To the Man Destined to Kill Me - Chapter 45

“Kyaa—!”

As Scarlett screamed, Noah quickly covered her mouth. Scarlett trembled in fear. He whispered urgently.

“It’s me. Noah. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

When he carefully moved his hand away from her mouth, Scarlett let out a startled breath.

“Water…”

“Oh, right.”

Noah grabbed a water bottle from the nightstand and helped Scarlett sit up. After drinking, Scarlett closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh.

“Are you in a lot of pain?”

“I think the fever is gone, but I’m still tired.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.”

“More than that, how did you get in here?”

“…”

“Never mind. I’m the fool for asking.”

“Did you take your medicine? Did you eat?”

“I did.”

Her weak voice made Noah’s heart ache. Scarlett leaned against the headboard, completely drained of energy. She rubbed her heavy eyelids and asked,

“Why did you come?”

“Because I wanted to see you.”

Scarlett let out a small, bitter laugh. But Noah didn’t care. What bothered him more was the short sigh she let out after laughing.

“Are you feeling really bad? Should I call a doctor?”

“It’s because of a nightmare.”

Again.

That cursed nightmare.

Noah clenched his jaw. He had thought her nightmares were starting to go away, but now they were back.

Why did Scarlett have such dreams? Why did someone in her dreams try to kill her? Who was that person? Had she witnessed something terrible in the past?

Noah felt sad that he couldn’t share her pain. He would gladly bear it for her if he could. He would accept her suffering with joy.

“I feel trapped. I want to get up.”

“I think it’s better if you stay sitting.”

“I’ve been lying down all this time. I want to go out to the balcony.”

Scarlett forced herself out of bed. She stood on the carpet, but a sudden wave of dizziness made her collapse.

“Ah…”

Noah moved faster. He caught her as she fell. Scarlett leaned against Noah’s chest and slowly regained her senses.

The first thing she noticed was his warmth. Then came Noah’s unique scent—sweat, autumn wind, fallen leaves, and ink. And then—

Thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump, thump.

Because her face was resting against him, she could clearly hear Noah’s heartbeat.

Strangely, she felt heat rising to her own cheeks too. She could feel his strong emotions toward her—hot like the summer sun, pure like a child’s smile. It made it hard for her to breathe.

The Noah she knew was a cruel killer. That was her first memory and impression of Noah Ashford.

But the man holding her now wasn’t cruel, and he hadn’t killed anyone. Noah was gentle, kind, and devoted.

“Why…”

It felt so unfair. Why was she struggling with these feelings? Why did she have to fight herself just to hate him? He was the one who had done wrong—so why was she the one being tested?

Maybe because she was so sick, her emotions rose quickly. Scarlett couldn’t hold back her confusion and pushed Noah away. A small sob escaped through her teeth.

“What’s wrong?”

Noah called out in panic.

“Scarlett?”

“Who are you, really…? Just choose one. Just pick one.”

Either kill me or love me. Please, stop confusing me.

Grinding her teeth, Scarlett cried bitter tears. Her sharp, fierce eyes glared at him. Noah, not knowing what to do, opened and closed his mouth helplessly.

When Scarlett cried, Noah’s mind went blank. Her single tear hurt him more than any bloody wound.

At that moment, footsteps came from the hallway. Noah checked the door. Scarlett, signaling him to hide, lightly kicked the bed.

Noah quickly understood and hid under the bed. As soon as Scarlett got back into bed, the door opened.

“Scarlett?”

It was Scott.

“You’re awake. I heard something, so I came. You should have rung the bell.”

“I didn’t want to wake anyone.”

“Have you been crying?”

Scott walked over with concern and touched her forehead.

“You don’t have a fever. Did you have a nightmare? Or were you sad because we weren’t here when you woke up?”

“A little.”

“Carly, it’s good to study and have fun, but don’t overdo it. If you collapse suddenly, it scares us.”

“I’m fine.”

Scott stared at his sister who lied so easily in the dark, then sighed. He reached out and stroked her hair.

“Do you think I don’t know that ‘I’m fine’ really means ‘I’m hurting’?”

“……”

Scarlett thought about the person hiding under her bed. She decided to bring out the feelings she had buried deep inside to hurt him.

She knew Scott would be hurt by her confession, but revenge was like that. If she could hurt her enemy, she could endure even terrible pain.

“You’re right. I’m hurting. Scott, I’m really hurting. It’s unfair to be sick like this all my life. I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of the nightmares.”

She began to pull out her hidden pain to wound Noah.

