I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 44

In an instant, the atmosphere split in two. The emperor’s entourage chuckled, while the duke’s subordinates grew cold. Though there were no noticeable changes in their expressions, the collective thoughts of many people inevitably altered the mood.

“…I do not have such bad taste.”

“Bad taste? You just don’t understand.”

“…”

“It seems you don’t know the pleasures of life.”

I quickly averted my gaze, fearing I wouldn’t be able to manage my expression if the emperor looked at me. Fortunately, it seemed he understood that if he looked at me, it would be obvious that I was mocking the Duchess in front of the emperor, so instead of looking at me, he handed over the bloodstained sword and arrows to his attendants.

“Since we’ve had a good hunt, shall we head back?”

It seemed that for the emperor, hunting was all about seeing blood. Without so much as a glance at the prey he had caught, he climbed into his carriage and left first, as though he had no further interest in the hunting grounds.

“Your Majesty, what should we do with this?”

One of the knights asked. The duke glanced at the limp bear.

“Wait until after the emperor has left Isser before you take it.”

It wouldn’t be of use for its hide anyway. Later, the emperor would likely forget about the bear and never inquire about where it had gone.

After returning to the duke’s residence, while the duke and emperor conversed, I hurriedly changed clothes and descended to the banquet hall. Erma and the vice governor were already there. It was my responsibility to attend to the guests, but when it came to serving someone like the emperor, I couldn’t manage it all alone.

Once everyone had taken their seats, the attendants began bringing out food in a flurry. Artichokes stuffed with mushrooms, lightly seared salmon, and small slices of raw tuna were followed by grilled eggplant topped with cooked cream and butter.

Next came roasted roe deer tenderloin with apples, quail stuffed with grains and roasted to a glossy finish, sea bass seasoned with large grains of salt, veal tenderloin thinly sliced after being seared, and young lamb shoulder cooked to a charred surface. Five different salads using various vegetables. In addition, there were plum and raspberry-based distilled spirits, rum made from sugarcane, three types of red and white wine with different grape varieties and vintages, and seven types of strong fruit wines mixed with sparkling water. This was just the food prepared.

The golden cutlery, which was used only once a year for the new year banquet at the duke’s residence, was brought out. Even the water goblets were adorned with gold and decorated with jewels. The napkins, used once to wipe one’s mouth, were all made of the finest silk, and the chairs were covered with embroidered silk and satin ribbons.

The chandelier, which was usually left unlit for convenience, was fully lit, casting bright reflections off the golden and crystal tableware, sparkling so intensely that it hurt my eyes.

Throughout the banquet, the emperor praised the duke and me. It was praise with no sincerity behind it. Though the emperor smiled, his eyes, as always, remained cold. Every time the emperor glanced at me, I couldn’t help but flinch.

After the banquet, the emperor stayed in a guest room prepared for him, leaving early the next morning. The smoke of the beast he had taken, which no one could see, seemed to rise in the distance from the hunting grounds like an afterthought.

How did it come to this?

I thought this while watching Resilli pour tea for Leia. Leia lowered her head slightly and elegantly sipped from her cup. She truly looked like a refined lace-like person—delicate and beautiful.

Her golden hair, a slightly darker shade than mine, and her teal-colored eyes. Long eyelashes, fair and translucent skin, and pink-tipped fingers. She was a stunning Lamia, the kind of beauty the duke could easily fall for.

“Are you doing well?” I asked, suddenly using a formal tone.

In my past life, I had always used formal speech with Leia. Changing the way I spoke to others had never been awkward, but for some reason, with Leia, it felt uncomfortable, and I couldn’t seem to make myself feel at ease.

“Thanks to Your Majesty’s kindness, I am doing well,” Leia replied.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

I sipped my tea in silence. It was only a short while ago that Leia had visited my office. Though she was of commoner status, that didn’t mean she couldn’t request an audience with me. The process to enter the duke’s residence was strict, but she had already passed that and had no reason not to meet with me inside the residence.

I had been surprised when I heard Leia had come, but I calmly told them to escort her to the reception room. I thought that, for some reason, the conversation might not be appropriate for my office.

We exchanged pleasantries for a while, talking about things neither of us thought important. Eventually, the conversation fell silent, and an awkward stillness settled over the table. After taking another sip of tea, Leia spoke.

