I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 45

A large hand grabbed my wrist and pressed it to the ground. I must have looked like I was about to resist, but in reality, I had no intention of doing so. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I didn’t have the mental energy to resist.

I was completely overwhelmed by a sensation I had never experienced before. My entire body shuddered. The rustling reeds, which had been swaying in the wind, were now entirely hidden behind the duke’s face and body, and I could no longer see them. I could only hear the sound, which was oddly clear. But even that sound started to be drowned out by the increasingly damp noise.

It was the first time. A foreign presence had entered my body in this way. My mouth, a place where I only felt sensations when eating or in pain, was filled with something far more intense than either food or pain, something that moved inside me at its own will.

Our lips parted briefly. Each time they did, the duke would stroke the back of my head, as if telling me to breathe. I inhaled the cold air obediently, like a child. The duke, watching me pant, kissed me again. We repeated this several times.

I could feel my lips swelling more and more. But the duke did not stop. Like a person who had been starving for a long time, he clung to me persistently.

After a while, he gently pressed my chin and opened my mouth. Without understanding why, I obeyed and parted my lips, slightly extending my tongue. The duke caught the tip of my tongue between his lips. It had been a while since our tongues had intertwined, and the root of my tongue ached, but the softness of his lips made it painless.

The duke’s lips were also swollen, just like mine. Acting impulsively, I raised my head slightly, getting closer to him, but then hesitated. The edge of my front teeth grazed his lips. I could feel the duke flinch. I tried to pull back in surprise, but the duke instead pulled me closer and kissed me more deeply.

The duke wrapped both of his hands around my head and back, and with that, my arms were freed. I lifted them and awkwardly wrapped them around his broad back. The warmth from his tunic-clad back, as he had removed his cloak, seeped into my arms.

A small sound of a groan escaped.

I was startled to realize it came from me, but the duke didn’t give me time to be surprised. His movements became bolder and more intense, changing angles, and I could no longer withstand the flood of sensations rushing over me. My legs began to flail. The duke shifted his lower body, lifting himself slightly and standing on his knees. Beneath him, I squirmed as my clothes wrinkled.

The sound of the reeds came again, but it was long after that moment. The duke raised his head and looked at me quietly. His golden eyes were glazed over, and I reflected in them. I looked disheveled to the point of embarrassment.

“Your Majesty…”

My voice cracked as I spoke. The duke slowly stroked my head.

“Your Majesty, why…?”

“Why? Were we not husband and wife?”

“B-but we’re outside…”

It wasn’t exactly a secluded place, and now that I thought about it, anyone could pass by. But the duke smiled softly and kissed my cheek, saying,

“It’s not the first time we’ve done this… outside.”

“……”

I felt my blood run cold. The lingering sensations from the kiss earlier seemed to ebb away like a wave. I stared blankly at the duke.

“…What?”

I wondered if I had misheard, but seeing the duke’s face twist into an expression of apparent regret, I knew it was true. This wasn’t the first time he had kissed someone here. The duke.

“…I won’t ask.”

That was the best I could express at that moment.

“No, it’s not that. I meant it’s not the first time we’ve kissed outside.”

The duke offered an excuse that didn’t make sense. While it was refreshing to see him flustered, I didn’t want to hear about his past lovers in this way. Especially not here in the reed field, where the duke had first met Leia.

It seemed like he truly enjoyed this place. I couldn’t bring myself to be angry, so I tried to suppress the black, sticky mass that had settled in my chest.

“Bi.”

“Yes.”

“…Are you angry? It’s not really like that.”

“I understand.”

The duke sighed. In truth, I was the one who wanted to sigh.

“Today… we won’t be going to the room. You should rest first.”

“I will do so.”

‘Today’ would become ‘today as well,’ wouldn’t it?

The duke helped me to my feet. Without a mirror, I couldn’t fix my disheveled clothes or hair properly. As I slowly straightened my rumpled attire, the duke approached, gently fixing my hair and untangling the knots in my clothing before tying them again.

Looking down at myself, I looked disheveled, enough that it wouldn’t be odd to say I had just come from riding a horse. But my lips were still swollen. Both mine and the duke’s. In fact, the duke even had a small cut on his lip.

“No one will think it’s strange. They might gossip, but…”

“…Do you think so?”

“Like I said, we’re husband and wife.”

“…….”

In the awkward silence, I tried to get on the horse. I was able to stand, but as soon as I tried to mount, my legs gave way, and I couldn’t control them. I was about to ask whether we should leave in a little while, as I stroked Shasha with a puzzled expression, when suddenly, my body was lifted. The duke had mounted me in front of him.

“Your Majesty, this is a bit….”

Isn’t this announcing to everyone that we’ve just been to the reed field? If you don’t look closely at our lips, though, no one would notice.

