Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 23

“I shall allow you to choose first.”

With the long-cherished wish of many years finally on the verge of fulfillment, how could Ming Yishu be willing to leave?

She had adored Jiang Qionghua for six years. Not a day went by where she could bear to look away from her; the woman even haunted her dreams. Her beloved, whom she yearned for constantly, had finally turned her gaze upon her—how could she be content to just walk away now?

And yet…

Ming Yishu feared that volatile nature of hers. Especially when Jiang Qionghua’s temper flared, killing her would be nothing more than a matter of a single sentence.

That woman was cold-hearted, and she was no exception.

The Ming Yishu of the past had believed she held some measure of special status in the other’s heart. Only later did she realize she had overestimated herself; any pity or tenderness would be reduced to ash in the face of Jiang Qionghua’s fury. No matter how many times Jiang Qionghua came to coax and comfort her after the fact, she could never forget that look of utter loathing in the woman’s eyes on that snowy night.

Indifferent, cruel, and devoid of affection.

Ming Yishu never wanted to see that look again. She could not endure such a gaze; it made her heart ache unbearably.

Since waking up, she had been reminding herself not to be sentimental. It was always better to be cautious and stop provoking the other’s patience and wrath. She had been lucky to survive this time, but there might not be a next time.

Ming Yishu asked herself honestly: she had never harbored a single thought of betraying Jiang Qionghua. Even after discovering she seemed to have recognized the wrong person, she had no desire to abandon her.

Her feelings had never changed, yet the other woman had never truly lowered her guard against her.

Jiang Qionghua was too suspicious. The slightest disturbance was blamed on her. For instance, the last time she wrote a letter to Ji Zijun—a mundane, ordinary matter—it was distorted and blown out of proportion, leading Jiang Qionghua to turn hostile and lock her in the woodshed.

Ming Yishu closed her eyes tightly, exhaling a heavy, labored breath.

She pushed open the door and saw Jiang Qionghua outside, surrounded by subordinates. As expected… she still could not leave this place.

The fire Jiang Qionghua was nursing this time was bound to be even greater than the last; Ming Yishu understood this well.

Because of the bitterness of the previous time, she did not have much of a reaction now. She merely raised her eyes with an indifferent gaze to look directly at the other woman.

The snow outside was heavy. Jiang Qionghua was wrapped in a dark green, gold-woven cloak, her Prime Minister’s robes exuding a solemn majesty. After the door opened, the subordinates behind her retreated several paces, leaving Jiang Qionghua standing alone before Ming Yishu, as if to clear enough space for the two of them to quarrel.

Ming Yishu felt a pang of bitterness in her chest, but she remained standing where she was, refusing to retreat.

Jiang Qionghua approached slowly. Beneath the hood of her cloak, her obsidian eyes were sharp and commanding: “Leave? Where would you go?”

Ming Yishu was not at all surprised by this outcome. All her struggles appeared as clumsy as child’s play to the other woman. Even if she left, where could she possibly go?

Thus, Ming Yishu spoke without hope: “I wasn’t trying to leave. I… I just didn’t want you to be angry.”

“You clearly know that it is only once you leave that I truly become angry!” Jiang Qionghua seemed to be grinding her teeth. She lunged forward, grabbing Ming Yishu’s collar and shattering her composed facade. “Those things happened so many years ago. You remember nothing, and you didn’t experience them firsthand. Yet, the moment you learned I wasn’t your benefactor, you were so resolute about leaving? Can you really bear to abandon so many years of affection?”

There were things regarding the “book transmigration” that Ming Yishu couldn’t explain, but she still tried to reason with her sincerely: “Qionghua, you know exactly what kind of feelings I have for you. You are the suspicious one who cannot let go of old grudges… You are the one disregarding years of affection. I can let go of everything, provided you stop doubting me.”

To Jiang Qionghua, these words amounted to an accusation.

In this world, no one would ever place blame on her, even if she were truly in the wrong.

One couldn’t tell if Ming Yishu was being brave or simply didn’t fear death, but she actually spoke the truth plainly, completely disregarding the other woman’s current temper.

“But you have no right to demand I cease my suspicions. The things you have done make you unworthy,” Jiang Qionghua laughed coldly, sounding both self-mocking and as if she had abandoned all hope for Ming Yishu. She reached out to straighten the other’s cloak, whispering softly into her ear, “Do you know? From the moment you said you wanted to leave, you were no longer the same to me. You betrayed my trust and intended to abandon me—you deserve to die ten thousand deaths.”

The thing Ming Yishu feared most had finally happened.

When this woman became angry, she truly abandoned all reason. She was incapable of speaking calmly; hurtful words were spat out without a second thought.

Ming Yishu thought about it coldly and realized these hurtful words weren’t entirely born of anger. When a person is verbally abusive, they often reveal their true, underlying thoughts—so, it turned out the other woman felt that she, Ming Yishu, was unworthy. Unworthy of trust.

