I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 42

The question had slipped out, following the stream of my consciousness. The moment I asked it, my face flushed bright red. I hadn’t meant to ask so bluntly.

The Duke, hearing my question, furrowed his brows and remained still for a moment.

“…Was it really that shocking?”

“Pardon?”

“My kiss. Was it so shocking to you?”

“Well, I mean…”

Wasn’t it obvious? I looked at him as if to say so, and he let out a sigh. I couldn’t decipher the meaning behind that sigh, so I glanced at him uncertainly.

“To me…”

“To you?”

“Leiya…”

“Leiya.”

The Duke’s expression immediately hardened. He closed his mouth for a moment before speaking again.

“Right. It’s only natural for you to think that way. But I’ve already told you—I’m not in that kind of relationship with Leiya.”

“…”

“It’s understandable if you don’t believe me.”

Understandable wasn’t the right word—it was inevitable. I still remembered the sight of his hand resting on Leiya’s shoulder in my previous life. How could I easily believe his claim that they shared nothing when that same hand had now reached for me?

The wind blew, and the slanted sunlight filtered through the leaves. As the sunlight bathed the Duke, he slowly approached me. Realizing his gaze was fixed on my lips, I flinched and took a step back.

“…”

Déjà vu washed over me.

Once again, his large frame leaned toward me. The tension made my fingertips tingle. With firm but careful hands, the Duke cupped my cheeks and drew closer.

At that moment, a flock of birds suddenly took flight. Dry leaves fluttered, branches clattered, and the rustling noises jolted me back to my senses. I instinctively pulled away, but his face was already too close. Our lips brushed briefly.

It felt like the softest touch of a feather, but even that fleeting contact made my face burn as though it had caught fire.

“I-I’m going inside first!”

“…Wait. I have something to—”

The Duke’s words were lost on me. I wasn’t in any state to listen. Gathering up my overly cumbersome skirts, I half-ran through the winter garden back to my room.

As soon as I entered, I slammed the door shut. My emotions were a tangled mess, impossible to define. Was I embarrassed? Angry? Confused?

“Your Grace? Is everything all right?”

Ressily looked startled as she rushed over. Shaking my head vigorously to dismiss her concerns, I tried to brush it off. She didn’t press further but continued to watch me curiously even as she brought water for me to wash my hands.

“Oh, Your Grace. A letter has arrived from Airdren.”

“Really?”

“Shall I bring it to you now?”

I nodded. A letter—it couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed something to distract myself. Reading and replying to my siblings’ correspondence might help me forget this confusion, even if only for a while.

But the moment I opened the letter with a paper knife and began reading, I completely forgot about my earlier encounter with the Duke.

The letter wasn’t from my siblings. It was from my parents.

*Uraine,

His Majesty the Emperor will be visiting your estate soon.

Ensure that he is received properly.

Convey our regards to His Grace as well.*

The handwriting was unmistakably my mother’s, and the letter bore Airdren’s seal. I was stunned, both by the fact that my mother had written to me and by the content of the letter.

I hadn’t expected this at all. The Emperor was coming to Isere? Why? This had never happened in my previous life. Even if I was only nominally the Duchess, I wouldn’t have been excluded from such an event. This meant it was something unique to this life.

“…”

This life truly is strange.

I’d thought I would gain complete control. But as I started making small changes, unexpected variables began to arise—the Duke’s attitude, Leiya’s early appearance, and now the Emperor’s visit.

Even Erma, who had wielded so much power in my previous life, was oddly impotent now. He, who had driven me to death, had lost the Duke’s trust and even been flogged, all because I’d altered a few of my own actions.

If this were the past, I’d have been the one punished instead…

The Duke’s face flashed in my mind—his long lashes, lowered eyelids, and the golden eyes beneath them. The distance had been so close that I could see myself reflected in them. And then… that slight, fleeting touch of his lips.

“Ugh.”

I groaned softly, tossing the letter aside and burying my face against the desk. I lay there like a dead weight for a while before finally lifting my head. Now that I thought about it, the Duke had said he wanted to talk before I’d run off.

Should I have stayed to listen?

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door. Startled, I shot up from my seat. A deep voice followed.

“Your Grace, may I come in?”

“…”

After a brief hesitation, I gestured for Ressily to answer. She moved to the door and, with a respectful motion, opened it for the Duke. He walked in with the same attire he’d worn in the garden, his steps steady as he approached me.

“You really did run off like a squirrel.”

“…”

What? What did he just say? I touched my ear, wondering if I’d misheard or if he’d misspoken, confusing “squirrel” with something else. But Ressily’s suppressed giggle confirmed that I’d heard correctly.

