Are All You Straight Men Like This? - Chapter 27

The next day, Ye Ran climbed out of bed at 6:30 AM sharp, as usual. Just as he was about to step down, he suddenly heard a rustling sound from the neighboring bed. Looking over with bleary eyes, he found that Fatty had actually already dressed neatly and was sitting on his bed.

He instinctively glanced out the window. It wasn’t raining today; although the sky was overcast and a cold wind was blowing, there was no sun.

The sun had not risen from the west.

Lin Feipeng, who usually took at least twenty minutes just to get out of bed, had truly outdone himself today.

As their beds were side-by-side, they descended the ladder together. Ye Ran whispered, “Fatty, why are you up so early today?”

Fatty’s reply was concise: “I’m on a mission today.”

Ye Ran: “?”

Then it clicked. He figured there must be a heavy load of review material to cover today.

Seeing Fatty move so nimbly, Ye Ran also picked up his pace. The two entered the bathroom together to wash up. When they emerged, Ye Ran caught the refreshing scent of laundry detergent.

He looked up and saw Shen Shi standing by the door. Shen Shi’s gaze had just retracted from Fatty, and his slightly cold eyes lifted slightly. “What’s going on with Lin Feipeng?”

It turned out even Shen Shi was stunned by Fatty.

Ye Ran suppressed a smile. “Exams are coming up. He’s probably nervous.”

“Ye Ran.”

Before they could say more, Fatty, already having put on his shoes, turned around and urged, “Hurry, hurry! Let’s go, let’s go.”

Not daring to delay any further, Ye Ran hurried over, quickly changed his shoes, and shouldered his backpack. Before leaving, he nodded to Shen Shi, who had just come out of the bathroom. He didn’t even have time to speak before he was hurried downstairs by Fatty.

At a little past seven, the entire dormitory building was just waking up from its slumber.

Other early-rising students passed them on the stairs. No lights were on in the dim stairwell, so everyone used the faint light from the corridor to navigate their familiar path downstairs.

As silhouettes flickered around him, Ye Ran pulled out his phone and saw a message from Shen Shi.

Shen Shi: Which cafeteria are you going to?

He asked Fatty, “Fatty, which cafeteria are we going to?”

“Not going to the cafeteria,” Fatty said. “There’s a jianbing (egg-filled pancake) stall at the South Gate that’s exceptionally delicious. Let’s go buy those instead.”

So, the reason for waking up so early was for an egg pancake.

Ye Ran hurriedly replied to Shen Shi’s text: [We’re not eating at the cafeteria today. Going to the South Gate for egg pancakes. Do you want one? I can bring one back for you.]

The other side was silent for a few seconds. The South Gate was a fair distance from the Finance Department’s teaching building; a round trip would take at least ten minutes.

Shen Shi: No need. Shen Shi: I’m going to the cafeteria.

Ye Ran turned off his phone as the crowd surged out of the dormitory. The old dorm manager downstairs was slowly eating breakfast—steamed buns and soy milk—which smelled mouth-watering.

Fatty slipped to his side at some point and asked, “What’s up? Who messaged you?”

“Shen Shi,” Ye Ran replied. “He asked if we were going to the cafeteria.”

“Ah? Really?” Fatty was greatly shocked, appearing both regretful and apologetic. “I… if I had known, we could have gone to the cafeteria too.”

Ye Ran glanced at the cafeteria right in front of them. “Shall we go now then?”

Fatty: “…”

His face stiffened, and he suddenly sighed, looking very dejected. “Fine. Anyway, the egg pancakes are there every day.”

Ye Ran was startled. “Let’s just stick with the egg pancakes then.”

They sounded delicious, after all.

Fatty hesitated, his words trailing off. “Then what about you and Shen Shi?”

“Me and Shen Shi?” Ye Ran didn’t understand. “What about us?”

“You two are in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, after all. Maybe you should eat together. I can go buy the egg pancake by myself,” Fatty suggested.

Ye Ran laughed. “What does that matter?”

He didn’t take it to heart. “My relationship with Shen Shi isn’t… ahem, it’s not as clingy as you imagine.”

Not clingy? Back when they weren’t dating, they were glued to each other every day. Now that they were together, they had to report every single meal.

Fatty was speechless. “Then let’s go. To the egg pancakes.”

On the way, Fatty recalled his recent display of “Green Tea” manipulation and couldn’t help but give himself a mental thumbs-up. That performance was worth at least a seven out of ten.

As they walked, he looked up at Ye Ran’s oblivious back.

Suddenly, he felt a bit worried.

