The Divorce Lawyer Is Very Hard To Flirt With - Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Bewildered

The psychiatrist had been seeing patients all morning but listened with great patience as Ying Zhi’an recounted the bizarre “slow-motion shot” phenomenon.

However, as she listened, the psychiatrist’s mouth twitched. “It only happens with females?”

Ying Zhi’an froze. “Well… not neces…”

The denial words got stuck.

She thought back. When walking downstairs at the law firm, although she had tried to quickly avoid some colleagues, she worked at a large firm, and it was inevitable to meet people in the elevator. With the psychiatrist’s gentle push, she suddenly realized that among those people, there were a few unmarried male colleagues who did not trigger this situation.

Ying Zhi’an pondered for a moment, then fell silent…

The doctor looked at her and also fell silent…

In that moment of silence, both their thoughts were largely aligned.

The psychiatrist spoke professionally, “The formation of sexual orientation is a complex process. From a psychological perspective, it can be influenced by various factors, such as genetics, biological factors, social environment, and personal experience, among others.”

Ying Zhi’an, usually articulate and persuasive, didn’t speak. She wasn’t a pure, white flower living in a heterosexual greenhouse. Among her clients, she had encountered those with orientations even more niche than homosexuality, such as Fourth Love (heterosexual women who prefer the aesthetics and persona of women).

She understood the knowledge points, but she found it truly hard to imagine them applying to herself one day.

“Doctor, let’s put sexual orientation aside for now. Is there any cure for my neurosis?”

The doctor couldn’t help but be amused. “You’ve got this rather ‘intelligent’ symptom, and you’ve defined it as neurosis? Have you studied psychology?”

“Didn’t the great psychologist Jung say that neurosis is the most common substitute for real suffering? I suspect…”

“Don’t suspect anything yet. Let’s just talk.” The psychiatrist had studied abroad in her early years and was considered very fashionable in her time. Even though her hair was now white, she quickly embraced new trends and knew how to distill the core points. “Look at me first.”

Ying Zhi’an mustered her courage and looked into the psychiatrist’s eyes. The psychiatrist was an elegant older woman. She didn’t wear anything on her ring finger, but wore a ring on her index finger instead, showing clear signs of being single.

Good! The strange phenomenon certainly did not occur!

Meeting Ying Zhi’an’s intense gaze, the psychiatrist offered an encouraging smile, then looked at Ying Zhi’an with a hint of curiosity. “I’m also single, but my sexual orientation is primarily heterosexual. Do I have the light beam you mentioned?”

Ying Zhi’an shook her head. “Everything is normal.”

“Then it’s even more intelligent. If we have to define it, it’s likely ‘age-appropriate young women.'”

Ying Zhi’an pulled a long face, feeling the world was too magical.

A psychological disorder was more bizarre than a question of sexual orientation.

“Or maybe, young women suitable for you.” The doctor glanced at Ying Zhi’an’s age on the medical record. “I’m more than twenty years older than you, so I’m excluded by your special function. It could also be because I’m heterosexual. But you’ve never been in a relationship, is that right?”

“Does that relate to my current symptoms?”

“Don’t be nervous. We’re just chatting. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk.”

Ying Zhi’an thought about her university life. The deepest memories were of those heavy law books. “I was busy memorizing statutes, participating in competitions, and passing the judicial exam. I didn’t have time or inclination to date.”

“I see… you hadn’t ‘bloomed’ yet. What about later? After starting work, you must meet many people. Was there no one who caught your eye?”

Ying Zhi’an began to recall her early career. The deepest memory was greeting divorce clients. Being a rookie with a young face, she carried tissues to precisely hand them out when clients burst into tears. She followed Wang Yu and witnessed the most despicable human nature in marriage. She had even once rescued Wang Yu from the middle of a fight between two families. While civil and commercial cases could maintain some decorum, when the closest relationship—that between husband and wife—crumbled, both sides knew exactly what privacy and secrets to use to pierce the other’s soft spot.

Divorces that escalate to court are generally seldom civil or harmonious.

Ying Zhi’an couldn’t tell if her pessimism was caused by seeing too many tragedies, or if her keen eye was honed by witnessing too many marriages. “I was set up, but I wasn’t interested in those men.”

At that time, Ying Zhi’an hadn’t firmly established her single-life philosophy and had compromised with popular values by meeting a few bachelors. However, often by the end of a meal, Ying Zhi’an felt like she could see right through them. This perception could even predict future arguments and conflicts. Ying Zhi’an’s job was to represent clients’ interests in disputes, so she certainly didn’t want more arguments and conflicts to arise in her own life.

If they would eventually have to say “goodbye,” why start at all?

The doctor smiled gently. “I meant women.”

Ying Zhi’an was stunned. She still hadn’t accepted the information that she might be attracted to the same sex. If one spoke of men, she had encountered too many despicable ones.

The greater her reputation as a divorce lawyer, the higher the level of people who sought her out. The men and women she dealt with in divorce disputes were the kind of people considered to be in excellent social standing.

