Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 31

“I lied to you; you shall just have to endure it.”

The guilt in Ming Yishu’s heart tortured her for a long time. Because of Ji Zijun’s words, she dared not continue down the wrong path. Even with Jiang Qionghua right in front of her, coaxing her with gentle words, she could not bring herself to accept that intimacy.

She loved her, but Ji Zijun—to whom she owed a debt of gratitude—had specifically emphasized that she must not remain obsessed.

She couldn’t touch her anymore…

“Since you aren’t feeling unwell, why are you unwilling to be close to me?” Jiang Qionghua asked her directly. “If you have some difficulty, you can tell me. I can talk it through with you.”

How could they talk?

Ming Yishu shook her head with a bitter smile, unable to tell her the truth.

She came from another world. The person who needed help was also someone else. This place was merely a mysterious world within a book; it couldn’t even be considered a real existence. She wanted to live with her honestly, but their circumstances were different; she couldn’t truly explain any of it.

It couldn’t be explained clearly.

It was like seeing a beloved person in a dream. One could offer their heart to the other, but one could never point out the truth of the dream—because once pointed out, the dream would end.

A person inside a dream naturally has no way of knowing. Ming Yishu could only suppress her thoughts, reaching out to stroke Jiang Qionghua’s face. The person before her was so beautiful and real that she didn’t look like a false existence at all. It was precisely this realism that made it more tragic. It was a pity they hadn’t met in reality but in this phantom dream. The various grievances and hatreds between them had turned into fine blades, slicing through Ming Yishu’s heart bit by bit.

Ming Yishu’s heart was filled with bitterness. She knelt there, gazing at Jiang Qionghua like a despondent person who had found wine for temporary comfort, her smile faint and helpless.

Before long, they would have to part. She thought that once she left, she would never see this person again. No one would bring her delicious desserts after court, no one would throw tantrums every few days, and no one would pull her hand and ask to have their hair washed.

Different eras and cultures separated them. All their encounters were but a dream; once awake, nothing would remain.

“I dreamed of a person to whom I owe a great debt. She does not allow me to continue being close to you, and I… I promised her,” Ming Yishu said, unable to tell Jiang Qionghua the truth, using the excuse of a dream to ask her. “Qionghua, if that person truly has a great kindness toward me—the kind that cannot be betrayed—what should I do?”

Jiang Qionghua took her hand away and remained silent.

She didn’t believe in something as mystical as a “dream message.” Ming Yishu’s words were clearly pointed. She suspected that Tang Guangjun had somehow “returned from the dead” to tell her some truth, which was why Ming Yishu had become so soul-shaken.

Tang Guangjun. It was Tang Guangjun again.

How could there be such a disgusting person in the world? Having died once, they still had to return to disrupt things. She had worked so hard to keep Ming Yishu by her side, finally finding someone she liked a little, yet that person had to step in and sicken her, driving a wedge between her and Ming Yishu.

Jiang Qionghua didn’t consider herself a good person, but she told herself she had treated Ming Yishu extremely well. Even now, she still wanted to keep Ming Yishu.

She could forgive her, even knowing that her feelings had changed.

“I know what you want to say.” Jiang Qionghua sat beside Ming Yishu, her gaze drifting elsewhere, her emotions relatively stable. “You’ve been following me all this time. I thought feelings had grown between us, that we wouldn’t let the words of others create a rift. I won’t force you as I did before. This time, you can make your own choice. If you choose to listen to her, you can push me away, and I won’t touch you anymore. But if…”

Jiang Qionghua stopped mid-sentence.

A tension she herself hadn’t noticed rose in her heart. She did care about Ming Yishu.

“If…” After the pause, Jiang Qionghua reached out again to unfasten Ming Yishu’s clothes, her movements slow and steady. “If you’ve made up your mind and are still willing to follow me, then do not struggle anymore.”

Ming Yishu felt a tight pain in her heart, like a fish out of water gasping for breath. She didn’t want to push Jiang Qionghua away, but Ji Zijun’s instructions rang in her ears.

It was loud, like the summons of a grim reaper, urgently forbidding her.

“Don’t let her touch you again.” “You know I am the one who was kind to you.” “All those years of sponsorship—it is time for you to repay me.” “I only want to have you.” “You said yourself you were ignorant before, but now that you’ve thought it through, don’t keep making mistakes.” “Jiang Qionghua is not a real person.”

Ming Yishu fell backward, her vision turning dark. She was carried to the couch, her black hair spilling out, her snow-white collar already loosened. And Jiang Qionghua was unfastening her final inner garment.

It was too late.

In her sorrow, Ming Yishu grabbed the other’s wrist. “I’m sorry, Qionghua, I…”

Jiang Qionghua stopped moving.

Immediately after, a low, slow voice of interrogation rang out.

“Ming Yishu, you chose to listen to that person… do you not feel sorry for me?”

Ming Yishu’s hand was grabbed back by Jiang Qionghua. She turned her head, her gaze dropping, her hair hiding her distressed face. All her strength seemed to have been drained away as she clung powerlessly to her only support.

She apologized in a low voice: “Qionghua, I’m sorry. I have to listen to her.”

Jiang Qionghua gritted her teeth, trembling with rage. “How great is this debt of gratitude? Is it worth such obedience? She only helped you during your childhood years; how many years have passed since then? She still dares to use that bit of history to pressure you?”

It wasn’t just one thing. It wasn’t.

