Weakness Trap - Chapter 47

Xiang Yan had just put on her earphones when she sensed someone nearby. Turning her head, she saw Yu Lingxue.

The faint smile at the corner of Xiang Yan’s lips faded, and her expression grew distant.

She adjusted her earphones, ignoring Yu Lingxue.

But Yu Lingxue grabbed her arm.

“What do you want?” Xiang Yan snapped, shaking off her hand without lowering her voice.

Class had just ended, and the hallway was crowded.

Students and teachers turned to look, drawn by her sharp tone.

Yu Lingxue tugged at her hat and mask. “I just have something to ask.”

Dressed like that in the middle of summer, with a long coat draped over her shoulders, those who didn’t recognize her thought Xiang Yan had run into some strange person.

“Just one sentence. I won’t bother you for long.”

Under the gaze of so many onlookers some even stepping forward to ask what was going on Xiang Yan felt uncomfortable and reluctantly followed Yu Lingxue downstairs.

They found a secluded spot in a grove of trees.

Only after confirming no one was around did Yu Lingxue pull down her mask, looking urgently at Xiang Yan. “Why isn’t Qingluan with you?”

Xiang Yan’s heart skipped a beat.

So this was why Yu Shuhua had said those things to her.

So this person had come to Chu City.

“What’s it to you?” Xiang Yan frowned, recalling Yu Shuhua’s instructions.

Though it felt like she was cursing Yu Qingluan, she had no choice.

Her own mother had given the order. Xiang Yan had to follow through.

“I, Is she okay?” Yu Lingxue avoided her real question, trying to trick Xiang Yan.

But Xiang Yan and Yu Shuhua had already coordinated their stories. Xiang Yan rolled her eyes.

“She’s gone. How could she be okay? Get lost. I don’t want to see you.” She crossed her arms and leaned against a tree, her expression dark and cold.

It was a chilling look, as if Yu Lingxue had truly caused the death of Xiang Yan’s friend.

Yu Lingxue shivered, instinctively pulling her coat tighter as if feeling the cold of winter snow in the June heat.

“Is it really true?” she murmured, half to Xiang Yan, half to herself.

“Would I lie?” Xiang Yan didn’t want to dwell on the topic and shifted to berating Yu Lingxue.

“I never liked you from the start. I saw how she lost herself in this relationship, how she became that pitiful ‘lower class’ person. I kept urging her to break up with you, telling her she could do so much better than you. You two were never a good match, and you’re such a people pleaser.”

“She had plenty of options. When we went out together, strangers would ask for her number. But she was fixated on you, doing everything for you, thinking about you 24/7 no, 25/7. It drove me crazy.”

“You know, earlier when she and I passed through this grove with our embroidery, we saw Su Lian confessing to you. You’re aware of the rumors circulating about you and Su Lian, right? Some people even ship you two. I was truly furious not because Su Lian confessed to you, but because Yu Qingluan didn’t dare step forward to interrupt you. She kept comforting herself, insisting you must have rejected Su Lian. She felt she had no right, no standing, so she didn’t know how to act like a normal girlfriend and ward off the admirers around you! From start to finish, she believed that being with you was a mercy you granted her that your relationship was never equal!” As Xiang Yan grew more agitated, his voice rose.

He pointed it out to Yu Lingxue.

Right here in this grove. It was last autumn.

Only then did Yu Lingxue remember she had received Su Lian’s confession here. But she never knew that Yu Qingluan had witnessed the whole scene and didn’t dare approach her.

If Yu Qingluan had come forward then, she would have told Su Lian about their relationship,

If only.

Yu Lingxue bit her lip until it hurt.

What was the use in blaming Yu Qingluan?

Wasn’t she herself the most despicable, the one who deserved the blame?

She never gave her girlfriend a sense of security, never allowed her to acknowledge their relationship in public. That was why Yu Qingluan had been so cautious and reserved.

“Later, you finally broke up, but it was because of your own misdeeds. I thought, fine, at least it’s over. There’s still a long life ahead, and it’s good to help her through it.”

Xiang Yan turned to Yu Lingxue, glaring at her angrily.

“So tell me, why did you have to harm her again?”

Yu Lingxue looked up at Xiang Yan in disbelief, tears welling in her eyes.

She couldn’t answer his question. In fact, his words brought back all the memories of the past, filling her with such regret and pain that it pierced her heart.

It was her fault. She had never paid attention to Yu Qingluan’s state.

