The Beautiful Pariah Thought He Could Be Loved - Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Don’t Even Think About Leaving Me.

In his peripheral vision, a fierce fire blazed at the horizon, dyeing the sky a burnt orange.

He Lvqing stood with a profile as white as ivory, his sharp features and deep-set eyes watching him in silence.

A flood of emotions surged at once. Which was heavier? Which was lighter? Which should be addressed first? A sense of helplessness washed over Xin Qishu; he didn’t know. He had lost the ability and courage to act, remaining in an awkward posture as he looked at He Lvqing. For him, the only clear thing at this moment was the rhythmic throbbing of pain in his heart.

He knew he was hurt.

His vision turned to darkness. The surrounding sounds vanished instantly. It felt as if a thick, wet towel had been wrapped around his ears, eyes, mouth, and nose… everything became blurred. Had the world been destroyed? No, the problem was within himself.

Seeking escape, Xin Qishu curled into his own tiny world and fell into a deep, protective slumber.

Whispers rustled in his ears, each one like a hook trying to pull him out of his refuge.

Xin Qishu pulled his legs closer, shrinking smaller and smaller as the surrounding darkness eroded his own color.

“Is this your saber…?”

My saber?

A moon-white long saber floated before his eyes.

This saber…

Light and shadow flickered. Behind layers of heavy curtains, a pale, large-eyed youth held a blade across the throat of an old man on the bed, while his other hand drove a blade into his own chest.

The old man’s face was purple.

There was another vivid figure present… Who was it? Guided by an invisible force, the youth turned around. Across a blurred gauze curtain, a man closed his eyes in agony.

A crack suddenly split his heart open.

Memories returned. He had successfully entered the secret realm; that moon-white saber should have fallen to the ground… and then been picked up by that vivid man.

That man was named Fei Jia. They had grown up together; every detail of their past was long gone, but the hole in the stone could not be ignored. Later, they had a falling out, they parted, and then…

An explosion.

What was the scene then? In the silence of heaven and earth, blood and small bits of flesh dripped along the veins of leaves into the soil, making tiny patter-patter sounds.

“…I once threw flowers at you at the Yunzi River.”

Yunzi River. The Glazed Cup. He is Lvqing.

…

His consciousness awoke in an instant. The “towel” was removed, and he perceived the world once more.

His eyelids looked orange from the light, with faint veins visible… The warmth of the sun spilled over him. Xin Qishu opened his eyes.

An unfamiliar ceiling. The scent of an unfamiliar room.

“Xin Qishu!”

Hearing his name, Xin Qishu turned his head toward the source of the voice. A face full of complex emotions crashed into his sight.

It was the person he had once longed for with all his heart.

His heart began to pound violently again, but it wasn’t from love. The vibration of his heartbeat spread throughout his body; his hand resting on the mattress began to tremble uncontrollably.

He had successfully escaped the Blood Glory Palace, but the flames had not spared him. From the moment the fire in the main palace was reflected in his eyes, the flames had begun to course through his body. Like the spell cast by Ye Yi, the fire burned only on him.

Everything around was green and cozy; only he was fiery red, currently burning.

Beads of sweat slid from his forehead. Xin Qishu’s lashes trembled, his face pale. He squeezed a tiny, hoarse voice from his throat: “Why didn’t you kill me?”

Receiving no answer, Xin Qishu repeated it. Ever since waking, his chest had felt tight and his head dizzy. After speaking, his vision filled with white light, making his heart reel. It was as if he had fallen into a world of pure white—there was nothing there, and fortunately, there was nothing there.

“Qishu?” someone called softly.

If there is nothing, then I won’t have to form any emotional bonds with anyone, right?

Someone approached and placed a hand on his wrist. There was a layer of thin calluses on the fingertips, making the presence undeniable.

The person tried to touch his face. Xin Qishu tilted his head slightly; his mind was in chaos. He didn’t pull far away, remaining within reach, but the person didn’t continue the touch.

Lvqing’s voice was muffled: “I’m sorry.”

Xin Qishu gripped the mattress beside him, his chest heaving as he stared blankly at the ceiling. There was no spirit in his eyes. He was still drowning in his own sensations.

“I know my apology has no credit left, and you don’t want to hear it, but I should still say it,” He Lvqing’s voice was steady, but his logic was disjointed, his speech slow: “I… after you let me go, I actually should have returned to Kuangjin Realm. The reason I didn’t leave was that a hundred disciples of my sect guarding the Qingrong Flute were brutally murdered. They found tokens of the Blood Glory Palace at the scene.”

“The Qingrong Flute is of immense significance to the Immortal Alliance.”

“The Blood Glory Palace’s actions were seen as a provocation. Everyone was furious; they felt they couldn’t back down and wanted to attack. To successfully annihilate the Blood Glory Palace, the Blood Demon Ring was the key. So I stayed in the Demon Abyss and sought you out.”

He Lvqing laid bare the truth and his mental journey word by word. It was a slow execution for both of them.