Yesterday, with the help of his “Falling Flowers Heartless” brother, he had successfully snuck into the [Green Tea Bar] forum to learn the art of “tea-speak.”

According to the summary provided by the “sisters” on the forum, phrases like “After all, you guys are dating…”, “It’s fine, I’ll just be alone…”, or “How could she be like that…” were the lowest level of Green Tea tactics. The “male detection index” for such phrases was as high as four stars.

In other words, any man with a bit of alertness would be able to hear the underlying meaning.

But—

Fatty: “…”

Ye Ran didn’t feel a thing!

Was his acting too natural, or did Ye Ran have zero guard up?

No, he had to tell Shen Shi about this. Shen Shi needed to give Ye Ran a proper education on these things…

Fatty: “…”

Damn it, why am I worrying about this for Shen Shi?

He let out a deep sigh. As a straight man, my moral standards are simply too high! All straight men should look up to me.

Suppressing the urge to discuss this with Shen Shi for now, Fatty and Ye Ran exited the South Gate. Ye Ran had expected a small stall, but it turned out to be a breakfast shop. The inside and outside were packed with people, and there was even a queue.

The area surrounding Beijing University was highly developed. Just a few blocks away was the nearby financial center. Many white-collar workers rented apartments near the school, so during the morning rush hour, one could see all sorts of people.

The two lined up at the back. Fatty’s entire soul was captivated by the egg pancakes; he waited with bated breath for a fresh batch of dough to come off the griddle.

Intermittent voices came from behind them.

It was a gentle, feminine voice: “Little brother, let’s exchange WeChat.”

There was no response, but the woman continued: “Just making friends. In the future, when you enter society, you can ask Big Sister if there’s anything you don’t understand.”

Still no response.

Fatty curled his lip, feeling salty in his heart about how some people could get asked for their WeChat just while buying a pancake.

He turned around, wanting to complain to Ye Ran, but in the next second, he was shocked to find that Ye Ran had been squeezed three or four places away by a group of aunties cutting the line. At that moment, Ye Ran was looking awkwardly at a woman holding a phone, saying something.

Today, Ye Ran was wearing a soft, light-colored jacket and a black checkered scarf. His soft, dark hair fell naturally, framing a pair of narrow, restrained phoenix eyes. He was tall, fair-skinned, and had a clean aura; anyone would find it hard not to look twice.

Fatty: “…”

Holy crap, best friend, it’s you?!

Fatty was scared out of his wits. Without a second thought, he rushed over. “Ye Ran!”

He covered the distance in a few large strides. The aunties in line quickly followed, firmly occupying the space he had vacated.

Fatty didn’t have time to ask them why they were cutting. He held Ye Ran’s shoulder and glared guardedly toward the source of the voice—only to see the woman in front of Ye Ran looking at him composedly. With her exquisite makeup, soft perfume, and wavy hair, she possessed an elegant refinement that was completely out of place in a breakfast shop.

Fatty: “…”

Fatty: “…………”

Mom.

I’m in love.

The words “He has a girlfriend” that were about to burst out of his mouth were fumbled into: “He has a boyfriend.”

Fatty blushed, muttering, “Uh… he really does have a boyfriend already.”

Sister, look at me! Look at me!

As if she had heard his inner voice, the woman looked toward him and gave a soft smile. “You?”

“Hehe,” she seemed to find it genuinely funny. She looked back at Ye Ran and said gently, “Little brother, I get off work around 8:00 PM. If you’re interested… you’re welcome to come.”

Ye Ran didn’t move. He lowered his eyes to look at the card the woman held out.

Golden Bar Manager: Su Yan Contact: 123xxx

He didn’t take it. The woman didn’t seem to mind; she naturally turned the card and handed it to the blushing Fatty. “You too, cute little brother. You’re welcome to come as well.”

Fatty: “…”

Marriage. We’re getting married.

He accepted the card in a daze, feeling like he could already hear the “Wedding March” playing.

It wasn’t until they finished buying the pancakes and left the shop that Fatty snapped out of it. Ye Ran looked at him worriedly. “Fatty? Are you okay?”

“…I’m fine,” Fatty said.

Ye Ran looked at his expression and swallowed the words he was about to say. After a moment, he tactfully tried to regain Fatty’s attention. “When are the exams for the Computer Science department? How’s your revision going?”

Fatty’s soul was instantly dragged back by that sentence. “Holy… let’s go, let’s hurry. There won’t be any seats in the library in a bit.”

Compared to the Arts Department, which only needed to hand in painting assignments, Fatty’s Computer Science Department had a very strict professor. The old professor was a perfectionist and extremely harsh on the students; the grade for the term depended entirely on class performance and extracurricular assignments, and he personally designed the midterm exam.

