I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 43

The Emperor stood at ease while Erma bowed deeply. One had golden hair and red eyes, the other black hair and hazel eyes. Their builds and heights were different too. While Erma’s face was above average in appearance, comparing him to the Emperor felt almost insulting to the latter.

Could there be some secret about his birth I don’t know?

It was a fleeting thought, and I couldn’t quite understand why it even crossed my mind. I glanced between the two again. Upon closer inspection, they bore no resemblance at all.

Am I just tired?

Or perhaps overly sensitive. That seemed like the most reasonable explanation. I dismissed the absurd notion from my mind. It was nonsense, after all.

Soon, we departed for the hunting grounds. Since the site was a remote one I had never visited, we had to pass through the main road outside the castle gates. Riding in a carriage directly behind the Emperor’s, surrounded by onlookers, was not a pleasant experience.

“Your Grace.”

“…Yes?”

The Duke, seated across from me, called out.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“Oh… I’m sorry. Not at all, just a little tired.”

“There’s no need to apologize. Just be cautious. The Emperor might pick a fight over something trivial.”

“Yes.”

I nodded and idly touched my face.

“It’s just… I had a strange thought for a moment. I was caught up in it.”

“A strange thought?”

“I thought the Emperor and Erma looked alike.”

Even as I said it, I felt embarrassed. It was such a ridiculous idea. Judging by the slight furrow of the Duke’s brow, he seemed to think the same.

“Erma bears a strong resemblance to his nanny’s husband.”

“Oh… I see.”

Surely that wasn’t meant as a joke. I hadn’t been serious enough to entertain thoughts of hidden parentage, but I didn’t know how to respond and gave a vague reply instead.

“I won’t let it bother me anymore.”

“Your Grace, I…”

I had only mentioned it to avoid showing a troubled expression that might offend the Emperor, but the Duke paused mid-sentence, then sighed instead. I glanced at him nervously before lowering my gaze. The steady rocking of the carriage left my thoughts scattered.

After about an hour, the carriage came to a stop. Neither the Duke nor I had spoken during the journey, nor had we exchanged glances. Occasionally, I felt his gaze on me, but I kept my focus outside the window.

As I stepped out of the carriage and looked around, I saw that the hunting grounds were near a deep forest. Towering trees cast shadows over the entire area, and the sounds of birds and beasts echoed even at the entrance. The distant parts of the forest were so dark they seemed like night. It was a slightly eerie place.

The Emperor, who had dismounted first, surveyed the forest and spoke cheerfully.

“It’s just as I heard—marvelous. Duke, is there plenty of game here?”

“We’ve released foxes and wolves into the area,” the Duke replied, gesturing toward several large, open iron cages.

The sight of the cages made me flinch involuntarily. They brought back unpleasant memories. It seemed as though every corner of this life was littered with bad memories from my past. How I had survived three years of it was a mystery. Then again, even pain became something you grew numb to over time.

The Emperor’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Foxes and wolves? How dull.”

As expected, he wasn’t pleased. The Duke replied evenly.

“This forest is naturally deep, Your Majesty. It’s home to many wild animals.”

“Oh? Such as?”

“Previously, a black bear was hunted here.”

“A bear! Splendid.”

“There are other wild animals as well. You won’t find it boring.”

“I look forward to it. Duchess?”

I had been staring at the iron cages when the Emperor suddenly addressed me. Startled, I turned to face him. He smiled leisurely as he spoke.

“If we catch a bear, I’ll present it to you.”

“…”

Why would I want that?

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. Before I could say anything, the Duke interjected calmly.

“There’s no need for Your Majesty to bestow such gifts upon my wife.”

“Haha! The Duke is quite possessive, I see!”

Thankfully, the Emperor laughed it off and left it at that, his attention shifting back to the hunt. He seemed too excited to dwell on anything else. Memories of a previous incident at the imperial palace, where I ended up drenched in wolf’s blood because of the Emperor, resurfaced. Even if he gave the bear as a proper gift, I wouldn’t want it. And knowing him, he wouldn’t give it properly either.

The smell of blood seemed to return, and I shuddered subtly. Sticky, unpleasant sensations. The wild eyes of a wolf, its bared teeth. Another bad memory.

The Duke approached me quietly.

“Hunting isn’t for you, is it?”

I glanced down at myself with a shrug. Once again, I was dressed in an outfit overly extravagant to match the Emperor’s tastes. A deep velvet gown adorned with sable fur and heavy jewelry. The Duke briefly looked me over and furrowed his brow slightly.

“Is it uncomfortable?”

“I’m fine.”

Of course, it was uncomfortable, but that was my answer. The Duke paused before speaking again.

“The dress must be tiring to wear. I’ll make sure the hunt ends quickly.”

“…Honestly, I’d appreciate that.”

How curious. The first thing he noticed when looking at my attire was how it might exhaust me. Usually, only my closest attendants picked up on such things.

“Were you hoping to hunt?”

“No… I just don’t want to be in the same hunting grounds as His Majesty.”

