Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 42.1

Too late, she is already dead

Ming Yishu did not know how long she had slept or how many nightmares she had endured. The boundary between deep sleep and waking had become exceptionally blurred. She knew not the season, nor the year; occasionally waking at dusk, it felt as if she had already lived out this entire life, or perhaps had fallen into a ninefold dreamscape, returning to the very beginning when she first met Jiang Qionghua.

She dreamed of that person returning to the manor from the palace, bringing newly acquired treasures and coming to bestow them upon her immediately, then pulling her along to wash her hair.

Her heart and eyes were filled only with that person. Still harboring secret feelings of adoration, she would stealthily take the strands of hair that fell from the other during the washing. Every time they washed hair, she took a few strands; over a long time, they gathered into a lock.

She placed them in a silk pouch. The pouch was placed in a wooden box. The box was placed in a cabinet. The cabinet was placed in a corner.

Unilaterally, she had bound her hair with the other’s as a wife. Once she had gathered enough of the blue-black strands, she secretly cut a lock of her own raven hair, tied it together with the other’s, and hid it away.

She could not bear to throw away any of the items, large or small, bestowed by that person: a pair of gold-inlaid red jade earrings, a hair-pin of hammered gold and pearl flowers, a pair of hair-sticks featuring filigree phoenixes, a knife… even the handkerchief used to wipe her sweat in some forgotten year, she had cherished them all, keeping them in the most hidden corners.

She also kept them in her heart.

In the dream, she still remembered the palpitations and filial affection of those earlier years. She was always waiting for Jiang Qionghua to return home from court. That person liked to hear her softly call out “Aunt,” liked to hold her waist, and liked to have her company while reading official memorials—holding her, allowing her to grind the ink.

In the very beginning, Jiang Qionghua indeed possessed the dignity and indulgence of an elder. Everything was permitted to her; no matter what request she made, the other would agree with a smile.

For a period of time, she loved watching the other write, and so the other would hold her hand to teach her how to move the brush.

Even within the dream, Ming Yishu could remember the scent of that person. They sat close, their finger roots rubbing gently against each other. She would turn her head to look at Jiang Qionghua, seeing that the other maintained that gaze full of ambition even while moving the brush—as if she were not teaching someone to write, but rather reviewing a map of the mountains and rivers.

As the Grand Minister who stood above the Imperial Family, that person’s calligraphy was similarly unbridled and magnificent, grand and majestic. It was like the “fire trees and silver flowers” (fireworks) above the firmament, drawing the wandering dragon away from playing in the water to entwine with the dazzling pyrotechnics.

Ming Yishu watched, infatuated—half because of the handwriting, and half because of her.

Traveling through a book had allowed Ming Yishu to experience the ancients firsthand. Looking at Jiang Qionghua’s countenance was like seeing those women of towering power from ancient texts—their ambitions clearly displayed, drawing admiration and awe.

The scene shifted; she dreamed again of that person holding her and sending her onto a carriage. Before the parting, the person suddenly and straightforwardly lifted the curtain to bend inside, draping a cloak over her.

“I (the Sovereign ‘Gu’) will return soon…”

Ming Yishu nodded, clutching that dark green gold-woven garment, her nose filled with the scent of the other’s body.

It wasn’t a scent that could be described, but it simply smelled wonderful.

That period of time was so beautiful that Ming Yishu felt happy even when reminiscing. In reality, her life had been unfortunate; she had no true family to care for her, no friends, and no one she loved.

But coming here was different. The Prime Minister had no kin and cherished her alone. She treated her extremely well on ordinary days, allowing her to experience the feeling of “being loved” that she had never felt in reality.

With Jiang Qionghua protecting her, no one in the world would dare bully her again. Even with this face of hers, no one would stare at her blatantly, let alone speak foul words born of lust.

When Jiang Qionghua was by her side, everyone would lower their heads.

Ming Yishu’s only wish in life was merely to be “ordinary and smooth-sailing.” She didn’t have much greed, nor did she have the ambition to chase power or status. She wanted to remain stable and ordinary; just like this would be enough.

Therefore, even though she loved Jiang Qionghua deeply, she would not speak out to crave a response. She did not want to break the peaceful life; she only needed to maintain the status quo…

Maintain the status quo.

When was the status quo broken? Ming Yishu had forgotten.

