The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Trust

Now, she could cling to her openly and honestly.

“How could it be?!” Shen Wangshu was so shocked that her tears stopped. She looked up in a daze, only to see Ji Fengyue lowering her head in shame, refusing to meet her eyes.

“Back then, I couldn’t be a doctor anymore, and I couldn’t stay at the hospital. My path in life and my future goals seemed to have vanished. I was in a trance every day, and finally, because of an accident…” Ji Fengyue lied, but she would never let Shen Wangshu know the truth.

“I need you so much. You aren’t a useless person. Only you can calm me down when I lose control of my emotions. So don’t say that about yourself, Xiao Yue. You are the most important person to me.” Ji Fengyue leaned tightly against Shen Wangshu’s shoulder. She didn’t want her beloved to see her expression right now; it must be terrible, and it would surely scare her.

“The one who needs you is me. Don’t leave me, okay? Don’t say things like that anymore. I… I’ll be scared. I don’t want to be treated as an outsider by you, not at all.” Ji Fengyue tightened her arms, not holding back her strength. She was certainly holding the girl in her arms tight enough to cause discomfort, but she couldn’t bring herself to relax.

“I’m willing to do anything as long as I can keep you here. So back then, it wasn’t because I pitied you that I took care of you so desperately it was because I didn’t want you to leave…” Ji Fengyue closed her eyes to hide the overflowing gloom and paranoia within them. If Shen Wangshu insisted on leaving, she would have to take Ji with her; she would never give Shen Wangshu the chance to abandon her. Never.

Poor Shen Wangshu had no idea how compromised her current position was, locked in Ji Fengyue’s embrace. Her mind was occupied by a succession of mounting questions.

Why? Why did Ji Fengyue care so much about her affairs? Why was she willing to go to such lengths for her? Why didn’t she want her to leave?

Friends? Is this how one feels toward a friend?

Shen Wangshu took a deep breath, trying to steady her heart which had lost its rhythm. Stroking Ji Fengyue’s back, she asked slowly, “Closer than best friends… we are family without blood relation. Is that it, Fengyue?”

“…Yes.” Ji Fengyue bit her lip hard. She answered with great difficulty. She wanted to say no, but she didn’t dare, and she couldn’t.

Just moments ago, Ji Fengyue had almost lost even her status as “family” to Shen Wangshu; how could she dare speak up now?

Having received an answer, Shen Wangshu closed her eyes. She felt a sudden pang of loss, but it was the expected answer. She shouldn’t harbor feelings of disappointment, nor should she hold onto expectations that reality couldn’t meet.

“Alright. I feel the same. I really like living with you, too.”

“Mhm,” Ji Fengyue’s heart ached terribly. She loosened her grip, her head still resting on Shen Wangshu’s shoulder as she asked in a muffled voice, “Are you going back tonight? To have a good talk with your mother about the divorce?”

“If I go back like this, it might not be good. I don’t want her to know I’ve been crying.” Shen Wangshu touched her swollen eyes and could only manage a bitter smile. Her emotional breakdown had happened too fast and she had cried too hard; her eyes were definitely puffy now.

“Fengyue, my eyes are very red right now, aren’t they? If I go home now, she’ll definitely think I can’t accept her being with that uncle. She might even postpone the wedding again out of consideration for my feelings.”

“She was an older mother when she had her second child before; if it’s delayed another year or two, it’ll be even more dangerous. So, forget it,” Shen Wangshu sighed again. “I’ll call her in a bit. Can I stay at your place tonight?”

“Of course! It’s no problem! You can wear my clothes! My mom and cousin prepared a lot of new clothes for me that I’ve never worn! Or we can go buy some right now!” Without a second thought, Ji Fengyue immediately grabbed Shen Wangshu’s hands in excitement.

Her eyes were sparkling and she looked overjoyed. There was no trace of the dark emotions from before; she looked exactly like a naive child who had just received candy.

Shen Wangshu blinked in confusion. Is there a need to be this happy? Don’t they live together at school anyway?