However, during revision today, Fatty seemed distracted.

Across the table, Ye Ran was reading. He had almost finished his revision and had some spare time to read extracurricular books. At some point, he saw something that made him show a slight smile.

Seeing that Ye Ran wasn’t paying attention to him, Fatty stealthily pulled the business card out of his pocket. The card seemed to emit a faint, gentle fragrance, much like his future girlfriend.

…With so many people in the shop, Sister only gave the card to me.

Fatty thought deeply.

Perhaps this is love at first sight. A predestined fate.

His mind wandered, and he wished he could fly to that bar right now. After thinking it over, he took out his phone to search for the address: “50 meters east of the Phoenix Road intersection.”

Hmm…

The exterior of the Golden Bar instantly appeared on the map. It had a magnificent decor with two green plants standing at the entrance. It was tucked deep within an alley, surrounded by a vast parking lot. It didn’t look like an ordinary bar.

The road of life suddenly seemed much easier to walk.

Fatty: “…”

No, I can’t be so pathetic.

He tucked the card away and looked at his book with longing.

At 11:00 AM, Ye Ran packed his bag. He looked up and asked Fatty, who was immersed in “knowledge”: “Fatty, let’s go. Time for lunch?”

“Ah?” Many students nearby had already stood up and straightened their chairs, clearly heading for lunch. Fatty looked at their backs, completely throwing his plan to annoy Shen Shi during lunch to the wind. He said to Ye Ran expectantly, “Uh… Ye Ran, let’s eat out.”

“I know a place by the South Gate that has super-duper delicious Cross-Bridge Rice Noodles. Don’t you want to try it?”

As an “eighth-level enthusiast” of Cross-Bridge Rice Noodles, Ye Ran was indeed swayed. “How good is it?”

Fatty: “They say people who eat there can go a whole week without getting tired of it.”

Ye Ran made the decision: “Alright, let’s go try it.”

On the way, Ye Ran took out his phone to reply to messages. Fatty caught a casual glimpse; sure enough, it was another lunch invitation from Shen Shi. Compared to yesterday, he had even sent it half an hour earlier.

Fatty retracted his gaze disinterestedly.

The “Tea Shen Shi” plan was temporarily shelved; settling his life’s big event was the priority.

When they reached the South Gate, they could see a massive army of people leaving the campus. Everyone was heading out for lunch at the peak hour. They soon followed the crowd into the snack street. The rice noodle shop was incredibly popular, with every seat filled.

While eating, Fatty glanced around, secretly observing the sidewalk. This place was very close to Phoenix Road, and many white-collar workers would come here to eat after work. After all, the area near the University Town was affordable and of good quality, which fit the spending habits of young people nowadays.

After finishing the meal, Ye Ran still felt unsatisfied.

He took out his phone and messaged Shen Shi.

Ye Ran: The Cross-Bridge Rice Noodles were very good.

Shen Shi replied quickly: [How good?]

Ye Ran thought for a moment: [Fatty said he’s coming back to eat them again tomorrow.]

The other side was silent for a few seconds. Shen Shi said: [Mhm.]

“Hiss.”

Ye Ran looked up at Fatty, who had suddenly shivered. “What’s wrong?”

“…I don’t know,” Fatty said with a puzzled look. He retracted his gaze. “Let’s go, back to the library.”

Over the next two days, under Fatty’s lead, Ye Ran ate egg pancakes for breakfast and randomly picked “blind boxes” for lunch at the snack street. The frequency was so high that even Tree Brother, who usually ignored outside affairs, had heard about it.

Friday night, Ye Ran returned to the dorm. The wind outside was biting. He was wearing a black windbreaker; his skin was pale and delicate, and his eyes were slightly red.

“Where’s Fatty?”

Tree Brother found it strange. “Haven’t you two been together these past few days?”

“We weren’t together today,” Ye Ran put down his drawing board. “Fatty said he wanted to come back around 5:00 PM. I wasn’t finished with my drawing, so I was delayed in the library study room for a while.”

The study room allowed for some noise, so students who needed to draft, type, or paint could find seats there to complete their work.

Tree Brother turned back to his game disinterestedly. “Then I don’t know. That little fatty has been acting all mysterious lately. In the middle of the night yesterday, he even messaged me asking how to pick clothes.”

Ye Ran arched an eyebrow. “Picking clothes?”

“Yeah,” Tree Brother said. “And it was a very formal suit. I asked him what for, and he said spring is coming soon, so he needs to prepare in advance.”

At this, Tree Brother was speechless. “I was really confused. I thought I had woken up in a different dimension.”