She looked up at the other woman with disappointment—the contempt and loathing in Jiang Qionghua’s eyes were released without concealment, looking at her as if she were something filthy.

Ming Yishu’s hands and feet were so cold they had lost sensation, but that was nothing compared to the chill and agony in her heart.

“Do you remember the toxic oath you once swore before me?” Jiang Qionghua used her fingertip to brush Ming Yishu’s cheek. There was no trace of romance in the gesture; it felt more like deliberate humiliation. “At the time, I felt it didn’t even deserve to be called a ‘toxic oath.’ Such childish words like, ‘In this life, I shall find it hard to seek my love, and we shall be parted forever, never to be reunited’—how could you utter them? If you ask me, you should have said: ‘If I ever betray you, I shall use my death to atone.'”

“It wasn’t childish. Emotion is the highest thing in this human world. Even death cannot compare to the extinction of one’s feelings,” Ming Yishu retorted, her face pale. “I have never possessed anything precious. Even if I obtain something, it remains a mere external possession. Only emotion… must never be betrayed.”

In her loveless life, only emotion allowed her to truly feel that she had lived a life in this world—be it family, friendship, or love… any one of them would do.

But she seemed to have nothing.

Not long ago, she thought she could have Jiang Qionghua’s love, but now it seemed that was nothing more than an idiotic dream.

In this world, she could be hurt or she could die, but the emotions she had poured into Jiang Qionghua should not be flatly denied.

That sincerity was not fake. She would not let anyone question her.

Not even Jiang Qionghua.

“If I truly betrayed you, I would be willing to atone with my death. You need not doubt that, Qionghua. To you, those sincere oaths are childish; that is your perspective, and I cannot change it.” Ming Yishu revealed a rare look of resolute determination, confronting Jiang Qionghua as she never had before. She said, “But every word of mine was true; my heart knows it. If you still wish to punish me for today’s events, then do so.”

“Punish you? Do you think I lack the means, or that I will punish you as lightly as I did before?” Jiang Qionghua preferred to torment people slowly and perpetually. She stepped forward and whispered, “Stay. I can… let bygones be bygones.”

This was not the tone of “letting bygones be bygones.” It sounded like a malicious ghost pressing against one’s ear to release its evil intent; anyone who heard it would shudder.

The night snow fell upon her shoulders, but she remained unmoved. Ming Yishu closed her eyes, ignoring the other’s words.

In the silence, only the torches held by the subordinates behind Jiang Qionghua made a faint sound. A moment later, Bo Lu approached with something in hand.

“Prime Minister, here is the crane red (poison) you requested.” Bo Lu’s expression was also grim. he was deeply worried, but he had no choice but to follow Jiang Qionghua’s orders and present the medicine.

Ming Yishu opened her eyes and realized—as expected, the other woman wanted her dead.

She had once thought these six years of affection were enough to make the bond between them indestructible; or if not that, it would at least make the other woman show some consideration even in her height of rage. But she was wrong. The gap between them was like a natural chasm for some unknown reason. She was the only one who couldn’t see the truth, acting like a clown on a stage, where every action of hers was met with disdain.

“Is one bottle not enough to kill? Why give me two?” Jiang Qionghua casually toyed with the presented medicine bottles and asked, “These two bottles of poison look different. Bo Lu, you have taken liberties again.”

The bodies of the two medicine bottles were identical. The only difference was the stoppers: one was a bright red, and the other was a pure white.

“After Assistant Minister Kang committed his crime, the Prime Minister ordered his ‘medicines’ to be thrown away. When I went to handle the aftermath, I found this medicine. Kang said it was a precious thing—the effects are swift, and the potency is great…”

Bo Lu stopped there, leaving the rest unsaid.

He knew that if he only brought the crane red, the Prime Minister might very well use it on Miss Ming in a fit of rage, only for it to be too late for regrets later. However, he did not dare to disobey her orders, so he added a second option, hoping to stall the Prime Minister’s murderous intent.

Jiang Qionghua raised an eyebrow in surprise. She picked up both bottles, recalling the question she had asked her secret guards not long ago. Someone suggested she kill Ming Yishu; someone else suggested she take complete possession of her.

Both of these… Jiang Qionghua found very interesting.

“Come, bet on your luck. Let’s see which bottle you use tonight.” Jiang Qionghua forcibly grabbed Ming Yishu’s hand, half-dragging her toward the room. “If you are lucky enough to live, I can choose not to pursue this.”

This brutal behavior, like that of a common criminal, awakened the fear buried deep in Ming Yishu’s heart. The humiliations she had suffered in her previous life surged back, and that sense of indignation and pain immediately overwhelmed her.

