The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 16

Chapter 16: The Moon

The Other Half of Life

“Is it really okay to accept the keychain from that uncle?” Shen Wangshu looked at the Moon Jellyfish keychain in her hand. It was indeed very cute; no wonder he carried several with him.

“Meeting is a form of destiny. Being able to share his hobby with others probably made him very happy, too. Don’t worry about such small things.” Ji Fengyue quietly glanced at their joined hands, thinking only of how wonderful it was to be reborn.

In her past life, even if she wanted to hold Shen Wangshu’s hand, there were always various concerns. But for two fifteen-year-old girls to hold hands while shopping was the most natural thing in the world. If possible, she planned to find excuses to keep holding on from now on!

“We probably won’t make it to the performance now, though. Should we head out?”

“Let’s go. We aren’t that interested in the show anyway. We might as well just go eat.”

Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue smiled at each other. Going out with a friend who shares your tastes and thoughts is a blessing; neither would mind the original plan being disrupted. They could directly say “I’m not interested,” and they could freely discuss their life goals and plans.

While waiting for the bus, they started talking about their future intentions.

“Fengyue, when you mentioned the ‘Moon’ earlier, were you referring to your dream of becoming a doctor?”

“That’s only one part of it. After all, human desires are never truly satisfied, and there’s never just one thing a person wants to obtain,” Ji Fengyue looked at Shen Wangshu and smiled. “Once you get one thing, you’ll want more. Besides, a person’s life isn’t just made of a career and work.”

“Professional planning is part of my schedule, and you could say it’s already a natural progression. As long as I maintain my current state, getting into the school I want won’t be difficult for me.”

“That’s true. You can definitely do it.”

Shen Wangshu gazed at the passing traffic. Looking upward, the azure sky was dotted with large, soft white clouds. It was an exceptionally clear and beautiful day, yet the high temperature made her feel inexplicably irritable.

“I don’t even know what I should do in the future. The only thing I can do now is study hard.”

“Being able to focus on doing the present task well is a remarkable talent. At least, I can’t do it.”

Ji Fengyue looked at Shen Wangshu and said meaningfully: “Actually, I used to be very overly ambitious. I could only see the future in my imagination, forgetting that there were many important people and things right beside me. It was only after losing them that I suddenly realized what I had missed, leaving me with nothing but regret.”

“I didn’t want to be a doctor at first. I only changed my mind because a family member fell ill. Later, other things happened that even made my resolve to be a doctor waver.”

“Medical disputes, the low pay when starting out, having to communicate patiently with patients, being so busy that there’s no private time… these drawbacks were enough to make me hesitate. I’m a selfish person who just wants to live a better life. The medical profession isn’t suitable for me.”

Shen Wangshu listened to her quietly.

“And most importantly, no matter how skilled a famous doctor is, there are always patients who cannot be saved. One must inevitably face the death of a patient. After realizing this, I was lost. Was there really a need for me to keep persisting?”

“If someone important to me died in the hospital where I worked, would I really be able to face reality? I couldn’t give a certain answer,” Ji Fengyue lowered her eyes, thinking of her past self with a bitter smile. “A doctor without the courage to face a patient’s death conflicted with my ideal. It wasn’t ‘cool’ at all.”

“But you still wanted to be a doctor and didn’t give up. That’s already very cool, really.” Shen Wangshu finally knew. It turned out that after her death, Ji Fengyue had harbored such doubts and hesitations.

That must have been very painful. Shen Wangshu looked at her friend, who had briefly exposed her inner turmoil, with a gaze bordering on tenderness. It wasn’t pity—Ji Fengyue never needed anyone’s pity. She had the ability to solve everything, including the wavering in her heart.

“Because someone once said this to me: If you don’t know which way to go in the future, then first do what you can do well in the present. Accumulate experience and money to give your future self the right to more free choices.”

“A person’s life can have many choices; there’s no need to box yourself into one path. Not knowing what to do in the future just means the future has infinite possibilities. We are just students; doing our duty to study is enough. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Shen Wangshu looked away, her long eyelashes trembling slightly. What a familiar piece of ‘chicken soup for the soul.’

“That person must have been very old-fashioned and serious, not understanding young people’s thoughts at all.”

But the person who said those words was you. Ji Fengyue smiled silently. “Yes, serious and earnest. No matter the job or the task, she would always do her best. She didn’t like playing around, rarely made jokes, and seemed out of place in this impetuous world—she had a sense of being ‘independent and aloof.'”

“But she could also easily blend into a crowd and maintain good interpersonal relationships with everyone. She was someone I looked up to; I liked her very much.”

“She is someone… very important to me.”

Being praised so directly, Shen Wangshu’s ears, hidden by her hair, turned completely red. She pursed her lips, truly not knowing what to say next.

Fortunately, the bus they were waiting for finally arrived. To hide her awkwardness, Shen Wangshu took Ji Fengyue’s hand and led the way toward the open doors.

How terrible. This person is definitely doing it on purpose. She’s so mischievous.

Being praised like that, how could she possibly speak up now? She had intended to use the atmosphere just now to come clean.

Shen Wangshu sighed inwardly, unaware that Ji Fengyue, whose hand she was holding, had eyes that were incredibly bright, with a smile she couldn’t hide.

She’s blushing so much; Wangshu is just too cute. I really want to take a picture!

By the time they boarded and sat side-by-side in the back of the bus, Ji Fengyue had suppressed her excitement. However, her mind was already calculating how she could openly ask for a commemorative photo later—not just for today, but for the future as well.

