Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 32

She Has Little Time Left

“You need not be sad, nor does this Sovereign require you to make any more choices.” Jiang Qionghua finally released Ming Yishu as dawn approached. She lightly touched Ming Yishu’s face with fingers that were slightly damp and cold, whispering, “This Sovereign shall go and kill all those who wag their gossiping tongues.”

Ming Yishu opened her eyes, her voice hoarse as she pulled at Jiang Qionghua’s sleeve. “Don’t—”

“Shangshifang, is it? This Sovereign knows.” Jiang Qionghua looked down at Ming Yishu, seeing that the person before her had been thoroughly broken by her torments, like a tattered willow branch wilted by the sun, slumped softly in her arms in a way that evoked extreme pity.

Ignoring Ming Yishu’s attempts to stop her, she continued, “This Sovereign guarantees that not a single person in that place will live past tonight.”

Ming Yishu coughed violently, clutching her chest as the metallic taste of blood rose in her throat. “It has nothing to do with them.”

“Whether it is related or not, this Sovereign does not care. Someone must bear the weight of my fury.” Jiang Qionghua put an arm around Ming Yishu’s waist, lightly patting her back so she could breathe. “You are mine. This Sovereign cannot bear to kill you, so I must trouble others instead.”

Ming Yishu’s breathing was labored; she couldn’t even speak. She could only tremble as she death-gripped Jiang Qionghua’s wrist, refusing to let her go even as her strength failed.

“Do not be like this, or this Sovereign will think you desire more.” Though Jiang Qionghua had satisfied her longings the previous night, she did not mind another round in the morning. Seeing Ming Yishu hold on so forcefully, she followed the reaction and began to touch her again. “Let go, or this Sovereign will take you seriously.”

How could she dare let go? If Ming Yishu didn’t hold her back, Jiang Qionghua would hurt many innocent people; but if she held on, Jiang Qionghua would continue to torture her.

She didn’t know where the other had recently learned these methods of torment, but when they were used on her, it was agonizing beyond measure.

It hurt—it hurt as if she were being personally dismantled by the other’s hands.

Even knowing the consequences, Ming Yishu didn’t dare gamble. She did not release Jiang Qionghua, but instead let out a low cry of pain.

Jiang Qionghua asked, “Does it still hurt? Where does it hurt?”

Ming Yishu: “It hurts from the friction.”

Jiang Qionghua remained unmoved. “But this Sovereign does not feel pain.”

Usually, if one person in a pair cried out in pain, the other wouldn’t exactly be comfortable. But Ming Yishu found that Jiang Qionghua showed no sign of discomfort; she was even ready to continue the previous business.

She asked, “Qionghua, are you also in pain?”

Jiang Qionghua: “Because of your actions, this Sovereign’s heart is in great distress, so the body does not seem to hurt much.”

“No, that’s not it.” Ming Yishu reacted a beat late, speaking up to deny it. “You toyed with me for so long. The one who hurts is me, not you.”

“You are too uncooperative. If you were more proactive, this Sovereign would not be like this,” Jiang Qionghua said. “When I came yesterday, I said I wanted you to be mindful, yet you not only refused but argued with me at every turn, rejecting all intimacy. Does she not want you to be well with me? Now, then? How do you feel now? Since you have already broken your word, why not simply cast her aside? Or, wait until I kill her, then you won’t have to live in guilt.”

Ming Yishu could never agree to this distorted logic. The kindness Ji Zijun had shown her was something that could never be overlooked.

When she was a student in her childhood, her situation was fraught with difficulty. If not for that person, she feared she wouldn’t even have been able to continue her schooling, let alone choose a major she was interested in at the university.

In the darkness of the first half of her life, that person’s help had provided her with immense support. Since she had clearly found her benefactor, Ming Yishu would never be ungrateful.