She fell from a beautiful dream into a nightmare. She saw herself locked in a woodshed, forced to kneel in the snow, slapped by someone in the palace. Someone choked her and interrogated her, cursing her for being shameless, tearing at her collar…

“Go away—”

Ming Yishu furrowed her brows, sleeping fitfully.

She didn’t know what she had done wrong. It was like stepping into a void, falling from the clouds into the freezing snow. Curses and accusations surged toward her one after another. Those harsh, piercing words were like knives, stabbing straight into her spine, forcing her to admit fault again and again, even though she knew nothing.

“Awake?”

“Guess what surprise I (Gu) want to give you?”

Ming Yishu opened her eyes and suddenly saw a person sitting by the couch. Jiang Qionghua was looking at her with a smile, then suddenly, as if changing faces, fed her medicine. She saw herself forced to swallow He Ding Hong (crane-top red/arsenic). The lethal poison instantly pierced her throat; before it even reached her intestines, it had already burned her away.

She clutched her own throat, struggling until she could not breathe. It was so painful, so unbearable.

“Au… Aunt…”

She gripped the other’s sleeve desperately with her fingers. The excessive pain caused her nails to split, but that person remained indifferent, her eyes cold and ruthless, looking at her as if looking at a piece of rag.

“Don’t… don’t…”

Ming Yishu forcefully swallowed the blood being eroded out, reaching for the other in futility, only to watch the person stand up and walk away with her back turned.

She never looked back.

At this, another layer of her dream shattered.

In the palace, Jiang Qionghua finally finished the court session. She seemed unable to wait, hurriedly picking up her pace to leave.

After killing Tang Guangjun—that is, Ji Zijun—everyone could see the Right Prime Minister’s radiant spirits. Furthermore, word had gone around that the Prime Minister’s birthday was approaching, and the Prime Minister’s Manor was busy preparing for some unknown joyous event, so Jiang Qionghua’s temper had improved significantly.

Jiang Qionghua went to the Ministry of Rites, watched them for a while, and told them to speed up their work even more.

She wanted to marry her wife on the day of her birthday—a formal marriage with proper honors, announced to the whole world.

To give Ming Yishu a surprise.

What the other wanted most was a formal status—the status of a primary wife. Once she successfully married her as she wished, Ming Yishu would no longer be able to separate from her for no reason.

According to the other’s way of speaking—once a “status” was given, in their place, it would be protected by law, and they couldn’t “break up” easily.

Jiang Qionghua had never heard of what Ming Yishu’s hometown was like, but she could imagine the general situation. It must be very special and prosperous to nurture a temperament as good as Ming Yishu’s, a girl as kind as Ming Yishu.

Ever since the killing of Ji Zijun, Ming Yishu’s condition had been very poor. As Jiang Qionghua walked out of the palace, she frequently furrowed her brows in worry. After that night, Ming Yishu had sat alone in a daze for a long time, and then began to fall into a state of being half-asleep and half-awake. The time she spent sleeping was always longer than the time she was awake, and even when she woke up, she appeared soul-shaken.

According to the sorcerer’s words—this was a case of a “startled soul.” It required three senior close relatives to call back the soul, or, it needed to be “countered” with a joyous event.

Jiang Qionghua had no way to find three relatives for Ming Yishu, so she could only take advantage of the approaching birthday to marry her. Using a joyous event to wash away the ill luck, she hoped to return Ming Yishu to her original, normal self.

She did not know if she would find Ming Yishu awake when she returned to the manor, but it didn’t matter. In any case, she would accompany Ming Yishu as she slept; whenever the other woke up, she would be able to see her with her own eyes and talk to her.

Having killed her nemesis, Jiang Qionghua felt that her headaches were completely cured, her suspicions were no longer so heavy, and her overall mood had become very good. Now that all her wishes had been fulfilled, she could devote her entire heart to Ming Yishu.

Ming Yishu once had her heart and eyes full of her; she must surely be looking forward to her affection as well.

Jiang Qionghua urgently wanted to go home to see Ming Yishu, to hold and embrace her for a long time to satisfy the thirst in her heart. She ordered the guards to drive the carriage as fast as possible and even had the leisure to make a joke with Bo Lu: “Lately, I (Gu) am in a good mood. Even if that crazy woman blocks the carriage on the road again, I won’t think about having her killed.”

Bo Lu lowered his eyes at the side and said: “There won’t be anyone blocking the carriage anymore.”