Yet, even so, human depravity was always consistent.

Infidelity, solicitation of prostitution, domestic violence, cold violence, marital rape, psychological manipulation, being forced into a sham same-sex marriage, being tricked into marriage…

A bad marriage can strip a person bare, and they might not even escape!

It was utterly disillusioning.

And those female clients, regardless of height, weight, or appearance, were all either deceiving themselves or manipulating others in the mire of marriage.

Just like the woman on the rooftop today, Ying Zhi’an had seen too many: whether they initially claimed to abandon morality for true love, or whether their demands stemmed from childhood trauma, in the end, it all came down to money.

The longer she worked, the more Ying Zhi’an came to understand one truth: in the face of money, the differences between men and women could be minimized; ultimately, everything could be attributed to human nature.

And how could she discuss a story about love in the face of human depravity?

Although she herself was not a purely good person.

But deep down, she always maintained a pure reverence for certain human emotions.

The doctor seemed to understand people like Ying Zhi’an. She asked again, “Has your family been pressuring you to marry recently? Is the pressure intense?”

Unlike Zhang Zhang’s parents, who were open-minded due to their business travels, Ying Zhi’an’s parents, both high school teachers, were more traditional, focusing on reputation and conventional happiness. Due to policy reasons, Ying Zhi’an was an only child and carried greater expectations. Her father hoped for an er tou hun (a unique Chinese marriage structure where the couple lives alternately with the wife’s parents, and a grandchild takes the wife’s surname) so a grandchild could carry the Ying surname.

Fortunately, being teachers, her parents didn’t resort to manipulative “crying, arguing, and threatening” tactics to force marriage, but their constant preaching led Ying Zhi’an to adopt the policy of “if I can’t argue my way out, I can still hide.”

However, as she officially entered her thirties, the two elders became more anxious, scouting candidates everywhere and demanding that Ying Zhi’an go on blind dates.

Even so, the starting point for all their actions was parental affection.

Ying Zhi’an was so intelligent that she could infer the full meaning from a hint. When the doctor only asked about “parents,” her answer was the more inclusive “original family.” “My original family is very loving. My parents cherish me, and I don’t have any trauma from childhood. I understand the implication of your words, Doctor.”

Here, Ying Zhi’an sighed. “I have a basic understanding of psychology. Before today, I thought my mental health was excellent. My parents cherished me and taught me self-respect. My self-worth is not low, and I don’t have trust issues regarding a sense of security…”

The doctor interrupted her. “There’s a recognized saying in psychology: neurotics make their own lives miserable, and people with personality disorders make others’ lives miserable. I think, at least so far, you are neither.”

“Then what exactly is wrong with me?”

“The brain’s higher center handles judgment, and the lower center handles emotion,” the doctor essentially understood Ying Zhi’an’s situation and said meaningfully, “No matter how much you know intellectually, it can be hard to control minor emotions. This doesn’t contradict your personality of firm judgment. Highly intelligent people are sometimes more distressed. Cases of psychological disorders caused by forced marriage are not uncommon. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Whether a person’s marriage is happy or not, whether they have a marriage, whether they like the opposite sex or the same sex—it doesn’t matter, because all of that must come after your own physical health. Moreover, the earlier you intervene in any disease during the acute phase, the better the prognosis. So you must have confidence. In the early stages, we can try to avoid the triggers.”

Ying Zhi’an frowned. “So I’m a lesbian?”

“That’s something you need to ask yourself, not something a doctor can define.”

Leaving the hospital with some prescribed tranquilizing and mood-calming medication, Ying Zhi’an felt only annoyance. Being forced into a nervous breakdown due to pressure to marry was not a flattering situation!

“I’d rather they say I went crazy from overworking! I’d rather be called asexual than secretly gay!” Ying Zhi’an felt a bitter irony. Yet, the subsequent tests the doctor ran showed Ying Zhi’an was very normal—so normal that she scored 96 out of 100 on a psychological assessment. The doctor could only advise her to observe the situation further.

As for how to avoid the triggers, Ying Zhi’an wished she could wear sunglasses all day!

And regarding sexual orientation, she remained skeptical!

The afternoon theft case was scheduled for 3 PM at the First Courtroom of the Gongzhu District People’s Court in Jiangcheng. At 2:30 PM, Ying Zhi’an, with her lawyer’s robe draped over her arm, had passed security and was heading toward the courtroom building according to the signs.

The courthouse, acting as a “garbage disposal” for social disputes, had its service center windows packed with men and women. Ying Zhi’an kept her head slightly lowered, avoiding looking at people coming her way, her eyes only darting to the slogans on the courthouse wall.

She had been to the Gongzhu District People’s Court several times, but she had never noticed before that effort was put into these wall-mounted legal culture displays. The slogans were quite inspiring.

The line, “If you don’t comply with the law, the law won’t comply with you,” was quite interesting.