Are All You Straight Men Like This? - Chapter 26

Unified mid-term exams were set for next week.

Professors conducted these exams independently during class hours, with the scores accounting for 30% of the total grade. The Astronomy Club members only returned on Tuesday, and by the time they truly settled down, it was already Wednesday. Ye Ran received a message in the class group chat stating that none of the teachers had highlighted specific exam topics—supposedly, everything taught in class was “the focus.”

A few elective course professors mentioned they would only assign papers. Compared to the unpredictable major exams, this sounded much simpler. The enthusiasm of the students on campus was eventually suppressed by the approaching mid-terms.

The hot threads on the forum were no longer things like “818: The Love Life of City Grass and His Boyfriend,” “Physical Education Scumbag Beaten by Two Girlfriends,” or “Lü Teng Restaurant Lunch Delivery Service—Contact 132xxxx.” Instead, they were filled with students from various departments begging seniors for insights into certain professors’ exam habits.

In this tense atmosphere, Ye Ran chose to hit the library with Xiao Pang.

“The library has been packed lately. You can basically never find a seat on the first three floors. Ye Ran, let’s head out earlier tomorrow?” Xiao Pang had just finished his shower and was climbing onto his bed.

The lights in Dorm 211 were bright. Night had fallen, and the sky was gloomy. The streetlights cast a white glow over the drizzling rain. Outside the dormitory building, the thin branches of the evergreen trees were soaked through.

Shu-ge was gazing out the window, holding a reader’s digest, muttering to himself: “Alas, alas, a scene of autumn desolation—”

“Give it a rest, Great Poet,” Xiao Pang rolled his eyes. “It’s already early winter. What ‘autumn’ are you talking about?”

Ye Ran was at his desk packing the books he needed for the library tomorrow. Hearing this, he glanced at Shu-ge. Shu-ge became sentimental whenever night fell; he loved wearing headphones while gazing at the stars. In reality, he was a 1.8-meter-tall guy with bulging muscles and scholarly black-rimmed glasses—a look that felt rather contradictory.

Xiao Pang complained daily about his “nightly emo sessions,” but Shu-ge disagreed, believing he was simply expressing his feelings. Most “literary youths” have unique hobbies, and Shu-ge was no exception.

His hobby was foot soaking.

After Ye Ran finished packing, he prepared to climb into bed, only to see Shu-ge with a thermos in one hand and a dark medicinal herb bag in the other. He tossed the bag into a basin; the water instantly turned pitch black, emitting a faint scent of mugwort.

“Hey, Ye Ran, want to soak together?”

Perhaps Ye Ran’s gaze caught his attention, as Shu-ge immediately greeted him warmly. He even moved his feet to the side, specifically leaving a large space for Ye Ran. The foot-soaking basin was huge—likely large enough to fit three pairs of feet.

From the adjacent bed, Xiao Pang immediately poked his head out, glancing at Shu-ge and then at Ye Ran, looking eager to try.

Ye Ran smiled and declined. “No thanks, I’ve already showered.”

“Alright then,” Shu-ge said with regret. “Foot soaking is good for the body. I strongly suggest you guys join me more often. I bought two big boxes of mugwort bags; I definitely won’t finish them this year. If you want to soak, just let me know.”

“Sure, sure!” Before Ye Ran could speak, Xiao Pang seemed to remember something and asked quickly, “Shu-ge, I remember you telling me your biggest wish for university was… what was it again?”

“To soak my feet with my roommates,” Shu-ge said, holding his vacuum flask.

“Right, right!” Xiao Pang’s eyes darted around. “You’ve already completed one-third of that mission. Who knows if you’ll finish the other two-thirds in this lifetime.”

Shu-ge was baffled. “How is it one-third?”

“Did you forget? You and I soaked together last month,” Xiao Pang said sincerely.

Shu-ge: “?”

He met Xiao Pang’s eyes and saw a hint of disappointment in that extremely certain gaze. Holy crap? The “impossible” he was about to blurt out was swallowed back down. No way… did I really soak my feet with Lin Feipeng? Foot soaking—an activity that combined health, socializing, and heart-to-heart talks—had always been Shu-ge’s ultimate goal for making brothers.

And he had actually done it once already?

“Really…” He became a bit unsure. “Then how did it feel?”

