Weakness Trap - Chapter 46

“Why would I lie to you? I wish my daughter were still here she was my daughter Don’t cling to me, don’t come looking for me, and don’t even think about harassing her again.”

Yu Shuhua impatiently brushed off Yu Lingxue’s hand.

She was beginning to understand Qingluan’s feelings.

If there were still love and hatred, being entangled like this would make one’s heart waver, breeding self-loathing, leading to indulgence and bitter consequences.

If there were no such feelings, then Yu Lingxue’s desperate pleas were nothing but harassment, like noise outside the window when one wanted to focus on studying making one wish to slap her and send her far away.

Her daughter had wanted to live with dignity and freedom, to leave some words unspoken. But Yu Shuhua was middle aged, the perfect age to be a shrew, what couldn’t she say?

“You don’t have that chance. If you truly care for her, going back to burn incense for her is more useful than kneeling here begging me.”

Yu Shuhua glanced back at Yu Lingxue, who remained kneeling on the ground.

The young woman with graying hair seemed to have lost all her strength, her spirit crushed by Yu Shuhua’s words.

Yu Shuhua wanted to sneer, but then she remembered she was playing the role of a grieving mother and instead wiped her tears, sighing heavily as she stepped inside.

Before closing the door, she wailed loudly about her ill fated daughter.

The sound startled Yu Lingxue, who hugged herself tightly, curling into a ball as she knelt.

Was she really gone?

Yu Lingxue covered her mouth. Her hair fell over her eyes, blurring her vision, and illusions flooded her mind.

Why did she feel she could still see Yu Qingluan?

As if Yu Qingluan had always been by her side.

They had embraced here, strolled together at night, walking from one end of the street to the other.

They had watched clusters of lanterns burn out, then returned to this place by boat, lying together in the carved bed, holding each other as they slept.

Even now, Yu Lingxue could still hear the rough music from an old man’s radio by the shore, the noisy folk songs playing.

She could still feel the gentle breeze carrying the fragrance of willow trees, brushing against her face.

Why was that person no longer here?

Yu Lingxue wanted to leave. She trembled with cold, her body and mind losing warmth under the scorching sun.

She felt so cold it made her nauseous, each wave of sickness making her organs churn as if fighting to escape.

But she couldn’t bear to go. It was as if by staying here, she could once again smell the scent of oranges, receive another bottle of rose perfume.

She could be held again, loved and caressed.

Suddenly, the door opened. Tears streaming down her face, Yu Lingxue looked up abruptly.

“Get lost. If I see you again, if you try to harass my daughter one more time, I’ll beat you senseless.” It was Yu Shuhua, holding a broom and chasing her away.

“I’m sorry.” Yu Lingxue, frightened, fell backward, grabbing her wheelchair and struggling to climb into it.

“Say it to the ghosts!” Yu Shuhua slammed the door shut, still seething with anger.

Yu Lingxue finally managed to sit in her wheelchair. Staring at the locked door, she began to sob softly at first.

Then came rapid, choked gasps, as if she couldn’t breathe properly, tears streaming down her face one after another.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Qingluan, I harmed you. Qingluan.” Yu Lingxue suppressed her sobs with great effort to utter her apologies.

But who was there to hear her?

Just as Yu Shuhua had said.

She could only say it to the ghosts.

Yu Lingxue wheeled her chair along the riverbank, moving slowly, her face ashen.

Every household along this path had been introduced to her by Yu Qingluan.

They had once helped this family move New Year’s goods together, and pasted spring festival couplets for that family together.

Now Yu Qingluan was gone. She didn’t even dare to glance at these households anymore.

Nor would she listen to a single word from them.

Yu Lingxue walked to the end and saw a lone black canopied boat lying there, staring blankly with wide eyes.

Then she forced herself to stand up, determined to crawl onto that boat even if she had to.

She threw herself into it, as if throwing herself toward her only salvation.

But inside, there was nothing left except the scent of oranges filling the boat.

Yu Lingxue looked at the old traces inside the boat the window paper cuttings she had pasted up, then completely torn off, leaving only two lines of adhesive residue.