“No—” Ming Yishu pried her hand away with force, recoiling in terror. “Qionghua, do not treat me this way.”

Jiang Qionghua mocked her: “So now you know how to fear death?”

It wasn’t a fear of death; it was a loathing of this behavior.

Ming Yishu frowned, showing a look of disgust toward Jiang Qionghua for the very first time: “I will walk in myself.”

Jiang Qionghua was stung by the revulsion in the other’s eyes. She was surprised by Ming Yishu’s reaction; it was the first time she had seen the woman look at her with such a gaze.

She thought mockingly to herself: As expected, Ming Yishu hates me in her heart. Now that she hears she might die, she can no longer hide it.

Ming Yishu adjusted her sleeves and recomposed her emotions before leaving Jiang Qionghua behind and walking into the room alone. Jiang Qionghua watched her back from behind, yet she did not see a single trace of wretchedness or dread in her.

“Get two cups of wine.” Jiang Qionghua fiddled with the two bottles of medicine. After a thought, she issued a new order: “Never mind, change it to plain water.”

Before stepping through the door, her sharp gaze swept behind her, and she pointed at Su Qian’er: “You, come in as well.”

Jiang Qionghua placed the two bottles of medicine in front of Ming Yishu. After the two cups of plain water were presented, she took the crane red and poured it into the cup on the left, and added the other bottle to the cup on the right.

“Yishu, this little maid treats you so well, and tonight you protected her even at the cost of your life. I find it unsettling, yet I don’t wish to perform a blatant execution. So—” Jiang Qionghua stared into Ming Yishu’s eyes and hypocritically pushed the two cups forward. “I shall give you the chance to choose. You and she shall each drink one cup. You choose first.”

Ming Yishu looked at the two cups before her with a sense of numbness and spoke softly: “The Prime Minister truly knows how to torture people.”

Jiang Qionghua waited languidly: “I am in no hurry. You can continue to pour your hearts out to each other.”

Su Qian’er’s eyes reddened. She knelt down and said to Jiang Qionghua, “Lord Prime Minister, I am willing to drink the crane red. I beg you to spare Miss Ming. She has never had any second thoughts toward you.”

Jiang Qionghua stared straight at Ming Yishu, not sparing Su Qian’er a single glance: “Shut up.”

Su Qian’er did not wipe her tears. Having finished speaking, she reached out decisively to take the cup laced with crane red. “Miss, Qian’er will serve you again in the next life…”

Just as she was about to touch the poisoned cup, Ming Yishu suddenly reached out and blocked her.

Su Qian’er was stunned.

These were identical cups, and the two liquids showed no difference whatsoever. Ming Yishu raised her hand and, with slow deliberation, began to swap the positions of the two identical cups. Swapping them once was not enough; in the deathly silence, she swapped them many times in rapid succession until it was impossible for anyone to tell which cup contained the poison.

“The Prime Minister said I should choose first, so Qian’er, you must wait a little longer.” Ming Yishu smiled faintly, looking into Jiang Qionghua’s eyes. She didn’t look down; she simply used her fingertip to tap the rim of one of the cups at random, marking it as her choice. “Qionghua, do you want to guess what is in this cup?”

Despite being in a position that could be called a total defeat, Ming Yishu maintained her final dignity. It was as if she were the one standing on high, throwing a question to someone else, handing the choice of guesswork back to Jiang Qionghua.

Jiang Qionghua’s eyes jolted. She straightened her posture: “Ming Yishu, are you mad?”

Once crane red was swallowed, there was no possibility of survival.

Ming Yishu had not used any method to mark the cups while swapping them. Having moved them so many times, no one present could distinguish which one was poisonous.

Ming Yishu calmly picked up the cup she had just selected and looked at Jiang Qionghua with a smile.

In contrast to Ming Yishu, Jiang Qionghua’s eyes looked ready to burst. Shock and fear rose from her heart, making her instinctively want to stop her.

Her hand twitched, and her lips moved soundlessly, but she did not say anything.

“I understand now.”

Ming Yishu looked at her for a moment and said those words.

There was no longer any need to test. Ming Yishu now knew exactly what she was in the other woman’s heart. Her life did not even compare to the woman’s pride. Jiang Qionghua would rather maintain her cold authority than take back her words and tell her to stop.

Everything had lost its meaning.

To this day, her six years of transmigration had become a joke. The “protagonist” she was supposed to help had long ago been killed by Jiang Qionghua. She could never return to reality, and the affection she had cherished so deeply had collapsed at this very moment.

And yet… the two of them had confessed their feelings before dawn.

The love she had almost obtained was, in the end, something she was unworthy of. There would be no more chances.

Ming Yishu closed her eyes and resolutely tilted her head back to drain the cup.

The vessel hit the floor. The remaining liquid spilled onto the ground, steaming slightly as if to declare its violent toxicity…

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