What Wangshu had said just now was very heart-stirring. She was going to keep her “Moon” inside her own camera!

Why had Shen Wangshu become the “Moon” she chased?

Ji Fengyue wasn’t entirely sure of the answer herself. She wasn’t someone very sensitive to emotions; she always seemed to realize her feelings in hindsight, long after the fact.

At first, Ji Fengyue simply loved the relaxed feeling of being with Shen Wangshu. Their personalities were similar yet so different. Shen Wangshu could understand her eccentric ideas, appreciate the goals she decided on for herself, tolerate the occasional “thorns” she displayed, and support her willful ways.

Back then, Ji Fengyue only considered her a very good friend. But friends often drift apart unknowingly, so Ji Fengyue didn’t include Shen Wangshu in her life plans. A friend was just a friend.

But later, Ji Fengyue found herself becoming dissatisfied. Her planned future began to have a place for Shen Wangshu, and bit by bit, the space Shen Wangshu occupied grew larger—so large she couldn’t ignore it, so large she began to wonder if she was going crazy.

Why had it turned out this way? With just a bit of thought, the answer was obvious.

Shen Wangshu would encourage her when she wavered, push her forward when she hesitated, and give help without hesitation when she encountered difficulties…

How could there be such a good person? Why was Shen Wangshu so lovable?

Love. Once that word jumped into her mind, it could never be erased. Ji Fengyue accepted the fact that she had fallen in love with her best friend very naturally. She also took it for granted to list “Pursuing Shen Wangshu” on her life’s to-do list—with the highest priority, ranked number one, with nothing else able to compete.

Best friend? Family? No, it had to be loving partners, a “other half” sufficient to share everything with.

Money, body, emotions… she wanted to share everything of herself with Shen Wangshu, and she wanted even more to have everything of Shen Wangshu.

To pursue Shen Wangshu, Ji Fengyue did a lot, but her friend was far too dense, only thinking they were the best of friends—family members without blood relation who could make promises about the future.

Hearing such things, anyone could imagine how helpless Ji Fengyue felt. Yet, at the same time, she was overjoyed because she knew very well that it meant Shen Wangshu saw her as the most important person.

Although there was a slight deviation from the goal, Ji Fengyue was very confident. “The pavilion closest to the water enjoys the moonlight first”—in the future, she would have plenty of opportunities to create ambiguity and reach her goal bit by bit.

Before that, however, she needed sufficient material conditions to give the person she loved a better life. So Ji Fengyue worked like her life depended on it, spending almost every moment outside of her time with Shen Wangshu at the hospital. She finally achieved a satisfactory salary and title at the age of thirty.

Ji Fengyue had excitedly booked a candlelight dinner, meticulously selected a bouquet, made plans for a celebratory trip, and prepared a custom “proposal” ring—it wasn’t a proposal, of course; she was merely fulfilling a past promise with Shen Wangshu.

Even if, to Shen Wangshu, it had been just a drunken joke, Ji Fengyue took it seriously. They were to become each other’s legally protected family as “same-sex partners.”

That ring was a prop for concealment, and it also hid the love that Ji Fengyue couldn’t yet speak of openly.

But in the end, whether it was the bouquet or the ring, Ji Fengyue never got to give them.

Because ruthless fate cruelly snatched away the person she loved that night. In a way that utterly crushed all of a doctor’s pride, Ji Fengyue could only watch as her beloved grew weaker and more haggard day by day in a hospital bed, eventually leaving her forever.

Ji Fengyue had even hated herself for being a doctor. Why could she understand the numbers on those reports? Why was she powerless against Shen Wangshu’s illness? Why did she have to watch the person she loved lose the signs of life before her eyes?

There are no “godly doctors” in this world. Behind every doctor’s growth are the deaths of countless patients and the tears of their families and friends.

Humans cannot live forever. Everyone must face death—elders, parents, teachers… older people will always die first. Other than acceptance, there is no other way.

To die peacefully of old age or instantly in an accident is already the easiest way to go. They won’t suffer; only the relatives left behind will shed tears of regret in the middle of the night.

As a doctor, Ji Fengyue could accept the death of a patient. But as herself, Ji Fengyue could never accept Shen Wangshu’s departure.

She was thirty that year and had known Shen Wangshu for fifteen years. They had shared nearly half of their lives. They could have had a future together until they were old. In Ji Fengyue’s plans, there was always a place for Shen Wangshu.

No matter the title—friend, family, partner—Shen Wangshu wouldn’t leave her. They would spend many more fifteen-year periods together. But Ji Fengyue had lost her beloved after all.

And with that, she lost half of her life.

Perhaps those with broken hearts gaze at the bright, unreachable moon in the sky during sleepless nights.

Though it is just a dead planet whose brilliance comes entirely from the sun—a massive rock with no life or meaning—all its meaning is bestowed by humans. Waxing and waning, joys and sorrows… it seems that as long as one pins their emotions on the moon, the heart feels a little better.

But it was useless. Compared to that cold planet in the sky, Ji Fengyue wanted her own Moon.

The most important half of her life was missing; she could no longer struggle to live on alone in solitude.

Fortunately, Heaven took pity. Ji Fengyue returned to the past and saw the Moon she had once lost.

Rebirth, reunion—what wonderful words.

Ji Fengyue had finally returned to the side of her Moon.

This time, she would certainly gather her Moon into her arms and never let go again.