“When a mistake is made, one should mend the fold, not smash the pot and ignore it.” Ming Yishu stubbornly refused to yield. “What if the events of last night already happened? She made those demands of me, and I must always follow her wishes. I will never again take the initiative with you…”

Jiang Qionghua could listen no longer. Her patience exhausted, she pinched Ming Yishu’s chin and said, “Why are you still so obsessed? I treat you well because I am in a good mood. You trouble me again and again—do you truly think yourself such an important person? Whether you are willing to do it and whether I want to are two different things; they cannot be mentioned in the same breath. You must understand, I am the master of this Prime Minister’s Manor. Since you are in my hands, everything is up to me. If I wish to have pleasure with you, you should wash yourself clean and wait for me, like an ordinary concubine, taking the initiative to please your master.”

Ming Yishu broke free from her hand, refusing to accept the status of a concubine. “I am not your concubine, nor do I wish to please you. My intimacy with you is solely because of my feelings for you. You need not view me as a concubine. If your loneliness is unbearable, you can find someone else.”

Jiang Qionghua was truly about to be driven to madness by her.

Especially after hearing that last sentence, Jiang Qionghua asked almost immediately, “What did you say? Say that to me one more time.”

Ming Yishu raised her eyes calmly, looking at her. “If your needs are urgent, go find someone el—”

She didn’t finish.

Because Jiang Qionghua raised her hand and gave her a slap.

“Ming Yishu, what kind of person do you take me for?” Jiang Qionghua choked her neck, lifting her up slightly. “In your eyes, is anyone fine for me? Am I truly that desperate? The one who is cheap and shameless is not me. You think too filthily of me.”

Though she wasn’t the one who had been slapped, Jiang Qionghua still felt a searing, burning humiliation.

She pressed down hard on Ming Yishu’s neck, her whole body shaking with rage.

All the past tenderness became the wood that fed the fire in this moment. Jiang Qionghua remembered how she used to cautiously steal kisses from Ming Yishu, how she cherished and cared for her in her heart… how joyful and elated she felt during their first intimacy, wishing she could give her the finest rewards in the world… and when this person was injured, it was she who personally carried her from the woodshed to the sleeping palace, through such deep snow, step by step… she had stood in the snow for so long, laying bare her heart to recount her most humiliating past… she gave her heart away and confessed everything, only to receive such differential treatment from Ming Yishu in return.

The laughable thing was that the one who left her with those scars was the benefactor Ming Yishu would rather die than stop repaying.

Even though she and Ming Yishu had been together for so many years and shared so much intimacy, it couldn’t compare to that person.

Why?

When she first received Ming Yishu’s answer, Jiang Qionghua refused to believe it no matter what. She prided herself on the fact that the bond between the two of them could withstand Ming Yishu’s ties to Tang Guangjun, but reality had dealt her another vicious blow.

It layered right on top of the old scars, making her look like an actress being toyed with by a coordinated effort of enemies, appearing utterly ridiculous.

“Ming Yishu, have you been bewitched?” Jiang Qionghua’s reason was hanging off a cliff, precarious. Her dignity had been crushed into the mud by old affairs and could not be picked up unless Ming Yishu repented, which was the only way to save her last hope.

Jiang Qionghua’s expression was fierce, but her tone was like a plea: “Tell your Auntie properly again. Say that person threatened you, and that you are still on my side… right?”

“Qionghua, I have loved you for many years. No matter how you treat me, I will never betray that love.” Ming Yishu pressed her palm against her chest, explaining with every drop of her heart’s blood, “But I identified the wrong person. I owe a debt of gratitude to someone else, and I must repay it. Even my love for you cannot change that outcome.”

Jiang Qionghua’s voice grew faint. “Is it truly so necessary to repay it?”

Ming Yishu: “Yes.”

Jiang Qionghua: “You must listen to her?”

Ming Yishu: “I will listen to her.”

Jiang Qionghua asked again: “What if she dies?”

Ming Yishu: “She will not die. Even if she were dead, it would be as if she were alive.”

“Just what kind of evil ghost or monster is she!” Upon hearing this, Jiang Qionghua completely broke down. No one knew better than she what kind of thing Tang Guangjun was. That creature had been dead for years and could still rise like a corpse to torture her; clearly, she was not to be underestimated, like a lingering nightmare that could not be dispelled.

Her head throbbed as if it were splitting.

Jiang Qionghua gripped Ming Yishu’s hand tightly, leaning her head on her shoulder, unable to escape this nightmare.