“Scarlett…”

“Every night, I dream of dying. I wish I had never been born. Why can’t I be happy?”

Hearing her sob was worse than biting his own tongue and dying.

Noah felt like he couldn’t breathe. He had never imagined that Scarlett was hiding such true feelings behind her smiles and anger. He thought she was just living her hard life bravely.

“Don’t say that. We’re so happy because you’re here. Scarlett, if you weren’t with us, our family would have fallen apart long ago. We can smile because of you.”

“Were you happy when I was born? No one could have been. Mother almost died, and instead of being a blessing, I became a burden. My life was doomed from the start.”

“Carly, please don’t say that. I’m getting angry.”

“I just want the pain to stop. I really want it to end.”

Her voice, full of suffering, was like a dying candle.

Her sickness had drained her soul dry. She was completely exhausted.

And the cause was the man who killed her—Noah Ashford—and her father.

“If Father had truly wanted me, if he had been happy about me, would he have done what he did? I hate that I was born. I don’t even know why I was brought into this world.”

“Scarlett White! Don’t say that. You were born out of love. Mother wanted you so badly. She loved you so much!”

“And Father? Did he ever send a letter saying he missed me? Did he ever come around and ask to see me, even just my name? I never heard anything like that. I can’t forgive him.”

Scarlett spoke in short, gasping breaths.

At first, she had started this to hurt Noah. But as she let it out, her real emotions poured out like a waterfall.

“My world was broken before I was even born. Do you know what it’s like to live in a broken world? It’s like riding a unicycle across a tightrope. Everything I see is twisted.”

“You’re just very sick. That’s why you’re thinking this way. When you get better, let’s go back to counseling. What about seeing Mr. Philip again?”

“No! I don’t want counseling. I just want to rest. I want peace!”

Scott hugged her tightly as she struggled and cried endlessly.

“I miss Andy. He says he loves me, but why doesn’t he show it? Andy probably doesn’t even know how tall I’ve gotten. He doesn’t visit even when I’m sick.”

“No, he’s just really busy. Seminary life isn’t easy.”

“I want memories of Mother too. I want to see her face.”

“Scarlett… please, calm down. Oh God… Scarlett…”

Her words were more like groans and sobs than proper sentences. Still, Scott understood her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Scarlett, please don’t think like that. What can I do to make you feel better? Tell me what to do. Should I kill the Ashfords for you? Should I wipe them off the earth?”

“No…”

Scarlett’s tears soaked Scott’s shoulder. She gritted her teeth and said,

“If you want me to collapse from shock, go ahead. But he’s mine. He belongs to me. Don’t take him away from me.”

“Of course. Of course. He’s yours. Scarlett, everything will be alright. I’ll search the whole world if I have to, to find a way to make you happy. So don’t cry. My poor sister.”

“I won’t live long. I’ll die soon. I know it. I can feel it. I’ll never make it past my twentieth birthday. One day, Isaac and Abigail will be older than me. They’ll remember me as a child forever.”

“If only I could give you my heart. Carly, even if you only live one more day, I want you to live it truly happy. Laugh without pain. Be completely at peace. How can I make that happen?”

Noah’s whole body went cold. He covered his mouth and cried silently.

Scarlett wouldn’t live long. She knew it, and even her family had accepted it. Yet Noah didn’t want to accept it.

‘Mother… do you know what you’ve done?’

Just by existing, Scarlett had been cursed. Her health destroyed, everything she should have had stolen and given to him instead.

It was miserable. He cried because he was sorry. He cried because he felt guilty. The guilt crushed his heart.

After crying for a long time, Scarlett finally calmed down and lay back in bed. She sniffled, and Scott wiped away her tears.

“Go now.”

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

“I want to be alone.”

“…Rest well. Ring the bell if you need anything.”

“Don’t worry.”

Scott kissed her forehead and left the room. As his footsteps faded, Noah crawled out from under the bed, his face covered in tears.

Scarlett’s eyes, now used to the dark, could faintly see the pain on his face.

“Why are you crying?”

“…I don’t want you to die.”

“Why? Even if we’ve gotten close, it’s not like brotherly love runs that deep. I can’t understand your feelings. Do you want my inheritance?”

“No! Never!”

“Then what? We haven’t even known each other that long, so why?”

“Because I like you.”

Noah confessed again.

“I like you, Scarlett. I… I dare to like you.”

“…”

“You’re precious to me. That’s why I hate the idea of your death. So please live. Survive and take revenge on me. Punish me for being born threatening your existence. Yes, even kill me if you want.”

Scarlett wanted to ask God—what was the point of tormenting her like this?

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