Still Secretly In Love With My Enemy Today - Chapter 35

Chapter 35: 

For over twenty years, I had never encountered words that I seemed so utterly unable to comprehend, no matter how hard I tried.

He definitely heard me, I thought muddledly. I used to mutter about how much I liked Xie Huaishuang eight hundred times a day; in those past two days, he must have heard every single one.

No wonder I felt he had been acting strange—the hesitation, the dodging eyes, the way he’d space out as if lost in thought.

He heard it all. So, what was he thinking?

I desperately wanted to ask him, yet I didn’t dare. I was afraid of startling him, and even more afraid of my own daydreams being punctured. As long as I didn’t ask the question, the answer remained uncertain, leaving me room for my own imagination and hope—maybe he actually liked me too? Who could say?

But Xie Huaishuang gave me no chance to stall. He stared at me from a breath away, waiting for me to speak with an intensity that suggested he might just kill me if I stayed silent.

What would happen if I just said it?

“Yes.”

Xie Huaishuang didn’t speak. His eyes flickered. I couldn’t tell if it was intentional, but his fingers brushed against the center of my wrist, tickling me unbearably. I finally flipped my hand over and pinned his down.

Fine. I’ll say it.

“I do like you. I’ve liked you for a long time.” My words came out faster and faster as I met his eyes. “It’s not the kind of liking you have for a regular friend. Now that you know, what do you think?”

“What do I think?”

I was leaning against the cabin wall, and Xie Huaishuang was practically pressed against me. His long, heavy necklaces fell in a chaotic jumble against my chest; his deep green sleeves and hems piled over us like lake water, drowning my knees and elbows.

“Can’t you tell at all?”

Xie Huaishuang’s brow furrowed, then quickly smoothed out. His expression hovered between annoyance and affection, and his voice was as soft as a breath.

“Idiot.”

Before my brain—which had long since ceased functioning—could process what he was saying, a warm breath scented with sandalwood, accompanied by a strange, soft sensation, landed on the corner of my lips.

“What about now?”

Pulling back just a fraction, Xie Huaishuang looked away, a vivid flush creeping up behind his ears. His lashes fluttered rapidly. “Can you tell now?”

Tell what? What was I supposed to see from the fact that Xie Huaishuang just kissed me?

It was a very simple fact: Xie Huaishuang had kissed me.

Obvious. Plain as day. Xie Huaishuang kissed me.

…Xie Huaishuang kissed me!!

After a second of total paralysis, my entire body gave a violent jolt. I scrambled through the thick, layered fabric of his robes, trying to find my bearings.

What did it mean for Xie Huaishuang to kiss me?

The spring waters were rising. I couldn’t tell where I was anymore; the world seemed to consist only of a frowning Xie Huaishuang. Where was I in all this?

“You can’t still be…”

He cut himself off, leaning against the cabin wall, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at me.

Our positions had flipped. Xie Huaishuang was now pinned in the narrow space between me and the wall. The turquoise on his ears swayed violently; his breathing grew ragged.

“Do you… truly like me too?”

A strange, nameless impulse surged through me. I didn’t dare look at him, so I stared at my own hand pressed against the wall, seeing the veins bulging from the force.

“Yes,” Xie Huaishuang’s voice was low and trembling. “I liked you since the time we burned down Linlang Pavilion.”

Xie Huaishuang tried to lean in again, but I held him back. He stared at me, clearly dissatisfied.

“Think clearly,” I said. I truly felt that every ounce of self-restraint I’d developed in my life was being used at this very moment—and it was rapidly running out.

Xie Huaishuang stared at me, looking genuinely confused.

“Could it be… could it be that you just like me as a friend? Or maybe it’s just gratitude? After all—”

Xie Huaishuang found a gap and kissed me again, a quick, sharp peck.

“…Listen to me.”

“I don’t want to listen.” Xie Huaishuang interrupted, his chest heaving as I gripped his shoulders. “It’s not ‘friend’ liking. I understand these things. Do you think I’m ignorant? Liking you is different from everyone else.”

“I haven’t met many people, and there’s a lot I don’t understand. But I know what gratitude is. I’m grateful to Chunhua, to Doctor Ye, to Coral, your senior sister, and the people in Star-Gazing City—they’re all good people.” Xie Huaishuang spoke faster and faster, leaving me no room to interject. “But I don’t want to kiss them. I only want to kiss you.”

I forced myself to focus and observe his expression. He looked dead serious, not like he was talking nonsense.

Those deep green eyes looked straight into mine, and I heard something in my heart shatter instantly. The fortress walls collapsed into the dust, and the soft spring waters overflowed, drowning the world.

—Not a regular friend. Not gratitude.

