The Beautiful Pariah Thought He Could Be Loved - Chapter 29

Chapter 29: After the Immortal Competition, You Will Use That…

He Lvqing slowly leaned down. His gaze suddenly became sorrowful yet tender as he carefully brushed his lips against Xin Qishu’s.

Night flowed outside the window. A sense of intangibility—of something slipping away—spread between them. Xin Qishu stared at him, his eyes brimming with tears.

Lvqing’s teeth lightly grazed Xin Qishu’s soft lips, and Xin Qishu submissively opened his mouth.

The sounds of their shared breath and the moist, soft contact of the kiss filled the quiet room.

Both were drowning in sorrow; it was a kiss where the form mattered more than the substance. It was as if by staying this close, they could maintain the illusion of harmony, making all their agonies seem unnecessary.

He Lvqing paused, then reached out to cover Xin Qishu’s eyes. His long fingers formed a row; his knuckles were large and somewhat rough. In contrast, the skin of Xin Qishu’s face appeared even more delicate and exquisite.

How did I ever deserve to have him?

He couldn’t see Xin Qishu’s tearful eyes, and Xin Qishu couldn’t see his expression. He hoped Xin Qishu could also immerse himself in the love they once shared.

Why do people have so many “ill-fated karmas”? It’s because there was genuine affection before, and it wasn’t cut off in time before it turned into a curse.

Xin Qishu’s long lashes brushed against He Lvqing’s palm like tiny feathers. He Lvqing’s heart turned soft.

Four cool lips pressed together, the two of them infinitely close, their breaths intertwining. It was a bitter kiss.

After a moment, Xin Qishu lightly bit He Lvqing’s tongue, and He Lvqing withdrew at the right moment.

A thin silvery thread stretched between them. Xin Qishu’s soft hand covered He Lvqing’s; it was smaller by a full circle and many shades fairer.

He Lvqing followed his lead and retracted his hand. Their gazes met.

Xin Qishu lay there softly, eyes open, the corners of his eyelids slightly flushed.

They would lock eyes countless times a day. To look at each other like this was a spiritual kiss. [1]

He Lvqing couldn’t help but ask, “Why did you want to go out? It’s dangerous out there. They will hurt you.”

“If I stay here, can you guarantee I won’t be hurt?” Xin Qishu’s voice was a mere whisper. His hand at his side was still pinching He Lvqing’s knuckles.

“I can.”

“You can’t.” Xin Qishu blinked, and tears cascaded down his cheeks. “You are the hurt.”

“You will never truly stand on my side.” Sorrow today, sorrow tomorrow—when would it end? How could it end?

“Do you really intend to keep me trapped here for a lifetime?” Xin Qishu wept, his voice growing fainter. “Unable to see anyone else, only seeing you… are you happy?”

“I am,” He Lvqing replied. Xin Qishu would rather escape and be killed by others than stay by his side. Now, as long as Xin Qishu was with him, he was happy.

Hearing the answer, Xin Qishu said, “I am not.” Then, his eyes lost their focus as he looked away.

“I am only preventing you from leaving,” He Lvqing said. “You can do anything you want here. No one else will find you.”

He Lvqing gripped Xin Qishu’s hand in return, turned on his side, and lay cramped on the narrow strip of space left on the bed.

His arm rested loosely around Xin Qishu’s waist.

Xin Qishu turned his back to him and said in a muffled voice, “I don’t want to… do it.”

“We won’t.” Lvqing’s chest pressed tightly against his back. He buried his face in Xin Qishu’s smooth black hair, inhaling the scent, and whispered: “I just want to hold you.”

He Lvqing didn’t close his eyes all night. He knew Xin Qishu hadn’t slept either; he was simply ignoring him.

Ignore me then. Just stay by my side.

The next day, He Lvqing sat in the chair to pass the night.

…

A few days later, He Lvqing realized something was terribly wrong. During the day, Xin Qishu would pull down the bed curtains. Through the thin gauze, He Lvqing could see Xin Qishu staring wide-eyed, as if on high alert.

The moment He Lvqing approached, Xin Qishu would ask hoarsely what he wanted. No matter what He Lvqing said afterward, Xin Qishu would not respond.

At night, Xin Qishu would just close his eyes, staying awake the entire time. He wasn’t meditating; his body would occasionally twitch involuntarily.

He Lvqing left for a short while. When he returned, Xin Qishu was still lying on the bed, eyes open and calm, his posture unchanged.

He Lvqing placed the calming incense he had retrieved into the burner in the corner. A heavy, woody fragrance began to waft from the burner.

Xin Qishu showed no reaction to his departure or return. After a while, he slowly closed his eyes.

Once he had fallen into a deep sleep, He Lvqing stepped closer to check his pulse again. It matched his previous diagnosis: his body was fine. The involuntary twitching was likely a physical manifestation of excessive psychological suppression.

He Lvqing pulled the bed curtains tight and sat back in his chair, silently crocheting the gloves.

He would make the rabbit too, but the gloves came first.

As he worked, he held them out to admire the progress. The finger section was finished. He walked to the bed with the half-finished product and compared it to Xin Qishu’s hand, realizing he had made them a bit too large.

So, Xin Qishu’s hand is actually this size. He Lvqing gained a clearer understanding.

He Lvqing unraveled the yarn. The thread became less smooth, with many rough fibers on the edges. The yarn held a “memory” of its curls, the once-smooth lines now kinked. A finished product made with such yarn wouldn’t look good.