At eighteen, she met Tang Guangjun. Ten years later, at twenty-eight, she killed that person with her own hands, yet the pain and scars still haunted her.

Another six years had passed. Six years! Just when she had relaxed her heart and wanted to step out of the nightmare, the source of her greatest pain swallowed her once more.

That snowy night in front of the woodshed, she had exposed her scars, wanting to forget the past, and placed her heart’s trust in Ming Yishu. She never expected that she would encounter the same unbearable agony again through Ming Yishu.

Tang Guangjun, Ji Zijun…

This person was a demon, a monster. Even sixteen years ago, she was nothing good. Her words and actions were thinly veiled in human skin, beneath which was an overt evil of perverse desire. She appeared harmless and gentle, but the wounds she dealt from behind were the deepest.

Jiang Qionghua had experienced that person’s capabilities and truly did not want to try them again.

The evil ghost’s words were indeed gentle; the person being calculated against had no way of knowing the hidden malice. Once they fell for it, a thorn would remain in their heart, emerging with every thought, leaving behind scars and pain.

Just like the current Ming Yishu—she had only gone out to see that person once, and upon returning, she refused to be intimate with her no matter what.

“You’ve been made dirty by her.” Jiang Qionghua held Ming Yishu, unsure how to pry open the other’s heart to wash it properly and cleanse it of the cursed words from Ji Zijun.

Ming Yishu knew that Jiang Qionghua was on the verge of collapse, so she said nothing, only raising her hand to embrace her back.

The two held each other for a long time in silence before Jiang Qionghua finally raised her head and murmured behind Ming Yishu: “I will wash you clean and make you forget all of these things.”

Ming Yishu’s heart skipped a beat, a vague sense of foreboding washing over her.

In the next moment, Jiang Qionghua briskly let go and walked out. When she returned, she held a cup of dark, murky medicinal soup.

“Qionghua, what is this—”

Ming Yishu’s face turned pale as she shrank back, not wanting to face the medicine.

Jiang Qionghua spoke coldly, forcing her to drink: “I added honey to it; it isn’t bitter. Drink it, and you won’t feel guilt or pain anymore.”

Giving Ming Yishu no choice, she forcefully pinched her chin and poured it in.

After the sound of the cup shattering, Jiang Qionghua glanced at the broken pieces, then looked back at Ming Yishu’s lapels, which were stained with the medicine, and smiled.

She had drunk most of it.

So, she was at ease.

“Follow me—”

Jiang Qionghua grabbed Ming Yishu’s hand indisputably, pulling her toward the bath, attempting to wash her clean.

Ming Yishu still had no strength to resist her. She could only be led inside in a daze. She accidentally choked on some water, her breathing becoming increasingly difficult. In her confusion, she tried to grab onto something, but she could never find the leverage to stand.

In her trance, she thought she was going to drown there today.

After an unknown amount of time, she was scooped up by the back of her knees. The serving maids swarmed in, drying her off and supporting her as she walked for a very, very long time.

A familiar voice reached her ears…

Su Qian’er rustled as she fed her half a bowl of water, whispering, “Miss Ming, while the Prime Minister was adding honey to the medicine, I secretly added water, and Bo Lu poured out half of it. You must drink this water; the medicine’s effect is weakened now, so it won’t harm your body.”

Ming Yishu drank a little in her half-asleep state, then vomited it all back up.

She doubled over coughing as Su Qian’er anxiously patted her back.

“Blood! Miss Ming! It’s blood—”

In a panic, Su Qian’er wanted to go out and call for someone, but Ming Yishu raised her hand to stop her, only instructing with a weak, airy voice: “Do not let anyone know. It is no great matter.”

Su Qian’er was close to tears. “Miss, I’m not stupid. You’re vomiting blood—how can that be nothing? I’ll go call the doctor. The doctor will surely be able to cure you.”

Ming Yishu had suffered too much torment during this period and had not had a good rest for days. She knew she had little time left and had no heart to linger. It was better to leave quietly, vanishing from this world and reality forever, never again to be caught in such a dilemma.

That way, she would not betray her own heart.

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