Jiang Qionghua asked in surprise: “Why? Has that crazed old crone passed away?”

“The other day I heard people say that the madwoman in the capital has had her madness cured,” Bo Lu said. “This old servant also finds it strange, but did not ask in detail. If the Prime Minister is interested, I will send someone to inquire about the reason.”

Jiang Qionghua: “That madness can actually be cured is indeed a strange matter, but I do not have such great leisure. Since you don’t know, do not go inquiring.”

Bo Lu nodded.

When Jiang Qionghua returned, she heard people say that Ming Yishu seemed to have woken up.

“Lock up He Yi (the wolf), don’t let its howling startle Ming Yishu.”

“Su Qian’er has packed her things and left, right?”

Su Qian’er had been driven out of the manor for a long time, but every time, Jiang Qionghua would give this instruction once more, simply because Ming Yishu had been greatly frightened last time. Jiang Qionghua did not want her to see familiar things again and thus remember what happened during the fright.

Jiang Qionghua did not feel at all that she was also one of the culprits who had frightened Ming Yishu. Of course, she couldn’t avoid seeing Ming Yishu herself, so she could only send the rest of the people from that night far away, so that Ming Yishu would have “out of sight, out of mind.”

“How is my (Gu) appearance? Is there anything untidy?” Before reaching the door, Jiang Qionghua suddenly stopped her steps. For the first time, she paid extra attention to her own looks. She asked, “How do you all think I look?”

She asked the servants of the Prime Minister’s Manor, and naturally, she received words of praise.

Whether it was sincere praise or false flattery, Jiang Qionghua felt comfortable hearing it. Satisfied, she pushed the door open and entered—

Ming Yishu saw light shining in.

Her eyes had not seen anything for a long time. Having slept for too long, she even had some difficulty distinguishing between reality and dreams.

“Awake?”

Seeing her awake, Jiang Qionghua couldn’t help but feel happy. That joy was strong enough that she almost couldn’t hide it, wanting to inform Ming Yishu of that joyous event early to make the other happy as well.

“Guess what I (Gu) want to give you…”

Jiang Qionghua had intended to say the word “bestowal,” but she vaguely felt that Ming Yishu didn’t like her linking “status” with “bestowal.” Thus, she paused and switched to a different phrasing.

“Guess what surprise I (Gu) want to give you?”

Ming Yishu’s ears were ringing slightly; she didn’t hear clearly and looked at her with a confused, dazed gaze: “Aunt, what did you say?”

She had not yet transitioned her identity from the dream. At this moment, looking at Jiang Qionghua was like the little girl from years ago looking at her elder—the one who still cherished and looked after her, who would come to see her first thing after court.

Jiang Qionghua was suddenly pierced to the heart by this “Aunt.” She didn’t react for a moment, her chest feeling a burst of sourness and hardship; after the bitterness, a great joy instantly enveloped her.

Ming Yishu actually, actually called her that again.

This cry of “Aunt” seemed capable of instantly repairing the scars and estrangement between the two, returning them to the past, back to when they first met.

“Mmh.” Jiang Qionghua answered solemnly. She moved closer, pressing against her cheek as if moved by emotion, and repeated the previous words once more, “Guess what surprise I want to give you?”

This time, Ming Yishu heard clearly.

The nightmare had come true.

The words from the dream were replicated with perfect consistency, as if… that cup of He Ding Hong was appearing again. She suddenly pushed Jiang Qionghua away with force, large tears gushing from her eyes. Seeing this person was like seeing a terrifying demon: “Don’t come over!”

Pushed away forcefully, Jiang Qionghua asked in bafflement: “I have done nothing, what are you afraid of?”

Ming Yishu shook her head desperately, crying continuously. The poison that pierced her throat seemed to be torturing her again; she was in extreme pain, her voice trembling: “I don’t want to drink poison, it hurts so much, it hurts…”

“It wasn’t me who gave it to you.” Being wronged, Jiang Qionghua had no way to argue; she could only explain stiffly, “It was… that bad person who forced you to drink it. It has nothing to do with me. I treat you well; it’s impossible for me to force you to take poison.”

Ming Yishu spoke firmly: “It was you.”

Jiang Qionghua had no choice but to move a few steps away. She somewhat understood the helplessness Ming Yishu felt when she had repeatedly explained herself back then. Facing an irrational person, there was truly no way to reason.

Nothing was right. The person in front of her wouldn’t listen to anything.

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