Waiting for You for a Long Time, But You Haven't Arrived - Chapter 17

“I am the villain, then. I shall leave!”

In a fleeting instant, the last glimmer of hope in Ming Yishu’s eyes vanished.

That was the only medicine that could save her—the very last bottle. Just like that, it had been tossed into the snow, buried or shattered, never to be retrieved again. She could not leave this place; she could only watch helplessly, her heart twisting with a blade-like pain.

The cold wind brushed against Ming Yishu’s frail shoulders, fluttering her hair. A stray lock obscured her vision. Looking in that direction, it felt as though it wasn’t just a medicine bottle that had been discarded so carelessly, but her very life.

Jiang Qionghua stood quietly behind her, her gaze dark and stern, maintaining the cold dignity of an elder. “Does it still hurt?”

The words held no concern; they were a reproach, an interrogation.

Ming Yishu could hear it. She had been in pain for a long time, confined to the freezing woodshed. Illness, the shoulder injury, and heartache followed one after another. It was as if when the wounds become too heavy, a person ceases to feel the pain. She shook her head and opened her mouth to answer soundlessly: “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Since I threw the medicine away, you no longer hurt.” Jiang Qionghua did not believe Ming Yishu was truly suffering, and thus, she offered not a shred of care. She had always been harsh; once the veneer of her relationship with Ming Yishu was stripped away, her original malicious temperament was fully revealed. She said, “I know you are faking this illness. Do not do this again. You have made yourself a nuisance time and time again.”

Ming Yishu lowered her head indifferently, her emotions unreadable. “Fine.”

She had indeed craved Jiang Qionghua’s care and pity, but she had never once fabricated an illness to seek sympathy. To beg for pity was a weakling’s method of flattering a superior, and in her past life, Ming Yishu was too proud to stoop to such things. But Jiang Qionghua was always a special existence to her. To fulfill the void of the affection she never received, she had blindly approached her, even uttering the light, flirtatious words in this life: “Auntie, have pity on me.”

Ming Yishu looked at the shimmering white snow in the distance, remembering how she had once held the other woman in the carriage, grateful for the warm embrace she received after being injured.

Looking back now, how humiliating and self-deprecating that was.

The other woman loathed her. Her past displays of attachment must have seemed disgusting and spineless to her.

Is that truly what she thinks…?

Ming Yishu often maintained an air of aloofness and purity, but only she knew how fragile her dignity truly was. It took only a few cruel words from the person she loved to send her crashing from the clouds into the snow.

Just as the proud are often deeply insecure, those who seem noble are often humble to the point of dust. Ming Yishu was no exception. She appeared unmoved as she stood with her back to Jiang Qionghua, but in reality, her heart was shattered into dust. She felt as if she were made of frozen snow—one external push would break her completely.

She didn’t even dare to turn back and look at her.

Perhaps she would not survive this winter. She had no strength left; she only wanted to maintain one final shred of dignity.

Please, just leave. Why stay here to mock me?

Ming Yishu prayed silently that the woman would not say any more hurtful things. She hoped for silence, for the other to leave quietly so she could process her agony alone.

But her wishes were not granted. As Ming Yishu suffered in silence, Jiang Qionghua stepped closer.

“I have a headache.”

Jiang Qionghua knew that Ming Yishu was her “medicine.” No matter how much she disliked the girl right now, she had to keep her by her side tonight. Having wielded absolute power for years, Jiang Qionghua had long since lost her sense of empathy. Even if she was arrogant, rude, or immoral, countless people would still scramble to curry favor with her. Consequently, she rarely bowed her head.

Even if she was wrong.

Even if she desperately needed Ming Yishu right now.

She was the superior, the “elder.” Even if the fault lay with her, it was Ming Yishu who should be apologizing and speaking gentle words. Jiang Qionghua saw nothing wrong with this. Perhaps she had never looked at Ming Yishu as an equal, or perhaps she simply didn’t care what Ming Yishu thought. When dominance becomes an instinct, nothing else matters.

So, she repeated herself, speaking from her high pedestal and forcing Ming Yishu to guess her intent—knowing that Ming Yishu always looked after her with meticulous care.

“My chronic headache is acting up. Only your technique is good enough to give me some relief.”

She was hinting, wanting Ming Yishu to be obedient and follow her.

Ming Yishu was so cold her body had gone stiff. She swayed slightly but forced herself to remain steady. “Auntie should not rely on me too much. If the day comes when we must part, who will be there to soothe your pain?”

