To the Man Destined to Kill Me - Chapter 31

John rushed over when he heard the news that lawyer Nicholas had died. He had been Nicholas’s guardian, and Scarlett’s unexpected appearance surprised him.

After hearing about what happened at the hospital from a passing staff member, John silently looked at his sister.

Scarlett, who had finished being treated, was sitting blankly in a corner of the hospital, completely out of it.

Why are you here?

How did you know? What brought you here?

Why did you have to come today of all days and see this?

But all his questions faded away when he saw how pale Scarlett’s face was.

“Scarlett.”

John gently tapped his sister’s shoulder. She flinched and looked up at him with wide, startled eyes. John sat down beside her.

“…John…”

Scarlett rested her face against John’s shoulder. Her voice was half gone. She had lived close to death for a long time, but this was the first time she had actually witnessed it.

John tightly pressed his lips together and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. As he gently patted her, it was Scarlett who finally burst into tears.

“How did you find out about this?”

“I… just heard about it by chance.”

Scarlett cleared her throat and smoothly lied.

“There was something I wanted to ask about Mother. But the atmosphere at home wasn’t good, so I couldn’t bring it up.”

Feeling sorry for his youngest sister, who had been chasing their mother’s shadow in hopes of knowing her better, John hugged her tightly.

Just like he used to comfort her when she was a little girl crying, asking why she didn’t have a mom and dad.

Scarlett asked in a voice still wet with tears.

“Did you come straight from home?”

“I came straight from Parliament. He was a really good man…”

“Then why are you here as Nicholas’s family?”

“He lost his family a long time ago.”

Scarlett wanted to ask him more, but John looked so tired and worn out that she couldn’t bring herself to speak. All her many questions melted away under her lips.

When Scarlett returned to the villa late that evening, Noah also came back. Julia’s health had improved.

“Where were you?”

Noah hesitated, gauging her reaction to his several-day absence. But Scarlett was too mentally exhausted to care about Noah’s absence.

“My mother was sick…”

“Is that so?”

And that was it. Scarlett’s attention ended there.

Noah sighed in relief that she wasn’t angry or upset. But then he felt a bit uneasy, realizing Scarlett’s attention was no longer on him.

Their relationship had always been driven by Scarlett’s complicated emotions.

“Marie, bring me something warm to drink.”

“You look very tired.”

“Yeah. I’m exhausted. I don’t even have the strength to yell.”

“Did something happen?”

At Noah’s question, Scarlett let out a small sigh. She didn’t even have the energy to get irritated. She slumped down in front of the fireplace. Noah awkwardly sat across from her.

Wrapped in a blanket, Scarlett slowly sipped the drink Marie brought her. As the sweet, warm drink went down, she felt a little stronger.

The sound of burning firewood filled the room with peace. Then, Scott’s words started to creep into her mind.

“Are we really siblings?”

Sipping the overly sweet drink, Scarlett stared at Noah’s face. She looked at his forehead, his nose, his lips, and his jawline.

The firelight flickered over Noah’s tanned skin.

His skin was still dark, but since escaping the whaling ship and meeting Scarlett, it had returned closer to its original color.

At a glance, it even looked like Noah’s face had flushed. His bright blue eyes met hers for a second before quickly dropping to the floor, as if shy. The exposed nape of his neck turned red.

As Noah absentmindedly traced the patterns of the carpet with his eyes, he glanced up at her. Their eyes met in mid-air, gray meeting gray. It was a gaze without clear meaning, but even so, it felt good.

What is she thinking right now?
What happened while I was gone?

Noah’s heart burned hotter than the fireplace flames. At that moment, Scarlett asked,

“How is your mother?”

“She just had a simple fever. It’s not an epidemic, so don’t worry.”

“Did her fever go down?”

“Uh… yeah. I made sure she was okay before leaving.”

“That’s good.”

That’s good.

Noah repeated those words in his mind.

That’s good, Scarlett had said.
What did she mean by that?

“I don’t like your mother… but I still want her to be healthy.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

“A mother is a once-in-a-lifetime person. Once she’s gone, you can never meet her again. I hate her, but… missing someone you don’t remember and missing someone you do remember are different. You should be good to her.”

Scarlett tasted the heavy sweetness still lingering in her mouth. Her face sank into a vague sadness.

Noah’s eyes trembled like flames. Then he slowly lowered his head, a sorrowful look on his face. As Scarlett felt the smooth mug in her hand, she slowly set it down and began to speak.