She had thought love was too simple, had idealized Yu Qingluan as too pure, overlooking that Yu Qingluan was a living person with emotions discontent, fear, insecurity.

“I, I didn’t mean to.” But in the end, thinking of that fire, the ashes floating in the flames and the charred clothes, Yu Lingxue couldn’t hold back the pain any longer. Covering her face, she burst into sobs.

“What does it matter if you didn’t mean to? You’ve already destroyed her!” Xiang Yan was still fuming, wanting to curse her more.

“This is hypocrisy, self-indulgence. Only after losing her do you start regretting, where were you before? No one accepts such belated remorse. You think you loved her so much, but you’re wrong. You never did. If you loved her, you wouldn’t have made her suffer like this.”

Xiang Yan sneered, put on his earphones, left Yu Lingxue in the grove, and walked away.

Alone, Yu Lingxue crouched in the grove, recalling everything that had happened that day and Yu Qingluan’s reactions afterward.

She remembered Yu Qingluan’s jealous face, how she had casually tried to placate her, and her heart twisted in agony.

Actually, Yu Qingluan had always expressed her feelings.

It was subtle, but as her lover, shouldn’t she have noticed that subtlety?

It was just that, in the past, she hadn’t taken it to heart.

She thought Yu Qingluan was obedient, that Yu Qingluan loved her deeply.

She thought it was all just Yu Qingluan’s minor moods.

How detestable she was,

Yu Lingxue desperately wanted to say sorry to Yu Qingluan.

Sincerely, to apologize properly for every wrong she had done.

But where could she find Yu Qingluan now? Yu Qingluan had already died because of her negligence, her arrogance.

That night, her heart was shattered, the pain so unbearable she wished for death.

Yu Lingxue had already lost all courage and motivation, and could only watch helplessly as her strength and senses gradually faded until her eyes closed.

When she opened her eyes again, Yu Lingxue glanced at the date.

It had been over half a month since she lost Yu Qingluan.

The initial agony still lingered, constantly haunting her heart.

She remained trapped in it, unable to break free.

Yu Lingxue patted her cheeks, took a deep breath, and felt the burning sensation in her throat, using the physical pain to stay alert.

She looked around but couldn’t figure out where she was.

“I found you collapsed alone in the woods and was worried something might happen to you. After contacting your family, I brought you back,” Su Lian’s voice came from nearby.

It took Yu Lingxue a moment to remember who this person was.

Someone unrelated to Yu Qingluan.

She let out a sigh and accepted the water. “Thank you.”

“Are you here to look for Yu Qingluan? I haven’t seen her at school lately.”

Su Lian extended a friendly gesture, but Yu Lingxue didn’t even have the strength to return a smile.

Her lips twitched a reflex, but she couldn’t muster even a hint of a smile.

All she could manage was another “thank you.”

Su Lian looked at her white hair and protruding bones, unsure of what else to say.

“I well. I’m not very good at comforting people, and I don’t know what the breakup means to you. Maybe try to look on the bright side? To be honest, at first… I always thought you and she weren’t serious.” She could only grip her cup, lowering her head as if talking to herself.

“That’s not true,” Yu Lingxue mustered a bit of energy.

It seemed Su Lian didn’t know about Yu Qingluan’s death.

Yu Lingxue wanted to numb herself with this feeling and stared at Su Lian for a long time.

But then she withdrew. She knew Su Lian wasn’t close to Yu Qingluan and had even held some animosity toward her. It was only natural that Su Lian wouldn’t know about Yu Qingluan’s affairs.

“I truly liked her. From the very beginning,” Yu Lingxue spoke, unsure who she was saying it to.

“But ” Su Lian took a breath, met Yu Lingxue’s blurred gaze, and softened her voice. “I never heard you mention it.” If she had known Yu Lingxue had a girlfriend so early on, why would she have waited for over a year?

“I, ” Yu Lingxue started to explain, but the words stuck in her throat, unable to form.

Explanations were only necessary when one was wronged.

What did she have to explain?

It was true she had never told Su Lian or her friends in Chu City that she had a girlfriend.

She thought it wasn’t something she needed to say; it was private.

But that was just an excuse an excuse for her lack of sincerity at the time.

Yes.

Yu Lingxue pinched her wrist until it hurt and didn’t speak again, her eyes downcast.

At the beginning, she did like Yu Qingluan.

But it wasn’t love.

Her fondness was only slight, as if treating her like a plaything.

By nature, she didn’t suppress Yu Qingluan in any way or humiliate her with money or power.

