Shadowed Love: A Lover Who Refuses to Let Go - Chapter 39.1

No matter how long or deep the kiss was, Yin Yunzhu could not lose herself in it under these circumstances. She pushed Jiang Menghe away, covering the corner of her mouth as she whispered, “What is this supposed to be? You think two kisses are enough to dismiss me?”

Her long eyelashes were wet, a sight that made one’s heart ache. She was tired of this: being shunned when she proactively approached, yet being lured back with intimacy the moment she was expected to be quiet and obedient.

Jiang Menghe stood silently in place, her brows pressing downward. “I am sorry. I have just been a bit tired lately.”

Yin Yunzhu should have expected this. The passion was receding like a tide, leaving the truth bare on the shore. They had come together because they were compatible; now that the other was bored and ready to discard her, she felt utterly lost.

After days of cold responses, she had initially convinced herself it was just the busy nature of a career. But now, with the person standing right in front of her, the moment of verbal admission made her heart go numb.

She did not want to be clingy and make Jiang Menghe look down on her. Sniffling, she said, “I told you, if you have any difficulties, tell me. I won’t judge you.”

She wanted to be as inclusive as a merging river, yet she was not willing to let go of what they had. When she said this, Yin Yunzhu clearly forgot that on New Year’s Eve, when faced with her own family troubles, she too had been too embarrassed to share.

“You say you’re tired, but there has to be a reason,” she took a deep breath. “If there is something you’re unhappy with, I can change: my personality, my technique, or even my hand.”

Yin Yunzhu waved her right hand. The ring finger that had been pinched was completely healed, trimmed round and neat, with the pale pink crescent exactly as it was before.

This sentence broke the solemnity of the atmosphere. Jiang Menghe could not help but chuckle, reaching out to grasp Yin’s middle and ring fingers. “I told you last time I didn’t mind.”

“Don’t do that!” Yin Yunzhu snapped, annoyed. She could have left with a cold heart, but being coaxed even slightly by Jiang Menghe made her lose her sense of direction again. She hurriedly interrupted, “I am talking to you seriously. Be serious!”

Those who are favored always tend to be more willful. Jiang’s responsiveness only fueled Yin’s flare of temper. Even a rabbit shows its teeth when cornered; she finally bared her far from fierce fangs, attempting to make Jiang Menghe back down and stop mentioning the breakup.

The corners of Jiang Menghe’s mouth curled, but the smile in her eyes gradually faded. “Yin Yunzhu, I am being serious.”

Someone unfamiliar with her would think she was just gentle and easygoing. Yin Yunzhu had been with her long enough to know that even when she smiled, it was not always sincere. Like now, she could detect a subtle trace of suppressed anger in her gaze.

Her childish stubbornness softened slightly, and Yin Yunzhu looked away. “Fine. You won’t even give me a reason. You call me when you want me and kick me away when you don’t. What do you take me for?”

“What reason do you want to hear?”

“Will what I want to hear be your actual thoughts?”

“If you’re willing to listen, I can tell you.”

Choked by Jiang Menghe’s retort, the nameless fire in Yin’s heart burned away her grievances, leaving only a searing ache.

“You said,” Yin Yunzhu’s nose felt prickly, her voice trembling, “that you wouldn’t lie to me.”

“If we’re breaking up, then break up. Why keep pretending to be the good guy? Are you hoping I’ll still think of you often after this?”

Each question felt like a lash against her heart. Jiang Menghe’s fingers curled slightly. “You’re crossing a line.”

Her patience was exhausted. Distraught by days of threats, she could not even take care of herself, let alone constantly provide emotional labor for Yin Yunzhu. She was terrified that Yin would find out the truth, and equally afraid that the next argument would leave both of them scarred.

She was, after all, a bad woman who used gentleness as a mask, selfish to the core.

“Yin Yunzhu, you are not my girlfriend.” The woman spoke one word at a time, her deep eyes revealing a heartless coldness. “I have no obligation to coax you.”

“Are you saying I am too annoying?” Yin Yunzhu knew asking this would lower her value in the other’s eyes, but she could not help but dig for the truth. If Jiang Menghe just nodded and said yes, she would leave without looking back and never bother her again.

Jiang Menghe just looked at her quietly before turning her face away. “Let’s both calm down for a while.”

She did not give a specific timeframe, nor did she answer the question. Yin Yunzhu bit her lip, watching the woman’s figure disappear into the car before withdrawing her gaze.

She could not calm down at all. The moment she let herself zone out, sadness hit her like a winter frost. She let out a heavy breath and rubbed her reddened eyes.

Fine, I’ll calm down. It’s not like I am someone who can’t keep their composure.

Jiang Menghe’s attitude was not entirely final; there was surely room for maneuver. Yin Yunzhu wondered if, in her moments of regret and pain, Jiang would be as unable to let go as she was.

Picking up the notebook she had brought back from He Ping’s studio, she sat back in her car. The lush greenery beneath the apartment had not fully bloomed yet; budding vines and withered stems were tangled together.

Yin Yunzhu was a mess. The silence in her ears seemed to echo the woman’s words. Her chest felt tight with a stifling pressure, so she drove away from the building.

The key turned in the lock. Yin Xuan was not out of school yet, but Shan Songyue’s shoes were at the entrance.

Yin Yunzhu looked down and called out tentatively, “Mom?”

The sound of a drawer closing came from the master bedroom. Madam Shan hurried out, and seeing her daughter home, she started preparing lunch.

“Are you staying home for lunch today?”

With someone there to keep her company, Yin Yunzhu’s spiraling mood improved somewhat. She changed her shoes and tossed her bag onto the sofa. “Yeah. I’m staying the night.”

“Good. I’ll cook for you.” Shan Songyue tied on her apron and walked into the kitchen.