She saw the indentation where Yu Qingluan used to place her sewing kit, with a few stray fibers from the cushion she had once placed beside it.

In a daze, she seemed to hear a voice.

“My favorite season has always been winter.”

Yu Lingxue lay down in the boat cabin and finally broke down.

She wept uncontrollably, crying until the world turned dark, her voice grew hoarse, and her vision blurred.

She cried until she mistook the pitch-black cabin for her own grave, and wearily closed her eyes, following the lingering scent of oranges.

Yu Lingxue didn’t know how long she had slept in that boat.

When she opened her eyes again, it was already dark.

The households on the shore had turned off their lights, leaving only the distant street lamps flickering.

Countless nights like this, she had spent with Yu Qingluan.

When Yu Qingluan was still here, she hadn’t been afraid at all.

Now, sitting alone in front of the boat, fiddling with the oar she couldn’t move, Yu Lingxue shivered.

It was as if something terrifying, gloomy, and resentful was clinging to her back.

Holding her, demanding her soul.

But she turned around, thinking it was Yu Qingluan returning.

Take her away, she would give everything back to Yu Qingluan, make amends, as an apology.

But behind her, there was nothing except the equally dark boat cabin.

Yu Lingxue slowly turned her head and looked at the river.

This was the middle section of the Chu Yun River. An unremarkable river, usually tinged with the grayish green of apples, gently undulating.

Now, Yu Lingxue could only see her own reflection on the river’s surface.

She wanted to plunge headfirst into it. It felt as if Yu Qingluan was behind her, calling to her from the world on the other side.

But as she stumbled forward, she suddenly stopped, panic washing over her.

She no longer had the courage to end her own life.

If she fell into the water now, who would rescue her like Yu Qingluan had, love her steadfastly, and give her a sense of security?

Yu Lingxue gritted her teeth, biting her lip until it bled, her teeth loosening.

She would crawl back to the shore.

Go.

Yu Lingxue dragged her useless legs, the more she moved, the more pain she felt.

Go.

With great difficulty, she returned to her wheelchair, opened her phone, and answered Yu Yueheng’s call.

She was no longer here. Go.

After returning to her mother’s side, Yu Lingxue burned with fever for three full days and nights.

Hearing that she had come to Chu City, Li Ran also visited her in the hospital.

Yu Lingxue was never fully conscious, drifting in and out of delirium, muttering incoherently.

Neither Yu Yueheng nor Li Ran could make out her ramblings.

The only clear words were Yu Qingluan’s name.

Li Ran watched with heartache and helplessness.

After all, she was her student. Even if she had done wrong, how could she add fuel to the fire?

Li Ran treated her and wrote a prescription for Yu Yueheng.

“I never expected her to seek you out as her teacher,” Yu Yueheng said to Li Ran with great respect.

“She had to beg for it,” Li Ran snorted, then sighed with disappointment.

“I’ve told her before life comes first. Learn to be a person before becoming a doctor. If she can live well herself, how could she possibly fail at medicine or be unable to save others? This profession requires a stronger heart than most. Otherwise, how will she face helpless, pitiful patients in the future? And yet.”

Yu Lingxue hadn’t taken her words to heart at all.

“How on earth does your family raise children?” Li Ran found it utterly baffling.

Yu Lingxue’s mother was still alive, and she didn’t seem like the type to neglect or disregard her child.

If a mother had been there to guide her, Yu Lingxue wouldn’t have grown into someone so eager to sacrifice yet so indifferent to those around her.

“To be honest, she wasn’t raised by anyone in particular. She was brought up under the family’s collective supervision, force-fed an education. If it weren’t for her own efforts, she’d still be trapped in that courtyard in Hong Kong, competing with her siblings and cousins.”

Yu Yueheng turned away as she spoke, clearly ashamed of the matter.

“You people are something else,” Li Ran scoffed.

So it wasn’t hard to understand why Yu Lingxue ended up tangled in so much trouble later on.

That family didn’t treat people as people at all.

Doctors treat people.

