Self-Perception - Chapter 47

The minced pork noodles were delicious. Wen Jinyan even finished all the soup.

Gu Wansheng tidied up the dishes and placed them in the sink. By the time she finished, Wen Jinyan was no longer in the living room. Gu Wansheng went upstairs, hearing the pitter-patter of water from the bathroom. She threw herself onto the chaise longue. Their bathroom door was made of frosted glass, allowing a vague, blurry glimpse of a graceful silhouette inside.

Gu Wansheng got up to pour a glass of warm water. Twenty minutes later, Wen Jinyan emerged, drying her hair with a towel. Steam trailed at her feet. Her face and eyes were flushed from the heat of the water  without her glasses, her eyes looked as though they were rippling with spring water.

She wore cotton pajamas that clung to her skin. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and her chest rose and fell slightly with her breath.

Drying her feet, she stepped onto the carpet. Her ankles were slender, and her exposed toes were small and rounded. While drying her hair, she looked at Gu Wansheng and said, “I’m finished washing.”

Still not wearing shoes.

Gu Wansheng took another sip of water, set the glass down, and turned on the heater. She habitually picked up the hair dryer. Understanding the gesture, Wen Jinyan sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her, head bowed.

Their chemistry was growing stronger; with just one movement, Wen Jinyan knew exactly what she intended to do.

After drying Wen Jinyan’s hair, Gu Wansheng went to shower. When she came out, Wen Jinyan dried her hair, and they lay down in bed together.

“It’s the Winter Solstice in a few days. I want to invite my aunt over for dumplings,” Wen Jinyan said, twining a strand of hair around her finger, layer by layer.

Gu Wansheng let her play, unaware that her wife had already braided several small plaits into her hair.

“Sure.”

Wen Jinyan realized belatedly that Gu Wansheng seemingly had no plans to go back to her own family for the holiday. Gu’s relationship with her family was strained, in all these months, there hadn’t been a single word of greeting from them, not even when they got married.

Complete indifference.

Unaware of these thoughts, Gu Wansheng asked, “What filling does your aunt like? Should I make a few batches of cabbage, mushroom, pork, and lotus root?”

“Wansheng, do we need to send some dumplings to your parents?”

Gu Wansheng pursed her lips. Sensing the change in mood, Wen Jinyan immediately said, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? It’s just that I haven’t handled my family matters well,” Gu Wansheng said, pulling her into an embrace.

Wen Jinyan responded, resting her hand against Gu’s back. “I won’t bring it up again.”

“It’s not your fault. Let’s sleep.”

Gu Wansheng’s breathing soon became light as she fell into a deep sleep, but Wen Jinyan couldn’t rest. Her own experience with family was thin, her aunt was the only one she was close to. She hadn’t realized Gu Wansheng also had conflicts with her family.

She felt she shouldn’t have asked.

Wen Jinyan watched the person before her. In the darkness, her eyes were exceptionally bright. Gu Wansheng’s brow seemed furrowed.

Is she having a nightmare?

She reached out, wanting to smooth the frown away, but it didn’t help. Usually, she could always fall asleep next to Gu Wansheng, but tonight, she suffered from insomnia.

The next day, Wen Jinyan had dark circles under her eyes while video calling Su Muqing. Su Muqing gasped, “What were you two up to last night?”

“Where is your mind going?”

“Then how did you get those dark circles?”

“Insomnia,” Wen Jinyan said, pouring a glass of water.

“Oh, right. I just called to remind you to come over tonight. We’re doing hot pot.”

“Mhm.”

Gu Wansheng had told her before leaving for the company that she would be back in the evening. They would make it in time.

“We’ll be waiting. Oh, also, could you ask your Teacher Gu for a few signed photos? Yibai is a fan. If it’s inconvenient, it’s no big deal.”

“Okay, I’ll ask her when she gets back.”

Wen Jinyan hung up and went back to writing her novel. After finishing two chapters, she stood up and paced the study to move her body.

For lunch, she made a simple bowl of noodles. Seeing eggs in the fridge, she fried one for herself. She wasn’t sure if it was because Gu Wansheng’s cooking was just better, but she only ate half of her own noodles.

After cleaning up, drowsiness hit. She leaned against the balcony railing for a bit, the sun was out and felt warm, but the wind was biting and cold. Standing there for too long made her head feel a bit heavy, but it cleared the sleepiness. Once her stomach felt settled, she closed the balcony door, went back to the bedroom, threw herself onto the soft bed, and fell fast asleep.

When she woke up, Gu Wansheng was already back.

“You’re awake,” Gu Wansheng said, sitting by the bedside, handing her a glass of warm water.

Wen Jinyan took the glass. The temperature was perfect.

“Wansheng, when did you get back?”

“Around five o’clock.”

“What time is it now?”

“Almost six.” Gu Wansheng checked her phone screen. Wen Jinyan glanced at it, the wallpaper seemed to be a photo of her. But before she could get a good look, the screen went black.

Wen Jinyan didn’t like having her picture taken and barely had any photos of herself. When did Gu Wansheng take that?

“I slept for a long time,” Wen Jinyan said certainly, then remembered Su Muqing wanted them there by five-thirty. She scrambled to find her phone.

Seeing her panic, Gu Wansheng said softly, “Su Muqing called half an hour ago while you were sleeping. I answered, she told us not to rush.”

Wen Jinyan pursed her lips, processing the information slowly. “Mhm,” she replied with a slight delay.

