I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 37

“What…?”

What was I supposed to do? I had just told the Duke that Leia wasn’t a bastard child, and he had gotten so dark and gloomy about it and then left.

Even worse, he didn’t return to my room until after 2 a.m., long after the banquet had ended. He had said he’d come every night, but if he couldn’t, he would always let me know beforehand…

Sitting on the sofa and reading, I looked at the closed door.

“Is someone there?”

When I asked toward the bedroom door, the servant quickly responded. It was someone new the Duke had brought in. After a brief hesitation, I asked.

“Are any of the banquet guests still here?”

“No one, Your Majesty. By the time the banquet ended, everyone had left.”

“…I see.”

I felt a bit foolish for even asking. If the answer had been that Leia stayed behind, I might have easily guessed why the Duke hadn’t come. But that wasn’t the case.

I glanced back at the now silent door.

…Should I go? Leia has already left, as they said.

“……”

When we first talked about the three-month period of shared quarters, the Duke had said that if he didn’t come, I was supposed to go to his room. We hadn’t done that yet, though, except when he was away on campaign.

Should I go now?

Carefully, I got off the sofa and approached the door. The heavy door looked particularly heavy tonight. The cold air rose up from the soles of my feet. I must have come without slippers.

I’m barefoot, and I’m not even wearing a shawl. I can’t just walk into the Duke’s room in my pajamas… and he might not even be there.

I thought of various excuses, and before I knew it, I turned back to my bed and crawled under the covers, pulling them up to my head.

— I didn’t come out here to hear that.

Honestly, I thought the Duke would be pleased when I told him that Leia wasn’t a bastard child. He’d probably be a little suspicious, but that was to be expected. But his expression had been one of disbelief.

So, what did he want to hear?

Words for the Full Moon Festival night…

Words to say.

…This doesn’t make sense.

I quickly shook off those empty thoughts and curled up further under the covers, feeling the warmth on my icy feet, trying to calm myself. It seemed like sleep would be impossible tonight.

The next morning, after another restless night, I heard something strange.

“Your Majesty, didn’t you hear someone knocking on the door last night?”

“I didn’t. Did someone come to my room, Resilly?”

“No. Actually, it’s said that the Duke stood outside the door for quite a while.”

Splash! I turned in surprise, splashing water on Resilly.

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t get wet.”

“I was a bit startled…”

“One of the servants who found the Duke was so shocked they tripped and bruised their backside.”

That was an unfortunate event. I sat back down and asked.

“Are you sure it was the Duke? Maybe they saw something else… or perhaps a ghost? A ghost who looks like the Duke.”

“Don’t be silly. There are no ghosts.”

I found Resilly’s fear of ghosts kind of cute as she assured me with such confidence. My tension eased, and I smiled.

“Honestly, it makes more sense that it was the Duke standing outside my door at night.”

It was hard to believe. The idea of the Duke standing outside my door seemed almost unreal. But Resilly shook her head.

“If it had been a ghost, it would have either tried to hurt someone or just disappeared, right? But when the servant saw the Duke, he just said, ‘You’ve worked hard into the late hours,’ and then walked away down the hall like nothing had happened.”

“……”

What in the world…

I decided I’d ask the Duke about it when I saw him again. And sooner than I thought, I ran into him—right in my office.

After breakfast, I entered my office and saw a familiar figure from behind.

“Your Majesty.”

I called out in surprise, and he turned toward me. His face, which had been slow to turn, was wearing an unexpected expression—his brows furrowed deeply, and his lips were tight with a hard set.

“Your Majesty… Is something wrong?”

“Duchess.”

“Yes?”

“Can you explain this to me?”

The Duke was holding a thick, bound book and a stack of papers. It was a book he had brought from the library, a book of ancient language, which I thought was a history book.

When I get a headache from work, I tend to copy things to clear my mind, and this had been my recent distraction. I could read ancient language, but I couldn’t fully interpret it, so it was just right for my purposes.

“I was copying it as a hobby when my mind was cluttered… I took the book from the library.”

At that, the Duke’s expression darkened further.

“Your Majesty, wasn’t this book kept in a locked section?”

“Yes…?”

There was a locked section in the library. It was where expensive books or confidential materials were stored, but I had never been inside it. I couldn’t recall whether I’d accidentally entered, but after thinking for a while, I finally remembered—it was in the inner part of the library.

