instructions and sent everyone out except for me. I, hesitating, poured a glass of lukewarm water and went over to the Duke. As I handed him the glass, he drank it all at once as if he had been thirsty.

“…Are you alright, Your Highness?”

“I have something to say.”

“Ha ha.”

“Does that make you laugh?”

I blurted out the words without thinking. The Duke laughed even more, as if it were amusing, and then coughed. Concerned, I placed my hand on his body, and he took my hand in his.

“I’m fine. You heard what Nayian said earlier.”

“But…”

“I’m fine. It’s because you…”

The Duke raised my hand, pressing his lips to the tips of my fingers, and looked at me directly.

“Because you love me.”

“……”

I had no time to react before my face turned red. Just like the saying that poison doesn’t affect those who are loved, the Duke looked a bit worn out but had woken up safely.

“Your Highness.”

I gently touched the Duke’s cheek with my other hand.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“I’m sorry for making you worry.”

I shook my head. I had been worried, but now that the Duke had woken up safely, everything was fine.

“Until now… there were many things I haven’t told you.”

Words I had put off saying for later. I thought it was just an excuse because I didn’t want to say them. But it seemed the Duke truly had the intention of telling me later.

And now, it was happening.

“I’ve roughly guessed the rest. Leia told me some things.”

“So, she spoke to you first.”

The Duke made a face, clearly displeased. Now that I thought about it, Leia’s cold attitude and the Duke forcing time to reverse seemed to suggest a strained relationship between them.

“Then ask me what you’re curious about first.”

“What I’m curious about…?”

I didn’t know where to start. After thinking for a moment…

“…Was it difficult?”

I asked what had been on my mind.

“Difficult, you say?”

“Repeating the same time.”

“Ha ha…”

The Duke gave a small laugh and patted my head.

“It was difficult. You kept dying.”

“……”

“Why do you keep dying?”

“I’m not sure…”

I should be the one asking, since I don’t remember anything. I had just asked Leia the same question earlier. Why did I keep dying?

Also, wasn’t it the Duke who contributed to my death in the first life? Of course, I didn’t bring it up. Judging by the Duke’s demeanor, he must deeply regret that, especially considering he’s been repeating time because of it.

“Anyway… I should tell you the most important thing.”

He pulled me toward him. I was helplessly dragged and collapsed on top of him. The Duke immediately held me tightly, not letting me move.

“You asked about Isel’s lost magic.”

“…Yes.”

“Actually, Isel’s magic wasn’t lost.”

I nodded, as I had already suspected that much.

“Isel’s magic… allows one to see the future.”

“……”

I quickly lifted my head in surprise. Yes, that would explain everything. The repeated mentions of “seeing” something.

“It’s not perfect foresight, though. It’s more like glimpsing a scene, like a dream or daydream.”

“I see…”

“Until now, I’ve always seen you die. And it happened, no matter how much I tried to avoid it.”

The saying “The prophecy comes to those who try to avoid it” came to mind. The first one had their neck cut off. So, this meant I had died five times until this past life. How did I die? What was the Duke’s feeling when he watched it?

“Was it difficult?”
“You must have had a hard time.”
“But… I don’t remember.”
“You remember the first life, though.”

At the Duke’s words, I shuddered. As my body trembled, the Duke held my back, pulling the blanket over us both. In the thick feather blanket, our bodies overlapped.

I impulsively lifted my head and kissed the Duke. His lips were a little rougher than usual. As our lips met, the Duke placed one hand on the back of my head, pressing it down, and kissed me more deeply.

Our warm breaths passed between us. At some point, the sound of my heartbeat, growing louder and louder, reached my ears. But I couldn’t tell if it was my heartbeat or the Duke’s. I twisted my body slightly above the Duke.

My thighs brushed against his. It seemed the Duke’s breath had gotten a little rougher. He grabbed both sides of my thighs and, with his knees, lifted my lower body. The kiss continued in that position.

The Duke’s hand slowly moved down and groped for my bare feet. His body felt a little warm, and my feet were cold, so his touch felt very hot. His fingers gently tickled the arch and the hollow of my feet as he slid his hand up.

I had a premonition that the long-awaited first night was beginning.

His hand moved up to the back of my knee, and with it, my clothes started to rise. The Duke’s hand traced my soft skin, going deeper inside. I trembled, as if chills ran down my spine. His slow, deliberate movements seemed to be savoring the feel of my skin.

After a while, the Duke removed his hand and instead placed his fingertips on my chest. His hand slid down from my collarbone to my lower abdomen, over my clothes. It felt dry as if trying to gauge how thin my body was, but that wasn’t his only intention. His firm hand wrapped around my stomach. It became difficult to breathe. Every time I inhaled, the Duke could feel my stomach rise and fall, which felt strangely exposing.

“Take a deep breath, Yurein.”

The Duke spoke as if he were a doctor. Once I started breathing again, the Duke remained still, his hand placed on my abdomen, almost as if feeling my breath. My small body was completely enveloped in his large hand, from my chest to my lower abdomen.

My heartbeat was quickening, making it harder to breathe. I looked at the Duke without knowing what I was asking for. As our eyes met, he grasped my flat chest, which he had never touched before.

A breath rushed up to my throat. It felt like bubbles were bursting inside me. Starting from my chest, his touch marked places I had never felt another’s hand, except when washing myself.

The thin hem of my clothes fluttered. The Duke’s breath grew ragged.

Slowly… The Duke led me gently, to a place I had never been. My breaths were growing more hurried than his.

The air under the blanket was stifling. It felt like drinking a rare wine from the Duke’s palm, savoring it slowly. I held my breath, afraid any secret sounds might leak outside. The blanket slipped slightly, and the curtains swayed. The tips of my toes, raised, came into my view.

My hand stumbled through the air, finding its way to the Duke’s back. My waist ached, but there was no time to think about that. It felt like my body was sinking into the soft mattress, rising and falling like the currents of water. At some point, the Duke, now without clothes covering his body, felt like a living entity against my fingertips. My nails dug into his back, causing an involuntary wound.

The sound of the curtains swaying, the soft rustling of the fabric, grew faster. Then another sound naturally mixed with it. It was the sound that reddened my face.

The Duke whispered words he had never spoken, carried by his breath. His bare skin conveyed his body temperature directly to me. It felt hot enough to burn. Conversely, I thought, I must feel cold to him. It seemed like he was trying to warm me up, heating me fiercely with his urgency.

The patterns on the ceiling swirled. I hoped no one was nearby. I couldn’t hold anything back anymore. The heat rising inside me seemed determined to spill out in some form. I couldn’t control it, and it slipped away like fine sand through my fingers.

I felt dizzy, hot, confused, a little scared, and in pain.

… It was ecstasy.

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