Her doubts were written all over her face. Ji Fengyue turned her head away shyly, not daring to continue meeting her beloved’s eyes. She apologized in a small voice: “Ahem, sorry. I’m just too excited. I’m thrilled… to be able to continue living with you like in our past life. I’m truly, very happy.”

As she spoke, Ji Fengyue gripped Shen Wangshu’s hands tightly again. Her voice began to tremble a tremble of excitement, of agitation, but even more so, of lingering fear. “Xiao Yue, I… I’m not dreaming, am I?”

A sharp pain shot through Shen Wangshu’s heart. She hugged her and comforted her softly, “No, of course it’s not a dream. I’m sorry for not revealing my identity to you sooner.”

“I’ll try my best to persuade her to let me stay here for a few more days. I don’t really want to go back anyway… Do you, uh, want to sleep with me tonight? If I’m with you, you won’t have insomnia anymore, right?”

“Yes!” Ji Fengyue nodded repeatedly, then hugged her again and said with a hint of grievance, “If you’re willing, can we rent a place together near the school? I want to be with you all the time. Insomnia is really miserable, Xiao Yue.”

“Actually, my mom bought an apartment near the school, but I wanted to get closer to you, so I applied for the dorms. Can you… live outside with me? I only want to be with you.”

It was the first time Shen Wangshu had been asked by Ji Fengyue in such a tone. Her heart turned into a soft puddle, but at the same time, it ached with a sour sadness. She replied gently, “Mhm. I’ll persuade my mother. Don’t worry, I won’t let you suffer anymore.”

“Thank you, Xiao Yue! You’re so good!” Ji Fengyue nuzzled Shen Wangshu’s neck affectionately, her warm, soft lips almost brushing against her skin.

Shen Wangshu let go as if struck by an electric shock, coughed, and changed the subject. “Fengyue, how long have you been reborn? To be able to buy school district housing in the provincial capital so easily, you must have helped your family earn a lot of money?”

“Three years. Ahem, the money is because my mom works hard, and also because I had seen the research data you collected before. I had some impressions of the economic development policies of these years, so I could give her the right advice at the right time. After all, I’m just a minor; there’s nothing I can do personally.”

Shen Wangshu understood. “I see. If that’s the case, does your mother know you’re a transmigrator?”

“Yes, it’s the fastest way to gain trust,” Ji Fengyue unconsciously leaned on Shen Wangshu again, pouting as she said, “Even though my mom believed me quickly, she actually refused to get a divorce, saying things like the whole family should improve together. Hmph. So I told her that she was a victim of domestic violence when my dad was drunk, and they both died in an accident while she was resisting.”

“Because of that blow, Grandma’s condition worsened. She hid it from me because she was worried about my college entrance exams. By the time I finished the exams and went home, Grandma had also passed away. In the end, I was the only one left in the family…”

Ji Fengyue didn’t want to say more. “In short, my mom was furious and almost got into a fight with him. They divorced a couple of days later. I went to live at school and never had any contact with that man again.”

“So that’s how your parents passed away before…” Shen Wangshu was shocked. No wonder she never wanted to talk about it or go back to her hometown.

“Fengyue, you’ve worked hard all this time. You’ve suffered so much.”

“It’s nothing. Since I’ve been reborn, everything has changed.” Ji Fengyue suddenly changed her tone, hugging Shen Wangshu nonchalantly and purposely softening her voice to act spoiled. “Xiao Yue, let me hold you, okay? I missed you so much.”

Even though she knew this was an act, Shen Wangshu couldn’t bear to refuse and could only wordlessly comply.

“You came back so early, you must have done more than just that. Can you tell me more? Like about your studies? I bet you finished reviewing the high school curriculum long ago, right?”

“Of course. High school knowledge isn’t that difficult anyway.” And in order to pursue the person I love in high school, that was the most basic prerequisite. Ji Fengyue wanted her competitive beloved to always keep her eyes on her; the necessary condition for that was overwhelming academic performance.