How else could Xiao Pang feel? Knowing he had successfully hoodwinked Shu-ge, he babbled: “You had two beers that night, it’s normal not to remember. ‘How did it feel’?” Just as he was about to use a random adjective, Xiao Pang caught Ye Ran’s curious gaze out of the corner of his eye and quickly changed his tune: “It was, of course, incredibly refreshing! Steamy, felt the sweat breaking out, and then the whole body felt weightless… like I was flying!”

Shu-ge was overjoyed. He hadn’t expected to hear something so sensible from Xiao Pang’s mouth. “Exactly right!”

Ye Ran looked at Shu-ge’s dark foot-soaking basin. “…The mugwort does smell quite nice.” A faint, bitter fragrance, neither too strong nor too light. His childhood friend also liked to soak.

“Ye Ran, do you want to try too?” Xiao Pang immediately invited him. “This is Shu-ge’s lifelong pursuit. As his good brothers, shouldn’t we help him out?”

“Huh?” Ye Ran was stunned, then thought for a moment. “Sure.”

As soon as he said that, both Shu-ge and Xiao Pang went silent for two seconds. They hadn’t expected him to actually agree. He agreed? He actually agreed?! Xiao Pang found it hard to believe, but seeing Ye Ran climb into bed as if nothing was out of the ordinary, he swallowed his questions. “Then, tomorrow night?”

“No!” Shu-ge refused flatly.

Xiao Pang: “?”

Shu-ge tapped on his phone and said, “Wait until Saturday. I just checked the almanac; Saturday is the auspicious day for soaking feet with brothers.”

Xiao Pang: “???” You mother… He suppressed his anger. “Fine, I’m in too! Our brothers’ foot-soaking session is set!”

A “Reflexive” Kiss

That night, Shen Shi didn’t enter the dorm until after ten o’clock. As soon as he walked in, he smelled the lingering scent of mugwort. Knowing Shu-ge had a habit of foot soaking, he didn’t think much of it.

The mosquito net on the opposite upper bunk was pulled back, and Ye Ran poked his head out. He was already incredibly sleepy, his eyelids drooping lazily as he looked down at Shen Shi from the edge of the bed. He whispered, “You’re back?”

Shen Shi looked up at him and walked over to talk. “Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy these past few days.”

“It’s fine,” Ye Ran said. “Is it for the mid-terms? Starting tomorrow, Xiao Pang and I are going to the library too.”

Shen Shi paused and then nodded. “I have a financial modeling project to finish.”

Ye Ran thought about the “pretend boyfriend” plan, but seeing the fatigue in Shen Shi’s expression, he didn’t ask more. “Mhm, hurry up and shower so you can rest.”

Shen Shi didn’t move. He was very tall, and even standing below Ye Ran’s bed, he wasn’t far away. His falling dark hair cast a shadow over his face. After a moment, his fingertips twitched slightly, and he simply asked, “What did you do today?”

Ye Ran smiled. “Nothing at all. I slept until ten in the morning and took another nap at three in the afternoon.”

Shen Shi: “Still sleepy now?”

“A little,” Ye Ran said. “Maybe I didn’t rest well while we were in the mountains.”

The reasons for not resting well were, of course, multifaceted, but those few days were indeed more tiring by the day. In just five days, it felt as though things had happened at 8x speed.

Ye Ran heard the sound of a curtain being pulled back and was about to look over when the back of his head was suddenly held gently. He instinctively lowered his head following this force, and warm breath was scattered across the side of his face. Shen Shi’s eyes were half-closed, his features pale and handsome, and the five fingers pressed behind Ye Ran’s head were large and slender.

For two seconds, he and Shen Shi shared a brief kiss.

Ye Ran: “?” Ye Ran: “!”

He was stunned by the kiss, and then he heard a “Tsk.” Ye Ran turned his head to see Xiao Pang climbing down from his bed with a dark expression. The question Ye Ran almost asked was immediately swallowed. Only after Xiao Pang went to the bathroom did he look blankly at Shen Shi, his earlobes belatedly heating up.

“…What was that?”

“Conditioned reflex,” Shen Shi said. “Sorry.”

Ye Ran swallowed. The soft sensation on his lips wouldn’t dissipate. He felt completely unsettled and didn’t dare speak to Shen Shi anymore. “Then… then I’m going to sleep?”