“Isaac was sick, so we called the healing mage who saved me when I was born. But…”

This was a strange revenge brought by whimsy. A cruel mischief commanded by fatigue. It was also a desperate need to pour her heart out in a way she couldn’t share with her siblings.

“While thinking about standing in front of her… all I could feel was pride that I had survived.”

Noah felt like he couldn’t breathe. The harshness of his own existence was choking him. Anger at guilt, self-loathing, and sadness boiled inside. But he hid it all.

“They said I wouldn’t live past fifteen, but I did. They said I wouldn’t live past eighteen, but now I’m about to turn nineteen. I’m so proud of myself for that.”

“I see.”

“But then, feeling proud over something so pitiful made me feel stupid.”

If survival alone was the measure of her worth,
then what about someone like him, who merely by breathing could harm someone?

The sadness she felt for her own existence crushed her.

Doing nothing but breathing was already a harm, and causing harm to someone he cared about made despair flood over him.

Noah couldn’t help but argue, his voice sharp with pain.

“How is that pitiful? It’s something incredibly hard for you!”

Scarlett chuckled and smiled faintly, as if Noah’s protest was silly but also a little heartwarming. She drank the rest of her drink bitterly and stood up.

“Scarlett.”

“Don’t apologize. If you do, I’ll feel even worse.”

“…You didn’t do anything wrong. And you should feel proud.”

“If survival is something to be proud of, then it’s like saying my whole life is just about surviving.”

“Surviving is harder than anything else. I worked on a whaling ship—I know. Sailors fight storms and throw harpoons just to find a way to survive. Whales risk coming to the surface, even though hunters are waiting, just to breathe. Fighting to survive is natural. That’s how the world works.”

His passionate words grabbed her.
But even more than his words, it was his clear blue eyes—hotter than the flames, colder than the winter sea—that captured her.

Eyes that looked only at her.

Noah was terrified that Scarlett might think her life was miserable.
If she did, he would fall apart too.
He desperately wanted her not to be unhappy.

“That’s why your life is meaningful.”

Scarlett’s gray eyes, as ashen as burned-out embers, stared at Noah without blinking. Behind that wall of emotions, something deep and strong was stirring inside her.

But she only looked at the surface.
She couldn’t admit that someone like Noah Ashford had caused waves inside her heart.

Someone like you… how dare you…

“…If I was out of line, I’m sorry. But I just want you to know—you don’t have to think that way. You’ve fought harder than anyone, and because of that…”

You reached out your hand to me, Noah thought.

“If it weren’t for you, my life would have been even more miserable.”

“Yeah. Probably. But I don’t want my life to gain meaning just because of what I did for you. I wasn’t born for you, was I?”

Scarlett snapped sharply, clamping her mouth shut.

She looked both proud and moved, furious and struggling to suppress a flood of emotion.

Inside the blurry swirl of feelings, she searched for something to hold on to.
But the harder she searched, the more her throat ached with damp emotions.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

Noah lowered his head, and his face collapsed in sadness. Scarlett’s eyebrows gently furrowed without her noticing.

“Noah. Lift your head.”

Though it sounded like a command, Noah didn’t raise his head easily. Scarlett stepped closer and took his chin in her hand. His face followed her delicate touch.

It was a love close to submission. Noah had no intention of hiding his desire to follow her.

He lifted his head softly. Seeing his teary eyes, Scarlett had to hide her shock.

“Why are you crying?”

“…”

“Tell me. Why? Are you sorry? Do you pity me?”

“No. You’re my sister.”

“So what if I’m your sister?”

“It makes me sad that you are.”

Noah’s hand slowly rose and brushed her confused face. Scarlett flinched slightly.

His hand passed over her face and landed on her red hair, gently stroking it.

“If you were a stranger, I wouldn’t feel this horrible. But it’s unbearable… knowing I did this to my only sister.”

Noah hid his sadness inside the lie that he saw her as a sister.

“You have five more brothers.”

“No. You’re my only sibling.”

“You think you can just choose siblings?”

“They probably don’t even see me as a brother. Maybe as an enemy.”

“No way. I’m the one who hates you the most, and even I see you as my brother. Did you think I’m naïve? I’m not. I’m just cruel. I accepted you, didn’t I?”

At her cynical words, Noah gave a weak smile. Scarlett bit her trembling lip.

And then, her trembling stopped with Noah’s next words.

“I want to share your pain.”

Without thinking, Scarlett immediately spat out,

“Don’t say something so arrogant.”

Her sharp, cold eyes stared Noah down without an ounce of mercy.

The ashes of the fire, her gray eyes, were as cold as winter ice.
The moment their eyes met, Noah knew it.

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