Ye Ran suddenly fell silent.

A few seconds later, the experience of being approached at the breakfast shop a few days ago flashed through his mind.

His eyelids twitched instantly. He immediately took out his phone to ask Fatty where he was.

There was no reply for a long time. Ye Ran felt increasingly uneasy. He took a deep breath, opened another app, and searched for “Golden Bar.” Below it was a line of small gray text: Gay bar, socializing, band performances.

As expected.

A long time ago, Ye Ran had heard from a childhood friend that many gay bars would try everything to get handsome guys to sit in their shops to increase popularity. However, they usually used handsome men as bait; using a woman as bait usually only happened to straight men.

Usually, once these straight men realized they were tricked, they would leave immediately.

But since the effect had already been achieved, who cared if the other person was straight or not?

Ye Ran: “…”

Another day of being mistaken for a straight man.

Ye Ran was restless. He made countless phone calls to Fatty in a row, but Fatty didn’t answer. It wasn’t until the very last call that it finally connected.

“Hello, Ye Ran?”

The sound of energetic, explosive music was deafening. One could feel the chaotic atmosphere even through the phone screen. Men and women were screaming and dancing wildly, with occasional bursts of yelling.

“Crap?” Before Ye Ran could speak, Tree Brother lunged forward, his eyes wide. “Lin Feipeng, you dog, why didn’t you call me when you went clubbing?”

Fatty chuckled foolishly on the other end. “I only just got in a little while ago… this bar isn’t very proper. Haven’t seen many pretty girls.”

Ye Ran: “…”

Ye Ran almost shouted at Fatty urgently: “Fatty, come out first. That’s not a proper—”

“Huh? What?” Before he could finish his sentence, Fatty interrupted with a loud voice. “Ye Ran, what did you say?”

Ye Ran: “I said come out! That place is a gay—”

“Gie gie gie,” Fatty suddenly laughed out loud. “Holy crap, the people here are so enthusiastic. A guy just tickled me.”

Ye Ran was frantic. “Fatty, can you even hear me speak—”

“Huh? Huh? What? What?” The voice on the other side was noisy and then blurred. Fatty seemed to be looking for a quiet corner, getting more confused as he walked. The rhythmic music was booming right against the phone’s receiver. “…Holy crap! I think I saw that pretty sister from the other day! Ye Ran, gotta go, I’m charging in!”

Ye Ran quickly shouted at him: “Don’t— Beep— Beep…”

The call was abruptly disconnected. Ye Ran stood dazed for a few seconds, then immediately put on his jacket, intending to go to the bar to save him.

After just a couple of steps, he noticed a shadow following him. Turning around, he saw that Tree Brother had changed into a stylish outfit in just a few minutes. He wore a knit beanie over his hair that hadn’t been washed in two days and was actually holding a book in his hand.

Seeing he was discovered, Tree Brother smiled. “I also want to see what an ‘improper’ bar looks like.”

Ye Ran: “…”

Tree Brother suddenly leaned in. “Are there bunny girls?”

Ye Ran: “…………”

No bunny girls, but definitely sexy male dancers.

The two of them braved the cold wind and left the campus. It wasn’t until they were about to call a taxi that Ye Ran realized he had left his phone on the table while putting on his jacket.

Tree Brother immediately handed over his phone and hailed an online ride. “See? This is my purpose.”

“My second dream in university is to go to a bar and be happy with my brothers.”

Ye Ran interrupted him: “That place really isn’t a proper bar.”

Tree Brother’s smile widened. “It’s fine. Do I look like I care?”

Ye Ran had a headache. “…It’s a gay bar.”

Tree Brother: “…”

Tree Brother’s smile slowly crumbled. “…What?”

In the next second, the phone popped up with a notification that the order was accepted. A black Volkswagen pulled up right in front of them. The driver rolled down the window and shouted irritably, “Get in quick! You can’t park here for long!”

Ye Ran hurriedly pulled the dazed Tree Brother into the car. Halfway through the journey, the driver glanced at the order: “Golden Bar…”

He clearly knew what kind of place it was. He glanced at the two from the rearview mirror, focusing on Ye Ran. He asked, “Little students, are you sure you want to go to this bar?”

Ye Ran nodded. “Positive.”

Tree Brother finally snapped out of it and spoke tremblingly: “…NO, NO.”

Driver: “?”

Ye Ran awkwardly pulled at Tree Brother and whispered, “We’ll leave as soon as we find Fatty. Don’t panic.”

Tree Brother looked desperate. “How can I not panic? What’s with Fatty? Did he turn gay?”

Ye Ran: “No, he fell for the manager there.”