“I hesitated, but… you know how many mortals the Blood Glory Palace kills every year. I didn’t want more innocent people to die. But you truly trusted me. After the Yunzi River… I never wanted to kill you, and I never will.”

“Stop asking me why I didn’t kill you… I can’t take it,” He Lvqing whispered.

“I brought you back not to interrogate you. I know you weren’t aware of the Blood Glory Palace’s affairs. There is no sin upon you.”

Xin Qishu took a long, deep breath. He could understand He Lvqing; he knew the brutality of the Blood Glory Palace—the dozens of lives at the Li Estate were proof.

Rationally, he wanted the Blood Glory Palace to vanish from the world; he even believed that day would surely come. However, it felt as if countless bees were buzzing in his head. He was also innocent.

Why use him to plot against the Blood Glory Palace? Now, every life lost on either side was piled upon his shoulders, heavy and suffocating. Just thinking about it made Xin Qishu’s chest feel tight.

“Why didn’t you kill me…” Xin Qishu murmured with a trembling voice. He Lvqing reached out and stroked his back, smoothing it down again and again.

Xin Qishu dodged him, clutching his hair in a breakdown, curling up in self-protection.

“Why didn’t you kill me…”

The desperate tail of his voice dragged a long shadow through the room.

The hand stroking his back felt like a branding iron, searing scars into him.

Xin Qishu hadn’t looked into the many suspicious points that had been exposed before, essentially because he didn’t want to appear overly paranoid.

He truly regretted it. If he had known this day would come… no, if he had been more mature then, he wouldn’t have overlooked those clues.

They were once in an intimate relationship filled with doubt; now the intimacy was gone, exposing the ice beneath. The biting cold turned him blue; it could no longer be ignored, and it could not be forgiven.

He no longer had a clear perception of the outside world. In a daze, Fei Jia was smiling in front of him, saying: “No matter what you think, I don’t want to give up.”

In another flash, he was lying in the river, his clothes uncomfortably clinging to his skin. The temperature dropped at night, and in the river, he felt like a dead fish.

He tried to climb up—this scene flashed back for the umpteenth time. He looked up and saw He Lvqing’s face. The head didn’t turn; only the pale green eyes stared at him indifferently.

Then… a foot stepped onto his hand.

A wrist lifted slightly, and the point of a sword, shrunk to a single dot, aimed right at him.

The fear of death seeped through every pore. Many people pinned down Xin Qishu’s limbs. Familiar voices rang out happily behind him: “Senior brother, kill him quickly.”

“Master, it’s getting late.”

“Xin Qishu, you’ll have to come and keep me company sooner or later,” Fei Jia said.

“I told you long ago, he’s no good to you.”

Many voices overlapped, indistinguishable, but the gist was: Kill him! He deserves to die! Quickly! Quickly! QUICKLY!!!

In that instant, his heart stopped.

Like a drowning man, Xin Qishu thrashed violently and woke with a start the next moment.

He opened his eyes to find He Lvqing standing at his bedside, holding a long saber that was halfway out of its sheath.

The blade reflected Xin Qishu’s terrified expression.

Xin Qishu fainted again.

…

When he woke again, it was a quiet night.

He Lvqing sat on a nearby chair, knitting something. Several balls of yarn sat in a bamboo basket on the floor.

Xin Qishu’s voice was light as air: “Where is this?”

He Lvqing immediately put down his work: “It’s deep in a forest on an abandoned peak of Fayu Court. A senior set up an array here, isolating this area as a small world.”

“That senior also carved a teleportation array under the cliff of the peak where I live, so I brought you here.”

“Duan Shi is a descendant of that senior; that’s how he stumbled in by chance. I have already modified the array. Don’t worry, he won’t come in to disturb you again.”

Duan Shi? Xin Qishu didn’t remember who that was.

Perhaps seeing that the awakened Xin Qishu was much calmer, He Lvqing took the initiative: “I’m crocheting a pair of gloves for you. You can wear them when you play in the snow this winter.”

Winter? Will I even live until winter?

“I also have a cultivation base.”

He Lvqing forced a small smile. “I almost forgot. Then I’ll crochet a plushie for you. What do you want? A rabbit? A puppy?” According to his observation, Xin Qishu didn’t seem to have any particular favorite animal.

“A rabbit then,” Xin Qishu picked one randomly. “How do you know how to do this?”

“I didn’t know before. I secretly learned it from others while you were asleep. Many disciples love doing this.”

In the past, He Lvqing would have looked down on such time-wasting behavior. Now he understood that if spending time could improve his lover’s mood, then that time was very well spent.

“They’ve also been into embroidering sachets lately. I really couldn’t embroider such beautiful flowers, so I gave up.”

He Lvqing said, “This trend seems to have been brought about by the Mo Sect. Their disciples will be staying at Fayu Court for a long time. If you like sachets, I’ll go learn that too.”

“Mo Sect?” Xin Qishu murmured the name. He suddenly sat up. Right, Duan Shi of the Mo Sect. They had crossed paths at the Yunzi River.

“Why are they at Fayu Court?” Xin Qishu stared at He Lvqing with wide eyes.

