Are All You Straight Men Like This? - Chapter 25

OP: I am so done. I just went to ask a certain “City Grass” for his WeChat, and he actually told me he has a boyfriend. I was wondering who it could be, but when I looked up, it was his straight roommate… Straight men pretending to be gay deserve to be struck by lightning, okay? Does any insider know if they’re for real? Do I still have a “gay” chance?

1L: Eating melons in the front row. Decoding at light speed.

2L: It’s an anonymous forum, who’s afraid of whom? Why not just use their real names?

3L: The roommate must be Ye Ran… those two are stuck together every day. He’s probably just using Ye Ran as a convenient shield.

4L: I thought the City Grass was different. Using such a low move?

5L: My filter is shattered. If he’s a straight man, it’s definitely fake.

The first dozen floors were one-sided, all clamoring that Shen Shi was being underhanded and Ye Ran was a straight man pretending to be gay. However, starting from the 15th floor, the entire style of the thread underwent a sudden mutation.

15L: ???

16L: Wait? Did I misunderstand? What is this floor even talking about? Who said he’s a straight man?

17L: Ye Ran, Shen Shi’s roommate.

18L: What the hell? Ye Ran is straight?

19L: Yeah.

20L: I can guarantee it, okay? Ye Ran is a total top-tier “Heavenly Vegetable” of the “1-circle.” Any “1” who sees him would want his WeChat. That guy Liang Feng from the Arts department—the one who’s a real player—chased him for ages and couldn’t even land him. And you’re saying he’s a straight man pretending to be gay? What are you all yapping about?

21L: I’ve been gay for 10 years. You think I can’t tell if Ye Ran is straight or bent? He’s clearly “Iron Straight,” okay?

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Ye Ran is gay. Gays already in the forum: Ye Ran is straight.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: During Truth or Dare, Ye Ran admitted on the spot that he is gay. My friend heard it with their own ears. Gays already in the forum: Where’s the evidence? Can you slap it on my face? I could just as easily say Ye Ran admitted on the spot that he’s a straight man.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Stop talking nonsense. If Ye Ran is straight, I’ll literally wash my hair while doing a handstand, okay? Gays already in the forum: No, you stop. If Ye Ran is gay, I’ll live-stream myself eating shit, how about that?

Both groups were shocked by these extreme wagers and simultaneously shut up. For a moment, those who frequented the forum and those who didn’t were all struck by a deep sense of confusion. Could it be… that Ye Ran really isn’t gay?

That was impossible. If Ye Ran wasn’t gay, then their relationship was clearly fake. But if Ye Ran was gay, that veteran “10-year-gay” wouldn’t have made such a toxic vow. Across the internet, the two groups stared at each other’s posts, feeling their dignity wavering.

No. A gay man can be killed, but his “Gaydar” cannot be insulted. If Ye Ran truly is gay/straight, I’ll lose all my dignity as a gay man!

After the 30th floor, the style shifted again.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Maybe you guys have a point.

Gays already in the forum: You guys definitely aren’t talking without reason either.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: I suspect… Ye Ran used to be a straight man.

Gays already in the forum: I speculate… Ye Ran was only recently turned gay.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Yes, yes.

Gays already in the forum: Exactly, exactly.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: “Encounter the rainbow, eat the rainbow.” It turns out these two turned each other gay.

Gays already in the forum: They even got together to be gay, but to this day, we still don’t know who bent first.

Noticing that the thread was drifting away from the original purpose of condemning Shen Shi and Ye Ran, the OP finally couldn’t take it.

【OP】: No, are you all crazy? Ye Ran is clearly a straight man, okay? What is there to discuss? These two are faking being a couple—are you just going to let them off the hook? The ecological environment of our gay circle is being polluted!

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Almost forgot.

Gays already in the forum: There’s still you.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: You little brat. Those two are all sweet and lovey-dovey; does that bother you? We gays aren’t like you. Go eat some sour plums if you’re bored. Why act like a “third party” homewrecker? Idiot.

Gays already in the forum: You’re even acting superior about trying to snatch someone’s man. If I were Ye Ran, I’d give you a big slap on the spot. What a jinx. Close the thread, close the thread. This thread has bad feng shui; there’s something “dirty” here.

Gays who accidentally entered the forum: Brother, goodbye.

Gays already in the forum: [Cupped fists]. Chat next time.

Soon, a warning popped up on the blue page: 【This post contains inappropriate information and has been deleted.】

【OP】: ? 【OP】: …Dammit! Fuck!