Tree Brother: “Manager? Man or woman?”

“…” Ye Ran: “Woman.”

Tree Brother: “Then he’s really got a lot of nerve.”

Ye Ran’s head throbbed, but seeing Tree Brother slowly calm down, he didn’t say anything else. Tree Brother was quiet for a moment, then suddenly perked up and opened his phone’s notes app, typing rapidly.

[The Editor Takes You to a Gay Bar—An Undercover Visit to the Largest LGBT Bar Near Beijing University.]

Meeting Ye Ran’s gaze, Tree Brother showed his teeth in a smile. “Material, material. I don’t mean anything else.”

Beijing University was not far from the Golden Bar, only about ten minutes away.

As soon as they got out of the car, they saw the large sign for the Golden Bar. There were no light rings around the sign, only the mysterious colors of the font itself, looking low-key and luxurious under the dim night light.

The bar’s soundproofing seemed good. There were two or three security guards on duty at the door. Ye Ran and Tree Brother entered without any hindrance.

As soon as they went in, they were met with deafening music.

A gust of warm air hit them, carrying the strong smell of alcohol. The lights were multi-colored and constantly swinging. Overlapping shadows of people dressed lightly were swaying and shouting to the beat.

The booths and private rooms were packed. Ye Ran pulled Tree Brother through the crowd. The light flickered, making it hard to see the people around them. Men and women in heavy makeup were dancing closely. Most gay bars didn’t just have men; there were also many lesbians and girls joining in the fun.

Ye Ran walked through the crowded room with a cold expression, rejecting numerous enthusiastic invitations from men.

The usual process at a gay bar: first approach, then drink, then dance, and finally, if you like each other, you can hook up.

It was a feast of hormones. The men and women passing by kept sizing each other up with their eyes, not hiding it at all.

It was impossible to find Fatty with the naked eye. Ye Ran was frantic. He led Tree Brother to a slightly quieter spot and shouted to him, “Call Fatty—!”

The restless music drowned out the voices.

Tree Brother understood from his gestures and immediately pulled out his phone. “I called—he’s not answering—!!”

Ye Ran remembered that Fatty’s ringtone was an anime theme song, which was very distinct. He pulled Tree Brother along, telling him to keep calling. Finally, next to a certain booth, they heard the familiar ringtone.

Ye Ran peeked in. Under the spinning, indistinguishable lights, Fatty was sitting in a booth. His chubby little face was squeezed into a weak, pitiful, and helpless smile. His face was very red, clearly drunk.

There were men and women around the booth, and at a glance, none were straight. Generally, these booths had default rules: if you sat down, you had to drink. A few men were giving Fatty highly suggestive looks, signaling him to keep drinking.

One man even touched Fatty’s hand, scaring Fatty so much that the fat on his face trembled.

“No way,” Tree Brother watched this scene and muttered. “They’re that desperate?”

Ye Ran: “…”

Ye Ran was at a loss. He didn’t know how to drink, and he had no experience with bars. He didn’t know how to save Fatty.

Especially since he was self-aware: in this situation, if he stepped in, both of them probably wouldn’t be able to get away easily.

Tree Brother was even more bewildered. “…What do we do?”

Ye Ran suddenly remembered the woman who had given him the business card; she seemed to be called Su Yan and was the manager here.

He immediately looked around and found the woman sitting at the bar. She was wearing hot pants and a short-sleeved top, with her wavy hair flowing behind her. She was surrounded by a group of admirers, and she was teasing them with a smile.

Clearly, she was one of those who enjoyed and was immersed in this atmosphere.

“Crap,” Tree Brother was dying of envy. “…In my next life, I want to be a lesbian too.”

In the next second, he saw something that made his pupils shrink suddenly. “Holy crap, Ye Ran! It looks like Fatty is about to be pinned down—”

“Holy crap, holy crap, he’s already been pinned down—”

“Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap! Lin Feipeng, you 180-pound fatty, don’t you know how to resist—”

“Holy crap! Ye Ran?”

Tree Brother was so shocked he couldn’t speak. He watched Ye Ran dash forward. “…Holy crap, Ye Ran, you’re a real man.”

He grit his teeth, feeling a burst of conflict in his heart. A few seconds later, he steeled himself and prepared to follow. As he stood up, he finally felt the phone that had been vibrating in his pocket for who knows how long.

A bad premonition instantly rose in his heart. Tree Brother pulled out his phone, his eyelids twitching as he looked at the “twenty” missed calls from Shen Shi.

A second later, he decisively picked up: “Shen Shi—save us—!!”

“Ye Ran’s innocence is about to be lost!”