—He likes me too. Different from everyone else.

“I like you very much. Every part of you.”

“I like you best. In all the world…”

I muffled the rest of his words. Vague, soft syllables were drowned in a deep, lingering exchange.

Neither of us was experienced in this. His teeth bumped my lower lip, and I’m sure I nipped him somewhere—I heard him let out a tiny gasp of pain.

But we kept kissing.

When we finally pulled apart, both of us were breathing heavily. I don’t know when Xie Huaishuang’s hands had found my shoulders, his fingertips tracing the back of my neck with a light, phantom touch.

His skin was very pale, so the flush on his face was startlingly obvious. His eyes were misty, looking at me with a damp, shimmering gaze.

It would have been a crime not to kiss him again.

The corners of his eyes were indeed moist; when I kissed them, his lashes brushed against me like a butterfly’s wings. His earlobes were slightly red from the weight of the turquoise pendants, and he trembled fine-tuned whenever I touched him. His cheek felt exactly as I imagined—like the petal of a magnolia.

When I looked at him again, his eyes were clouded with a damp mist. Seeing me lean in, he tilted his head up slightly, instinctively meeting me.

This time I was much more skillful. I didn’t accidentally bite him, nor did I leave him completely breathless. Xie Huaishuang seemed to melt, sliding slowly down against the cabin wall until I caught him by the waist and held him in place.

I told him, “I learn faster than you.”

Xie Huaishuang pressed his hands against my chest, staring at me blankly. It took him a moment to process the words before he laughed, his voice still breathless.

“You even have to… compete in this?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

Xie Huaishuang laughed again. “Fine, you learn faster.” He rubbed his nose against mine, his arms curling around my neck. “I’ll let you win this once.”

…

Kissing Xie Huaishuang is the kind of thing where you either do it zero times or an infinite number of times.

It’s not like I’m bragging or anything. It’s just that his lips are very soft, his fingertips on my neck make me tingle, and his eyes look beautiful when they’re shimmering after a kiss.

I am absolutely not bragging. I’m just stating objective facts.

After all, kissing the person you like—once, then many more times—isn’t something one needs to brag about. Though I wouldn’t mind if everyone knew I got to kiss him, since I’m the only person in the world who can.

Again, not bragging.

Xie Huaishuang was removing his heavy necklaces, which hit the table with a dull thud. He glanced at me. “What are you smiling at now?”

“Nothing.” I reached for his hand. “Give me a kiss.”

Xie Huaishuang leaned in, tilting his head up and closing his eyes. I used to think he was just more perceptive than others—his sight and hearing were sharp—but now I realized he was sensitive in many other ways; he seemed to dissolve at the slightest touch.

Now I can finally play with his hair openly. It’s softer than I thought, feeling like a feather as I twined it around my fingers.

Not bragging, but I’m the only one in the world who gets to hold him like this and play with his hair. I don’t even know who I could talk to about this strange, wonderful feeling.

“If you want to laugh, just laugh,” Xie Huaishuang mumbled, nuzzling into the crook of my neck. “You’re acting very weird.”

The Iron Vermilion Bird required the control lever to be adjusted every hour. As the sun began to dip into the west, Xie Huaishuang sat beside me, watching intently and asking about every single part. He’s always been like that—curious about everything.

I answered his questions as I worked. When I finished and heard no response, I turned to look at him. He was tugging at my sleeve. “Kiss me.”

His body arrived before his voice. It seemed he wasn’t asking; he was simply informing me. Of course, he doesn’t actually need to inform me—he can just come over. I have no complaints. Not bragging.

Xie Huaishuang kissed me so much he seemed to lose the strength in his legs. He stumbled, almost tripping over his long hem. I told him already: that hem is a nuisance.

As night fell, a kite-machine suspected to be from the Temple gave chase. It took me fifteen minutes to lose them. When I turned around, I didn’t hear him praise my flying skills; I only heard him breathing softly.

Alright then.

“Don’t be nervous,” I pulled him close and patted his back. “We lost them.”

“…Who’s nervous?” Xie Huaishuang looked up and glared at me crossly. “Can you drive a bit more steadily next time?”

I suddenly remembered him having this exact expression before, but he wouldn’t tell me why. I had always assumed he thought I was going too slow.

Was he just motion-sick?

“…Understood.”

I rummaged around and found a small jar of catnip candies. When I was first learning to fly the machine, I’d eat these whenever I felt dizzy; they worked wonders. And they were sweet—Xie Huaishuang would like them.

Xie Huaishuang ignored me, still trying to steady his breath. I leaned in to look into his eyes and pressed a candy on him. “Don’t be mad—this will make you feel better.”

I don’t know how it happened, but somehow, I ended up kissing him again.