Gu Wansheng let out a light laugh from the back of her throat. “You’re so cute.”

“Huh?” Wen Jinyan sounded a bit dazed.

“Time to get up.” Gu Wansheng reached out to touch her face, but remembering her hands were cold, she pulled back and just patted the quilt instead.

Did she just want to touch me?

As they got ready, Wen Jinyan was still a bit sleepy, her eyes half-closed. Gu Wansheng offered to drive. Wen Jinyan agreed, sat in the passenger seat, covered herself with a blanket, and tilted her head to rest.

Though her eyes were closed, her mind was active. The drive was smooth, and the comfort made her reluctant to open her eyes.

“Yanyan, we’re here.” Gu Wansheng gently shook her. Wen Jinyan opened her eyes, pulled down the blanket, and suddenly gasped, startling Gu Wansheng.

“Wansheng, do you carry ‘small cards’ (photo cards) with you?”

“No.”

“Could you take a photo right now then?” Wen Jinyan asked, pulling out her phone.

“Yanyan, who is it for?” Gu Wansheng was puzzled.

After Wen Jinyan explained, Gu Wansheng laughed. “Yanyan, wouldn’t it be better if I just took a photo with Su Muqing and the others in person?”

Hearing this, Wen Jinyan tapped her head and smiled sillily. “I’m so stupid.”

Gu Wansheng put a scarf on her, tying it so it covered half her face. “Let’s go, out of the car.”

Carrying gifts, they reached the door. Su Muqing answered the knock.

“Jinyan, Teacher Gu!” Su Muqing invited them in and shouted toward the interior, “Yibai, Teacher Gu is here!”

“You can just call me Wansheng. We’re all the same generation.”

Ji Yibai, wearing a cream-colored turtleneck, popped out from a side door. When she saw Gu Wansheng, her eyes lit up and she stammered, “Gu… Teacher Gu!”

She wanted to step forward for a closer look but was held back by the typical shyness and distance one feels when meeting an idol. She just stared blankly.

Su Muqing saw through her and gave her a nudge. “Why are you acting silly seeing your idol?”

“I…” Ji Yibai really didn’t know what to say and just laughed.

“Dr. Ji, you can call me Wansheng, just like them.”

Being treated so familiarly by her idol felt like a dream to Ji Yibai. She waved her hands. “I’ll stick with Teacher Gu.”

Gu Wansheng smiled and didn’t press her.

“Yibai, go back to chopping vegetables. Teacher Gu, please have a seat. There’s fruit on the coffee table; help yourself to whatever you like.” Su Muqing pulled Wen Jinyan aside and whispered, “Where’s the photo card?”

“I forgot,” Wen Jinyan whispered back. Just as Su Muqing’s face was about to crumble into shock and disappointment, she added, “But wouldn’t it be better to just take photos together?”

Su Muqing’s eyes instantly lit up. “Really?”

“Really,” Wen Jinyan replied good-naturedly.

Su Muqing rolled her eyes playfully. “Given your personality, you wouldn’t have thought of that yourself.”

“Gu Wansheng said it.” Wen Jinyan glanced at the woman sitting on the sofa, head slightly bowed, slowly peeling a sugar mandarin orange.

Sensing the gaze, Gu Wansheng turned and smiled at her.

Wen Jinyan felt a warmth in her heart. Beside her, Su Muqing clicked her tongue and yelled toward the kitchen, “Yibai!”

Ji Yibai, holding a kitchen knife and wearing an apron, looked out confusedly.

“Nothing, just felt like calling you!”

Ji Yibai shook her head slightly and went back to the kitchen.

“You’re so childish,” Wen Jinyan teased.

“You guys are allowed to show off your love, but I’m not?” Su Muqing patted Wen Jinyan lightly and went to help Ji Yibai in the kitchen. “Go sit on the sofa. Teacher Gu has looked over at you so many times already.”

“I’ll help you prep.”

“Forget it, let’s give each other some space.” Su Muqing pushed her toward the sofa. Wen Jinyan gave in, walked over, and sat next to Gu Wansheng to watch TV.

“Yanyan, this one is very sweet.” Gu Wansheng reached out, holding a peeled mandarin segment.

Without thinking, Wen Jinyan leaned her head over and took the segment into her mouth. The fruit was plump; with one bite, sweetness filled her mouth.

“So sweet.”

“They’re all yours.” Gu Wansheng handed her the fruit plate. Only then did Wen Jinyan notice that every bit of the white pith had been meticulously removed from the segments.

Is that what she was doing while her head was down earlier?

The orange tasted even sweeter now. She fed one to Gu Wansheng in return. “You eat some too.”

After sitting for a while, they both instinctively went to the kitchen to help. Su Muqing tried to shoo them away, but Gu Wansheng convinced her, saying, “Hot pot is more fun when everyone prepares it together.”

With more hands, things moved quickly. Su Muqing picked through the drinks cabinet. “What does Teacher Gu like to drink?”

“Anything is fine, I’m not picky.”

Su Muqing grabbed orange juice and beer.

“I have to drive later, so I’ll just have juice.”

Su Muqing almost blurted out, “Jinyan can drive,” but stopped herself, remembering Wen Jinyan’s nearsightedness.

Su Muqing gave them each a can of orange juice and poured a beer for Ji Yibai. Wen Jinyan accepted hers habitually, and Gu Wansheng noted the interaction.

She didn’t really like drinking alcohol.

“Come on, everyone, let’s have a toast first!”