“Some of them were injured at the Blood Glory Palace and are resting here to recover. What’s wrong?” Lvqing thought he was afraid of Duan Shi revealing his location and said, “Don’t worry, I’ve handled things with Duan Shi. There won’t be any trouble. He has weaknesses too.”

Lvqing was right beside him, but Xin Qishu seemed to hear those words from his dream again: Kill him, kill him! Quickly!

Xin Qishu’s chest heaved as he stared at the wall in suspicion.

He wouldn’t stay here and wait for death! He had to escape!

The array… the array… Right, he still had a drop of He Lvqing’s blood. Most arrays could be cracked using the blood of the array’s master.

This one must be the same!

With a plan in mind, Xin Qishu’s heart settled slightly. His original thought was to wait for He Lvqing to leave, and then he would run.

But several days passed, and He Lvqing showed no sign of leaving.

He Lvqing spent all his time kneeling by the bed. He stopped crocheting the gloves and the rabbit.

The moon rose, and the room was bathed in darkness. He Lvqing still didn’t leave. Xin Qishu lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep at all; as soon as he closed his eyes even slightly, countless voices claiming they would kill him rang out. He was afraid.

The bed was small, only big enough for one person. He Lvqing knelt by the bedside in a standard posture, his back straight, his eyes glowing faintly. Xin Qishu felt extremely uncomfortable being watched by him; he was drenched in sweat.

The night grew darker; dawn would soon break! It was one day closer to them breaking in to take his life! Xin Qishu’s hands couldn’t stop trembling; he couldn’t take it anymore.

He didn’t want to die.

In the thick of the night, a thin hand was placed on top of He Lvqing’s head, roughly loosening his hairband and messing up his hair. Lvqing’s expression didn’t change.

In the darkness, He Lvqing’s pale green eyes were the only light.

Xin Qishu gazed into those eyes for the umpteenth time, but it was the first time he realized they looked so heartless. He said in a crazed, breaking voice:

“Get out.”

Lvqing watched him in silence.

Xin Qishu curled his lips. His black hair was pressed against his pale cheek, and his ruby-red eyes were filled with a paranoid light as he said: “Get lost.”

He Lvqing didn’t get lost. Instead, he placed Xin Qishu’s hand on his abdomen. “You can do whatever you want to me.”

“Whatever I want?” Xin Qishu’s smile looked like crying.

He Lvqing nodded.

“Turn around,” Xin Qishu said.

He Lvqing turned his back. With trembling hands, Xin Qishu took a packet of powder from his storage pouch. This powder was originally meant to drug spirit beasts; it was more than enough for a human.

He stained his thumb with a bit of it, got out of bed, and walked toward He Lvqing.

Xin Qishu’s heart vibrated intensely again, his breathing heavy.

This was his only chance.

From behind, Xin Qishu caressed He Lvqing’s face, his thumb sliding to his lips. He Lvqing submissively opened his mouth.

Several fingers stirred wantonly in He Lvqing’s mouth, making wet sounds.

Xin Qishu moved closer, lowering his head to bite He Lvqing’s shoulder through the fabric.

Half an hour later, He Lvqing’s body swayed. Xin Qishu let go and caught him just in time, laying him on the bed.

Under the moonlight, He Lvqing’s expression was peaceful, free of those terrifying emotions.

Xin Qishu didn’t look further and ran out of the wooden hut.

He saw the position of the array. With trembling hands, he took out that drop of blood.

With a racing heart, he smeared the blood on his palm and pressed it into the void.

The blood drew a circular pattern in the air like ink.

A white light flashed, and Xin Qishu fell into the seawater without warning. Water rushed into his nasal cavity, and his lungs felt like they were about to explode, yet Xin Qishu laughed happily!

As long as he swam out of this sea, he would be completely gone!

…

In the wooden hut, He Lvqing did not encounter the expected pain and slowly opened his eyes. Xin Qishu was not in the hut.

He pushed open the door; there was no sign of Xin Qishu anywhere in sight.

There were traces of the array being activated. Xin Qishu had escaped!

Underwater, everything slowed down. Xin Qishu swam forward quietly when a pair of hands suddenly grabbed his arms. His heart sank. He turned his head, his pupils shrinking.

The moonlight was dim tonight, and the night sky was exceptionally dark. He Lvqing swam behind him, his ivory-skinned face particularly stark. He looked at him with a mournful gaze, like a siren.

In an instant, the air seemed to be sucked away.

Dazed and confused, Xin Qishu was carried back to the room and placed on the bed.

He Lvqing watched him like a wild wolf from the side.

Fear washed over his heart again. He had nowhere to run; in a panic, he fruitlessly shrunk to the inner side of the bed.

He Lvqing leaned over, his hands braced on either side of Xin Qishu. His black hair fell like a beaded curtain, completely isolating Xin Qishu from the outside world. He could smell He Lvqing’s scent with every breath.

With his back to the light, He Lvqing’s gaze was fierce, glistening with fragmented tears. He said in a voice of pain:

“I’m going to imprison you. Don’t even think about leaving me.”