It was strange. Usually, when Yin Yunzhu came home, her mother would nag incessantly about her job and marriage. Lately, she had been quiet, which was why Yin had been coming home so often. The sliding glass door to the kitchen was half open, reflecting the woman’s busy silhouette. She looked much more tired than before, her movements painfully slow.

Yin Yunzhu leaned against the doorframe. Her intuition told her something had happened, but afraid of upsetting her mother, she kept quiet.

“Mom, I’ll go pick up Xuan from school,” she said softly.

The old district buildings were uneven and mismatched. Compared to the high-rise prosperity of the nearby city center, they felt like old trinkets sealed away in a wooden box.

Yin Yunzhu was restless, so she turned on the car radio. The interior was filled with the gentle voice of a female broadcaster, a sound that made one feel drowsy. The tone reminded her of Jiang Menghe for no reason, how the woman would prop her head up on her hand after intimacy and look at her, occasionally brushing away her messy hair while smiling at her rambling.

She’s just a woman. How can I be this pathetic?

Yin Yunzhu’s breathing grew shallow. It was school dismissal time, and parents were swarming the area, clogging the nearby roads. She followed the sluggish flow of traffic and stopped at the intersection.

When Yin Xuan came out, she was clutching her backpack straps and laughing with a girl beside her. After they said their goodbyes, the girl looked confused when she did not see Shan Songyue in the usual spot.

“Little Xuan,” Yin Yunzhu said, sneaking up behind her.

“Ah!” the little girl cried out. “Sister, you scared me!”

“Mom is busy cooking at home, so I came to pick you up.”

Seeing Yin Xuan’s calm expression, Yin Yunzhu teased, “What? You’re not happy to see me?”

“I want to eat small pancakes,” Yin Xuan said, puffing out her cheeks and pointing at a nearby fried food stall.

“There’s food at home. No snacks.” Yin Yunzhu grabbed her hand and half pulled her into the car.

“Stingy sister.”

“I am stingy. Tell Mom to give you a generous sister next time.”

“…”

Once in the car, Yin Yunzhu observed the little one in the passenger seat. Seeing Yin Xuan pull some new stickers out of her bag and get lost in playing with them, she breathed a sigh of relief.

It seemed she did not know about whatever was going on with Shan Songyue. It made sense; with Madam Shan’s prideful personality, she would never show such things in front of a child. Yin Yunzhu had definitely inherited that trait.

The two arrived home to a table already set with three steaming dishes and a soup. Yin Xuan was clearly starving from school; she dropped her backpack and ran straight to the table.

Shan Songyue swatted her restless hand away with a pair of chopsticks. “No eating until you wash your hands.”

Yin Xuan pouted and turned to Yin Yunzhu for justice, only to see her sister already standing at the sink. She grumbled and let out a tch.

The three sat at the dining table. During the meal, Shan Songyue was full of concern, asking detailed questions about Yin Yunzhu’s life in Pingcheng. Yin Xuan gnawed on the edge of her porcelain bowl, her round eyes peeking at them.

“Mama hasn’t mentioned it lately,” she suddenly interrupted the harmonious atmosphere.

“Mentioned what?” Shan Songyue’s hand froze mid-air, looking confused.

Realizing something, Yin Yunzhu quickly kicked Yin Xuan under the table, trying to shut her up. A child’s thoughts are written all over their face, and Yin Yunzhu knew her sister inside and out.

The savory braised pork melted in her mouth. Yin Xuan ground her teeth against the chopsticks, mumbling, “You know, introducing Big Brothers to Sister. You used to nag about finding me a brother in law all the time.”

Her obsession with a brother in law was no less than Shan Songyue’s; under her mother’s influence, she had come to assume someone else would soon be there to dote on her.

At these words, Yin Yunzhu quickly looked at her mother, only to find her expression unchanged as she continued to serve soup to both of them. This state was truly abnormal, practically confirming Yin Yunzhu’s suspicions. She poked at the rice in her bowl as if casually, then asked her sister in a joking tone:

“Then how about I find you a Papa instead?”

Clang!

The soup ladle in Madam Shan’s hand slipped, falling into the bowl and splashing water. The golden oil floating on the surface was scattered, blending with the sharp clatter.

“I, I’ll go wipe it up.” She hurried into the kitchen, fumbling for a cloth.

As if to hide her true thoughts, Shan Songyue tapped the head of Yin Xuan, who was staring at her. “What are you looking at? Finish your food and go take a nap; you have school later!”

Yin Xuan was very obedient. She finished the remaining rice in a few bites, gulped down her soup, and hopped off her chair to run to the bedroom. “Mama, I’m done! Going to sleep now.” She held the doorknob, half her face peeking through the gap.

Realizing she had wasted too much time chatting at the table and would be sleepy in the afternoon if she delayed any longer, Yin Xuan closed the door.

With the chirping sparrow gone, the dining room fell silent. Amidst the sound of chewing, Yin Yunzhu spoke: “Mom, did you and Dad get a divorce?”

Everything had left a trail: from Bai Jiali’s initial warning about their fighting, to the New Year’s Eve fallout, to her mother’s mysterious behavior lately. She did not have much emotional attachment to the drama of her elders; Chen Haidong was too distant from this family, like a kite string being pulled and snapped by the external winds.

The thin thread of kinship meant she felt no sadness, but for Yin Xuan, a broken home would always make her more sensitive to the judgment of others.

With no child present, Shan Songyue stopped hiding. Her response was flat. “You figured it out?”

“Dad rarely comes back except for the Lunar New Year, and you’ve been fighting a lot these past few days.” Despite being mentally prepared, the answer left a bitter taste in Yin Yunzhu’s mouth.

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