So, He Lvqing performed a small spell. A small flame flickered at his fingertip, illuminating his calm face. He held the kinked yarn over the flame, and in a moment, it burned away completely.

He did not disturb Xin Qishu.

He dragged the chair closer and started again. This time, every few stitches, he would pick up Xin Qishu’s hand to measure.

Xin Qishu’s hands used to be soft, but now there were thin calluses on the pads of his fingers.

He Lvqing felt a bit dazed. When did these appear? Why hadn’t he noticed before?

Has Xin Qishu done something recently? He had only been away from him for a short while that day—it couldn’t be then. Oh, He Lvqing had a guess: it was in the secret realm of the Blood Demon Ring.

When Xin Qishu emerged from the realm, the Immortal Sects were already at the border, the arrow on the string about to fly. Lvqing had been anxiously focused on the progress of the event itself, fearing how it would change his life after it happened.

He had neglected to pay attention to Xin Qishu.

And then? Hadn’t Xin Qishu been lying quietly by his side for a long time? Why hadn’t he noticed? It turned out he was still neglecting Xin Qishu now…

Some things bring worry every time they are thought of, so He Lvqing began to ignore them. But that shouldn’t be the case. He wasn’t just ignoring events; he was ignoring the person within those events.

He Lvqing leaned down and kissed the tip of the sleeping man’s finger. I will always pay attention to you. Even if I can’t change the current situation, I will look the problems in the eye, over and over.

We will be in pain together.

I believe my love will not be eroded by these troubles.

I have no demands of you, as long as you are by my side.

The bright red marriage contract in his sea of consciousness glowed faintly. He Lvqing felt at peace.

He didn’t dare even imagine Xin Qishu leaving him.

He Lvqing put the unfinished gloves back in the bamboo basket and moved the chair back to its original position. For the rest of the night, he sat in the chair watching Xin Qishu.

…

Chirping birds sounded in his ears. Xin Qishu was horrified to find that he had actually closed his eyes last night. He hurriedly touched his neck—thank goodness, his head was still on his shoulders.

Xin Qishu didn’t breathe a sigh of relief. He pulled back the bed curtains and sat up, his face twisted with distress.

Lvqing was watching him. He no longer had the energy to care about his image in He Lvqing’s mind. He scanned the room, his gaze locking onto the incense burner in the corner.

He hadn’t intended to sleep last night! Not long after He Lvqing returned in the later half of the night, a fragrance appeared in the room. He fell asleep because of that incense!

He had slept well last night, with no dreams. But he didn’t feel the least bit relaxed upon waking; he was terrified of losing consciousness. If someone tried to kill him while he was unconscious, what then?

That scenario replayed repeatedly in his mind. Xin Qishu’s breathing became shallow, and cold sweat broke out on his back.

His heart began to beat abnormally. He bent over, supporting himself with difficulty against the bed frame. His long black hair slid down, obscuring his face; only his fingers could be seen tightly gripping the edge of the wood.

A few moments later, he raised his hand and sent out a burst of demonic energy, knocking over the incense burner.

“Take it out!”

“Your spirit is too tense. You need it to sleep.”

“Take it out!” Xin Qishu shrieked in an uncontrollable roar. How would they kill him? Burn him? Stab him? Slow execution?

The more he thought about it, the more it felt as if these deaths were already happening to him. He hugged his own arms in agony.

“What’s wrong?” He Lvqing sensed something was wrong and approached to embrace him from the front.

To Xin Qishu, the warm embrace felt like a metal vice, pinning him down tightly. Where his body made contact, white smoke seemed to rise; the smell of scorched flesh seemed to have already forced its way into his nostrils.

Xin Qishu gagged several times.

“Don’t get agitated,” He Lvqing stared nervously at Xin Qishu’s expression. “Fine, I’ll take it away.” With a wave of his sleeve, He Lvqing swept the incense burner into his storage pouch.

Xin Qishu’s face was contorted. He wanted to flee this embrace, but he couldn’t break free. It was as if they had melted together.

“What am I supposed to be? Here… I, you, we, clearly…” Xin Qishu spoke incoherently. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say.

His words were unclear, but He Lvqing understood. He is trapped here—how can his own life’s value be realized? What are we? An affair?

Clearly there is a marriage contract. Clearly it was an open and honorable union.

He Lvqing silently pressed against his lips. It wasn’t about romance; He Lvqing just wanted a way to soothe him.

Xin Qishu’s words had touched him too. It should be open and honorable… He couldn’t help but wonder: Was Xin Qishu’s identity as the Young Palace Master of Blood Glory Palace really that important? Did the Immortal Alliance truly insist on his life?

Was there a way to let Xin Qishu go out?

After a while, He Lvqing came up with a plan. He could confess to certain people, saying that regarding the annihilation of the Blood Glory Palace, he had taken the initiative to reveal the truth to Xin Qishu, and Xin Qishu had helped him.

This method carried the risk of giving others leverage over him, and not everyone would necessarily believe it. But if he offered some benefits based on this, surely those people wouldn’t be too aggressive.

He Lvqing gave Xin Qishu’s head a reassuring stroke and whispered into his ear: “In a few days, an Immortal Competition will be held in Xiangjiang. I will serve as a judge. At that time, I will arrange another identity for you so you can come to the competition as well.”

“After the competition ends, you will live under that identity—live openly and honorably. Live with peace of mind; I will clear away all obstacles.” He Lvqing’s arms tightened around Xin Qishu.

A teardrop slid down Xin Qishu’s pink cheek. He Lvqing kissed the tear away, and their lips and tongues became intertwined once more.