“Mhm,” Shen Shi retracted his hand, his fingers seemingly still feeling the soft texture of Ye Ran’s hair. “Go to sleep.”

Before leaving, he suddenly asked nonchalantly, “What time are you and Lin Feipeng going to the library tomorrow?”

“Around seven or eight.”

“Mhm, I see.”

After he left, Ye Ran slowly rolled back into his bed, his forehead resting against the wall. His breathing was a bit erratic. The bed curtains blocked the dormitory light, leaving it dim. He had originally thought the “pretend boyfriend” matter could be put aside for a while, but looking at Shen Shi’s reaction… the man seemed to take it exceptionally seriously, even developing a conditioned reflex.

Alright. Ye Ran closed his eyes and decided to be more responsible as well. When these intimate actions happened in the future, he should try his best not to be so startled. Otherwise, all the effort Shen Shi had put in might be for nothing.

Conditioned Reflex or Calculated?

The bathroom door opened, and Xiao Pang walked out, hitching up his pants. As he passed Shen Shi, he glanced at him and couldn’t help but pause, noticing the faint redness on the side of Shen Shi’s neck.

Xiao Pang: “…?” Is the dorm that hot?

It had been the same yesterday. After the class meeting, he had rushed back to the dorm. Shen Shi was about to enter the bathroom, and the side of his neck and ears were slightly red. Yet his expression was cold and indifferent as he gave Xiao Pang a calm, dark look. That glance had felt like an electric shock; as a straight man, Xiao Pang couldn’t help but shudder, feeling that the atmosphere in the dorm was inexplicably making his skin crawl.

Thinking of this, Xiao Pang shook his head and hurried back into bed. …Shen Shi is truly a terrifying gay man.

The next morning, the sky just barely began to turn grey around seven o’clock. The dark blue sky was low with clouds, and the rain was as fine as ox hair. Many students on the road only wore hats, not even bothering with umbrellas.

Ye Ran and Xiao Pang woke up on time. Shu-ge was usually unreliable, but he listened carefully in class. He treated Chinese Language like a treasure and wasn’t worried about the mid-terms at all.

After leaving the dormitory with Xiao Pang, Ye Ran pulled his hoodie over his head. He was still a bit groggy from sleep; his dark hair was soft, and the small mole at the corner of his eye drooped with fatigue against his pale skin. Xiao Pang also didn’t bother with an umbrella. The two ran through the rain into the cafeteria. Just as they sat down to eat, Ye Ran received a message from Shen Shi.

– Where are you? Ye Ran: [Cafeteria.]

Xiao Pang saw this and asked, “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Ye Ran said. “Shen Shi is coming to the cafeteria too.”

Xiao Pang raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t he leave early?”

“Maybe he was too busy and only has time for breakfast now.”

Xiao Pang looked at him in silence. I don’t buy that for a second.

Soon, Shen Shi entered the cafeteria. It wasn’t crowded; since it was a free review week with no early classes, many students were still in bed. He and Ye Ran were wearing matching black cotton jackets with the same high-collar design. Although they weren’t the same brand, they were very pleasing to the eye sitting together.

Shen Shi’s dark hair was damp with rain, making his features look even colder. Some students who were peeking didn’t dare look further and quietly ate their meals. Ye Ran had already bought food for Shen Shi: soy milk and small steamed buns.

Shen Shi sat down beside him. “Thanks.”

“It’s nothing,” Ye Ran said, sensing the gazes from around them. He paused and added, “No need to be so formal with me.”

Seemingly sensing something, Shen Shi slowly lifted his eyelids and looked at him. “What are you eating?”

“The same as you.”

Shen Shi gave a slow “mhm” and took a sip of the soy milk. “Is there sugar in it?”

Ye Ran tensed up. “Do you not like it?”

“No,” Shen Shi said. “I like it very much.”

Xiao Pang’s Epiphany

The breakfast ended quickly. As soon as they left, the campus forum was updated in sync. Ye Ran left a thread—one that was certain their couple was “sweet”—feeling satisfied. Beside him, Xiao Pang caught a glimpse of this and twitched his mouth.

“Didn’t you say you were done looking at the forum?” He stared at Ye Ran searchingly.

Ye Ran smiled and put away his phone. “I won’t look next time.”

Xiao Pang didn’t press him, but a trace of doubt rose in his heart. …Does Ye Ran have a bit of ‘love brain’?