Yet, unconsciously, their relationship became a seesaw, with all the pressure resting on Yu Qingluan’s shoulders. Only she stood at the higher end, lightly and joyfully enjoying the emotions Yu Qingluan brought her.

At the start, she only saw Yu Qingluan as a companion to relax with.

The difference between Yu Qingluan and her other friends was sex. They were just friends who were more intimate in that aspect.

Nothing more.

Love came later, slowly growing.

But the mistakes she made earlier she had no chance to make up for them.

Before their love could become their shared reality, they had already completely parted ways.

To be precise, she was the one who abandoned Yu Qingluan first. She was the one who betrayed Yu Qingluan first.

If only this love had blossomed earlier.

Unconsciously, a tear streamed down Yu Lingxue’s cheek. Her silent regret turned into bitter coffee, thickly coating her throat, stifling even the faintest sob.

How could she ever make amends? How could she ever reclaim what was lost?

How could she make someone who no longer existed even glance her way again?

Yu Lingxue looked at Su Lian, who seemed utterly confused, and wiped her tears dry.

“I should head back now, or my mother will worry,” she said, rising to her feet, etching that state of mind deep into her heart.

It hurt so much that she was exhausted by the pain.

So she thought she wouldn’t think about it anymore.

Yu Qingluan was still alive, after all. They had just had a breakup, that was all.

As long as Yu Qingluan was still alive, she might still have a chance to say she was sorry.

Yu Lingxue’s mind felt heavy, her vision blurred.

Illusions and reality flickered back and forth, and no matter how deeply she breathed, she couldn’t seem to draw in any oxygen.

After returning home and lying down on her bed, she felt the heat in her body with a sense of powerlessness, as if she had been transported back into that sea of flames.

But unlike reality, this time, it was Yu Lingxue’s very self that was burning to ashes.

Yu Lingxue slept deeply for an entire day.

When she woke again, her heart felt hollow, as if something were missing.

The pain, too, seemed distant, like fingernails scratching through a layer of cloth more ticklish than piercing.

Her sorrow felt as though her head were submerged in water hazy and unable to reach the depths.

When she tried to summon joy, it knocked at the door of her heart, only to be bounced right back out.

Even fear dissipated into colorless, odorless air molecules.

Yu Lingxue lowered her head and pressed her hand against her body.

She couldn’t feel any pain.

“Xue’er.” Yu Yueheng sat by her bedside, having prepared a nutritious meal for her.

Yu Lingxue took it and ate bite by bite, unable to taste the food or discern whether it was hot or cold.

Yu Yueheng, however, was relieved to see her finally eating properly.

Yu Lingxue looked at her mother, tilting her head, but she couldn’t quite make out what her mother was saying.

What a strange feeling,

But at least it didn’t hurt.

Had she healed? Had she moved past the grief?

Yu Lingxue stepped onto the floor and began to walk, yet she couldn’t sense the presence of her own limbs.

But she was truly walking she could see the scenery around her shifting.

Where were her feet, then?

Like a bewildered infant, Yu Lingxue paused mid-step, lifted her foot, and crouched down to examine it, as if encountering her own body for the very first time.

How miraculous this structure was.

So strange, What was this again?

Yu Yueheng, watching her daughter’s state, felt her heart tighten. She quickly reached out to grasp Yu Lingxue’s hand.

But all she managed to hold was a piece of dried wood. It slipped from her grasp when she tried to hold it firmly. She couldn’t apply force the brittle wood would snap.

Even with that gentle squeeze, Yu Yueheng could hear the faint rustling of dry twigs being compressed.

Yu Yueheng was startled. What she was holding was her daughter’s hand.

And Yu Lingxue finally snapped back to reality, lowering her foot and turning to look at Yu Yueheng.

“Mom?” she asked uncertainly.

“Mom’s here,” Yu Yueheng said, pulling Yu Lingxue into a tight embrace.

Yu Lingxue sank into that embrace, her body growing heavier and heavier, as if weighed down by a thousand, then ten thousand jun until it became unbearable.

Suddenly, she felt something crushing her, the sound of bones breaking unnervingly clear.

Yu Lingxue bit her lip.

A soft whimper escaped her.

In Yu Yueheng’s hair, she caught the familiar scent of oranges.

It was the smell of sun-warmed hair.

And then, pain erupted violently from her heart.

Yu lingxue: It doesn’t hurt anymore. I think I’ve recovered.

Me: Oh no, it seems she’s gone mad.