She thought to herself: heart disease is an illness that easily takes lives. If she were gone, no one would be left to care for her Auntie. If the other woman felt pain again, it wouldn’t be easily eased. At that thought, Ming Yishu felt a sharp pang of sorrow. She thought despondently: Only my technique has ever earned Auntie’s approval. I wonder if she will think of me when her headaches return in the future.

But more than wanting to be remembered, Ming Yishu wanted her to be healthy and safe.

“There is a clever and skillful maid by my side. Tomorrow, I shall teach her the technique…”

She spoke with a bitter smile, but because she was so cold, she couldn’t actually form the expression. Instead, she sounded cold and detached.

Jiang Qionghua interrupted her: “Ming Yishu.”

Stop talking.

For a moment, Jiang Qionghua didn’t know if Ming Yishu was using this as a threat or deliberately pushing her away. Either way, she didn’t want to hear it. After all, she wouldn’t even let anyone near her while she bathed; how could she let a random stranger touch her head?

Only Ming Yishu could…

She only trusted Ming Yishu.

She only had Ming Yishu to rely on.

Only Ming Yishu’s touch could soothe all her exhaustion and irritability. Only when this person gently massaged the pressure points on her head could she lower her guard and find a brief moment of peace. Ming Yishu had incredibly soft, warm hands—slender fingers that moved through her hair with a gentle aura, like a redeeming light.

Thinking of this, Jiang Qionghua realized she was more dependent on Ming Yishu than she had imagined. She couldn’t do without her. She couldn’t discard this person.

She needed her.

“Come, stop being temperamental.” Jiang Qionghua frowned. Regardless of whether the other girl responded, she stepped forward to pull her away. “I will overlook your behavior this once. I am uncomfortable and wish to return.”

“Safe travels, Auntie.”

Ming Yishu ignored the outstretched hand and simply curtsied in a formal salutation, appearing cold-hearted and distant.

Jiang Qionghua’s hand froze in mid-air. Her expression shifted several times, looking exceptionally embarrassed.

“You…”

Jiang Qionghua was frustrated. She stubbornly tried to reach for her again, but she saw Ming Yishu tilt her head slightly, avoiding her hand with a mix of disappointment and fear.

Is she afraid of me? Afraid of what?

I wouldn’t hit her…

Wait… I suppose I have?

Jiang Qionghua realized in hindsight that she had indeed struck Ming Yishu with that same posture. The first time was in the palace, in front of Chu Qing—she had slapped Ming Yishu while ostensibly reaching out to help her up. The second time was last night in the manor; when Ming Yishu had hugged her affectionately, she hadn’t held her back, but instead lost control of her emotions and hit her.

So, she was afraid of being struck again.

Jiang Qionghua felt a hint of regret, but not much. She lacked a conscience; even if a small seed of regret formed, there was nowhere for it to take root. If Ming Yishu couldn’t handle it, then let that tiny bit of regret fall to the ground.

“Do not be ungrateful,” Jiang Qionghua said. “I told you, I hate this attitude of yours.”

It wasn’t that Jiang Qionghua hated Ming Yishu herself, but she knew she disliked the feeling the girl gave her at times. Whenever the girl didn’t conform to her will, she felt dissatisfied. But… she couldn’t quite define what “attitude” she hated.

Jiang Qionghua hadn’t thought it through clearly.

However, to Ming Yishu’s ears, those words were piercing. She had heard similar things many times lately. The woman repeatedly said she hated her “attitude,” but what attitude was that? Was it when she begged like a dog? Or when she refused to bow and scrape?

What exactly does Auntie want me to do?

Over and over, she had been insulted and toyed with by this capricious woman, who never explained what Ming Yishu had done wrong.

Ming Yishu could no longer maintain her composure for another second. She wanted to escape, to be calm, to stop talking to Jiang Qionghua altogether. She gripped her own arm tightly, like a pitiful soul trying to comfort herself. “Auntie, please do not force me anymore.”

Jiang Qionghua was furious and didn’t want to say anything more.

“Fine, Ming Yishu,” Jiang Qionghua said softly. “I am the villain. I am always forcing you. I shall leave then!”

The door of the woodshed slammed shut with a heavy thud. Snow fell steadily. Ming Yishu let out a long breath and collapsed onto the ground. She allowed the heartache to spread as her limbs felt as though they were sinking into the snow, her entire body becoming cold and numb.

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