If she doesn’t even see herself as human, how could she possibly save others?

“Please help Xue’er.” Yu Yueheng swallowed the sarcasm and bowed to Li Ran.

“Begging me won’t do any good. When this child wakes up, she can come to me herself.” Li Ran let out a derisive breath.

She was still frustrated.

“Her mental state is very fragile right now, Senior Li. If I hadn’t stopped her, she would’ve already.” Yu Yueheng shook her head.

“She saw that girl as her emotional anchor, and now she can’t find her anywhere. I can’t help her any further. I couldn’t help her in the past, and I can’t help her now. All I can do is beg you.”

Once, Yu Yueheng had considered looking after Yu Qingluan for Yu Lingxue for a year or two.

But while she could protect Yu Qingluan’s safety, she couldn’t tend to her heart.

Yu Qingluan’s hatred and resentment toward Yu Lingxue didn’t stem from any physical harm Yu Lingxue had caused her.

Li Ran fell silent for a moment.

Yu Yueheng pleaded repeatedly until Li Ran’s heart softened, and she urged Yu Yueheng to rise.

“I’ll keep a closer eye on her. Sigh. Let’s focus on restoring her health first. With this episode, she’s probably shortened her lifespan by several years.”

Then the two discussed Jian Xi’s situation for a while before Yu Lingxue slowly regained consciousness.

Her last memory was of calling Yu Yueheng. After that, she’d passed out.

So now, was this hell?

Yu Lingxue turned her head and saw Li Ran.

“Don’t recognize me?” Li Ran waved a hand, slightly unnerved by Yu Lingxue’s detached gaze.

“Teacher.” Yu Lingxue’s voice was weak as she leaned back.

Then, remembering something, she suddenly revived, grabbing Li Ran’s hand.

“Teacher, you you’re still teaching at Chu University, right? Do you know where Yu Qingluan is?”

Li Ran pursed her lips.

Seeing her expression, Yu Lingxue had no choice but to sink back into the bed.

“Enough, rest properly. Once you’ve recovered, I’ll help you find out where she is.” Li Ran brought over the medicine and nutritional meal.

“Is she still alive?” Yu Lingxue mustered her strength, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

“I don’t know.” Li Ran hadn’t kept track of Yu Qingluan.

She couldn’t interfere with matters in Harbor City. With the Yu family acting as the local power there and most of her connections being overseas, what could she possibly do? She had only heard some things about Yu Lingxue and went to see her once when she had the time.

She barely had the capacity to pay attention to Yu Lingxue, how could she spare any thought for Yu Qingluan?

To be honest, Yu Qingluan was quite an inconspicuous girl. She had little presence at school, living her life like an NPC, knowing few people, and having a slow, unhurried temperament.

Li Ran had almost forgotten about Yu Qingluan entirely.

“I only know she hasn’t been coming to school recently.” As for the specific reason, Li Ran didn’t know.

After all, Yu Qingluan had very few friends at school.

Even if something had really happened, it wouldn’t have reached Li Ran.

The light in Yu Lingxue’s eyes instantly dimmed.

“I can’t lie to you,” Li Ran said, patting her shoulder. “But I didn’t say she’s really gone either.”

“I, but her mother.” Yu Lingxue struggled to piece her words together.

In the end, only two lines of tears fell.

She stared at the food in front of her, forcing herself to swallow it bite by bite.

Li Ran couldn’t bear to watch her pained expression and turned away.

After a few days of recovery, Yu Lingxue could barely manage to walk.

Li Ran had also treated her legs, though the results were minimal. At least she didn’t need to rely on a wheelchair all the time.

Li Ran said it was her heartache causing her internal organs to malfunction.

Yu Lingxue thought so too.

She wouldn’t get better. Her antidote was already gone.

Li Ran wouldn’t stay by her side forever.

Yu Yueheng didn’t stay at the hospital either she was busy with Jian Xi’s affairs.

Yu Lingxue seized the opportunity to leave the hospital and sneak into Chu University.

She found Xiang Yan alone in the crowd, looking at his phone, about to chat with someone, and intercepted him.