When they reached the library, the first three floors were full. They had to go to the fifth floor to find seats. Not long after they sat down, Xiao Pang noticed Ye Ran picking up his phone again. He squinted his eyes, and after Ye Ran put the phone down, he whispered, “Who was it?”

Ye Ran replied in an equally quiet voice, “Shen Shi. He’s asking where we are.”

Xiao Pang’s head was a mess. …It seems Shen Shi has a bit of a ‘love brain’ too. He shook his head and stopped thinking about these trifles, focusing instead on his review.

The morning passed quickly. At 11:00 AM, the two left the library to head to the cafeteria. They arrived so early that all the windows had only a few people. After finishing their meal, as Xiao Pang was satisfyingly wiping his mouth, he noticed Ye Ran’s phone light up again.

Ye Ran was at the adjacent window buying a hot drink. The phone’s auto-lock hadn’t kicked in yet, so Xiao Pang saw the sender at a glance. Shen Shi: [I’m finished. Want to eat together?]

Xiao Pang: “…” It’s never-ending.

Throughout the day, no matter the time or place, Shen Shi’s messages would arrive shortly after their location changed. Xiao Pang was exhausted. Upon leaving the library and seeing Shen Shi waiting at the entrance, he actually felt a sense of: “How is this guy still lurking around?”

The sky was dark and the wind was chilling. The three of them wrapped their coats tighter and returned to the dorm.

In the dorm, Shu-ge was still soaking his feet. Ye Ran was the first to shower and climb into bed. A moment later, Shen Shi was standing below his bed, asking in a low voice what he had done today. The bright dormitory light shone on them; one was sharp and cold, the other soft and gentle. They looked exceptionally well-matched.

Xiao Pang curled his lip in disdain. You already know exactly what Ye Ran did today, don’t you?

He felt a bit sour. Not long ago, he was Ye Ran’s best friend—they ate together, went to class together, and even watched variety shows together. But now, even a simple foot-soaking session to bond between brothers had to be planned in secret for when Shen Shi wasn’t around. In just a few days, Shen Shi had managed a “drifting overtake,” using a relationship to stick to Ye Ran completely.

He showered indignantly and lay in bed feeling bitter. The dorm was quiet, and he gradually felt sleepy. Scenes of the past replayed like a slow movie.

When school first started, he had made initial judgments about his three roommates:

Shen Shi was an absolute lone wolf cold, handsome, taciturn, and hard to approach.

Shu-ge was a literary youth with a bit of a “idiot” attribute mystical, sharp-tongued, but easy-going.

Ye Ran was his favorite gentle, clean, no bad habits, attentive, and reliable. Except for not being as social as him, Ye Ran was exactly the “good brother” of his fantasies.

So, in the first two months, he and Ye Ran were closest. Aside from class time, they were inseparable. He often chatted with Ye Ran in the dorm, and no matter what he said, Ye Ran would listen and remember.

When did they start to drift apart? It seemed to start that time Ye Ran got sick in the middle of the night and Shen Shi accompanied him to the hospital. Then came the club applications, going to classes together, and going out to play.

He had a faint inkling, which is why he always wanted Ye Ran to join the Hiking Club with him. Ye Ran was almost convinced, but he didn’t join, seemingly because Shen Shi said one thing…

The “Tea-Act” Revealed

It was a cloudy afternoon. The dorm lights were off, and the four of them were resting. Xiao Pang was squeezed next to Ye Ran, asking if he’d join the Hiking Club. Just as Ye Ran was about to agree, Shen Shi, who had somehow heard them, sat up and looked over. His eyes were dark and cold in the dim light.

“Joining two clubs,” he said in a voice devoid of emotion, “will likely lead to time conflicts.”

Ye Ran was a punctual and serious person. Hearing this, he knew it wouldn’t work. Sure enough, Ye Ran soon apologized to Xiao Pang, stating he only wanted to participate in one club. Xiao Pang had returned to his seat in disappointment, hearing the sound of Shen Shi unhurriedly pouring water.

The dream advanced. He dreamed of a scene after military training. He had been sunburned, and the skin on his face was peeling; it was painful and itchy. Ye Ran helped him apply medicine every day. One day, Shen Shi caught Ye Ran applying the medicine.