“I have news to share. The Emperor will be coming to Isere for a hunting trip.”

“Oh… Yes, I just learned about it from a letter my parents sent me.”

“A letter from your parents?”

The Duke raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Hm… Your Grace, if you permit, I’d like to take a look at the letter your parents sent.”

The words “if you permit” were merely a polite formality—it clearly meant Let me see it. After all, letters coming into Isere from Airdren would have already been reviewed by the Duke beforehand. Without much thought, I handed him the letter. His eyes quickly skimmed through the brief contents.

“…Is this it?”

“Pardon?”

“The contents—this is all there is?”

“…I haven’t hidden anything.”

Being suddenly suspected left me feeling a bit hurt. I restrained my frown and answered evenly, though his clarification that it wasn’t what he meant didn’t help much. If that’s not what you meant, then what did you mean?

“Do they write to you often?”

“No… This is the first time I’ve received a letter from them. My brothers write frequently, though.”

The Duke’s expression grew even darker. After a brief silence, he said something unexpected.

“This letter doesn’t even ask how you’re doing.”

“…”

I hadn’t thought of that. My well-being… My parents rarely inquired about it, and I certainly hadn’t expected the Duke to point it out.

“They dislike formalities,” I said.

“Asking your child how they’re doing isn’t a formality.”

“…”

For a moment, I recalled seeing a letter my mother had written to Rieseon. I hadn’t read it in detail, but it had been lengthy, full of concern and inquiries about his well-being. But back then, Rieseon had just entered the military academy dormitory, and my parents had naturally been more worried about him. Our circumstances were different.

Still, it seemed the Duke was under the impression that my parents were cold or indifferent toward me. That wasn’t true.

“Please don’t misunderstand, Your Grace. My parents are simply a bit reserved by nature. It’s not that they dislike me or anything like that.”

“…If you say so.”

At last, the Duke’s expression softened, and he returned the letter to me.

“They did ask me to send you their regards.”

“I saw. I’ll take it as read. Are you planning to reply?”

“Yes.”

“Send my regards as well.”

“Understood.”

“…I won’t be able to visit tonight.”

“Yes.”

The Duke gazed at me steadily, as though he had more to say. I waited for him to speak, but in the end, he merely told me to sleep well before leaving like the wind. Thanks to that, I became someone who was told to sleep well at four in the afternoon.

After he left, I changed my clothes and lay down in bed. I felt exhausted for no particular reason. As for my parents’ letter… I decided not to think about it any further.

The Emperor was a man who couldn’t stand not being the center of attention, decking himself out as ostentatiously as a peacock. His hunting party consisted of over a thousand people, with twelve carriages filled with luxuries meant solely for his use.

The gilded, jewel-adorned imperial carriage came to a stop in the main courtyard of the ducal castle. Even though everyone in the castle had come out to greet him, their numbers were still dwarfed by the Emperor’s entourage.

When the door of the ornate carriage opened, the Emperor emerged. His golden hair was as polished and gleaming as his appearance.

He was wearing what could technically be called hunting attire. However, it was so extravagantly adorned that, if left weaponless in the forest, he’d undoubtedly become the target of a flock of crows. Especially with the tiny diamonds sewn along every seam of his collar.

The thought of crows plucking those decorations from his clothes and leaving him in rags amused me slightly. The Emperor’s new clothes, indeed.

“The weather is lovely,” were the Emperor’s first words.

The assembled crowd knelt before him in unison. The Emperor received their greetings with a relaxed expression.

“Duke, I’ve heard your hunting grounds are exquisite, so I came on a whim. Surely you won’t turn me away?”

“Of course not, Your Majesty. It is an honor to have you here.”

The Duke responded calmly, his face betraying no emotion. His lowered gaze showed neither welcome nor displeasure.

“Why so stiff, between us?”

The Emperor suddenly jumped down from his carriage and approached the Duke, bending at the waist. Startled, I barely suppressed the urge to flinch.

With his hands clasped behind his back, the Emperor leaned in to look directly up into the Duke’s face.

The Duke, who had been slightly inclined in deference, met the Emperor’s gaze head-on.

“Please refrain from such antics, Your Majesty.”

“No sense of fun, as always.”

Straightening up, the Emperor turned his attention to me. Not wanting to draw his focus, I pretended not to notice and shifted my gaze toward Erma.

“Chamberlain, is the hunting ground prepared?”

“Yes, everything is ready, Your Majesty,” Erma replied, stepping forward.

I glanced at Erma, then back at the Emperor—and froze.

…Were the two of them a little alike?

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