“Besides studying, I’ve been making money. I had my mom open a separate account for me, and I’ve been dabbling in the stock market. I heard you talk about it a lot before, and the speed of making money is quite considerable…” As she spoke, Ji Fengyue’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Xiao Yue, why don’t you do it instead? You know much more than I do. If it’s you, you can definitely make more money!”

Shen Wangshu was stunned. “You trust me that much?”

“Of course! I can give you anything you want. As long as you’re willing to stay by my side, I’d give you my entire fortune and even my life!”

Shen Wangshu widened her eyes, turned back to look at her, and asked in bewilderment, “Fengyue, do you know what you’re saying?”

Ji Fengyue still kept her head down. She was now holding the other girl completely in her arms. Shen Wangshu didn’t struggle, nor did she show any intention of refusing. While Ji’s face wore a smile of utter contentment, the words coming out of her mouth sounded so aggrieved.

“Xiao Yue, is it not okay? I don’t care about those things. You are far more important than money.”

Shen Wangshu was choked up by her words. It took a long while before she slowly stroked the other’s back and said warmly, “Mhm, I understand what you mean, but I can’t agree to that.”

“Whether as friends or family, money must be kept separate, otherwise conflicts and disputes are very likely to happen in the future. I’ve seen many such examples; even biological siblings often end up in an irreparable mess over money.”

“Fengyue, I cherish my friendship with you very much. I don’t want it to have any possibility of being corrupted by money. You are very important to me, so I have to treat this seriously.”

Ji Fengyue’s heart felt both sour and sweet. She gave a low response in agreement, but she had no intention of giving up. Ultimately, she wanted the two of them to be completely bound together; having financial interests intertwined would actually be a good thing.

What a pity. Her beloved was truly a person with a strong sense of responsibility—she wouldn’t even take money offered on a silver platter.

“Fengyue, let go for now. Be good. I won’t leave. I’m going to call my mother. I’ll stay here to keep you company for the next few days, and I’ll sleep with you at night too, okay?”

Ji Fengyue actually listened and let go obediently, but she sat upright beside Shen Wangshu with her head drooping and her lips pouted in a sulky manner.

Seeing this pitiful look, Shen Wangshu really had no choice. She sighed and rubbed the girl’s head. “Alright, do whatever you want. It’s just a phone call; you can listen in too.”

“Mhm! Thank you, Xiao Yue!” Ji Fengyue immediately changed her posture, pulling the other into her arms from behind.

Shen Wangshu’s growth spurt hadn’t happened yet; that was something for the latter half of high school. For now, there was still a significant height difference between her and Ji Fengyue, allowing Ji to fully circle her in her embrace.

The intimate posture made Ji Fengyue feel immensely satisfied. At an angle where Shen Wangshu couldn’t see, a somewhat morbidly satisfied smile appeared on her face. As expected, my Xiao Yue falls for this every time.

Shen Wangshu felt guilty toward her and couldn’t refuse her. Ji Fengyue understood this now, and she also knew why Shen Wangshu had been hiding her identity all along.

Her beloved, with her overly strong self-esteem, never wanted anyone to see her in a state of loss or weakness. Yet at the end of their previous life, Shen Wangshu could only lie in bed and accept her friend’s care; that must have been a huge blow to her.

However, Shen Wangshu was ultimately too soft-hearted. If you showed even a little vulnerability and acted a bit spoiled, she wouldn’t be able to refuse.

True enough, she could cling to her openly and honestly now.

Ji Fengyue leaned dependently against Shen Wangshu’s neck, nuzzling the skin there with contentment. She knew Shen Wangshu was already as stiff as a board, but that was exactly how it should be.

She needed to get Shen Wangshu used to intimate physical contact with a “friend” as soon as possible, so that in the future, expressing her love would feel natural. This was ten thousand times better than being mere friends.

Heh. Who wants to be “just friends” with the person they love?

From the day Ji Fengyue realized her feelings, she never intended to maintain a friendship with Shen Wangshu. Everything about Shen Wangshu had to be hers. For that, she was willing to trade her entire life.