Shen Shi watched them for a while. One afternoon when Ye Ran wasn’t there, he said casually to Xiao Pang: “For a sunburn like this, it’s best to have the school doctor handle it. It’s less likely to leave a scar.”

Xiao Pang knew he wasn’t handsome, but “not handsome” definitely didn’t include having a scarred face. From the next day on, regardless of the weather, he went to the school clinic. Ye Ran had a good temper and didn’t think anything was wrong; he even occasionally commented on the healing of the skin. The usually taciturn Shen Shi would chime in with a couple of words, strengthening Xiao Pang’s resolve to see the doctor.

During that time, even if the school doctor was annoyed by his daily presence, Xiao Pang remained as steady as a mountain, willing to wait all morning just to have the doctor apply his medicine.

Xiao Pang suddenly jolted awake from his semi-dreaming state. A few seconds later, he pounded his bed in deep grief.

Dammit! I finally figured it out!

Shen Shi, you dog! You played me so hard!

So this guy… just how long ago did he turn gay? Has he been plotting for this long?

He needed to know the truth even if it killed him. Xiao Pang gritted his teeth, took out his phone, and searched on Baidu: 【How to tell if a straight man has turned gay?】

Countless results popped up. The first was a public account named “Sexuality Encyclopedia.” Xiao Pang clicked in immediately:

Determine if you are gay by flirting with those in the same circle.

Determine if you are gay by kissing or holding hands with the same sex.

Determine if you are gay by..

Xiao Pang: “…” Are you kidding me? Who wants to know if they themselves are gay! Clearly, questions of this caliber couldn’t rely on Baidu. Unreliable.

He took a deep breath and opened a blue-and-white app. He re-entered the search bar: [Gay Forum].

【Is my friend still straight in this situation?】

[Pang-Pang is Truly Speechless]: It’s like this: I have a friend who was definitely straight before. But one day, he suddenly became very close with my other friend. They’re inseparable—joined the same club, go to class together, that sort of thing. I want to ask: Has my friend been gay for a long time?

Xiao Pang stared at his phone, but no one replied for a while. He grew anxious and was about to search Baidu again when a reply popped up. His eyes lit up.

[Luo Hua Wu Qing]: … [Luo Hua Wu Qing]: What, are you straight men all going gay in groups lately?

[Pang-Pang is Truly Speechless]: Brother, be clear. Is my friend gay? Was he doing it on purpose? Was he just baiting my other friend?!

[Luo Hua Wu Qing]: Pfft. [Luo Hua Wu Qing]: I also have two friends. One kissed a straight man, and the other babbled while drunk about wanting to marry a straight man. Do you think they’re still straight?

Xiao Pang was shocked: That actually happens? The reputation of straight men was being slandered for no reason. Xiao Pang replied immediately.

[Pang-Pang is Truly Speechless]: Definitely not.

The next second, Luo Hua Wu Qing replied instantly:

[Luo Hua Wu Qing]: Wrong! [Luo Hua Wu Qing]: Dead wrong! [Luo Hua Wu Qing]: Straight men are just that kind of creature. Some straight men can even kiss, hold hands, and “mutually assist” their brothers. Never believe a straight man will turn gay voluntarily, and never believe a straight man can be turned gay. I hope you carve this sentence into your bones.

Xiao Pang: “?” Xiao Pang: “???”

Wait, I’m a straight man too. How come I didn’t know about this?! What the hell? How can you kiss and hold hands?! Who is ruining the reputation of us straight men? Your two friends?!

In his fury, Xiao Pang felt his spirit wavering. But this “Luo Hua Wu Qing” sounded so certain…

No, no. Shen Shi and Ye Ran had both admitted they were gay. What was he still doubting? Finally regaining some logic, Xiao Pang angrily uninstalled the forum app and pounded his bed.

Hateful Shen Shi! Give me back my good brother!

He previously pretended to be “tea” to deceive my and Ye Ran’s feelings. It was enough that he successfully stole Ye Ran away, but he actually turned Ye Ran gay too.

Ye Ran was a perfectly good straight man, so innocent—before this, he probably didn’t even know what homosexuality was… now he’s not only gay, but known as gay by everyone.

Xiao Pang looked up at the dark mosquito net and closed his eyes in agony.

“It’s all my fault! Shen Shi, your heart is truly dirty!!!”