“When we get to the town, switch to Shasha. By then, your legs should be fine.”

“…….”

I should be thanking him, but no words came out. Even after being held by the duke and riding the horse, the awkward atmosphere lingered. As he had said, I switched to Shasha before we entered the town, with the duke’s help. By then, I had regained enough strength in my legs to ride properly.

Without saying a word, we made our way back to the duke’s residence.

Count Chiara was holding a quill dipped in red ink, grading my test paper. As I waited quietly, I felt nervous. Depending on the results, Baron Bihen would order Erma to punish me. Even if my answers were correct, they would find some excuse to criticize me. Over time, my confidence waned, and I started to find it hard to distinguish between right and wrong answers, while the punishments became harsher.

That’s why, even now, sitting in front of the count, my fingertips were cold with anxiety. This was the first test we had since I began studying with her. Fortunately, what we had covered so far was easy, but you never know.

After a while, the count lifted her head from the test paper.

“You are indeed sharp, Your Majesty.”

“…….”

I wasn’t used to such compliments. I hesitated, unsure of how to respond, when the count showed me the paper with red marks.

“This question, number three, would have been difficult to answer correctly unless you had a deep understanding of the material, but you got it right. The same goes for questions 11 and 14. Your Majesty, have you studied Isser separately? These topics… I don’t believe I’ve taught them yet.”

“I didn’t study, just read a few books.”

I had lived for about three years just reading books, locked in this castle.

“You learned all of this just from reading books?”

The count smiled. During our lessons, she often smiled at me. In my previous life, I only saw her cold, stern face and assumed she had a ruthless personality, but as a teacher, she was remarkably kind.

“No, it’s thanks to you, Count. I’m learning a lot of things I didn’t know before. It’s been such a joy to learn something new every day.”

This was true. Learning had always been enjoyable for me. I had a few things I wanted to study as a child but never got the chance, and in my past life, learning was filled with pain and fear, so now it was all the more precious to me.

“We’ll stop here for today, Your Majesty. May I take your hand for a moment?”

“My hand?”

I thought this was strange, but I extended my hand. Count Chiara took my hand, just like when we first met, and used her magic. A silvery light moved from her hand to mine. I could feel myself calming down as though a soothing fragrance was wafting through the air.

“It’s truly fascinating.”

When she let go of my hand and I looked down at it, she asked,

“How do you feel now?”

“Calm.”

“How calm?”

“Well… it’s like when I’ve just taken a bath, or when there’s a calming fragrance in the air…”

“Aha…”

The count rested her chin on her hand as she seemed to think about something. Did I say something wrong?

“Your Majesty, actually, my mental abilities are quite strong.”

“Is that so?”

I wondered if I had said something wrong. I had only spoken as I felt. Unconsciously, I shrank back. In the meantime, the count discarded my cold tea and poured me another cup.

“Your Majesty, it seems that magic doesn’t work well on you. Specifically, mental magic. I haven’t tested other types of magic, though.”

“Is that so?”

“The magic I just used is on the level of calming patients who suffer from trauma-induced seizures.”

“…….”

That’s all? I looked at her in surprise, and the count continued, as if it were nothing.

“Did you not know that mental magic doesn’t work on you?”

“I didn’t know.”

I’d never had the chance to meet an heir with mental magic.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. It’s not. Mental magic tends to have more negative effects. I could use it negatively if I wanted to, but I don’t.”

“Negatively?”

“For example, like opium or cannabis, it can be used to addict people. Without leaving any trace.”

I recalled the moment when I had held the count’s hand. It had felt soft and comforting. If this feeling was much stronger for others, it seemed that with the right intentions, addiction wouldn’t be impossible.

“I see… Does that mean I’m immune to all mental magic?”

“Probably. But don’t be completely reassured. Even if magic doesn’t work, there are still many other methods.”

“Other methods?”

“It’s not that it doesn’t work at all, it’s just that its effects are significantly reduced. For example, using objects that amplify magic or combining it with other magic. It’s like having resistance to poison—it doesn’t mean you can eat any poison without consequence.”

The count explained with a serious expression.

“I’ll be careful.”

“Yes, please do. …Shall we end the lesson here for today?”

“Thank you for your hard work, Count.”

“Likewise, Your Majesty.”

After sending the count off, I fell into deep thought. It was fascinating to learn that I was strong against mental magic. And also about the count’s pleasant magic. What I possessed was magic that could explode if mishandled, but there were countless kinds of magic in the world that helped people.

“Always be careful, Yuren. Think about how much harm the poison inside you can do to others. You must live as though cursed.”

These were always my mother’s words. I raised my hand and gently touched the veins flowing with blood on my wrist. I felt a slight envy toward the count, who could save people.

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