I whispered softly, and the Duke nodded as if he understood.

“There won’t be a repeat of that incident.”

“…”

The Duke nodded slightly, as if understanding my softly spoken words.

“There won’t be a repeat of that incident.”

“…”

“Prepare a chair for Her Grace.”

While I hesitated, the Duke gave the order in a loud, commanding voice before returning to the Emperor’s side. A plush chair with cushions and a soft pad was brought out and prepared for me. The Emperor made a point of teasing the Duke about his apparent affection for his wife.

There won’t be a repeat of that incident… I thought. I had assumed he hadn’t given much thought to what had happened to me back then.

Soon, the Emperor and the Duke mounted their horses and rode into the forest. Their imposing figures on powerful steeds quickly disappeared into the shadows cast by the towering trees.

Wearing high heels, a heavy dress, and an even heavier crown, the fatigue that had begun to creep in lessened as I settled into the chair. Leaning back, I gazed up at the skyward-reaching branches and bare limbs of the trees, occasionally spotting birds flitting across the open space.

Was it really a mistake to think Erma resembled the Emperor?

My gaze drifted to the iron cages nearby. Erma had once locked me in such a cage.

“Even animals would understand better than you, which makes this punishment all the more fitting.”

I had been left in nothing but a thin garment, trembling at the thought of anyone else entering the room. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. Lady Bihen had stood there with her arms crossed, while Erma cracked a whip menacingly over the cage.

The servants had gathered around, laughing and whispering among themselves as they watched. Being placed in an exposed cage like that was a punishment designed to humiliate. I vividly remembered the gleam in Erma’s eyes, so bright they seemed to burn.

Terrified of the whip entering the cage and striking me, I didn’t care how disheveled I looked as I scrambled to retreat into a corner. The cage was entirely open, and Erma’s whip occasionally found its mark on my skin.

“Erma, please. Please let me out. Send them away.”

“Not until Your Grace repents.”

“I was wrong. I admit it. Please!”

Now, I couldn’t even remember what crime I was supposed to have committed. It couldn’t have been anything serious. Erma was the sort of sadist who would seize any excuse to inflict punishment.

Ah… Is that why I saw similarities between Erma and the Emperor?

There was something of that same sadism in the Emperor. I could see it in the way his crimson eyes gleamed as he laughed after drenching me in wolf’s blood. A shiver ran through me again, and I motioned for Ressily to bring me a blanket.

Before long, Ressily arrived with a thick rabbit-fur blanket, and Bohein followed with a steaming cup of mulled wine. The warmth of the spiced, fruity drink chased away the chill in my body and my darker thoughts.

Occasionally, birds took flight from the forest, and sharp animal cries pierced the quiet. Observing it all from a distance, the cruelty of hunting struck me anew.

Some time passed before a commotion arose from deeper within the forest. Bohein and Ressily hurried over to adjust my attire.

The Emperor and the Duke emerged side by side, the Emperor’s face spattered with blood. Rising to meet them, I greeted the pair.

“Duchess, I’ve taken down a bear. What do you think?”

“Truly remarkable, Your Majesty.”

I forced a smile and clapped lightly, careful not to let my words sound sarcastic. My lips trembled slightly as I held the expression. The Emperor smirked, lifting one corner of his mouth.

From the still-noisy depths of the forest, several men appeared, struggling to carry the carcass of a bear. My forced smile wavered as I saw the trail of blood it left behind. The bear had been viciously attacked, its body drenched in gore.

With the Emperor’s skill, he could have delivered a clean, fatal strike. The state of the bear meant he had intentionally toyed with it instead. Rather than feeling awe for his prowess, I was struck by the brutality of his nature, which left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“The Duke dislikes his wife receiving gifts from other men, so I’ll leave the bear to you, Duke. What do you say?”

“…Its pelt is too damaged to be of any use.”

“Haha! Does it feel like I’m discarding it?”

It didn’t just feel like that; it was precisely what he was doing. The Emperor had clearly mutilated the bear on purpose.

“Bring something warm for His Majesty and His Grace,” I said.

“No need, Duchess. After riding, I’m warm enough. Bring me something cool instead.”

“Shall I fetch something cool for you as well, Your Grace?”

“No, I’m fine.”

The Emperor was served chilled wine, while the Duke received mulled wine. Dismounting, the Duke revealed signs of his venture deep into the forest—his cloak and boots were speckled with bits of leaves and twigs.

“What did the Duke catch?”

“I took two foxes.”

“Not much of an effort, it seems.”

“It appears the animals fled in fear of Your Majesty.”

The Emperor roared with laughter.

“To think I’d hear such humor from you!”

The Duke lowered his gaze, pretending to sip his hot wine. Whatever had occurred in the forest was unknown to me, but something had clearly happened. Whether the Emperor was oblivious or pretending not to notice was unclear.

Holding his glass of wine, the Emperor suddenly turned his attention to the iron cages.

“Hm. Do you know,” he said, stroking his chin with a sly smile, “how delightful it is to lock a beauty in one of those?”

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