Ming Yishu was referring to the sponsorship she received in reality, but how could Jiang Qionghua understand?

The investor’s help truly lasted for many years, and she could not betray her regardless. Ultimately, they both came from reality and shared the same goal; they were the ones who should stand together.

Ming Yishu couldn’t tell Jiang Qionghua the truth. Even as she felt the other’s intense, surging emotions during the questioning, she could not respond.

She was like a liar.

Filled with self-reproach, no matter what she chose, she felt guilty.

“You’ve been in the Prime Minister’s manor for six years. Putting aside our recent arguments, do the six years of my kindness toward you count for nothing?” Jiang Qionghua still couldn’t believe Ming Yishu would resolutely choose that person. Before the blade fell, she would keep asking. “Besides, you are already mine. By all logic, you should be on my side, shouldn’t you?”

Ming Yishu spoke sorrowfully: “I know, but…”

Jiang Qionghua covered her eyes by the bedside, processing her fluctuating emotions. “Your affection for me—I actually knew of it long ago. That day you trimmed my nails and secretly kissed my hand, I knew.”

Ming Yishu couldn’t speak. She knelt silently on the couch, watching her back.

“Therefore,” Jiang Qionghua turned back and said, “what is wrong with you that you would choose to believe an outsider?”

Amidst her chaotic thoughts, Ming Yishu unknowingly bit her lip until it bled. She looked at Jiang Qionghua despondently and shook her head silently.

“Stop being foolish. I have already been so good to you. Of all the people in the world, only you could receive such gentle persuasion from me today. If it were anyone else, I would not forgive them, nor would I use soft words to let them choose.” Jiang Qionghua stared intensely at Ming Yishu, gripping her hand tightly. “You’ve already been very out of line, Yishu. Don’t be muddled. Don’t obsess over those old matters. I can let bygones be bygones; how can you still remain so stubborn?”

Ming Yishu was being pinched painfully, but she kept her gaze down without a word.

Jiang Qionghua gnashed her teeth. “Are you a mute? Speak!”

Ming Yishu’s eyes reddened in silence. She didn’t dare answer.

Jiang Qionghua lost her patience. She simply pulled down the bed curtains and pushed Ming Yishu down onto the couch. “If you won’t speak, I shall continue what was just started.”

This time, Ming Yishu raised her hand to block Jiang Qionghua. “Qionghua, I have already promised her. I can no longer be close to you.”

Jiang Qionghua: “What? What are you saying?”

Ming Yishu repeated it again, insisting that Jiang Qionghua not act.

However, Jiang Qionghua simply pretended to be deaf and continued to unfasten her clothes. Seeing her garments about to be removed, Ming Yishu finally panicked. She cried out to stop her: “Qionghua, didn’t you say that if I didn’t agree, you wouldn’t…”

Jiang Qionghua ruthlessly tore open her inner garment, simply casting aside her sense of honor. “I only said that. Naturally, I was lying to you.”

The other’s hair fell against her chest. Ming Yishu propped herself up on her elbows, the corners of her eyes flushing red. “How can you go back on your word?”

“It’s your fault.” Jiang Qionghua’s breath brushed past that petal-like softness, her malice perfectly measured. “I said it, and you dared to believe it? I was never a good person to begin with, and I have no virtue.”

Ming Yishu had nothing to say; there was no retreat.

“Did you think…” Jiang Qionghua moved past her chest, leaning up close against her, “that I am the type of person who lets people go easily? You say you want to go with someone else, and I’ll just magnanimously let you?”

Ming Yishu pressed her hands against her, not daring to look.

“I only let you make a choice. After the choice, I will still control you. Therefore—your choice made me very dissatisfied.” Jiang Qionghua looked at her wickedly, one hand resting on that softness, pressing and kneading gently until it grew warm. “Choose again. Either choose me, or let me punish you.”

Sensing the pressure gradually increasing, Ming Yishu’s breathing became labored. She tilted her head back, clutching Jiang Qionghua’s clothes, unable to utter a single word.

“Speak—”

Jiang Qionghua’s words carried a simmering rage, like a man-eating demon. Her malice pierced through, wanting to cruelly bite the prey before her to death. When provoked, she glared almost resentfully at Ming Yishu beneath her. The person before her was like a dying swan, her slender neck arched, exposing her vulnerable, fatal spot. One bite from her could take Ming Yishu’s life.

She wanted to hold everything belonging to the other firmly in her embrace.

As Jiang Qionghua thought this, she acted upon it. She bit into Ming Yishu’s neck. They were so close she could even hear the other’s struggling breaths.

She was hers. No one could take her away.

The delicate skin was marked. Jiang Qionghua tasted the metallic tang of blood. She pulled away with satisfaction, her eyes greedily scanning the eyes-closed Ming Yishu. The marks she left remained on that pale neck. Because they healed slowly, thin trickles of blood flowed down her neck onto the bedding. It wasn’t gory; rather, it possessed a soul-stirring, broken beauty.

Ming Yishu relaxed her brow, her hand brushing over the wound. She pulled the brocade quilt tight, preparing to get up.

“It is not over.” Jiang Qionghua took the torn clothing and wiped the blood for her, then gently pressed her back onto the bedding. “Are you sober now? If you have calmed down, I am going to continue.”

Ming Yishu looked at her in shock, clearly not realizing that this wasn’t the end.

“I want you to be fully conscious of your guilt. You must know what you are doing and who you are betraying—”

“It might hurt a little. You shall just have to endure it.”

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