“No. It was in the inner room, so I just took it from there after glancing through it. Perhaps, Your Majesty… were you reading this book?”

I didn’t think he would make such a big deal out of it. Feeling a bit tense, I watched as the Duke silently placed the book down and, still holding the papers, walked toward the fireplace and threw them into it. My eyes widened.

The papers ignited instantly, burning down to ashes.

“What does this book look like to you?”

“I… I’m not very good with ancient language, so I thought it was a history book.”

I answered honestly.

“It’s a history book, yes. But it’s also confidential material that shouldn’t leave Isel. It contains the full genealogy of the Isel family and all related secrets. It’s a book that shouldn’t leave the restricted area.”

“……”

My mouth dropped open. I quickly glanced at the fireplace. The paper had burned completely, leaving nothing behind. After taking a deep breath, I moved closer to the desk, checking to see if any of the papers had been overlooked.

Luckily, all the copied papers were kept together, so the only things burning in the fireplace were from that batch. Some of the other notes I had copied might have mixed in and burned, but that didn’t really matter.

“I… I didn’t mean any harm, Your Majesty. I’m not good at ancient language. I really just thought it was a history book…”

I hurriedly tried to explain. If you asked me what I was most afraid of, it would obviously be gaining the Duke’s suspicion or dislike.

“I really didn’t mean it.”

But in a situation like this, it was no wonder he would suspect me…

“Majesty.”

I flinched and looked at him, and he furrowed his brow slightly.

“I’m not doubting you.”

“…Huh?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“……”

Worried? About me?

Why?

He passed by me, frozen in place, and opened the book. It seemed he was checking for missing pages or anything that had been overwritten.

“You said you brought it from the inner room. There are only a few people with the keys to the library’s inner section… Someone must have intentionally taken it out.”

“Why?”

“Who knows that you have a hobby of copying ancient language?”

I immediately thought of Erma. But did she know in this life? In my past life, she had purposely brought me books to copy, but in this life… she didn’t. Maybe, since she came in and out of my office often, she might have noticed that I enjoyed copying. And Boen, Resilly—those were the ones who might know.

“Erma, Boen, and Resilly know. Some of the servants might know as well.”

“Erma knows, huh?”

I nodded, and the Duke narrowed his eyes as he stared at the fireplace, then suddenly asked,

“…But, you don’t know ancient language?”

“Yes…”

I suddenly felt a little embarrassed and nodded more slowly. Ancient language was a fundamental education for nobles, regardless of gender. When I was young, my parents had told me that if I wanted to learn horseback riding, I had to choose between that and ancient language. I probably should have chosen ancient language, but I chose horseback riding.

Even though I had hoped to learn ancient language later, I never got a teacher, and all I managed to pick up was by secretly looking at my brothers’ notebooks.

When I explained this, the Duke tilted his head slightly, looking confused. His expression was strange.

“Why couldn’t you learn both?”

“Well, I’m a Lamia, so horseback riding…”

“What does being a Lamia have to do with it?”

“Well… I could end up gaining muscle, and it’s not like a Lamia can’t ride a horse.”

“Muscle…”

The Duke stopped speaking and rubbed his forehead. I felt sorry for mentioning it, fearing it might make my parents look bad. They had their reasons for raising me this way; I was worried that it might make it seem like I had only been raised to get married.

“Majesty, please don’t think too badly of my parents. They did everything for my sake.”

“‘For your sake’ is the best excuse, isn’t it?”

“……”

No, my parents really did everything for me.

“I’ll go get the book. You wait here.”

“Yes…”

I stared absentmindedly at the fireplace. The best excuse… No. I shook my head.

After a while, the Duke, who had gone to the library, returned. His expression was slightly more relaxed than before. He still seemed to be thinking about something.

“Majesty…”

“…If you’re not too busy.”

He looked at my face silently for a moment and then asked.

“Shall we go ride?”

“…Huh?”

Suddenly?

“You seem a bit down. From the looks of it, there’s nothing to worry about. We’ll feel better if we go out and ride for a bit.”

I blinked in surprise. The Duke had been saying things like, “Get some fresh air” and “Cheer up” a lot lately. Had he said such things before? Of course not. In the past, no matter what my expression was, he would only look at me coldly.

“Do you not want to?”

“No, it’s not that.”

I didn’t dislike it. How should I say it… I was just honored.

“Well then, let’s go.”

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