The “Test” of the Kiss

When Ye Ran received the news from Xiao Pang’s phone, he had just finished showering and stepped out of the bathroom. The room was misty, and his hair was half-damp. Xiao Pang and Shu-ge were attending a class meeting today, having run to the teaching building through the rain. The meeting was incredibly boring, so Xiao Pang had been scrolling through the forum, found the thread, and immediately screenshotted it to share with Ye Ran.

[Xiao Pang]: Truly speechless. Does the fact that you used to be straight even need a discussion? Those gays shouldn’t look at everyone through “rot-tinted glasses.” I was so mad I almost went on there to fight them for you.

[Xiao Pang]: Good brother, even if the whole world doesn’t believe you, I believe you.

[Xiao Pang]: I am your final harbor. You and Shen Shi were pure and innocent; Shu-ge and I witnessed it. Next time there’s a thread like this, I’ll be the first to clarify for you.

[Xiao Pang]: ?

[Xiao Pang]: You haven’t seen the message yet?

[Xiao Pang]: Ye Ran, are you there?

Ye Ran: “…”

His hand stopped drying his hair, and he was deeply confused. Why would a perfectly good campus forum spend so many floors discussing whether he was straight, even providing “evidence”?

He froze. Wait, could it be that I really wasn’t gay before?

“The people’s eyes are sharp.” Back then, he had confirmed he was gay because his childhood friend had taken him to see a doctor after learning he’d dreamed about a man…

Ye Ran: … Right. He had seen a doctor. He rubbed his hair with a headache, feeling a bit embarrassed. He’d almost been misled by the forum.

The door was pushed open. A gust of cool air blew in. Shen Shi entered; the Finance Department professor had called him to the administrative building the moment he heard he was back. The wind and rain were heavy outside; his windbreaker was damp, and his high collar covered his chin, highlighting his pale, sharp side profile.

“What’s wrong?” Seeing Ye Ran sitting on a chair in a daze, Shen Shi looked over.

Ye Ran shook his head. “Nothing.”

Shen Shi unzipped his jacket and walked behind him. At a glance, he saw the screenshots on Ye Ran’s phone—specifically the lines where those gay men questioned if Ye Ran was actually gay. He paused, looking up at Ye Ran with a calm tone: “Who sent this?”

“A thread on the forum. Xiao Pang saw it and sent it to me,” Ye Ran explained quickly. “It’s fine, it’s already been deleted.”

Shen Shi: “Why look at it for so long?”

“They were so certain,” Ye Ran gave an awkward cough. “I almost started doubting if I was gay myself.”

The dormitory lights were bright. It was three in the afternoon, the sky half-gloomy as fine rain fell, tapping against the balcony of Room 211 with a subtle sound.

The sound of the zipper being pulled stopped. Ye Ran prepared to delete the images and reply to Xiao Pang, but the next moment, a shadow unexpectedly fell over his phone screen. Enveloped in this shadow, he looked up blankly.

Shen Shi’s features were magnified infinitely in an instant. His features were deep and three-dimensional, his skin pale. His dark eyebrows and eyes were slightly lowered, his pitch-black eyes nonchalantly reflecting Ye Ran’s blank face.

Then, he kissed Ye Ran’s lips. His tongue naturally drove straight in, licking the roof of Ye Ran’s mouth.

Ye Ran’s breath hitched; the ticklish sensation made his waist go soft. The kiss was so natural that before he could even ask, Shen Shi had already straightened up as if nothing had happened. As he began taking off his clothes, he turned his head and asked:

“Did you feel anything?”

Ye Ran was quiet for a few seconds, finding this scene remarkably familiar.

“I felt something.” His lips moved. His body, which had just been showered, was sweating again.

Shen Shi gave a low “mhm” and asked calmly: “Confirmed now?”

“…Confirmed.” Ye Ran nodded again.

“Then don’t look at the forum anymore,” Shen Shi said as he found clean clothes in the wardrobe. His tone was indifferent, like a suggestion: “It’s easy to be misled.”

Ye Ran: “Mhm.”

Soon, Shen Shi took his clothes to the bathroom to shower. While he was away, Ye Ran quickly blew his hair dry and scrambled onto his bed. It wasn’t until he was lying down that the suffocating atmosphere finally began to dissipate.

After a moment of recovery, he remembered he hadn’t replied to Xiao Pang. He quickly pulled up the chat and replied:

– I saw it. It’s fine, don’t mind them.

Xiao Pang replied quickly: [You’re just going to let them off like that?]

[Mhm.] Ye Ran said honestly: [Shen Shi told me not to look at the forum anymore.]

Xiao Pang: […] Xiao Pang: […………]

He understood. He finally understood.

Ye Ran really was turned gay by Shen Shi.

You damn Shen Shi. You look all dignified, but your heart is truly “dirty.”