“Your Majesty.”

“Speak.”

“The duke asked me to come because he wants to clear up your misunderstanding.”

“….”

“He said you should stop thinking of us the way you do.”

I stared at Leia, stunned. The duke, what did he say?

“He told me to come and tell you that the duke and I are not the way you think we are. He asked me to say that.”

Tsk, Leia clicked her tongue softly. Even that surprised me. In my past life, Leia had been quiet, reserved, and couldn’t even look me in the eye. But now, it felt like she had become a completely different person… Or had she always been this way, and I just didn’t know?

“…….”

“I really… dislike you, Your Majesty.”

“Is that my fault?”

I suddenly felt irritated. Leia seemed upset because the duke had told her to come to me and say that we were nothing more than acquaintances—whether that was the truth or a lie, I wasn’t sure. But it wasn’t my fault, was it? The duke and Leia had been the ones involved in an affair. I am the duke’s legitimate wife—why should I have to listen to her tell me that she dislikes me?

As I stared at her, Leia lowered her gaze. Her teal eyes wavered with confusion.

“I’m sorry. It’s not Your Majesty’s fault… well, maybe not.”

“Maybe?”

“Yes, it’s not Your Majesty’s fault. But… Your Majesty…”

Leia lowered her head deeply.

“I think I’m the one who’s suffered the most.”

“…….”

“You might get angry at this, but eventually, you’ll understand me.”

“Well, I wonder about that.”

My hand, holding the tea cup, trembled slightly. You think you’re the one who’s suffered the most? I’ve had my head cut off, and you think that’s worse? You, who are nothing more than a bastard child, who isn’t even acknowledged as the duke’s lover, have come here to give me an excuse?

“Leave now.”

“Yes, I will take my leave.”

After Leia left quietly, I barely managed to resist the urge to throw my tea cup. Returning to my office, I couldn’t focus on any of my work. I rested my hand on my forehead and blankly stared for a few minutes. This time, the duke himself came to see me.

“You look tired.”

“…Yes.”

It’s because of Leia, who you sent. I thought about saying that, but I was too tired to speak.

“Shall we go for a walk?”

“Now?”

“I can’t focus on work either.”

“…….”

I could have refused. But despite being so angry, when I looked at the duke, the words of refusal didn’t come out. I silently nodded and began preparing to go out. Our destination was once again the reed field.

The reed field, empty and still, was quiet and lonely. It wasn’t a desolate loneliness, but rather a solitude that gently calmed the mind. It was where the duke and Leia had first met. As that thought crossed my mind, I focused only on the fluttering reeds.

The duke approached me on horseback.

“Bi.”

“…Yes?”

“This is… my favorite place. I’ve never brought anyone here. Except for you. You’re the first.”

“…….”

“It will be the last time.”

No, it won’t. You… But if I said that, I felt like the duke would really get angry. I quietly nodded. The last time. He, who never speaks lies or false vows, said it. It would be a promise he would break for Leia.

Our relationship wouldn’t last much longer anyway.

“Your Majesty, you said you would… divorce me.”

A strong wind blew, and the rustling of the reeds seemed to pass between us, creating a small wall. I brushed a strand of my hair back with one hand and silently gazed at the duke.

“Yes, if that is truly what you want.”

Then what if I don’t want it?

I didn’t ask that question. Even if the duke is interested in me right now, and even if he made Leia say such things, in three years, he would love Leia.

But right now, the look in the duke’s eyes as he gazed at me was warm and sincere. I urged my horse closer to him. I reached out my hand, leaned in, and kissed his lips.

I felt warmth.

The duke froze for a moment, and in that instant, I lost my balance. As I thought I would fall off the horse, the duke pulled me into his arms and leapt down. We landed softly on the ground, with the duke holding me.

The duke shifted, lying on top of me, and turned his body so that I was lying on the ground with his cloak spread beneath me. All I could see was the duke’s face, and behind him were the swaying reeds and the blue sky. His lips met mine again. This kiss was completely different from the brief ones before.

I felt something hot invade my mind. My body, lying on the ground, seemed to float. Tiny stars seemed to twinkle in front of my eyes. It was a long, persistent kiss.

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